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We offer coaching and training on
relationship happiness,
resolving family chaos, and solving relationship problems.
What are Mature Partnership Skills?
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In March 2010, I typed
"mature partnership skills" into Google and read: No
results found for "mature partnership skills".
What does this say about the importance of maturity and partnership?
Martyn
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Whenever I ponder mature partnership, the following ideas seem
to remain more or less constant.
- Mature partnership implies active engagement
in fulfilling partnership goals.
- Mature partnership goals can only be achieved by both people
working together.
- Mature partnership is a committed team of two people ...
and requires team skills.
- Mature partnership requires acceptance, commitment, gratitude
and responsibility.
- Mature partnership is a committed relationship to achieve
mutually important goals.
If you are having trouble attracting a suitable, healthy
partner and forming a happy partnership, you may be unavailable for healthy
partnership. The most common
reasons are that you are bonded to a parent or you are fixated on a past-partner.
The most common consequence is that you keep finding the same person in
different bodies! We
can help you dissolve relationship fixations and move on with your life.
What do you Want?
We coach partners to
enjoy partnership, which
includes letting go of fixations on parents and previous partners. As both partners contribute to
most relationship problems, both partners can learn to resolve and prevent
these types of relationship blocks. We coach partners to set partnership goals
and accept responsibilities.
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I really loved him once, although I can hardly remember why.
He treated me badly but I stayed with him ... I couldn't stop caring for
the lost little boy in him ... And now, finally, it's over, mahalo ke akua
(thank God) ... and thank
you for your kokua (help)! Kailua, Hawaii |
Our premarital coaching helps
people ensure that they are compatible. Our couple coaching helps current
partners understand and love each other. Do you wish to improve your
relationships? We also coach some couples to separate
or divorce peacefully - and to prepare for healthier relationships.
As unresolved issues from past partnerships show up in subsequent partnerships, our couple coaching helps people
resolve emotional bonds with past partners. (Sometimes a past partner may be
a parent: Father-Daughter Bonds and
Mother-Son Fixations are common consequence of
covert incest.)
What Happens when it's Over?
Following an intimate partnership, one partner will usually
orient to another potential partner, while the other partner (even if he or
she initiated the breakup) may cling to the old relationship. An ex-partner
who continues to feel love or tries to express love to the other, often
experiences crisis if and when the other communicates that these expressions
of love are not appropriate nor wanted.
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He was my first love and my first lover and we split over
thirty years ago, but it was like he sat on my back.
I couldn't get him off my mind. I married another men who was a bit like him -
which was stupid. Your coaching really
helped me grow up and move on. Milan, Italy |
If you are emotionally entangled with a past-partner, you
are probably clinging to what that person represented - not to who
that person was. Entanglement seems inevitable if your past partner represented
success or stability; or was a substitute for a
parent, a sibling or a previous partner.
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My wife was my world. When we broke up,
I felt that she had stolen my life. She was my friend
and my lover - and she was my mother, my daughter and my
mistress ... but since our coaching I know I can love a different
woman - differently. Cardiff, Wales |
What are Partnership Goals?
The fulfillment of partnership goals requires relationship
skills - especially friendship skills, team skills. Partnership skills
are required for both successful parenthood and project management.
Partnership &
Couple Coaching
. Partnership Breakdown
What is a Partner?
When in a partnership, you become sensitive to your partner's
behavior. You will notice if your partner keeps his or her promises, supports
mutual decisions and brings resources into the relationship. You will react
if your partner abuses, betrays or abandons you.
Enjoy Partnership . Evaluate
Partnership . Predictable
Partnership
If you partner a person, then that person's actions and
reactions may influence your behavior long after separating.
The behavior of a past partner may inspire you to find
another partner with similar or quite different qualities, or a past
partner may inspire you to avoid other partnerships.
Divorce . Children of
Divorce . Parental Alienation
Substitutes for Partners
Some people prefer an animal substitute for a
partner to the reality of sharing a part of life with another human
being. Common partner-substitutes include pets, automobiles, houses,
televisions, computers, sports and boats. If you want to stay
single - you can maintain these priorities.
Another type of partner-substitute are people who are
not partners. A series of brief affairs, for example, may reduce
your need for committed adult companionship. Some substitutes for
partners are parents, siblings and friends.
Other substitutes could include most addictions.
When Parents partner Children
If a parent loves a child in special ways that can
be mistaken for partnership, a child may enjoy the special attention
and love. Later in life, however, a child may have difficulty finding a
relationship with anyone except a substitute for the partner-parent -
someone who knows the special love. See
emotional incest and single parents.
Parent-bonded adults may sabotage their own attempts
at partnership. This sabotage may motivate common dysfunctional behaviors,
which can be grouped under reclusive
and promiscuous.
Emotions & Past Partners
If an intimate partnership ends because of abuse, betrayal
or abandonment, then the betrayed partner is likely to express strong
emotions (see affairs) and react childishly. The
abusive or betraying partner is likely to age-regress to some childhood
trauma. See Abusive Relationships.
Also, if you are in a new partnership and still entangled with
a past partner, you may feel exhausted, and in your fatigue you may damage your
new relationship. You may also be more likely to fall into a transference ... "Why,
you're just like my last partner ...".
Many people carry emotional baggage about past partners
for years. Some things are objective - for example an ex-wife wants
more alimony or an ex-husband stalks his ex-spouse. Yet the majority of
past-partner problems concern emotional bonds. See
Self-Sabotage and
Pheromones
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I
felt that he was always around me ... everything reminded me of him.
I would meet friends and feel bad that they were not him.
I tried sleeping with other men - hell I tried everything - but I
couldn't get him off my mind. I thought I was crazy. You
helped me move on. Leeds, UK |
Feeling entangled with a past partner may drain your
energy and sabotage your peace. You may feel desperate, anxious and empty. If
old bonds are still active, contact with an entangled past partner can
re-awaken unresolved emotional pain, and damage any present or future partnership.
Do your thoughts of a past-partner:
- cause you to feel guilty or depressed?
- prevent you enjoying another partnership?
- encompass you, or seem to surround you?
- make you sick with anger, worry or remorse?
Is it time to end your fixations
to a past partner and regain your life? We can help you heal a past
marriage or previous partnership so that you can better move on.
Online Coaching to let go of Past Partners
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers, 2006-2012 All rights reserved.
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