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It's easier for health professionals and patients to
use drugs as a substitute for change. Self-medication with alcohol or nicotine,
or anti-depressants and stimulants, are easier than applying
intelligence and focus to complex relationship situations. Drugs
are also cheaper for the patient (in the short term) and more profitable
for the health professionals.
An increasing number of health professionals and their
patients find the long-term consequences, side-effects and
suffering from psychoactive drugs to be unacceptable. We offer alternatives.
Relationships with Addicts
Addictions bring short-term relief and long-term nightmares.
Although some addictions are common and the consequences well known; many
intelligent and knowledgeable people become addicts. If
internet and other
compulsions and obsessions are included with addiction,
few people seem to be free.
Addictions fulfill a goal of I do not want to be me! - or
identity loss. Addictions help you dissociate
or not-feel unpleasant emotions. We can help you end addictions,
and help you change the emotions and relationships that motivate addictive behavior.
But the longer you leave it - the harder it gets.
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Ive done every drug you could name and
more. For a while I was doing them together, just to get away from myself and
my life. But the highs never last; you come down again and you are back.
Nothing changed except always a bit worse. London, UK |
Drugs are not demons and drug addicts are not defective. Millions of people are
addicts - not only to heroin, morphine, amphetamines, tranquilizers and cocaine,
but also to alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, sugar, masturbation, work, theft, gambling,
internet and sex. Addictions are very, very common. Look at these pictures of an
addict ... could you or someone you love follow this path to hell?
The consequences of addiction include damaged health, damaged relationships
and profound suffering. Yet, if you ask an addict, Why do you to do this?"
their answers seem incomplete. I drink to forget what happened.
I smoke to avoid being fat. Gambling is in my blood.
You will hear, I can stop anytime I just dont want to.
Relationships with an Addicts
Relationships with addicts includes your
relationship with that person's addiction - and with its consequences. A
relationship with an addict demands your participation in that person's
addiction. If you help an addict stay addicted - you may be a drug-dealer
or a casino operator ... or you may be
codependent or in an
addictive relationship.
Falling in love is a profound feeling; while falling out of love
can bring profound suffering. Our brains change when we are in love, in similar
ways to some mental illnesses or illicit drugs. Falling in love can be
addictive, and falling out of love is often associated with withdrawal symptoms!
Some people become addicted to romance, love or sex.
It is easy, and pointless, to blame an addict, an addictive
behavior or the predators who prey on addicted people. But
blaming rarely helps. We offer coaching
solutions - we help motivated people who want to end their addictions,
obsessions and compulsions.
Stress Disorders
. Divorce and Children
. Parent Alienation
Counseling and Coaching
People facing alcohol or drug addiction can reach out to one of the many
drug
treatment hotlines for referrals to drug rehabs, recovery programs, and sober
living environments.
We offer ways to change the emotional impact of memories; for individuals, couples, families and teams.
We can help you improve your relationships, resolve guilt, experience a
profound sense of integrity and connectedness, and find your life goals.
We help people resolve relationship bonds,
emotional trauma and
mentor damage.
Addiction: Benefits & Characteristics
Although chemical dependency may result from experiments with
addictive substances, few experiments result in
addiction. Common benefits of addictions are:
Addictive relationships are in a different category and often indicate
relationship bonds and
transference. Our relationship coaching
can help people resolve addictive relationships very quickly.
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My addiction was a monster, always watching and always waiting.
It followed me everywhere. If I had one moment of weakness,
or despair, or panic, it would catch and devour me again.
I thought I could never, ever
be free of its hunger ... yet now I am. |
Overwhelming Emotions
If you suffer unpleasant emotions or self-talk, including guilt,
boredom,
frustration & self-hatred, then a substance or activity
that reduces your unpleasant emotions (or unpleasant self-talk), even for
a short time, may become addictive. This includes many activities that can be obsessive
or compulsive, such as hand-washing, internet browsing,
compulsive working (workaholic) and gambling.
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Long term relief from unpleasant emotions can be
found by resolving relationship issues - short term relief is found by
distracting attention, finding stronger sensations than
the unpleasant feelings or numbing the senses. If this relief becomes
addictive, the consequences are often worse than feeling bad.
Before & after addiction - addiction pictures from
BBC
News |
We help people build emotional
intelligence and emotional maturity. We coach
people to accept emotions, pleasant and unpleasant, as meaningful communications -
as useful feedback about life. Following acceptance, we coach people to manage
how they express emotions.
Many popular therapies and New Age techniques
encourage people to dissociate their emotions. The relief of dissociating
unpleasant feelings may feel good, but dissociation can lead to further
identity loss, especially if the techniques are
mindlessly repeated until dissociation is automatic.
Self Control & Conflict
Perhaps you suffer conflict. You may say Part of me
wants to do this, but another part of me wants to do something else.
Such parts communicate within emotions and behaviors. Expressing
hidden emotions may fulfill a part of you that is lost or hidden.
Conscious acknowledgement and internal mediation can bring peace. Our
coaching can help you
make peace with your parts.
Resolve Difficult Relationships
If a family needs a victim, a family member may fulfill
a victim role with an addiction. If a person with a family background of addiction
wants a relationship with an addict addiction may seem normal. Many
codependent people (and some therapists) are addicted to helping addicts.
(Some therapists appear to help addicts to atone
for their own inability to help an addicted family member when the
therapist was a child, or to avoid their own bad feelings following
emotional incest.)
Systemic diagnosis provides a key to unlock the doors of many
addictions. Then we can coach people to dissolve relationship
entanglements and the addictions that follow in their path.
Trauma & Abuse
Many people want to forget some horror. It could be the
horror of a war, the horror of being an unwanted child, or the horror of
being abused. If people want to forget their lives -
identity loss can be a short-term blessing and a long-term curse.
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When I smoked crack, I forgot my sadness! During
your coaching, I found I was clinging to my aborted
child; I experienced a sort of sadness that grew until I smoked marijuana
- which spiraled into cocaine addiction. After I sorted out my relationships
(see dead person identification) cocaine
seemed much less interesting. After a few months, my addiction with cocaine
became more and more like a past bad dream. |
Mentors & Role Models
Many people look for inspiration in the lives of others.
Many children follow a parent and try to duplicate their lives. A
teenager may follow a sport figure
or music star. If the role model is an addict, a person may follow the model
... into addiction. Employees may overwork to demonstrate allegiance
and loyalty to a workaholic manager.
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I gambled because my mother did - I had
no control - I thought it was genetic. Gambling helped me feel close
to my difficult mother. You helped me accept my mother as she is. Now I can be
with my mother as her
daughter without having to gamble or even get upset about it. |
We coach motivated adults towards long-term recovery. We help people find
themselves and we coach couples to heal their relationships. We help people
regain a sense of life.
Do you want to
benefit from our experience?
Copyright Martyn Carruthers 1997-2010 All rights reserved |
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