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Summary

From Idealism to Success
Have you suffered enough?

Do you look for meaningful coincidences? If two or more things happen at the same time, do you believe that the universe or some entity is trying to tell you something? Do you dream of fulfilling a wonderful life purpose? We used to feel like this ... and sometimes we still do. We are recovering idealists!

Many people add meaning to their lives by creating wonderful fantasies ...
and some people risk everything by taking unrealistic steps to fulfill them.
We coach people to make realistic plans ... especially for idealistic goals.

Do you quote positive thinking slogans? Do you say things like "It will turn out for the best", or "If it's meant to be it will happen" and not do much? Do you believe that if you feel and act friendly toward the world - then bad things cannot happen to you? Is intuition the only way you justify your decisions?

Barbecuing Sacred Cows

Do you talk about how the world could be better; if only more people would work together and trust each other ... or if only they would follow your lead? Do you believe, despite all evidence, that the peoples of the world once lived in harmony? Do you dream of some global Golden Age?

Idealism can reflect the best of our love, our dreams and our compassion. Yet such optimism is often a response to suffering, reflecting a desire to live a life that makes sense. Idealism can be an attempt to protect ourselves from disappointments, a way in which we try to understand the world so that we can remain hopeful and feel safe even in the face of craziness, malice and suffering.

Idealism can become a rigid dogma which can drive people to ignore their intuition, feelings and intelligence. Such people might criticize other people who can accept and express a full range of emotions, perhaps suggesting that they should only experience life as joyful, happy, etc.

Rigid idealism might motivate you to take extreme risks (or to remain passive and not take the initiative when needed) out of an attitude that "the universe WILL support me!" This often reflects a background need to control life. Some people who want to feel supported by life don't seem to know how to cope with setbacks, problematic relationships and unpleasant experiences ... see emotional maturity.

Idealism and Realism

Many idealists perceive reason and logic as limited tools that cannot encompass the totality of existence. Idealists may not try to analyze the world — they may only interpret coincidences. They may try to summarize all the complexities of existence into affirmations or mantras - for example "Everything is love". And then they may make important life decisions based on their mantras.

Realistic people tend to analyze reality. Realists tend to gather information from the world, and may not seek nor perceive a big picture. You may call them pessimists ... they may rain on your parade. You may feel that you cannot share your dreams and aspirations with them. You may know that a spiritual wisdom can guide you, and that all you have to do is trust it ... but realists tend to demand evidence.

Some realists prey on idealists! Many cult leaders, marketers, salespeople and military recruiters search for and sometimes destroy idealists. Parasitic organizations often target teenagers and naive adults, who are especially vulnerable to calls for altruism or patriotism.

Idealism often leads to disillusionment, and disillusionment often leads to realism.
Most people seem to go through this as teenagers.

People who are both idealistic and realistic can experience wisdom or inner conflict. Wisdom can be described as a state of mind in which emotions and intellect work together, smoothly complementing each other. Inner conflict can be described as two opposing states of mind ... people in conflict may jump back and forth between feeling and thinking, or try to deny one side of themselves.

Consequences of Idealism

We live in a world of interdependent nations, like an ecosystem where a change of one factor may have massive unexpected consequences. In 2008, the failure of an American mortgage company triggered a global financial crisis, and worldwide disillusionment with American propaganda and patriotism.

Many governments deny or violate human rights. Idealists may wish to eradicate such atrocities ... perhaps by sanctions, invasion or regime change. And we have all seen the chaos, suffering and unexpected consequences of those acts. Sometimes there are no simple solutions.

People who project their inner fantasies onto the outer world constantly risk disillusionment. Sooner or later, their dreams will be tested by reality. If they see the world as a wonderful place where only good things happen to good people, they will find trouble ... perhaps sooner than later.

We have met many people who were once bright-eyed idealists. When they lost their fantasies, they often retreated into depression, or aggressively attacked whoever damaged their illusions.

When tested by reality, some people prefer addictions to maturity. Addicts often cling to their world-views, using drugs to maintain their fantasies. Societies and countries can also become addicted, denying reality to pursue utopian dreams. Which countries deny peak oil, overpopulation, loss of ecosystems, global warning, super-bugs and contaminated food? What consequences do they face?

Depression and Maturity

Every time you communicate ... you expose your maturity.

Idealism and disillusionment are often followed by depression, anxiety and aggression. Does your life make sense? Are you scared of the future? Do you blame people for your lack of research? Are you angry with realistic people who did not share your fantasy or who benefited from your naivety?

Although disillusionment and depression may appear to be reactions to disappointments, the underlying feelings and beliefs more often seem rooted in old family drama, relationship issues and meaningless lives. What really motivates people to risk so much for their illusions and fantasies? For example:

1. Guilt - are they compensating for hurting others?
2. Identity Loss - are they trying to feel present or human?
3. Enmeshments - are they trying to feel needed or useful?
4. Abuse / Trauma - do some parts of them act like children?
5. Relationship bonds - whose beliefs about the world guide them?

Realistic Steps to Idealistic Success

After you resolve emotional blocks and limiting beliefs, these steps can empower you. (But if you don't resolve your underlying issues, these actions may only empower more idealistic try-cycles.)

1. Keep learning! Seek new ideas and better approaches.
2. Deliver results! Your success reflects your accountability.
3. Choose your friends! Be friendly with people who inspire you.
4. Seek the feedback of respected colleagues and trusted mentors.
5. Create a life plan! Successful people often memorize their life goals.

We help people change obsessions and compulsions into ordinary temptations.
We coach motivated adults to find a balance between idealism and realism.

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Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2009-2012 All rights reserved.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks, improve relationships and achieve goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... ask for permission to post, publish or teach this work.