Do you sometimes feel lost in life?
Do you lose contact with your feelings and feel numb or empty?
Solutions for Identity Issues 2
. Spirituality & Identity Loss
If I ask you how you feel
- will you say, "Not bad"?
Did you learn to not-feel? Do you have to hide your feelings?
Were you encouraged to ignore or deny your emotions?
Some people hide their feelings so often that they seem dissociated. They may
look normal, and
be very intelligent, yet they may appear cold and shallow. If this is what they
want - no problem. It is a useful state for paramedics and emergency personnel.
Dissociated people often say that they feel empty - but under
the emptiness are usually layers of anger, fear, sadness and guilt -
usually compounded by self-sabotage and beliefs about unworthiness and an
inability to feel good.
Probing this emptiness can disturb people who distrust
their feelings - feelings that they may call irrational, bad or stupid.
If something triggers these feelings, such people may turn to drugs or
distractions to lessen their discomfort - or just to feel something.
Emotional control is often like a volume control
on a radio.
If you lower the intensity of one emotion - you lower the intensity
of all emotions.
We help people manage their emotions. We help people pull
themselves together and remember who they are. We are careful when
we coach dissociated people as this often means exploring hidden
feelings and exposing mostly-forgotten memories. We help people who want to feel
better and think clearer as they walk through life.
Identity Loss, Dissociation & Dissociative Disorders
If you punish children for expressing anger, sadness, anxiety or even fun,
they learn to hide their feelings. As teenagers or adults, if these
hidden emotions are triggered - the reactions may seem
exaggerated or even explosive. The expression of
buried emotions may be called emotional disorders,
personality disorders, complexes or psychosomatic symptoms, etc.
After five years of marriage,
I hoped that one of us would get sick and die. I felt like an
empty shell. When my mother asked about my marriage, I just
walked away. I was not
missing in action - I was dead on arrival! Nearly everything I used to be
- was gone!
If dissociated emotions remain dissociated, your
loss of personal identity may impair your relationships
(except, perhaps, with other dissociated people), inhibit your creativity, limit your intuition and decrease your flexibility. Dissociative
disorders often refer to people who have hidden or forgotten unpleasant emotions
associated with trauma or abuse. Then they often forget that they have forgotten
Few dissociated people
can define their goals. Even endless encouragement may not help.
The best goals they can state may be negative, abstract or conflicted,
often stated as complaints, e.g. "I don't want to
feel so empty all of the time!"
[Include some psychobiology of cerebral
cortex - hind-brain communication].
Can you enjoy your emotions?
refers to an inability to access qualities that are
central to a sense of self and a sense of life. This loss
as chronic dissociation or chronic inappropriate emotions.
Following abuse or therapy damage,
people may lose access to some of their human qualities. Instead, they feel negative
emotions, compulsive behaviors and emptiness.
I felt hollow, like I was
disappearing. The only thing that gave me comfort was sleep.
I wanted me back. Nothing gave me real pleasure. I just
wanted to sleep and cry ...
During our sessions, I started coming back. Miami
Severe identity loss may be called an emotional or
nervous breakdown. Did you feel angry
and anxious, and then dull and empty, and now irritated
and bored? Have you replaced your vibrant sense of life with a search for
I used to be full of life and had
lots of energy, but since my divorce I feel empty ...
I am 41 ...
I am diagnosed with chronic fatigue
... but it's more like a huge
part of me is missing. All I do is
read and watch television. Leeds
After three sessions
I started feeling strange, and after a few more sessions
my crazy emotions started making sense. Now I can check
how I feel about
things again - and I am starting to feel motivated!
Do you want to manage or change issues such as:
sense of self?
- Nervousness, anxiety and shyness?
- Cannot describe feelings or
what is important?
- Feel unpleasantly bonded
to someone, yet cannot leave?
- Shows obsessions,
compulsions and strong limiting beliefs?
- Goals swing between extremes
(may be diagnosed as bipolar)?
- Tries to live someone
else's life, showing chronic irrational emotions?
People may lose access to some of their human qualities during
or following adoption,
parental alienation or
therapist damage. This loss of self may
accompany or follow stress at work or distress at home.
If you feel emotionless and armored or invulnerable, we suggest that
you seek other help. (Such people may feel desperate, and possibly harm themselves or others).
Dissociation & New Age Techniques
Many so-called therapies and New Age techniques are just ways
to dissociate. Have you been told to ignore your emotions,
to throw away your self-talk, to clear your feelings or to destroy
your ego? The damage from the
cures can be worse than the symptoms (although the metaphor
called soul-retrieval can be very useful).
Repeated dissociation can result
in lasting identity loss; perhaps accompanied by compulsive or
obsessive behavior, as people try to feel human again.
We help people find lasting solutions. We coach people to recover
themselves. We help people learn from their pasts and create worthwhile
futures. We help people manage their emotions and to resolve the
relationship issues in which those emotions emerged.
See part 2:
Solutions for Identity Issues
Do you want to
solve the consequences of stress or trauma? Do you want to recover
and change emotions that you denied, hid or split off? Have you suffered
Do you want to manage your emotions and solve relationship
Online Relationship Coaching,
Counseling & Soulwork Therapy
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
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Martyn Carruthers 2003-2013 All rights reserved.