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Solutions for Stress
Anger, Fear, Injustice and Overwork © Martyn Carruthers

Click HERE to make an appointment!

We offer coaching and training for emotional blocks,
relationship happiness, and resolving relationship stress.

Are you Stressed?

Stress is a fact of life. You deal with it - or you deal with its consequences. Effective solutions for stress include supportive relationships, good planning, regular exercise and a healthy diet. Some fixes are worse than the problems - many people take drugs to try to solve stressful relationship problems.

Stress-reduction workshops are useful for assessing stress and providing information about the consequences of stress and relaxation techniques. However, after a few weeks following workshops, most people stop using the information; and in less than three months, it is mostly ignored or forgotten.

We help motivated adults create peaceful space for long-term stress relief, by helping people enjoy a period of emotional stability in which they can resolve or plan to resolve stressful issues.

Managing Emotions in Human Systems

Many people withhold emotions that, if expressed, could create problems. Withholding emotions increases stress. Much stress is not a result of work, or circumstances, but from withheld emotions that may not be expressed. Withheld emotions usually represent a desire or need to balance justice and injustice within a human relationship system such as a family, team or community.

The emotions that seem to most often contribute to stress are anger, sadness, anxiety and guilt. If a person expresses these emotions - a person may act irrationally and hurt people, things or self. If a person suppresses these emotions, these withheld emotions can be associated with chronic disease, heart attacks and relationship problems. Solutions are not found at the level of the problem.

Short Term Solutions for Stress

Common solutions for controlling emotions include distractions (TV, videos, gambling, etc), sport activities (gym, aggressive games, jogging), psychoactive medications (including nicotine, alcohol and caffeine) and dissociation (self-hypnosis and suggestion). The resulting emotional control is usually short-term, and continued use may result in obsessive or addictive behavior. Longer term resolution of withheld emotions requires a different type of intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence and Stress

The chaotic expression of unexpressed emotions can damage both personal and professional lives. When unexpressed emotions are finally expressed - they may result in criminal violence, suicide, agoraphobia, chronic depression, split personality or nervous breakdown.

Even infinite coaching is unlikely to do more than dissociate emotions. Long-term solutions require that justice be perceived, and/or that underlying systemic entanglements be diagnosed and changed.

Systemic Coaching and Stress

We assess relationship health and emotional stability of individuals, couples, families and/or families. Three of our diagnostic tools are:

  1. Relationship Diagnosis: assessing relationships and consequences of past relationships
  2. Trauma Diagnosis: assessing current consequences of significant emotional events
  3. Goal Diagnosis: assessing current consequences of future expectations and goals

Results of these diagnostic tests can be cross-checked to ensure accuracy and relevance.

Systemic Relationship Diagnosis

To better assess and predict relationship behavior, we use a sophisticated diagnostic tool, a systemic matrix, which refers to the collective perceptions of a relationship system, from multiple perceptual positions, over time. A systemic matrix allows rapid diagnosis of relationship issues and assists creating a timeline for change.

Dissolving systemic entanglements leads to a profound sense of peace and integrity - a sense of self, sense of family, sense of mission and sense of life - for extended periods. This sense of integrity or Soul is available to all responsible individuals, couples or families.

Psychobiology of Integrity . Depression . Adjustment Disorders

Systemic Relationship Entanglements

Systemic entanglements are both the cause and effect of relationship patterns. The consequences of systemic entanglements include conflicts, accidents, illness and death. Motivated and responsible people can effectively use this information to dissolve their entanglements.

Children and irresponsible adults may only excuse, blame, complain and justify their entangled behavior. Appropriate solutions include therapeutic metaphors or systemic interventions. However, most people will suffer before they seek help. For many people, suffering is a step towards health.

Parents who recognize the symptoms of Identity Loss can predict problems, get help early and protect their families from the consequences of relationship and emotional chaos.

Identity Loss

People in human systems are alert to justice, and respond in predictable ways to perceived injustice. The responses of people in families will reflect family's history and parental style, and the examples set by older family members. People in business or organizational teams will reflect the team's history and management style. A common response to injustice include short or long-term identity loss:

  1. Cannot express own life choices (Identification)
  2. Cannot make decisions without deep conflict (Identity Conflict)
  3. Cannot describe, feel or express emotions (Lost Identity)
  4. Cannot change behavior (Identity Bonds)

1. Identifications & Injustice in Systems

A member of a family may identify with another member who is perceived as treated unjustly. Some common identifications have predictable sets of symptoms, with a range of severity:

  • Victim identification: chronic anger, suspicion and possibly external violence
  • Dead person identification: chronic sadness, melancholy and possibly suicide
  • Hero identification: chronic fear, anxiety attacks and possibly agoraphobia
  • Dependent identification: chronic guilt, self-sabotage and possibly chronic depression

People with identifications may present seemingly unpredictable emotional outbursts, although a search for the emotional triggers often indicates the type of identification and a systemic solution. Some people who lose emotional control may be labeled psychotic, if social interactions and daily activities are impaired. (Like most psychiatric labels, psychosis is an opinion without medical or genetic tests.)

2. Identity Conflict

A person may simultaneously identify with two people (often parents) who treat each other unjustly. We call this Identity Conflict. A common description is split personality. A person with identity conflict is often untrustworthy, with behavior oscillating between two polarities. A decision or promise made by one polarity may be forgotten or ignored by the other.

One side of identity conflict may be super-rational and the other immature. Attempts to dissociate (cut off) a disliked polarity tend to increase the conflict. A person who develops amnesia of the polarity changes may be diagnosed with bipolar disorder or multiple personality disorder.

3. Lost Identity

A person may lose the ability to describe emotions, and later to feel emotions, and later lose sense of self. We call this Lost Identity. A common description of severe cases may be called nervous breakdown or mental breakdown.

Most people with Lost Identity can function (perhaps in a robot-like manner), which may be an advantage in situations requiring compliance and prompt obedience. (Some military training seems to produce identity loss as a basis for creating compliant and obedient killers.)

4. Relationship (Identity) Bonds

People who stay in a relationship or family system despite having good reasons to leave are often emotionally bonded. Typical identity bonds manifest as helplessness and hopelessness - with beliefs such as "I must do as I am told" or "I cannot leave". This behavior is typical in people who dislike their family or who dislike their work or some organization, yet feel bonded to it. See Exit Coaching

Our Coaching

Our coaching and training offers lasting benefit for people who want less stress and healthy relationships. We offer you insights into how people integrate and express justice, love and bonding contributes to the life journeys of individuals and to the survival of families.

Your coaching helped me appreciate and develop justice, dignity,
and compassion. Since then, even my partner and children seem
to be kinder and more tolerant.
Boston, USA

Click HERE to make an appointment!

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © 2001-2010 by Martyn Carruthers. All rights reserved.


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SOLUTIONS for Emotional and Relationship Problems

Hawaii, USA: Dragonfly, PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
London: YogaAnanda
46 Albert Road North, Reigate, Surrey RH2 9EL, UK
Europe
: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia

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Good Questions

Good Answers

Training

1. Where are you now? Assess relationship bonds and entanglements Systems 1
2. What are your life goals?  Identify your life goals ... and what blocks you Systems 2
3. How to reach your goals?  Use your conscious and unconscious resources Systems 3
4. What stops you?  Dissolve abuse and trauma to rebuild motivation Systems 4
5. What else stops you? Change your limiting beliefs to end dependence Systems 5
6. What else stops you? Resolve identity loss to recover qualities and skills Systems 6
7. What else stops you? Heal mentor damage and find quality mentorship Systems 7
8. What about your partnership? Build happy partnership (or separate peacefully) Systems 8
9. What about your children? We coach parents to resolve family problems Systems 9
10. What about your success? We coach team leaders and teams ... together Systems 10
11. What about your community? We coach community leaders and communities Systems 11
12. What about complex goals? Specialty coaching & training for unusual goals Specialty

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.