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Solutions for Single Parents
© Martyn Carruthers

Would you like to benefit from our experience?

Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer the consequences of childhood abuse? Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your children's demands, your boss's moods? We can help you untangle your life and reclaim your freedom.

Single Parents (continued from Single Parenting)

As a single parent you have many challenges, including some that you cannot solve. You may lack knowledge or resources for fulfilling your duties. As a custodial parent, you have the practical problems of parenthood, while as a non-custodial parent, you may suffer from not being with your children.

Healthy parenthood requires intensive effort from both parents. Caring for children, from their physical health, though their schooling to their social behavior, requires intense commitment. Lack of parental support may precede future arrogance, aggression, withdrawal and dysfunctional behavior!

Do you believe that your children create their own reality; do you allow your children to deal with their life challenges without guidance? Do you forget to care, especially during a difficult separation? Do you use your children as bargaining pawns (see parental alienation syndrome).

For whatever reason, you may be unable or unwilling to care for a child. Perhaps you divorced or perhaps a partner died. Perhaps the pregnancy was accidental (although, if you didn't arrange an abortion, you avoid unpleasant consequences of abortion.)

We coach single parents to deal with deep overwhelming emotions and recover inner strength. You can do this in workshops, individual meetings or with telephone support. We present Single Parenting workshops, and we provide single parent coaching and telephone consultations.

Everybody told me to give my children support and love. But I felt miserable about my divorce and almost crazy from guilt about an abortion. During your coaching, I cleaned up my relationship habits - and then I could love and support my children. KP, Innsbruck, Austria

Parent Coaching . Partnership Coaching

Single Parenting

Pregnancy and the birth of children represent an awesome responsibility - and an awesome potential for joyful fulfillment - and an awesome loss of freedom. Your children probably enjoy a more permissive childhood than you did, which can provoke predictable challenges.

Although single parent families and blended families are more common and accepted than in the last 500 years, your challenges as a single parent may be very different to your parents' challenges. If you feel overwhelmed - if you don't know how to cope - we offer coaching support. Some basic rules are:

  1. Take care of your children ... and yourself
  2. Balance your time with your children's time
  3. Enjoy a loving relationship with your children
  4. Help your children grow to independent adulthood

Many single parents still care for their ex-partners. If a partner has died, we can help you through the grief. If you have separated, we can help you understand your partnership breakdown, dissolve your entanglements and move on.

Our systemic coaching can help you create wonderful relationships - and solve problems.
See Dating, Partnership & Sexual Compatibility and Dealing with Affairs.

Single Parent Coaching

Our single parent coaching helps single parents solve parenting problems. Single parent coaching can recognize and support your individual and your family happiness. Single parent coaching may be best in personal sessions, backed up by telephone or Skype support. We offer you easy access to coaching support and you can enjoy another perspective as you cope with difficult situations.

Single Mothers

A study of nearly 3000 mothers found that single mothers have a 40% higher incidence of depression, with depressive episodes lasting an average of about a year.

If you feel depressed, we recommend that you visit a medical doctor or clinical psychologist. Please refer people with signs of depression to appropriate professionals.

The two primary events that may trigger a single mothers' depression are increased stress and decreased support. Yet you may feel that you lack time to reduce your stress and increase your support. We can help you.

Single Fathers

Many men have a "fix and protect" attitude. Men may listen long enough to identify a problem, and then focus on solutions or protection. Children may not want ready-made solutions; they often prefer coaching that helps them protect themselves and solve their own problems.

If you overprotect or over-fix, your children may rebel against you or become dependent on you. You can allow or encourage limited risks that help your children learn confidence as they learn to succeed.

Single Parents

Like most single parents, you are probably creative and resourceful! You have to be. It's love, duty, hard work and often enough, little sleep for single parents. We can help you:

  1. Keep a sense of humor.
  2. Befriend your inner critics.
  3. Forgive yourself and others.
  4. Seek help for any depression.
  5. Let your children do what they can for themselves.
  6. Avoid clutter and recycle household items. Get your kids involved.
  7. Remember deep breathing, taking mental holidays, enjoying a shower etc
  8. Accept ALL the help you can get - if people offer help, accept. If you need help, ask!
  9. List your stressors. Decide what you can control and focus there, first. Learn to let go.

Single Parents & Dating

After a partnership ends, many single parents feel that you lack time and energy for dating. Further, if your children do not want a new parent, they may sabotage your efforts. Also, some charming male predators (often mother's boys) seek single mothers for short-term sexual activity. A few questions ...

  1. Have you healed? A new relationship may be tempting, especially to avoid the pain of a break-up. Give yourself time to heal and rebuild your life.
  2. Have you family routines? Children enjoy consistency. Family routines can increase security.
  3. Who is most important? Children may resent your new relationship if they feel ignored.
  4. Is there long-term potential? Assess a relationship before you introduce a new person to your children, consider their confusion and sense of security.
  5. Can you go slowly? Perhaps introduce the children to a new potential partner before arranging family activities. A person who is worth having in your life will understand your need to be careful.
  6. What about sex? Avoid disturbing children with this side of your life.
  7. How can you meet potential friends and partners? We can coach you.

(Continued from Single Parenting)

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Copyright © Martyn Carruthers, All rights reserved 2004-2010



 

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Would you like to benefit from our experience?

America: Dragonfly, PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
Europe
: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia
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Workshop

Systemic Coach Training

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationships and recognize common entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, and identify blocks, objections & conflicts
Systems 3 How to continue goalwork using interactive metaphors and Dreamwork
Systems 4 How to dissolve the consequences of abuse and trauma and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and codependence for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to heal therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach partners to build lasting happiness (and to separate peacefully)
Systems 9 How to coach parents to resolve family problems
Systems 10 How to coach team leaders and teams ... together
Systems 11 How to coach community leaders and communities
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training tailored to your goals

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to define and achieve goals, to resolve emotional blocks and to improve relationships. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. You must get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.