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Systemic Solutions for Children & Teenagers
Coaching Children and Childish Adults © Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching & Mentorship

We offer coaching, mentorship and training on family therapy, codependence,
parent coaching and relationship entanglements.

Coaching Children

Coaching children is challenging. And, coaching children is rewarding, whether to improve sport, schoolwork, music or relationships. When coaching children, some challenges are

1. to treat each child as a person
2. to avoid favoring children who have exceptional abilities
3. to accept children who have attachment disorders or learning disabilities

When coaching children and adolescents, explore what motivates them, NOT what motivates you! To interact better with them, understand their family lives, interests, personality, sports, hobbies and skills. Show that you care! Watching and listening are at least as important as talking.

You can coach children to improve their skills, change their beliefs, and develop their sense of identity. As children need adult models, good coaching can foster a sense of belonging and a base from which children deal with many life challenges. Children from chaotic family backgrounds can model a coach.

You can coach children to develop relationship and emotional intelligence, academic ability and effective thinking. You can coach children to practice and develop leadership, academic skills, decision-making and responsibility as well as adventures and fun. You can help create an environment in which children not only succeed but develop emotional maturity.

When parents ask us to coach their children ... we usually insist on coaching the parents first! We often find that when the parents sort out their own issues ... the children's issues may seem to vanish or evaporate!

Other aspects of coaching children involve dealing with personal crisis (accidents or illness), family crisis (divorce, death or serious disease of the parents) and moving home (leaving friends).

Parent Alienation . Divorce Children . Child Abuse

Why don't you ...? Yes but ...

Many children (and immature adults) will answer most of your question with, "Yes - but ...". Avoid playing what we call Yes But Ping Pong, and explore and change the underlying habit.

Downside

Although much client abuse is between male coaches and female clients, other abusive relationships between client and coach can happen and do occur. If you coach children, there is a risk that you may be called a child abuser!

Although helping professionals are rarely predators - some few have molested children. Insist that a parent stays ideally in or at least close to the coaching location when coaching their children.

You can offer a written policy that describes your definitions of sexual harassment and that includes that you will not involve yourself in non-coaching relationships with young clients. For example, you may commit that you:

• won't buy presents for young clients
• won't make phone calls to young clients at night
• won't go to young clients' homes without a parent present

You can educate clients about why these actions are inappropriate for a coach and your fear of being accused of child abuse. This can happen. Children who were  previously sexually molested, for example, may believe this happens to every child ... and expect it from you. Nobody else may have taken the time to explain appropriate relationship behavior.

Many coaches we have talked to feel angry and embarrassed about this topic - and they avoid it. They know that they are good people and they feel so sick about child abuse that they may not discuss it.

Protect Yourself!

Avoid being alone with children, teenagers or child-like adults. Have a parent or another coach present at least most of the time. A spouse, a friend or another coach can eliminate your being alone with children ... or with child-like adults.

Another difficult possibility is that a child prefers you to a parent. This can lead to one or both parents becoming upset with you because you are too good at building trusting relationships!

1. Avoid being alone in a car with a child or teenager.
    
2. Avoid personal communications and keep copies of all letters or e-mails.
    
3. Avoid transporting children except in emergency or unusual situations when a parent agrees.
    
4. Avoid gifts ... it's better to ask parents whether about gifts, and give a gift to the parents and ask the parents give it to the child if they wish. Don't give gifts to children directly.
    
5. Be alert if a child shows particular fondness for you. If a child shows inappropriate interest in you, seems to want to hang around you or tells you how special you are, set boundaries and avoid spending more time with that child than you would with any other child.
    
6. A child who is dependent and emotionally unstable may make a false accusation if that child feels rejected. If a child says, 'He/she did something to me,' you may find yourself in very deep trouble!

Online Coaching & Mentorship

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks, improve relationships and achieve goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... ask for permission to post, publish or teach this work.