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Do you take drugs instead of improving
relationships? Drugs are easier than applying intelligence, focus and analytical
skills. Drugs are cheaper for patients (in the short term) and more profitable
for health professionals than resolving your relationship issues. Do you want
more than drugs?
It is unwise to ponder personal
identity issues while driving!
Part 2: Solutions for Identity
Issues
Few people are trained by their parents on how to show or
express emotions. Later in life, our competitive societies often insist that
people ignore or deny their emotions. Many people are encouraged to not-feel!
If you ask them how they feel - their most common answer is
"Not bad".
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Ask a man how he feels and you
may hear what he thinks.
Ask a woman what she thinks and you may hear how she feels. |
Some people seem exceptionally dissociated from
their own feelings. They may seem normal, and are often intelligent,
yet they appear insincere, shallow and dry. Dissociated people often
say that they feel empty - but under the emptiness
are often layers of guilt, fear, anger, boredom and unworthiness.
Probing this emptiness can disturb people who prefer to
avoid their feelings - which they may call irrational,
stupid or childish. But if some crisis, real or imagined, precipitates an
emotional explosion, then their next step may be to seek drugs or psychiatric
medication. What else can they do?
We help dissociated people regain access to their feelings
and to their identity. We are careful about coaching dissociated people
as this often means exploring disturbing underlying emotions. We only
offer this coaching to basically healthy and motivated adults who
want to feel as well as think.
Sometimes a search
for sense of life is replaced by fantasies. Many people try to lose
themselves in movies, video games, fantasies, esoteric philosophy or
sport. They may replace life with distractions.
I write this knowing that people who are empty inside
rarely know what they want, and rarely seek help. They are just there.
Perhaps you may want help to understand and relate to such people!
Identity Loss, Dissociation & Dissociative Disorders
Most children who are punished for expressing their feelings
of anger, sadness
and anxiety learn to hide, bury or dissociate their feelings. When these
emotions return - triggered by some event - the emotions are unlikely to be
appropriate for the current, changed environment. The expression of buried
emotions may be called emotional disorders, personality disorders or
psychosomatic symptoms.
If dissociated emotions remain dissociated, this
loss of personal identity may impair relationships, inhibit memory
and limit flexibility. Dissociative disorder refers to behavior patterns
typical of people who repress unpleasant emotions that are associated with
traumatic or abusive memories and relationships.
Few people with identity loss or dissociative disorders
can define their goals; and endless encouragement may not help them.
The best goals they can provide may be abstract or incongruent (often stated
as abstract complaints e.g. I don't want to feel so empty all the time!
[Include some basic psychobiology of cerebral
cortex - hind-brain communication].
For us, identity loss refers to a loss of
self. Many people, following trauma, abuse, membership in cult-like
organizations, or therapy damage,
often lose access to some of their human qualities. These qualities
may be replaced with unpleasant emotions, compulsive behavior and
confusing communication. People we meet with chronic identity loss
rarely express much personality.
|
I felt hollow, like I was
disappearing. The only thing that gave me comfort was sleep.
I wanted me back. Nothing gave me real pleasure. I just
wanted to sleep and cry ... and then our wonderful sessions
... now I am back Miami, USA |
Extreme cases of identity loss may be called
nervous breakdown
or emotional breakdown. Many people become frustrated, angry and
anxious, and later dull and empty, devoid of anything except irritation
and boredom. A rich sense of life may be replaced by a need for
distraction.
|
I used to be full of life and had lots
of energy, but since my divorce I feel totally empty ... I am 41 ...
I am diagnosed with chronic fatigue
... but it's more like a huge part of me is missing.
All I do is
watch television. When can we start? Leeds, UK
That was so fast! After three sessions I started feeling
strange emotions, and after a few more sessions my emotions started to make
sense. I can now check my feelings about almost anything - and I have energy
again. Endless thanks for your work. Leeds, UK |
Some common symptoms that we help people
resolve are:
- Expresses few goals and little
sense of self
- Cannot describe feelings or
express own values
- Feels unpleasantly bonded
to someone, yet cannot leave
- Shows obsessions,
compulsions and strong limiting beliefs
- Goals swing between two extremes
(may be diagnosed as bipolar)
- Attempts to live someone
else's life, showing chronic irrational emotions
Many people experience these common symptoms
sometimes. If the lost qualities represent a significant portion
of a person's identity, the symptoms of identity loss
become easier to recognize.
People may lose access to some of their human
qualities during or following trauma,
abuse, therapist damage
or membership in cult-like organizations. This loss of self may
accompany or follow stress or distress at home or at work.
Depression is common if life lacks sense.
|
We describe Identity Loss
as an inability to access emotions and qualities that
are central to a sense of self and sense of life. This loss often
follows abuse or relationship distress and manifests as chronic
dissociation or the chronic expression of inappropriate emotions. |
A few people become desperate, and may harm themselves or
others. Such people may feel armored, invulnerable and emotionless. They are
unsuitable for Skype coaching and should seek local help.
We help motivated adults recognize,
resolve and prevent identity loss,
and find solutions for chronic anger, chronic sadness and
chronic anxiety.
issociation & New Age Techniques
Dissociating is easy. Many so-called therapies and New
Age techniques specialize in dissociation. Have you been advised to clear
your emotions, to throw away your self-talk, to destroy your ego, to leave
your intellect behind you? Have you been advised to ask some deity or esoteric
entity to take your thoughts or feelings away? The consequences of such
cures can be worse than the symptoms ...
Dissociation is simple - but the consequences often
include a loss of identity. Repeated dissociation may result in
lasting identity loss; perhaps with addictive and obsessive
behavior, and membership in cult-like organizations, as people strive to feel
human and connected again.
We help motivated adults recognize, resolve and prevent
identity loss; and find lasting solutions. We help people find themselves again.
We help people learn from their past to create a future. We coach people to resolve
emotions - and clarify the relationships in which those emotions were created.
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Recovering identity loss includes
recovering your feelings and emotions that were dissociated during stress
or suggestion. As you accept and resolve your unpleasant feelings,
all your emotions become wonderful resources for your integrated
personality.
For us, there's no such thing as a bad feeling or a negative
emotion!
|
Part 2: Solutions for Identity
Issues
Resolve Identity Loss
We help motivated adults resolve identity loss. We
help people dissolve the original stress or abuse and recover emotions
that were denied, hidden or split off. We help people explore
these feelings and emotions and change them to become wonderful
life resources.
Click HERE for help with Identity Loss
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2003-2010
All rights reserved.
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