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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from childhood abuse?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your
boss's moods? We can help teenagers and young adults untangle
their lives and claim their independence.
Adolescence
Teenagers are no longer children ... and not yet
independent adults. They may be traveling an already rocky road to adulthood -
even before any family crisis such as separation or divorce.
We coach people to deal with these sensitive, complicated years
and the risks that can hurt young adults.
Many symptoms of emotional and relationship problems are latent
until puberty. Some children begin to show symptoms of mental
or emotional problems during adolescence - especially during and following any
family crisis (which can range from moving home to the death of parents,
although parental separation or divorce may be the most common).
Then, those latent emotional
symptoms and relationship challenges may become increasingly obvious. Symptoms appear as the child becomes adult.
Many children feel motivated to explore partnership and sexuality - but if they
suffered significant relationship disappointments or stress as children, they
may remain emotionally immature
or become dissociated and withdrawn.
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Emotional Maturity |
Emotional
Immaturity |
| Love |
Love is sharing. Fosters
a sense of security which allows vulnerability, honesty and strength. Can
express and accept love. |
Love is need. Demands affection but avoids
showing weakness except as a ploy. Has difficulty sharing and accepting love. |
| Emotions |
Emotions provide motivation.
When frustrated, they define goals and seek solutions. |
Often jealous and moody. Cannot handle frustration or criticism. May have temper tantrums and fear any change. |
| Reality |
Confronts and analyzes problems
promptly. Seeks many solutions and chooses the best. Accepts responsibility. |
Avoids and denies money and
relationship problems which require integrity. Seeks people to accuse and blame. |
| Give & Take |
Increases the quality of
life of loved people. Accepts appropriate help with gratitude. |
May be willing to give, but not take; or
willing to take, but not give. |
| Feedback |
Accepts responsibility and learns from feedback.
Looks for opportunities to grow, to love and to share. Moves on. |
Does not learn from experience. Pleasant
or unpleasant experiences are called luck or fate. Little personal
responsibility. |
| Stress |
Relaxed and confident
in their ability to solve problems and achieve their goals. |
Avoids reality. Pessimistic
& angry. Attacks when frustrated. Often anxious. |
| Relating |
Independent, team-worker
or manager as required. Cooperative. Experiences empathy, and compassion.
A good friend, colleague, partner and parent. |
Dependent, easily influenced
and impulsive. Avoids responsibility for actions or deficiencies.
Sensitive to criticism, but often insensitive to others' feelings. |
Maturity is not a high school graduation gift - it is
the result of years of modeling mature behavior. Symptoms of immaturity
are unlikely to just go away. All too often, these symptoms become
part of an incomplete or dysfunctional adult personalities.
Coaching Immature Adults
If an immature adult wants to mature - some useful
points are:
- Learn from mistakes
- Develop some overall future plan
- Be reliable and finish tasks on time
- Practice self-control and end childish behaviors
- Make the best of necessary or inevitable changes
- Assess challenges - avoid quitting on good
decisions
- Take responsibility for your laundry,
commitments and bills
- If in trouble - find helpful adults who can advise constructive steps
When young adults prefer to to remain immature - we often
provoke them by exploring what type of futures they are likely to create if they
continue their behavior or hope for some magic or miracle.
Solutions for Immaturity
There are windows of opportunity to detect and
remedy these problems. However, few parents, teachers or therapists
can recognize and dissolve systemic relationship and emotional issues.
Instead, these teenagers are more likely to be labeled problem
kids, learning disabled
or juvenile delinquents.
Who has time for extended psychological or psychiatric testing?
We offer a faster diagnostic system. Our systemic diagnosis can predict
which children are more likely to show symptoms of mental illnesses later in life,
using information gained during interviews with the parents.
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Ronald Kessler, a professor of health-care
at Harvard Medical School, said "It's not clear when these things
are illnesses and when ... it's big enough to be an illness ... When you
have discretion in the allocation of resources, it goes in the direction
of ability to pay." |
While the simple solution is for those teenagers to spend
time with emotionally mature teenagers and young adults - to observe how they
behave and how they handle difficult situations - such teenagers may
feel more motivated to spend time with other immature or damaged people.
Coaching Young
Adults . Adjustment Disorders
. Teenage Girls in Trouble
Coaching & Counseling Teenagers
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'We may not be able to choose the
situation in which we find ourselves,
but we can always, always,
choose how we will respond'. Viktor Frankl |
Coaching can be great for teenagers, especially
if a parent is involved. As coaching is usually requested by a parent; a coach,
teen and parent can probably find ways to work together that work for everyone.
A written coaching contract may help everybody
remember their responsibilities.
Some common teen problems seem to be
related to chaotic family backgrounds and covert emotional incest (e.g.
mother-bonded boys and
father-bonded girls). This can show up
in a teenager's life as inappropriate emotions and problematic behaviors,
especially in relationships.
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Common Teenage Issues |
Inability to relate to others Little or no sense of own identity Anger and aggression Melancholy and depression Fear and avoiding change Endless conflicts
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Coaching can help children understand rewards and consequences. If a child can understand that completing
a task will result in a benefit, it is possible to start coaching. Children
who cannot verbalize problems more often need appropriate role models
for social skills.
Parents can coach young children, especially
if supported by a systemic coach. For students age 12 and over, an "outsider"
may be a better coach. It is not easy to be a parent and to coach a teenager.
Often trust is a very sensitive area.
Discuss this at the initial meeting. Earn trust - don't demand it! Gain a
clear understanding of what information is confidential and what information can be shared
and with whom. Regular meetings with parents and teens together can be very
beneficial.
Coaching teens is often most successful when
parents and/or teachers are also involved. A coach can works with a "team"
to provide effective online coaching. Also, many schools offer programs for struggling teens.
Wilderness therapy programs, emotional growth classes, residential treatment
centers, mentoring programs, and character-building boarding schools are
examples.
Entanglements
. Emotional Incest
. Learning Disabilities .
Parent Alienation
Systemic Coaching
We offer an overall methodology and a powerful set of coaching skills, which
we coach individuals and groups, lead workshops, teach classes, and
speak at schools and community centers. There are many educational and
workplace applications.
We also train and mentor helping professionals. Participants are expected to participate fully in developing their capabilities, supporting other students and helping people excel. The basics are:
- Foundation: Coaching principles,
practice and philosophy
- Skills: How to coach individuals, couples, teams and
families
- Application: Integrate coaching
into your community and your world.
Online Coaching & Mentorship
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers, 2003-2011 All rights reserved
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