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Are you or your partner entangled in
difficult relationships or painful emotions?
Do you need to change old
habits? Do you need to develop mature relationship skills?
Do you want
to untangle your lives ... and reclaim your intimacy ... together?
Many children's stories end with "they
lived happy ever after” ... and it can. If you want intimacy to last and happiness
to grow ... base your relationship in honesty and trust, resolve conflicts
quickly, make important decisions together, expect each other to change ... and
appreciate the changes!
We help motivated adults to resolve a rainbow
variety of couple and partnership problems. These problems often include
responsibilities such as communication, money, in-laws, sex, children, abuse,
boundaries, health, stress, infidelity, etc.. We usually coach both partners
individually first and then together as a couple. Together we develop a plan to
fit their situation.
Should you get together? Should you stay together?
Imagine that you already have the healthy self-esteem needed
to attract - and be attracted to - your perfect partner. Imagine that you have
all the pieces of a mature, healthy partnership. Is that enough?
Real partnerships include real partnership problems. If you
and your partner have no conflicts - maybe you are still 'on honeymoon' ... or maybe you are
having an affair with each other ... or perhaps you are staying together for some
other reason than lasting intimacy. It's unlikely that you will agree on every
detail - stuff happens that needs resolution. Do you resolve conflicts
immediately - or do you:
- withhold important information?
- complain that your needs are not being met?
- signal that you feel upset, unheard or unacknowledged?
Many people hesitate for months before making relationship
decisions and solving relationship conflicts. That wasted time will never come
back! We coach motivated adults to make mature decisions ...
how to prepare for partnership; whether or not to make a commitment;
what type of partnership to create; whether to continue a partnership
... and whether or not to separate.
If you want to check your partnership
skills, read Patterns of Partnership
| Healthy
Relationship |
Relationship
in Crisis |
| Partners often
show appreciation and gratitude to each other |
One or both are often
dissociated, irritated, depressed, critical or show contempt |
| Partners
respond to most verbal and nonverbal communications |
One or both
ignore, avoid or shorten most communications |
| Partners review
events in their history |
They rarely
review their relationship history |
| Partners greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news |
They rarely interact when
together, without even silent intimacy |
| Partners enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment |
One or both often ignore or
criticize the other's goals and needs |
| Partners discuss goals
and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings. |
They rarely discuss
goals, values or dreams |
| Partners often go out
together |
They generally prefer to go out
alone |
| Partners create
projects which require committed cooperation |
One or both
often avoid, ignore or give small attention to shared projects |
| They wish to stay together
to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness |
One or both want to separate but
cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints |
| They respect most of each
other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences |
One or both show contempt
for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes |
| Partners want happiness
together |
One or both prefer
happiness alone |
Lasting Happiness
Did you tell your partner how you want
to be loved? Did you explore how he or she wants to be loved? Discussing
feelings as well as facts often leads to better
relationship decisions.
Do you know what each other likes
and dislikes most?
Do you use this knowledge to increase happiness or to irritate each other?
Or maybe both?
Most healthy partnership include maturity, understanding,
love, acceptance, gratitude, responsibility and teamwork. We help
people prepare for healthy partnership. We help couples resolve
partnership problems and to solve problems with children,
in-laws and other relationship challenges.
Couple
Coaching Flowchart & Testimonial
Good intentions may not survive partnership conflicts
and challenges. We can help you evaluate and change your relationships
- and your relationship habits. We can help you and your partner express
your love, dissolve conflicts, build commitment and use your partnership skills.
We help partners understand and validate each
other's history, perspectives, beliefs and values, as a basis
for a caring relationship and mutual support. If both partners give each
other everything they can, it becomes an even trade - each wins all.
Enjoying
Partnership .
Couple Coaching .
Partnership
Breakdown
Put ELATION in RelationSHIP
It's not about whether you love each other - it's
about how you show it! Your relationship reflects how you
both express love for each other.
Insincere or withheld love may not survive the tests of everyday reality.
Does one of you have bad habits, entangled relationships or
confused goals? Your love may
not be enough - mature relationships need mature relationship skills.
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I wanted to get away from my parents.
This man was rich ... and much older than me ... I pretended to enjoy
sex with him and got pregnant and married him ... he flirted with my
friends, my son was sick ... I was only 23
and my doctor made me take anti-depressants. Since your coaching it's
a different world. We have a new start. Miami, Florida |
How long do you wait before you seek help? Do you wait until
your suffering reaches PANIC? By then, you may be too late. You may alienate
your partner or become dependent on some drug. The earlier you ask for our relationship coaching
- the more likely that we can help you.
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When I asked my husband to help with the
housework, he would stall and forget it. If I was angry, he accused me of
over-reacting. If I reminded him of his promises, he would complain I was
nagging. After our couple coaching with you, we can ENJOY doing most housework
together! Other parts of our life are much better too! Oahu, Hawaii |
Do you both want to solve relationship problems?
If you or your partner is somehow sabotaging your partnership, your situation
may seem unsolvable and your separation inevitable - unless you both want
intimacy and long-term commitment.
Sexual
Issues . Sexual
Solutions
We help partners change old habits that lead to boredom
and frustration. If both of you commit to evaluating
your partnership, and if both of you choose to be mature - budgets can be
made, frustration and boredom can be reversed, and arguments can become stimulating
conversations.
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I heard good things about your work
with partners ... we are gay ... together for five years ... you helped
us remodel our relationship ... and to plan what we can do
if and when my HIV positive partner develops AIDS. Boston, Mass |
If either partner rejects possibilities for reconciliation,
then indifference, affairs or separation may seem inevitable. Although we
provide separation and divorce coaching - many partners find new and better ways
to love each other. Perhaps a difference between heaven and
hell is in your partnership!
Affairs
. Space for Love
Your Partner is not Perfect
And neither are you. Many people who separate are motivated
by fantasies ... somewhere - a more perfect person is waiting. Or, your
partner wants to make a change (e.g. a new job) that might exclude you; or
one of you has an affair.
Relationship crises are predictable - and often preventable.
Predictable Partnership . Hawaiian
Wedding
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I married a perfect woman.
She is clever, rich and gorgeous ... we had a wonderful time at her father's
expense. But when her dad had money problems, we had to work and we
argued every day. Your couple coaching helped us ... we may not have
fancy cars and expensive holidays now, but we are adult partners ...
not adult children! Sussex, UK |
We help couples evaluate and improve their partnership
- and their relationships with family, ex-partners, friends and colleagues.
We help people gain certainty and dissolve doubts; and to make
decisions about the shape of their lives together.
Couple Coaching .
Partnership Breakdown
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I married a man with an adult daughter
living with him. My husband puts her before me ... I live in my bedroom.
His daughter lies about me and fights for her fathers attention.
Although I love my husband, I
will leave him if he doesn't change this. Orlando, USA |
If you ignore partnership problems - you may
destroy potentially-wonderful relationships.
Your love can
get bogged down in
emotional incest, passive-aggression,
codependence - or worse.
Why wait for worse? Why wait at all?
Evaluating Partnership
Are either of you entangled in
previous relationships?
We help people untangle from parents, ex-partners, siblings etc. We also help
people separate peacefully if a partner prefers to stay entangled.
If you want happiness together, we can coach you both to make a strong
foundation for life together.
- Do both partners want to be together
- Do they show objections, conflicts or transference loops?
- Do they want to solve real-life blocks & challenges resourcefully?
We usually coach couples until they can solve real-life
challenges by themselves. And then we say "Goodbye", although we do offer
long-term mentorship - usually a single one-hour session each month.
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Your couple coaching transcended sexual
attraction and personal gain ... you carefully explored our most basic needs
and desires ... and how we wanted to fulfill them with
each other, together ... so many thanks ... London, England
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Sharing thoughts and feelings is relationship first aid.
We coach partners to make clear, mature decisions. If you decide to stay
together - great! We can coach you to develop your relationship skills. If you decide to separate,
we can coach you both to dissolve your bonds and repair broken dreams in peaceful
separation. We help motivated adults build better partnerships.
Click HERE for Couple Coaching
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1998-2010
All rights reserved
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