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Solutions for Relationship Problems
Healthy Partnership © Martyn Carruthers

Click HERE to make an appointment!

Are you or your partner entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions?
Do you need to change old habits? Do you need to develop mature relationship skills?
Do you want to untangle your lives ... and reclaim your intimacy ... together?

Many children's stories end with "they lived happy ever after” ... and it can. If you want intimacy to last and happiness to grow ... base your relationship in honesty and trust, resolve conflicts quickly, make important decisions together, expect each other to change ... and appreciate the changes!

We help motivated adults to resolve a rainbow variety of couple and partnership problems. These problems often include responsibilities such as communication, money, in-laws, sex, children, abuse, boundaries, health, stress, infidelity, etc.. We usually coach both partners individually first and then together as a couple. Together we develop a plan to fit their situation.

Should you get together? Should you stay together?

Imagine that you already have the healthy self-esteem needed to attract - and be attracted to - your perfect partner. Imagine that you have all the pieces of a mature, healthy partnership. Is that enough?

Real partnerships include real partnership problems. If you and your partner have no conflicts - maybe you are still 'on honeymoon' ... or maybe you are having an affair with each other ... or perhaps you are staying together for some other reason than lasting intimacy. It's unlikely that you will agree on every detail - stuff happens that needs resolution. Do you resolve conflicts immediately - or do you:

  1. withhold important information?
  2. complain that your needs are not being met?
  3. signal that you feel upset, unheard or unacknowledged?

Many people hesitate for months before making relationship decisions and solving relationship conflicts. That wasted time will never come back! We coach motivated adults to make mature decisions ... how to prepare for partnership; whether or not to make a commitment; what type of partnership to create; whether to continue a partnership ... and whether or not to separate.

If you want to check your partnership skills, read Patterns of Partnership

Healthy Relationship Relationship in Crisis
Partners often show appreciation and gratitude to each other One or both are often dissociated, irritated, depressed, critical or show contempt
Partners respond to most verbal and nonverbal communications One or both ignore, avoid or shorten most communications
Partners review events in their history They rarely review their relationship history
Partners greet after time apart and ask about each other's activities and other news They rarely interact when together, without even silent intimacy
Partners enjoy meeting each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment One or both often ignore or criticize the other's goals and needs
Partners discuss goals and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings. They rarely discuss goals, values or dreams
Partners often go out together They generally prefer to go out alone
Partners create projects which require committed cooperation One or both often avoid, ignore or give small attention to shared projects
They wish to stay together to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness One or both want to separate but cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints
They respect most of each other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences One or both show contempt for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes
Partners want happiness together One or both prefer happiness alone

Lasting Happiness

Did you tell your partner how you want to be loved? Did you explore how he or she wants to be loved? Discussing feelings as well as facts often leads to better relationship decisions.

Do you know what each other likes and dislikes most?
Do you use this knowledge to increase happiness or to irritate each other?
Or maybe both?

Most healthy partnership include maturity, understanding, love, acceptance, gratitude, responsibility and teamwork. We help people prepare for healthy partnership. We help couples resolve partnership problems and to solve problems with children, in-laws and other relationship challenges.

Couple Coaching Flowchart & Testimonial

Good intentions may not survive partnership conflicts and challenges. We can help you evaluate and change your relationships - and your relationship habits. We can help you and your partner express your love, dissolve conflicts, build commitment and use your partnership skills.

We help partners understand and validate each other's history, perspectives, beliefs and values, as a basis for a caring relationship and mutual support. If both partners give each other everything they can, it becomes an even trade - each wins all.

Enjoying Partnership . Couple Coaching . Partnership Breakdown

Put ELATION in RelationSHIP

It's not about whether you love each other - it's about how you show it! Your relationship reflects how you both express love for each other. Insincere or withheld love may not survive the tests of everyday reality. Does one of you have bad habits, entangled relationships or confused goals? Your love may not be enough - mature relationships need mature relationship skills.

I wanted to get away from my parents. This man was rich ... and much older than me ... I pretended to enjoy sex with him and got pregnant and married him ... he flirted with my friends, my son was sick ... I was only 23 and my doctor made me take anti-depressants. Since your coaching it's a different world. We have a new start. Miami, Florida

How long do you wait before you seek help? Do you wait until your suffering reaches PANIC? By then, you may be too late. You may alienate your partner or become dependent on some drug. The earlier you ask for our relationship coaching - the more likely that we can help you.

When I asked my husband to help with the housework, he would stall and forget it. If I was angry, he accused me of over-reacting. If I reminded him of his promises, he would complain I was nagging. After our couple coaching with you, we can ENJOY doing most housework together! Other parts of our life are much better too! Oahu, Hawaii

Do you both want to solve relationship problems? If you or your partner is somehow sabotaging your partnership, your situation may seem unsolvable and your separation inevitable - unless you both want intimacy and long-term commitment.

Sexual Issues . Sexual Solutions

We help partners change old habits that lead to boredom and frustration. If both of you commit to evaluating your partnership, and if both of you choose to be mature - budgets can be made, frustration and boredom can be reversed, and arguments can become stimulating conversations.

I heard good things about your work with partners ... we are gay ... together for five years ... you helped us remodel our relationship ... and to plan what we can do if and when my HIV positive partner develops AIDS. Boston, Mass

If either partner rejects possibilities for reconciliation, then indifference, affairs or separation may seem inevitable. Although we provide separation and divorce coaching - many partners find new and better ways to love each other. Perhaps a difference between heaven and hell is in your partnership!

Affairs . Space for Love

Your Partner is not Perfect

And neither are you. Many people who separate are motivated by fantasies ... somewhere - a more perfect person is waiting. Or, your partner wants to make a change (e.g. a new job) that might exclude you; or one of you has an affair. Relationship crises are predictable - and often preventable.

Predictable Partnership . Hawaiian Wedding

I married a perfect woman. She is clever, rich and gorgeous ... we had a wonderful time at her father's expense. But when her dad had money problems, we had to work and we argued every day. Your couple coaching helped us ... we may not have fancy cars and expensive holidays now, but we are adult partners ... not adult children! Sussex, UK

We help couples evaluate and improve their partnership - and their relationships with family, ex-partners, friends and colleagues. We help people gain certainty and dissolve doubts; and to make decisions about the shape of their lives together.

Couple Coaching . Partnership Breakdown

I married a man with an adult daughter living with him. My husband puts her before me ... I live in my bedroom. His daughter lies about me and fights for her fathers attention. Although I love my husband, I will leave him if he doesn't change this. Orlando, USA

If you ignore partnership problems - you may destroy potentially-wonderful relationships.
Your love can get bogged down in emotional incest, passive-aggression,
codependence - or worse. Why wait for worse? Why wait at all?

Evaluating Partnership

Are either of you entangled in previous relationships? We help people untangle from parents, ex-partners, siblings etc. We also help people separate peacefully if a partner prefers to stay entangled. If you want happiness together, we can coach you both to make a strong foundation for life together.

  1. Do both partners want to be together
  2. Do they show objections, conflicts or transference loops?
  3. Do they want to solve real-life blocks & challenges resourcefully?

We usually coach couples until they can solve real-life challenges by themselves. And then we say "Goodbye", although we do offer long-term mentorship - usually a single one-hour session each month.

Your couple coaching transcended sexual attraction and personal gain ... you carefully explored our most basic needs and desires ... and how we wanted to fulfill them with each other, together ... so many thanks ... London, England

Sharing thoughts and feelings is relationship first aid. We coach partners to make clear, mature decisions. If you decide to stay together - great! We can coach you to develop your relationship skills. If you decide to separate, we can coach you both to dissolve your bonds and repair broken dreams in peaceful separation. We help motivated adults build better partnerships.

Click HERE for Couple Coaching

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1998-2010 All rights reserved


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Hawaii, USA: Dragonfly, PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
London: YogaAnanda
46 Albert Road North, Reigate, Surrey RH2 9EL, UK
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: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia

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Good Questions

Good Answers

Training

1. Where are you now? Assess relationship bonds and entanglements Systems 1
2. What are your life goals?  Identify your life goals ... and what blocks you Systems 2
3. How to reach your goals?  Use your conscious and unconscious resources Systems 3
4. What stops you?  Dissolve abuse and trauma to rebuild motivation Systems 4
5. What else stops you? Change your limiting beliefs to end dependence Systems 5
6. What else stops you? Resolve identity loss to recover qualities and skills Systems 6
7. What else stops you? Heal mentor damage and find quality mentorship Systems 7
8. What about your partnership? Build happy partnership (or separate peacefully) Systems 8
9. What about your children? We coach parents to resolve family problems Systems 9
10. What about your success? We coach team leaders and teams ... together Systems 10
11. What about your community? We coach community leaders and communities Systems 11
12. What about complex goals? Specialty coaching & training for unusual goals Specialty

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.