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It's easier for health professionals and patients to
use drugs as a substitute for change. Self-medication with alcohol or nicotine,
or anti-depressants and stimulants, are easier than applying
intelligence and focus to complex relationship situations. Drugs
are also cheaper for the patient (in the short term) and more profitable
for the health professionals.
An increasing number of health professionals and their
patients find the long-term consequences, side-effects and
suffering from psychoactive drugs to be unacceptable. We offer alternatives.
Are you an addict?
Addictions bring short-term relief and long-term nightmares.
Although some addictions are common and the consequences
well known; many intelligent and knowledgeable people become
addicts. If emotional compulsions and obsessions are included with addiction,
few people seem to be free.
Addictions fulfill a goal of “I do not want to be not me!” - or
identity loss. Addictions help you dissociate
or not-feel unpleasant emotions. We can help you end addictions,
and help you change the emotions and relationships that motivate addictive behavior.
But the longer you leave it - the harder it gets.
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I’ve done every drug you could name and
more. For a while I was doing them together, just to get away from myself and
my life. But the highs never last; you come down again and you are back.
Nothing changed except maybe always a bit worse.London, UK |
Drugs are not demons and addicts are not defective. Millions of people are
addicts - not only to heroin, morphine, amphetamines, tranquilizers and cocaine,
but also to alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, sugar, masturbation, work,
theft, gambling, internet and sex. Addictions are very, very common. Look at these pictures of an
addict ... could you or someone you love follow a similar descent into hell?
The consequences of addiction include damaged health, lost relationships
and profound suffering. Yet, if you ask an addict, “Why do you to do this?"
their answers seem incomplete. “I drink to forget what happened”.
“I smoke to avoid being fat”. “Gambling is in my blood.”
You will often hear, “I can stop anytime – I just don’t want to”.
Are you in a relationship with an addict?
Your relationship with an addict includes your
relationship with that person's addiction - and with its consequences. Your
relationship with an addict requires your participation in that person's
addiction. If you help an
addict stay addicted - you may be a drug-dealer, and ISP or a casino operator ... or you may be codependent or in an
addictive relationship.
It is easy, and pointless, to blame an addict, an addictive
behavior or the predators who benefit from addictions. But
blaming rarely helps. Systemic coaching offers effective
long-term solutions to help people who want to end their addictions and
compulsions.
[ Stress Disorders ]
[ Divorce and Children ]
[ Parent Alienation]
Systemic Coaching
We offers ways to change the emotional impact of memories; in
a complete system of life coaching for individuals, couples, families and teams.
We can help you improve your relationships, resolve guilt, experience a
profound sense of integrity and connectedness, and find your life goals. We help people resolve relationship bonds,
emotional trauma and
mentor damage.
Addiction: Benefits & Characteristics
Although chemical dependency may result from experiments with
addictive substances, few experiments result in
addiction. Common benefits of addictions are:
to experience pleasure to avoid boredom, pain or unpleasant emotions to fulfill the desires of an ancestor's or family member to maintain a dependent or codependent relationship
Addictive relationships are in a different category and indicate relationship
bonds and transferences. Soulwork systemic coaching can help people resolve
these relationships very quickly.
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My addiction was a monster, always watching and always waiting.
It followed me everywhere. I could hide it, but if I had one moment of weakness,
or despair, or panic, it would catch me and devour me again.
I thought I could never, never
be free of its hunger ... yet now I am. |
Overwhelming Emotions
If you suffer unpleasant emotions or self-talk, including guilt,
boredom,
frustration & self-hatred, then a substance or activity
that reduces your unpleasant emotions (or unpleasant self-talk), even for
a short time, may become addictive. This includes many activities that can be obsessive
or compulsive, such as hand-washing, internet browsing,
compulsive working (workaholic) and gambling.
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Long term relief from unpleasant emotions can be
found by resolving relationship issues - short term relief is found by
distracting attention, finding stronger sensations than
the unpleasant feelings or numbing the senses. If this relief becomes
addictive, the consequences are often worse than feeling bad.
[
Before & after addiction - addiction pictures from BBC
News ] |
Soulwork systemic coaching helps people find emotional freedom. We coach
people to accept emotions, pleasant and unpleasant, as meaningful communications -
as useful feedback about life. Following this acceptance, we coach people to
explore and manage their emotions.
Many popular therapies and New Age techniques
encourage people to dissociate their emotions. The relief of dissociating
unpleasant feelings may feel good, but dissociation can lead to further
identity loss, especially if the techniques are
mindlessly repeated until dissociation is automatic.
Self Control & Conflict
Perhaps you suffer conflict. You may say “Part of me
wants to do this, but another part of me wants to do something else”.
Such parts communicate within emotions and behaviors. Expressing
hidden emotions may fulfill a part of you that is lost or hidden.
Conscious acknowledgement and internal mediation can bring peace. Systemic
coaching can help you
make peace with your parts.
Resolve Difficult Relationships
If a family needs a victim, a family member may fulfill
a victim role with an addiction. If a person with a family background of addiction
wants a relationship with an addict – addiction may seem normal. Many
codependent people (and some therapists) are addicted to helping addicts.
(Some therapists help addicts to atone
for their inability to help an addicted family member when the
therapist was a child, or to avoid their own bad feelings resulting from
emotional incest.)
Systemic diagnosis provides a key to unlock the doors of many
addictions. Then we can dissolve relationship entanglements and the
addictions that follow them.
Trauma & Abuse
Many people want to forget some horror. It could be the
horror of a war, the horror of being an unwanted child, or the horror of
being abused. If people want to forget their lives -
identity loss can be a short-term blessing and a long-term curse.
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When I smoked crack, I forgot my sadness! During
Soulwork, I found I was identified with my aborted
sibling; I experienced a sort of chronic sadness that grew until I started
smoking marijuana which spiraled into cocaine addiction. After I sorted out my
relationships, (dead person identification), cocaine
seemed much less interesting. After a few months, my addiction with cocaine became
more and more like a past bad dream. |
Mentors & Role Models
Many people look for inspiration in the lives of others.
Many children “follow” a parent and try to duplicate their lives. A
teenager may "follow" a sport figure
or music star. If the model is an addict, a person may “follow” the model
into addiction. An avid fan might use drugs to be more like a successful
model. Employees may overwork to show loyalty to a workaholic manager.
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I gambled because my mother did - I had
no control - I thought it was genetic. Gambling helped me feel close
to my difficult mother.
But Soulwork helped me accept my mother. I could be with my mother and be her
daughter without having to gamble or even get upset about it. |
Systemic Coaching & Addictions
We can coach people to dissolve the
advantages of addictions and find steps to long-term recovery. We can coach
people to accept, acknowledge and heal their relationships
- and regain their sense of life.
We welcome friendly people who are emotionally
stable. Do you want to coach people to gain clarity, dissolve emotional and
relationship blocks to success, and find their own sense of life? Do you want to
help people build and maintain quality relationships? Contact us.
Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1997, 2008 All rights reserved |
Training Partners :
Relationship Coaching
: Coach Training
: Specialty Training :
Corporate :
FAQ
or telephone: +4 860 275 8295 or +38 591 881 2682