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Few people who feel empty inside seek help. Many
people take drugs instead of improving relationships. Drugs are easier than
applying intelligence, focus and analytical skills to improve relationships - but drugs have consequences. We help people sort out
emotional and relationship issues; and we also mentor helping professionals to work with challenging clients.
Solutions for Identity
Issues 2 . Spirituality & Identity Loss
It is unwise to ponder personal
identity issues while driving!
Few of us were taught how to express emotions. And as we matured, our competitive societies often insisted that
we ignore or deny our emotions. We were encouraged to not-feel!
If I ask people how they feel - I most often hear, "Not bad".
Is that your best emotional communication too?
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Ask a man how he feels and you
may hear what he thinks.
Ask a woman what she thinks and you may hear how she feels. |
Many people dissociate from their feelings sometimes, and
some people seem dissociated most of the time. Such people may look normal, and
are often very intelligent, yet they may come across as insincere, shallow and dry.
Dissociated people often say that they feel empty - but under
their emptiness are usually layers of guilt, fear and anger -
compounded by beliefs of unworthiness.
Probing this emptiness can disturb people who avoid their
feelings - feelings they may call irrational, bad, stupid or negative.
If some crisis, real or imagined, triggers unpleasant
emotions, then they may use nicotine, alcohol, illegal drugs or psychiatric
medication to lessen their uncomfortable feelings!
We help people access and manage their emotions. We are
careful when we coach dissociated people as this often means exploring
lost feelings and hidden emotional events. We offer this service to people who
want to feel better ... as well as think clearer.
Some people lose or hide their identities to avoid
unpleasant aspects of relationships (such as dealing with regrets, guilt or
shame). Many
people replace their sense of life with depressing fantasies. Many people try to lose
themselves in movies, games, philosophies or
sports - they replace life with distractions. We help people pull themselves
together and remember who they
really are.
Identity Loss, Dissociation & Dissociative Disorders
If children are punished for expressing their
feelings (e.g. anger, sadness
or anxiety), they learn to hide or not-feel their feelings. When these
emotions return - triggered by some event or crisis - the emotions are unlikely to be
appropriate for the present situation. This expression of hidden
inappropriate emotions may be called emotional disorders, personality disorders
or psychosomatic symptoms.
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After 5 years of marriage, I hoped
that one of us would get sick and die. I felt like an empty shell.
When my mother asked about my marriage, I just walked away.
I was not missing in action - I was dead on arrival! Everything I am
- had gone! Denver, USA
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If dissociated emotions remain dissociated, this
loss of personal identity may impair relationships (except with other
dissociated people), inhibit memory
and limit flexibility. Dissociative disorders refer to behavioral patterns
of people who repress unpleasant emotions that result from or are associated with
traumatic memories and abusive relationships.
Few people with identity loss or chronic dissociation
can define their goals. Even endless encouragement may not help them.
The best goals they can state may be negative, abstract or incongruent, often stated
as complaints e.g. "I just don't want to feel so empty all
the time!"
[Include some basic psychobiology of cerebral
cortex - hind-brain communication].
For us, identity loss refers to a loss of sense
of self. Many people, following trauma, abuse, membership in cult-like
organizations or therapy damage, lose
access to some of their human qualities. These qualities may be replaced
with unpleasant emotions, compulsive behavior and confusing communication.
People with chronic identity loss rarely have much personality to express.
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I felt hollow, like I was
disappearing. The only thing that gave me comfort was sleep.
I wanted me back. Nothing gave me real pleasure. I just
wanted to sleep and cry ...
and now I feel that I am coming back. Miami, USA |
Extreme identity loss may be called
nervous breakdown
or emotional breakdown. Many people become frustrated, angry and
anxious, and later dull and empty, devoid of anything except irritation
and boredom. A rich sense of life may be replaced by a fearful need for
distraction.
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I used to be full of life and had
lots of energy, but since my divorce I feel totally empty ...
I am 41 ...
I am diagnosed with chronic fatigue
... it's like a huge part
of me is missing. All I do is
watch television. Leeds, UK
After three sessions
I started feeling strange, and after two more sessions
my crazy emotions started making sense. Now I can check
my feelings about
most things - and I am starting to feel motivated again!
Leeds, UK |
Some common symptoms that we help people
resolve are:
- Expresses few goals and little
sense of self
- Cannot describe feelings or
express own values
- Feels unpleasantly bonded
to someone, yet cannot leave
- Shows obsessions,
compulsions and strong limiting beliefs
- Goals swing between two extremes
(may be diagnosed as bipolar)
- Attempts to live someone
else's life, showing chronic irrational emotions
Many people experience these common symptoms
sometimes. If the lost qualities represent a significant portion
of a person's identity, the symptoms of identity loss
become easier to recognize.
People may lose access to some of their human
qualities during or following trauma, adoption,
abuse, therapist damage
or membership in cult-like organizations. This loss of self may
accompany or follow stress or distress at home or at work.
Depression is common if life lacks sense.
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We describe Identity Loss
as an inability to access emotions and qualities that
are central to a sense of self and sense of life. This loss often
follows relationship distress and manifests as chronic
dissociation or the chronic expression of inappropriate emotions. |
A few dissociated people become desperate, and they may harm themselves or
others. Such people may feel armored, invulnerable and emotionless. They are
probably unsuitable for our coaching and should seek local help - hopefully
quickly.
We help people recognize,
resolve and prevent identity loss,
and find solutions for chronic anger, chronic sadness and
chronic anxiety.
Dissociation & New Age Techniques
Dissociating is easy. Many so-called therapies and New
Age techniques are ways to dissociate. Have you been told to clear
your emotions, to throw away your self-talk, to destroy your ego, to
leave
your intellect behind you? Have you been advised to ask some deity or esoteric
entity to take away your thoughts or feelings? The consequences of such
cures can be worse than the symptoms ...
Dissociation is simple - but the consequences may be grim.
Repeated dissociation may result in lasting identity loss; maybe accompanied
by addictive and obsessive behavior, and perhaps by membership in cult-like
organizations, as people strive to feel human and connected again.
We help people recognize, resolve and find lasting
solutions for identity loss. We help people find and recover themselves
again. We help people learn from their pasts to create their futures.
We coach people to resolve emotions - and to clarify the relationships
in which those emotions were created.
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Recovering identity loss includes
recovering your feelings and emotions that were dissociated during stress
or suggestion. As you accept and resolve your unpleasant feelings,
all your emotions become wonderful resources for your integrated
personality.
There's no such thing as a "bad" feeling or a "negative"
emotion!
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Part 2:
Solutions for Identity Issues
Resolve Identity Loss
We help people resolve identity loss and, if they wish, to
develop their spiritual identity. We
coach people to dissolve the consequences of stress or abuse and recover
emotions that were denied, hidden or split off. We help people
retrieve and explore their dissociated feelings and childish emotions ...
and to integrate with those resources to become more mature and resourceful. We
can help you ...
- Recover your split-off parts (complexes or ego-states)
- Help those (often-childish) parts of you grow up and
mature
- Assimilate or integrate those split-off parts of who you
are
- Identify what all parts of you want
- Plan to achieve the goals that all parts of you want
We hope that you never shut
yourself down and lose (or hide) your identity.
But if you have, we can help you come back to life … back to here and now.
Online
Coaching & Mentorship for Identity Issues
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2003-2012 All rights reserved.
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