Soulwork America / Hawaii Soulwork Canada Soulwork Croatia / Hrvatska Soulwork Polska Soulwork Italia Systemic Solutions  Deutschland Soulwork Czech Systemic Solutions Slovakia    Our Coaching  .  Our Coach Training  .  For Organizers  .  Corporate Coaching

 

Home Page

Find (check spelling)

Telephone
& Skype Coaching

 
Skype Us Now
(when available)
Martyn
Kosjenka

Coaching Humor
 
Coach Training
 
Coach Exam
 
FAQ

 

Training Calendar

Articles:

Individual
Abuse
Accelerated Learning
Addictions

Allergies
Anxiety
Beliefs

Dependence
Depression
Dissociation

Eating Disorders
Emotional Maturity
Grief & Loss
Happiness

Hypertension
Identity Loss
Inner Child

Medication
Mental Illness

Pain Control
Passive Aggressive
Psychosomatic

Stress Relief
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss

 

Relationships
Age Difference

Emotional Baggage
Emotional Blackmail
Emotional Intelligence
Entanglements
Healthy Relationships

Long-Distance Love
Yoga of Relationship

 

Couples
Affairs
Codependence
Couple Coaching
Dating
Divorce
Enjoy Partnership
Evaluate Partners
Partnership
Separation

Sexual Issues
Soul Mates
Single Parents

 

Family
Abortion
Adoption
Ancestors
Brothers & Sisters
Child Abuse
Coaching Children
Divorce Children
Emotional Incest
Family Coaching
Family Constellations
Family Therapy

Fathers & Daughters
Fathers & Sons
Little Prince
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons

Parental Alienation
Past Partners
Premarital

 

Life Lessons
Authority
Children & Challenges
Communication
Observing Feelings

Patterns in Love
Personal Growth
Quantum Leap
Self Esteem
Self Improvement
Self Intimacy
Stress & Relaxing

 

Advanced
Chaos & Coaching

Client Abuse
Coaching Contracts
Coaching Philosophy

Conflicts
Consciousness
Cults & Coaching
Energy Work
Expert Modeling
Financial Maturity
Home Study Diploma
Human Systems

Leadership
Learning Disabilities
Meaning of Life

Mentorship
New Age

Psychobiology
Quantum Coaching
Sexual Abuse
Sex Change
Soul of Soulwork
Specialty Coaching
Survival Coaching
Therapist Abuse
Toxic Belief Bonds
Training Abuse

Select a Coach
Suicide

Interview with Martyn
Disclaimer
Disclosure
Huna Kalani
Privacy
Your Investment

eXTReMe Tracker

Solutions for Mother-Daughter Issues
Better Relationships for Mothers and their Daughters

Click HERE for Help with Mother-Daughter Issues

Raising children exposes the parents' maturity - and immaturity.
Here we describe solutions for motherhood and some mother-daughter problems.

We help motivated adults dissolve emotional entanglements between parents and children (emotional incest) and between siblings. We often hear that our conclusions about family dynamics are uncomfortably close to the lives of many people from cultures and countries all over the world.

If you feel strong emotions as you read our article ... please relax ... and consider seeking help.

Girls Become Women

Many women tell us about difficult relationships with their mothers and their daughters, even though they want good relationships. A mother may say that she wants a daughter to be happy, yet from a daughter's point of view - she acts quite opposite.

Daughters may feel feel criticized for their choices, for example in education, career, boyfriends and partners. And mothers may feel blamed by their daughters for everything that happens with their daughters' education, career, boyfriends and partners.

Few parents want to abandon, abuse or neglect their children. Most parents have good intentions and nurture and protect their children through childhood. We help parents build clear, healthy relationships, which can reunite families, especially if the family have problems communicating with each other.

Troubled Teenage Girls . Father-Daughter Bonding . Mother-Son Fixation

Mothers may advise their daughters to be realistic by preparing for unfulfilling lives - while supporting their sons' dreams of success. Many adult daughters recognize their mothers' conflicts and bias, yet find themselves responding to their own daughters with similar demands and barely controlled emotions.

Mom blames her mother for her life problems - but Grandma was a really good woman, wise and kind, although she liked my uncles more than Mom. And Gran used to say that her mother always favored her brothers ... daughters were expected to marry and disappear.

Chains of limiting beliefs and unpleasant emotions often seem to cross generations. We help families change their family traditions and solve trans-generational habits and entanglements. And these issues may seem minor compared to what sometimes happens between mothers and daughters.

2005 AP Okeechobee, Florida. - A mother was arrested, accused of selling a 12-year-old daughter into prostitution and trading a 14-year-old daughter for a car. The 39-year-old woman ... was charged with aggravated child abuse and sexual performance by a child.

2008 Philadelphia police arrested a mother-daughter pair accused of working together as prostitutes. The mother, 38, and daughter, 22, were escorted by police from their home as neighbors applauded. The daughter's children, ages 3 to 7, were nearby with a baby-sitter.

Sometimes a mother sexually bonds to a daughter (emotional incest) which can be devastating for a girl. Later, as a woman, she may feel unable to bond with a male partner ... or with any partner. As an adult she may fear being perceived as lesbian; and if lesbian, she may wonder how much of her sexual orientation was created by her mother's abuse.

Female pedophiles are at least as dangerous as males, as they can better roam freely and are rarely suspected or recognized, although they can cause great emotional damage to children.

Changing Worlds

Most people seem to believe that their own childhood was normal, and they may try to impose their childhood norms onto their children. But as the world changes ... so does the sense of What is Normal? (Children may ask parents questions starting with, "In the old days, when you were a child ... ")

Parent’s Generation

  • Early marriage was normal
  • Basic education was normal
  • Repressive conservatism was normal
  • Nuclear families were normal

Children's Generation

  • Delayed marriage is normal
  • Higher education is normal
  • Political chaos is normal
  • Varied family structures are normal

Daughters and Rivals

Many families are dominated by mothers. A strong woman arguing with her strong partner can be healthy, if the children are excluded. But immature parents draw children into their conflicts (Parental Alienation). If the parents cannot resolve their own problems, their children may try to protect one parent (seen as a victim) from the other (labeled as a victimizer), with unpleasant consequences.

A daughter may believe that her mother is a victim of a bad father, and sympathize with her mother. If a daughter supports her mother's criticism of her father, they may feel more closely bonded. As an adult, the daughter may unconsciously seek a partner who is like her perception of her father, and treat him in much the same way as her mother treated her father - and drag her own children into their fights.

Such daughters may ask ... "Is it possible that my father is OK?" The more a daughter perceives her father as OK, the more she may be criticized by her mother. Many women told us that in their families, complaining and criticizing were normal female communications. They also saw their fathers' frustrated and angry reactions to their mother's contempt - and considered anger to be normal male behavior.

"Who can be happy?" can be a political issue in unhealthy families. A depressed mother may seem to sabotage her daughter's happiness, and an entangled or enmeshed daughter may sabotage her own happiness to avoid the guilt of being happier than her mother.

Motherhood

Most mature mothers enjoy the responsibilities of motherhood. Immature mothers complain about their limited freedom, justify their childish behavior, and may verbally and/or non-verbally reject their partners,. Some immature mothers bond to their children so much that they destroy them.

My older brother was 14 when our father left ... he tried to take our father's place ... he became our mother's best friend. He never really had a girlfriend ... despite his university degree, he worked in a factory and now drives a city bus. He's 46 now and still lives at home with our mother. (See Little Prince.) Liverpool, UK

Daughters fixated on their mothers may show low emotional intelligence and be unable to work in teams or maintain healthy partnerships. Entangled daughters often seem to delay their maturity.

Intra-Family Codependence

For years we have studied and developed solutions for covert emotional incest - especially between parents and children, and between siblings. We notice that some mothers have unrealistic expectations about their daughters, for example:

  • My daughter must like me and be like me
  • My daughter must do some things that I always wanted to
  • We will have the relationship that I always wanted with my mother

When these hopes are not realized, a disappointed mother may blame her daughter for her emotions. The daughter may feel rejected for who she is - only acceptable if she repeats her mother's scripts.

Adolescence & Young Adulthood

Some mothers try to relive their youth through their daughters' lives. They may try to be their daughters' best friends. A mother may try to motivate her daughter to fulfill her own unaccomplished goals, or try to immerse herself into her daughter's life.

The daughter may fight to establish her own boundaries and protect her own identity - or the daughter may lose access to her own identity, identify with her mother or become a mother her mother.

Jeśli Bóg nie chce abym cierpiał - to by temu zaprzestał. Bóg chce abym był czysty.
Nie będę zażywał leków na mój ból ... moja córka dba o mnie.
Warszawa, Polska

(If God does not want me to suffer - He would end it. God wants me to be pure.
I won't take drugs for my pain ... my daughter takes care of me
... Warsaw, Poland)

Most teenage daughters want their mothers to listen. They often want their mothers' approval but they may not want to ask mother for her approval. Most daughters want assurance that they are loved for who they are - not for what they may do, who they may become or for who they may marry.

I am 28 ... my arguments with my mother leave me exhausted ... I want her to listen to me - not just give the same old advice that I heard from my grandmother ... when I feel judged or not good enough I avoid my mother. Atlanta, Georgia

Independent Women

Daughters who blame their mothers for their every neurotic thought or inappropriate behavior may remain children emotionally despite the age of their bodies. Common questions of adult daughters are:

  • Why do I still seek my mother's approval?
  • Is it OK for me to be happier than my mother?
  • What can I do so that my mother accepts me as an adult?

Most daughters will appreciate their mothers' care (but not criticism) especially as they gain experience in partnership and parenthood. Most daughters will welcome their mother's support (but not control) especially when they are pregnant and when their children are born.

Tips for Mothers

  • Accept your children as unique human beings
  • Evaluate your life goals apart from your children
  • Avoid blaming your children for your own problems

Click HERE for Help with Mothers and Daughters

 


Other Services

Do you want MOTIVATION

 

Helping Professionals

Click
HERE for More Clients

 

Free website critiques   with a master copywriter

 
We would enjoy reading your feedback or comments on this page,
and suggestions how we could improve it. Email us at:

SOLUTIONS for Emotional and Relationship Problems

Hawaii, USA: Dragonfly, PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
London: YogaAnanda
46 Albert Road North, Reigate, Surrey RH2 9EL, UK
Europe
: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia

Good Questions

Good Answers

Training

1. Where are you now? Assess relationship bonds and entanglements Systems 1
2. What are your life goals?  Identify your life goals ... and what blocks you Systems 2
3. How to reach your goals?  Use your conscious and unconscious resources Systems 3
4. What stops you?  Dissolve abuse and trauma to rebuild motivation Systems 4
5. What else stops you? Change your limiting beliefs to end dependence Systems 5
6. What else stops you? Resolve identity loss to recover qualities and skills Systems 6
7. What else stops you? Heal mentor damage and find quality mentorship Systems 7
8. What about your partnership? Build happy partnership (or separate peacefully) Systems 8
9. What about your children? We coach parents to resolve family problems Systems 9
10. What about your success? We coach team leaders and teams ... together Systems 10
11. What about your community? We coach community leaders and communities Systems 11
12. What about complex goals? Specialty coaching & training for unusual goals Specialty

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.