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Summary

Solutions for Abuse, Interrogation & Elicitation
Finding Peace and Relief © Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching after Abuse

Are you entangled in abusive relationships? Do you suffer from past abuse?
We help people untangle their lives, reclaim their freedom and build healthy relationships.

Solutions for Abuse

We help many people resolve abuse,
although the word abuse has many meanings.
And there are many types of abuse.

I loosely define abuse as a trauma, believed by the victim to have been caused deliberately and with malice. (I define trauma as an event that causes a person to split-off a part or fragment of one's core identity - such parts are sometimes called an ego-state, complex or inner child).

Abuse is about dominance and control and may be accompanied by emotional displays, threats, lies, broken promises and humiliation. But "what really happened" may be obscure. People who lack emotional maturity may dissociate, or react like children. Many abusive adults themselves experienced abuse or emotional incest. Abusers and abused people may try to enmesh you into their fantasies.

Most abusers justify their actions, even as they violate your values and your trust. Inquisition priests would torture you for the good of your soul. Salespeople manipulate you to help you buy. Employers bully you to increase your productivity. Interviewers pry into your life for the benefit of an organization.

Most abusers avoid responsibility for their behavior. Abusers often claim to be victims and we find that victims often dominate other people. We find that in cases of abuse, cause and effect rarely make complete sense. Underlying fixations and transferences provide much of the missing information.

Physical & Emotional Abuse

Physical abuse is deliberate violence, made by people who know that their acts will likely cause injury or pain. Domestic violence refers to the threats, attempts, or violence by family members or by people you live with or have lived with (as if you were related). Domestic violence appears to have more unpleasant emotional consequences than physical abuse by angry strangers (e.g. in a riot or war).

Emotional abuse can include anything ... it is subjective. Saying or not saying "Good morning" can be called verbal abuse, intimidation, criticism, manipulation, abandonment and rejection. Yet the consequences of perceived emotional abuse (real, imagined or exaggerated) can diminish a person's self-confidence, self-image, trust in their own perceptions and self-esteem.

For example, some parents convince their children that they (the children) can control the parent's feelings. This abuse can result in children who feel overly responsible for their parent's moods and lives. (Emotionally mature parents are more likely to teach children that all emotions and feelings have value.)

Abuse Coaching

Abusive relationships can range from parental criticism and school-teacher sarcasm to interrogation. The consequences can include psychosis, stress disorders (PTSD), depression, passive-aggression and chronic  anxiety. We coach people to become emotionally mature, responsible and resourceful.

• Can you be alert, strong yet flexible under stress?
• Can you manage (not just dissociate) your own emotions?
• Do you know when you are responsible for another people's actions?

Many cults and cult-like organizations (including some training organizations, businesses, multi-level marketing (MLM) companies, military & paramilitary groups) abuse their members. Many people are unable to leave these organizations because of the effectiveness of their psychological coercion.

Training Abuse . Exit from Cults . Abuse by Therapists . Mentor Damage

Some trainers abuse their students. Some helping professionals abuse their patients. Some gurus abuse their devotees. They may prescribe programs that they would not use themselves. They may show sadism, incompetence, immaturity, identity loss or codependence ... and a need to control.

Many abusive people are sociopaths or have other mental health problems. They may be easily frustrated and moody, and they may not feel guilt or remorse about hurting others - nor any desire or need to change their behavior - until they are in a crisis themselves. Then they often scream for help.

Abusers who want to change can acknowledge their problems and seek our help. (Pressuring an abuser to change often results in passive-aggressive behavior: initial resistance followed first by short-term compliance, and then by delayed aggression.)

Domestic Abuse & Child Abuse

Domestic abuse includes physical threats or emotional harm to relatives. Physical violence or bullying may result in people who feel afraid, angry, confused and dependent. We coach people to make better decisions - and we often help people who were sexually abused as children. But most abuse is not by sexual deviants ... we find that most abuse is by immature adults who are lost in life.

Older methods to control people included priests, cults and religions. Modern methods include politicians, television and marketing. The consequences are the same: docile, obedient populations.

Addictions . Child Sexual Abuse . Parent Coaching . Children of Divorce

Employee Abuse

Managers who abuse their staff may see their employees as immature children. Managers who abuse their staff may later call their abuse as effective management. If the abused staff can be made to believe they are somehow deficient, they may remain bonded to their boss by shared limiting beliefs.

Abusive managers are often incompetent or perfectionist. They want status, recognition and power. Employees who tolerate abuse often do not understand office politics. We coach managers to improve management skills, and we help employees cope with abusive managers or leave.

Managing Difficult Employees . Downsizing

Kidnapping & Interrogation

Although the United Nations Convention Against Torture prohibits the use of physical or mental pain to obtain information; you may be disconnected from your family, friends and society. Legal kidnappers may use your sexuality, family and religion against you. Illegal kidnappers may do anything they wish.

A goal of interrogation may be to intimidate you and cause you to feel like a lost child. Your capture and detention may be to soften you for exploitation by a professional interrogator. They may replace your sense of self with a confused sense of doom. They may besiege you with illogical, horrible statements. You may say anything to try to end the confusion.

Psychological Operations . Trauma & PTSD

Sales Abuse & Violation of Privacy

Some salespeople are trained in deceitful or hypnotic language. They try to build rapport, prolong negotiation and wear down resistance until you buy something you don't want. Some abusive sellers are trained in NLP and covert hypnosis, and use techniques which allow sociopaths or passive-aggressive people to verbally abuse you - while all the time smiling.

To gain rapport (your compliance), they may mirror your posture, paraphrase what you say and mimic your way of talking. They want you to trust them. They want to invade your privacy, influence your behavior and profit from you.

• If you feel stressed, leave - or make the salesperson leave.
• Ask friends to be present when you make substantial purchases.
• Many abusive people rely on your desire to be polite. You have other choices.
• Discuss details of a contract with a trusted relative, friend or advisor before signing it.

We help people deal with many types of abuse and abusive situations, and we coach people who have been abused to become more resourceful and to move on with their lives.

Online Coaching to Recover from Abuse

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers, 2001-2012 All rights reserved.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks, improve relationships and achieve goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... ask for permission to post, publish or teach this work.