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We offer coaching and training on systemic psychology,
resolving identity issues and changing limiting beliefs.
Solutions for Identification & Identity Loss
Identification is normal human behavior. People
may identify with their occupations, with their clothes, cars and country.
They may identify with family members, friends or football teams. They may
identify with their beliefs, with their emotions or with diagnostic labels.
Many people live and die defending their identifications.
I'm always sad and I have sad beliefs
... that is all I know about myself ...
it's like I'm not me,
but I'm scared that I might not like who I am. Vancouver
Temporary identification is an everyday human experience. You imagine what
other people, animals or even things might feel and how they may act.
It's normal.
The mechanism responsible for
the acquisition of emotional
responses that resemble those of
someone else is identification.
Identification is a learning
process by means of which one person
models himself, herself after
another.
S.Jourard
& T.Landsman, Healthy Personality, ISBN 0-02-361390-4
You can identify with almost anybody or anything, although the
duration and emotional intensity will vary. At a cinema, if you
identify with an actor or actress, you may forget who you are and
feel strong emotions during a movie. If you identify with a team, you may forget or hide your
own values to conform
with the team.
My husband bought his first new car - and he
was so proud of it.
When he found the first scratch, he put his hand on his
stomach and groaned like someone had punched him.
Then I knew what you meant by identification! Frankfurt
It seems that the extent to which you identify with whatever
is not-you, is the extent to which you lose access to your own
identity. We call this identity loss
... if, as a child, you identified with a family member, you may remain
identified with that person for years ... or for a lifetime ...
unconsciously expressing emotions, beliefs and behaviors that would
be more appropriate for your role model.
Chronic Identification
Installing long-term identification is sometimes called
brainwashing. Students are expected to identify with their school
sport teams. Residents are expected to identify with their communities
and immigrants are expected to identify with a new country's values.
Some cults, religions and military organizations may
provoke psychotic identification - to accept previously
despised beliefs and unwanted values.
If you are identified, you may feel
something or somebody
inside or near you that strongly influences your
behavior.
You may feel a sense of protection, guidance or even paranoia.
Sometimes identification might be called spirit possession,
in which a role model is perceived as an esoteric entity or
spiritual presence. Some people with exaggerated cases of
false identification (a form of identity loss)
may be labeled as having schizophrenia, multiple personalities
or bipolar disorder, and may be medicated with psychoactive drugs.
In the psychoanalytic literature there
is agreement that the core
meaning of identification is "to be like or to become like another".
It has been called '"the most perplexing
clinical/theoretical area" in
psychoanalysis'. Wikipedia
Many identifications are simple and self-evident. People who
have chronically identified with another person often seem to live in
an endless trance, with little contact with their own emotions, beliefs
and thoughts. Their core identity seems to be lost or hidden, and they act in ways that are more appropriate for their (semi-conscious) role models.
Although identified people may be unable to explain their
behavior (they may offer strange justifications for their decisions),
identified behavior is rather predictable. Their identified emotions and beliefs are
usually triggered by specific events.
We often help people regain their own
(original) sense of identity in a timely manner. It's not difficult if the
identified person is basically healthy and enjoys good relationships.
I lost myself years ago ... I joined
the army and became an obedient zombie.
I always knew there was more to me
... you helped me find the real me ...
small and scared ... but ME. Finally I can learn who I am!
Leeds
Most long-term identifications seem to be with family members - especially
family members who died prematurely (e.g. abortion or suicide),
or with family members who were perceived as victims. Occasionally people
identify with other important but less
obvious persons (e.g. a
parent's "true love").
Other forms of identity loss include
Lost Identity (dissociation) and Identity Conflict
(complex inner conflict).
Do you want to regain your natural
or true identity?
We can help you dis-identify with a role model.
Advantages of Identity Loss
Some common types of identification show up as
chronic emotions and inner conflict, particularly anger,
sadness and anxiety.
Identity loss seems to follow systemic rules, which are obvious-in-retrospect
(although those rules were not at all obvious when we began this study).
I get angry if I see injustice
- it's like a demon possesses me -
it takes me over, and then I can break things ...
or people.
I lose control. That's not good for a policeman ...
I put my life in the service of justice. Hawaii
What we call Lost Identity and Identity Conflict
are also identity issues. Lost Identity refers to chronic dissociated
behavior (picture a math professor pondering a complex equation) and
Identity Conflict refers to chronic bi-polar behavior swings (think
of classic descriptions of "split personality").
I realize now that because my
father was so weak,
I tried to be my own father ... you helped me find myself
...
and you helped the childish father in me grow up.
It sounds ridiculous ... but now I am more
ME! Australia
Who Suffers Identification?
Identified people are often easy to recognize. The lights are on - but who is
home? The philosophy is fascinating but we focus on helping people find effective solutions. With practice, identification
can be easy to recognize. Many identified people:
- Cannot specify timed goals
- Avoid finishing tasks or projects
- Offer endless justifications and excuses
- Are often depressed - their lives do not make sense
- Express strong, inappropriate anger, sadness or anxiety
- Seek endless distractions (may be obsessive/compulsive)
- Only say what is important or what
makes sense by quoting people
Although there are other reasons for any of these signals, three or four of
these common everyday behaviors would trigger our systemic alarm bells.
Identifying with another person requires losing your own sense of self, hence
resolving identification includes finding and
integrating lost or hidden parts of self.
Emotional First Aid
Seek ways to be calm. Breathe deeply.
Walk in a park or natural place if possible.
Remind yourself that the emotions may not be yours.
Consider whose emotions you may be carrying ... and why ...
Contact us for help with
emotional and relationship problems.
We coach people to find themselves
and pull themselves together.
Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers, All rights reserved 2002-2012 |
