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When a family member is rejected, the consequences can be intense.
We help people dissolve emotional blocks and relationship habits
resulting from covert emotional incest and
parental rejection.
Parent Alienation & Rejection 1: Before Adolescence
Parent Alienation 2: After Adolescence
. Covert Emotional Incest
Any rejection by a family member can feel
terrible. Abandonment or betrayal by a parent, partner or child can trigger
especially strong emotions. And if you are rejected because of someone's
deliberate manipulation - you may carry the emotional baggage for a long time.
When Children Reject or Hate Parents
Although it is a crime to incite hatred on the basis of
color, religion, or creed, inciting hatred is common in dysfunctional
families. Children may be manipulated to hate other family members. A parent
who causes a child to hate the other parent is guilty of Parental Alienation
(PAS) - abuse that is sometimes called emotional blackmail.
Some parents abuse their own children to gain advantages.
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Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is
often accompanied by covert emotional incest,
in which a parent or guardian seems to be too close to a child.
Often, the resulting limiting beliefs and bonds
cannot be assimilated and changed without experienced help. |
The consequences of abuse may be delayed for years.
Later in life, many abused people experience intense emotions and limiting
beliefs from this damage, although they rarely identify the root causes. They
may have learning disabilities, eating disorders, immature habits or chronic
emotional problems.
Common consequences of parental alienation include
mentor damage,
chronic conflict and
identification with a victim.
Parents who deliberately hurt children may feel diminished relationships with their family, with their community and with their
God.
(This diminished sense of life seems to be
equally true for agnostics and atheists.) By Sense of Life, I refer
to the sense of purpose and meaning; that you ascribe to your life.
We help people prevent
partnership breakdown,
dissolve its consequences and prevent recurrence. PAS is not gender-based -
both fathers and mothers play and lose this terrible game.
My Child Hates Me! / I Hate My Father! / My Father Rejected
me!
There are systemic causes and consequences for a parent
to abuse a child or for a child to reject a parent. Families, communities
and courts often respond emotionally to these situations, often to support
the weaker parent, regardless of any manipulation used to incite the
child's rejection or to make a family member seem somehow bad.
This can be a factor when children do not communicate with
their parents. In extreme cases, child victims of parental alienation may hate,
abuse or even commit violence against their parents, especially during teenage
years when they feel the consequences of their damage (without knowing why they
are damaged).
The adolescent children of abusive parents may be highly
emotional - or they may be highly dissociated, avoiding feeling or expressing
any emotions. Their reactions to earlier relationship damage may become lifetime
habits ... until those emotions are assimilated. (It seems that more damaged
people seem to become helping professionals than healthy people.)
Who is Hurt? Who Suffers?
Although many adults may consider young children to be stupid
and naive, most children are intelligent and sensitive to family relationships, Children
may be unable to communicate their observations with adult language, and they be
may ignored or ridiculed if they try. Children often communicate with symptoms.
- Adopted children may be
encouraged to dislike or reject their birth parents
- A child may be guided by family, community or
cult members to reject a parent
- A child may be simultaneously manipulated
by both parents to reject each other
- A child may be manipulated by a
parent who wants custody, or to punish the other
Although the suffering associated with these consequences
is often ignored, a child who rejects a parent, the rejected parent and
the supported parent will often suffer emotional consequences. If
the parent alienation includes covert
emotional incest,
emotionally enmeshed adult children may suffer
obsessions, partnership problems
and/or sexual problems.
Coaching
Children .
Mother-Son Entanglement .
Father-Daughter Bonds
Parents who Alienate or Reject Children
Parental alienation predicts common behavior patterns
that we often see during marriage counseling, family therapy and couple
coaching, especially concerning separation and custody of children.
However, families, communities and courts often seem to prefer and
support biological mothers and deny support or custody to biological
or substitute fathers, regardless of facts.
Were You Rejected?
Being rejected is probably not about you ... and there
may be little you can do about it. We can
help you talk out your feelings, assimilate your emotions, develop whatever
relationships are still possible and find some form of resolution or completion.
Whole families can be enmeshed in unpleasant emotions.
Sometimes it's better to say Goodbye for now! Be aware that you might
seek substitutes for your family, and that finding parent-like partners may delay your maturity. We can help you sort out your emotions and build
quality friendships.
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS)
Either parent can initiate a sequence of events
leading to parental alienation. A common pattern is:
- A parent of pre-adolescent children rejects
his or her partner
- The children show loyalty to that parent by rejecting
their other parent
- The custodial parent tells the children what is true
and asks the children to tell the
truth
- The children support their custodial parent and reject
the alienated parent - with true lies
- The custodial parent may implant false memories
to further alienate the rejected parent
- Following emotional
maturity, victims of PAS often reject their custodial parents
and explore relationship possibilities with their alienated parents
Sequence of Parental Alienation
We have heard this sad story many times ... parents who
reject their partner's qualities expressed by their children. They may encourage
their children to not talk or act like the other parent. The children
learn to habitually hide, reject or repress huge parts of themselves.
- The parents experience a partnership
conflict that they cannot resolve or ignore
- Instead of getting coaching, they become emotionally
entangled in their crisis
- One or both parents neglect the consequences of their
crisis on their children
- One parent rejects the partner's
qualities (behavior, beliefs and / or values)
- That parent rejects the partner's qualities in the child
(e.g. don't act like your father!)
- The child denies or suppresses qualities similar
to those of the alienated parent
- The child identifies with the rejecting parent,
who the child may perceive as a victim
- The child hides or represses any dangerous
qualities of the alienated parent
- The child dislikes people who have similar
qualities to the alienated parent
- The child rejects the alienated parent - privately
or publicly
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The toxicity of parental alienation
may also be reflected in solutions chosen by courts. Sometimes a hated parent
gains custody of a child, against the child's own wishes. |
Immaturity & Child Abuse
Alienating a child's parent is child abuse and children often
suffer from the tactics that the parents use to try to control and punish each
other. We coach people to dissolve the consequences of:
- covert emotional incest
- physical, emotional or sexual abuse
- abusing children as dependent hostages
- betrayal, rejection or abandonment of one partner by the other
- court ordered suffering - child custody by a rejected or
hated parent
We help victims of family rejection, abandonment and
parental alienation dissolve heavy emotions, change limiting beliefs,
improve relationship skills and prepare for healthy partnership.
Online Coaching
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2004-2012 All rights reserved. |
