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Are you or your partner entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do either of you struggle with unresolved trauma?
Do either of you suffer from your parents' drama, your children's demands, your
boss's moods? Do you want to untangle your lives ... and reclaim your freedom ...
together?
Should you get together? Should you stay together?
Is your marriage or partnership in trouble? Or is it good and
you want to make it even better? Our couple coaching isn't a
spectator sport - it's more a contact sport! We can coach you to decide
how to be ready for partnership, whether or not to make a commitment,
whether or not to continue a partnership - and whether or not to separate.
| Healthy
Relationship |
Relationship in
Crisis |
| Partners often show appreciation
and gratitude
to each other |
One or both are often dissociated,
irritated, depressed, critical or show contempt |
| Partners respond to most
verbal and nonverbal communications |
One or both ignore, avoid
or shorten most
communications |
| Partners review events in their
history |
They rarely review their
relationship history |
| Partners greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news |
They rarely interact when
together, without even silent intimacy |
| Partners enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment |
One or both often ignore or
criticize the other's goals and needs |
| Partners discuss goals
and dreams, finding shared values and creating shared meanings. |
They rarely discuss
goals, values or
dreams |
| Partners share meals and
housework together |
One person often cooks or cleans
alone |
| Partners often go out
together |
They generally prefer to go out
alone |
| Partners create projects
which require committed cooperation |
One or both often avoid, ignore or give
small attention to shared projects |
| They wish to stay together
to enjoy sharing partnership and parenthood happiness |
One or both want to separate but
cannot because of guilt, fear or constraints |
| They respect most of each
other's choices and decisions, and politely discuss differences |
One or both show contempt
for the other's decisions and angrily demand changes |
| Partners want happiness
together |
One or both prefer
happiness alone |
Systemic Couple Coaching & Telephone Coaching
The key ingredients of good partnership include understanding,
love, acceptance, gratitude, responsibility and teamwork. Our individual coaching
can help you solve individual issues and prepare for partnership. Our
couple coaching can help you resolve partnership problems, while our
family coaching can help you solve problems with children,
in-laws and other family challenges.
Do you stay in a relationship out of desire or need?
Do you feel liberated or trapped? Do you pray for your partner to change? Do you
ignore or consider affairs? Do you hope to be rescued? Or do you want to change
your relationship habits and build your partnership on
integrity for lasting happiness?
Couple
Coaching Flowchart & Testimonial .
Couple Communication Exercises
Your good intentions may not survive partnership conflicts and challenges.
We can coach you to evaluate
and change your relationships - and your relationship habits. We can help
you and your partner express your love, dissolve conflicts, build commitment and
use your
partnership skills.
We can help you understand and
validate each other's history, perspectives, beliefs and values,
as a basis for a caring relationship which supports you both. If you give each
other everything you can, it becomes an even trade - each wins all. We can coach you.
Enjoying
Partnership .
Systemic Couple Coaching .
Partnership Breakdown
Put ELATION in your RelationSHIP
How do you love each other?
Your relationship depends on how you both express love
for each other. Insincere or withheld love may not survive the tests
of everyday reality. Are you alone together? Does one of you not commit to partnership because
of bad habits, entangled relationships,
confused habits or dissociated emotions? Your feeling of love may
not be enough - a happy partnership needs partnership skills.
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I wanted to get away from my parents.
This man was rich ... and much older than me ... I pretended to enjoy sex with
him and got pregnant and married him ... he flirted
with my friends, my son was sick ... I was only 23
and my doctor made me take anti-depressants. Then we came to you. It's
a different world. We have a new start. Miami, Florida |
Can relationship coaching solve your problems?
How long do you wait before you seek
help? Do you wait until your suffering reaches PANIC? By then, you
may be too late. You may alienate your partner or become dependent
on some drug. The earlier you get systemic relationship coaching
- the more likely that we can help you.
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When I asked my husband to help with the
housework, he would stall and forget about it. If I was angry, he accused me of
over-reacting. If I reminded him about his promises, he would complain I was
nagging. After our couple coaching with you, we can ENJOY doing most housework
together! Other parts of our life are much better too! Oahu, Hawaii |
Do you both want to solve relationship problems? Or do you
create relationship problems to motivate separation? If you or your partner is somehow
sabotaging your partnership, your situation may seem unsolvable and your separation
inevitable - unless you both want intimacy and long-term commitment.
Counterfeit Love . Sexual
Issues . Sexual
Solutions
Systemic couple coaching can help you and your partner resolve
old habits (even love is not as strong as habit); financial problems, boredom and
frustration. If both of you can commit to evaluating
your partnership, and if both of you choose to be mature - budgets can be
made, boredom can be reversed and arguments can become stimulating
conversations.
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I heard good things about your work with
gay partners ... we had been together five years ...
you helped us choose the shape of our relationship ... and to plan what we can
do if and when my HIV positive partner develops AIDS. Boston |
If either one of you rejects possibilities for
reconciliation, then indifference, affairs or separation may seem
inevitable. Although we provide separation and divorce coaching - many
would be divorcees find new and better ways to love each other. Perhaps the main
difference between heaven and hell is the partnership you build. We coach
couples to build heavenly partnerships.
Affairs
. Dependency
. Space for Love
. Triangulation
Your partner is not Perfect
And neither are you. Many people who separate are motivated by
fantasies. You may imagine that somewhere - a more perfect person awaits you.
Or, your partner wants to make a change (e.g. new job, new house or traveling)
that you feel would exclude you; or one of you has an
affair; or one of
you uncovers hidden values. Relationship crises are predictable - and
preventable - and we can help.
Predictable Partnership .
Premarital Coaching . Hawaiian
Wedding
Do either of you confuse relationship requirements
with an ultimatum, manipulation or emotional blackmail? None of these require
separation or divorce - they require careful evaluation to find out what
happened, why it happened and how to effectively deal with similar issues.
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I married a perfect woman.
She was clever, rich and gorgeous ... we had a wonderful time at her father's
expense. But when her dad had money problems, we both had to
work and we argued every day. Your couple coaching helped us ... we
don't have fancy cars and expensive holidays now, but we are adult partners ... not
adult children! Sussex, UK |
Couple Coaching: Couples
We can help you evaluate and improve your partnership - and
your relationships with family, ex-partners, friends and colleagues. We help
you gain certainty and dissolve doubts; and to make
decisions about the shape of your life together.
Systemic Couple Coaching .
Partnership Breakdown .
Systemic
Divorce Coaching
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I married a man with an adult daughter
living with him. My husband puts her before me ... I live in my bedroom.
My step-daughter lies about me and fights for her fathers attention.
Although I still love my husband, I
will leave him if he doesn't change this. |
If you do not solve partnership problems quickly - you may
destroy potentially-wonderful relationships. Your expressions of love can
become bogged down in
emotional incest, passive-aggression,
depression,
codependence - or worse. Why wait for
worse? Why wait at all? Contact us.
Evaluating Partnership
Our couple coaching can help you evaluate and clarify your intimate
or working relationships. You can enjoy a new start, as you learn to appreciate each
other and share your highest values in different ways. Happy partnerships require that
partners agree on many details about their relationship ... if you learn to build
honest agreement you can increase harmony and commitment.
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Our couple coaching can help you both
evaluate whether or not your core values and goals are compatible, and if both
of you want the same type of relationship. This evaluation can transcend
personal advantages, sexual attraction and power games - exposing real people and
their dreams of happiness. We can
help you increase and express love in everyday life.
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Acceptance & Gratitude in Partnership
Partnership Agreements
Are either of you entangled with other people? Systemic couple
coaching can help you untangle from parents, ex-partners and other people.
We also offer peaceful separation-coaching if
one or both partners prefer to stay entangled with
previous relationships.
If you want happiness together, we can coach you both to make a strong foundation
for new lives together.
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Overview of Systems 8: Couple Coach Training
For Systemic Coaches, Relationship Coaches, Marriage
Counselors, Family Therapists etc
Evaluating Partnership helps a couple check who they are,
where they are, what they both want.
Enjoying Partnership is for
partners who both want to commit to long-term partnership together.
If either partner is not fully committed to a
long-term relationship, we recommend individual systemic coaching
for both partners first. See Enjoying
Partnership
Dissolving Partnership is for a couple if one or both
partners decides to leave. We help you dissolve a partnership and prepare for
happiness alone. See
partnership breakdown.
Required coaching skills: dissolving objections,
relationship diagnosis, clarification, goalwork, interactive metaphors,
relationship bonds, trauma resolution & dissolve mentor damage.
Required systemic coaching skills: Relationship Matrix,
Couple Reframing, Couple Mirror, Double Vision, Conjoint Conflict Resolution and
Dissolving Transference Loops.
- Check if one or both partners object to being together
or to potential changes
- Coach partners to understand each others' relationship
goals and reactions
- Dissolve impasses, objections, conflicts and transference loops
- Dissolve entanglements with parents, siblings and past-partners etc
- Repeat until both partners can resourcefully discuss and plan
relationship goals
- Coach partners to solve real-life blocks & challenges resourcefully
- Repeat steps 3-6 until the partners can solve real-life
challenges by themselves
- Get out of their way - provide occasional mentorship
for difficult situations
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Sharing thoughts and feelings is relationship first aid. We coach
partners to make clear decisions.
If you decide to separate, we can coach you
to dissolve bonds and repair broken dreams in peaceful separation. If you decide to
stay together, we can help you rebuild a better partnership.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1998-2009 All rights reserved
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Telephone Coaching
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