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In physics, entanglements are
relationships between systems which influence each other at a distance.
When the state of one part of an entangled system is known, information
about the state of other parts may be deduced. This is also true in
entangled human relationships.
Are you Entangled with your Parents?
Entangled and enmeshed relationships
are rarely conscious, but can hurt you and the people you love.
Entangled relationships with parents, grandparents aunts and
uncles etc can cause chaos and suffering. These enmeshments can
diminish your ability to enjoy your life and your relationships.
Most of these type of entanglements are examples of
identity loss - in which you lose or hide your own identity in
predictable ways.
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Common Ancestral Entanglements |
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Identification |
You identify with an ancestor |
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Projection |
You communicate project as ancestor's prejudices |
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Codependence |
You depend on an ancestor who depends on
you |
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Belief Bonds |
You believe something to feel close
to an ancestor |
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Injustice |
You try to atone for an ancestor's
unjust behavior |
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Transference |
You perceive someone as if that person were an ancestor |
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Guilt |
You feel bad if an ancestor hurt someone else |
Are you confused or bothered by
emotional reactions or relationship habits that
seem to connect you to your parents or other ancestors? We help
people free themselves from parental and ancestral entanglements.
(See Victim Identification).
Healthy Relationships
Many people come to us who want to have
normal relationships. But normal relationships may be
quite unhealthy. It is normal for some mothers to over-love their
eldest or only sons. It is normal for some fathers to devote
themselves to their youngest or only daughters. It is normal
for some grandparents to become substitute parents to their
grandchildren.
Do you sometimes pretend to be a
lost child or a parent to another adult? Do you sometimes try to
play victimizer, victim or rescuer roles? These role-playing
games can be intense ... and they have high stakes. You bet
your life.
Many families, organizations and
cults enmesh people to control their behavior. There may be rules, but
often the key rules are secret. Sometimes you can only lose.
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Common Signs of Entanglement |
| Excuses |
Blaming |
Complaining |
Criticizing |
| Threatening |
Coercing |
Begging |
Gossiping |
| Don't say what you mean |
Don't take yourself seriously |
Claim everything is your fault |
Never say "No" |
| Don't mean what you say |
Tell people not to take you seriously |
Claim nothing is your fault |
Never say "Yes" |
| Don't know what you mean |
Take yourself too seriously |
Avoid talking about yourself |
Lie, protect and cover up for people |
| Apologize for being alive |
Are never sure what is being
discussed |
Talk too much |
Talk in self-critical, or hostile ways |
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Only say what provokes people |
Only express opinions when people will agree |
Claim to sacrifice your happiness for others |
Cannot express emotions appropriately |
| Compulsive spending |
Believe lies |
Tell lies |
Become workaholic |
Many people are manipulated by - and
may manipulate others by - sexual entanglements. The most common may
be in sales - pretty young women can sell just about anything. Also
common are people who provide sexual pleasure - often without
receiving pleasure themselves - in return for some benefit.
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Partnership & Sexual Entanglements |
- Do you initiate sex when you feel bad?
- Can you ask for what you want in bed?
- Do you withdraw from your sex partner?
- Are you disgusted by your sex partner?
- Do you have sex when you don't want to?
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- Has sex become robotic?
- Have you lost interest in sex?
- Do you consider sexual affairs?
- Do you wish a partner would die?
- Do you invent excuses to avoid sex?
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Sexual
Abuse .
Sexual Solutions
.
Sexual Issues
.
Sexual Affairs
Long-Term Entanglements
Many codependent entanglements and
dysfunctional disorders get worse over time, moving through
symbiosis towards codependence and disconnection. You may become
addicted to your own emotions - or addicted to hiding your emotions.
What are the consequences of entanglements?
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Common Consequences of Codependence |
- feel lethargic, bored or low energy
- feel dejected and depressed
- feel hopeless, helpless &
worthless
- feel withdrawn and isolated
- abuse or neglect your children
- avoid your responsibilities
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- consider self-harm or suicide
- become aggressive and violent
- psychosomatic disease
- eating and sleeping disorders
- addictions to substances
- autoimmune disease symptoms
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Codependence is rather commonplace, especially in families.
A few questions about your emotions can indicate
your level of codependence:
| Anger / Rage |
Fear / Anxiety |
Sadness / Melancholy |
- Are you afraid of your own anger?
- Are you frightened of other people's anger?
- Do you hide or swallow angry feelings?
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- Are you afraid of authorities?
- Are you afraid of being abandoned?
- Are you afraid of consequences?
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- Do you proclaim your sadness?
- Do you punish people who make you sad?
- Do you feel guilt for feeling sad?
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Human entanglements often include avoiding or overloading responsibility.
Entangled adults often appear immature and childish, or may be overly protective
(control freaks) towards other adults. Protection can be a small step from
control.
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Entanglements & Responsibility |
- Do you give unwanted advice?
- Must you help people with problems?
- Do you obsess about people's needs?
- Do you try to please other people (but not yourself)?
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- Do you feel victimized?
- Are you overly responsible?
- Are you overly irresponsible?
- Do you only attract needy people?
- Are you attracted to needy people?
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Do you want to change? Or do you want
to suffer? We cannot change you or do your changework for you, but
we can help you through it, step by step. Or we can train you to coach
other people to dissolve their emotional and relationship entanglements, end
self-sabotage and fulfil their goals.
Do You Want Results?
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2012 All rights reserved. |
