Our relationships with our mothers may be
the most influential relationship
of our lives, and cause life-long relationship habits.
We help people
change childhood habits and develop their
Little Prince 2 ... Mothers,
Sons and Lovers
Mothers & Sons 2 ...
Peter Pan Grows Up
Mothers & Sons 3 ...
Sons and Lovers
Fathers & Daughters ...
I began this summary of mother-son relationships while
trying to understand why so many men sabotage their own happiness.
Some of my lessons were:
1) most self-sabotage is unconscious,
2) mother-bonded men may not care if they hurt others,
3) men close to their mothers may feel too special to change.
Why do some men fixate on their mothers?
Most boys fixate on their mothers until adolescence but some men
obsess about their mothers for decades longer. Although the consequences can
be severe, few men recognize the consequences, fewer seek solutions and very few
Do you cause friends and family to suffer because
you have emotional problems and you won't get help?
Here's a quick check. (If you are a man - ask female
friends to honestly rate you). If you have five or more
YES answers, maybe investigate further. Does a man ...
- obsess about his mother?
- strongly react to criticism?
- attack or sabotage people?
- expect women to serve him?
- demand devotion (not just love)?
- not commit to happy partnership?
- damage other people's relationships?
- show jealousy, anxiety and insecurity?
- demand attention or threaten to leave?
- blame his mother for all his problems?
- blame his partner for all his problems?
- act like a child or like a tyrant ... or both?
- obsess about young, immature women?
- brag, boast and lie in attempts to be special?
- have obsessive interests and few social skills?
- try to rescue married women from their husbands?
- hunt women - quantity not happiness is important?
- avoid couple coaching, marriage counseling or therapy?
These common signs of covert
emotional incest predict years of suffering
for these men, for the
women in their lives and for their children.
THE ONLY WOMAN I TRULY LOVED WAS ANOTHER MANíS WIFE
... MY MOTHER Car bumper sticker seen in America
Mother-Son Fixation / Obsession
If a parent relates to a child in unhealthy ways, the consequences can be severe. Many children of immature,
depressed or dissociated parents
express obsessions and compulsions throughout their lives. And as adults, they may
enmesh their own children - perhaps with self-sabotage,
codependent behavior. Contact us to change these
habits and develop your emotional maturity.
I lived with a mother's boy
for 7 years. I left him months ago but I still hurt
and I still feel betrayed. I feel
like I had a long affair with a married man.
I asked him to
ask you for help, but he always said that he would
if he had any. Florida
Many parents have immature parenting skills. They may complain
that their partners act like children, or like tyrants, or that
their partners are physically or emotionally absent. Such parents may
seek the love they need from affairs - or from their children.
Entangled adults often blame their partners and complain about their
children. They rarely recognize that their partners and children are responding
to their immaturity. And in some families,
emotional immaturity is normal, expected behavior.
My ex-husband is a child. He avoided
decisions and only wanted to play ...
I liked his childishness until
we had a baby, but he resented our son ...
after three bad years I
divorced him, and he went back to his mother.
After our sessions
my guilt disappeared and I stopped trying to mother him.
Are you Entangled with a Man who is
Entangled with his Mother?
Cross-generational bonds, obsessions and fixations seem more
likely when parents do not enjoy being together. When you were
young, were your parents:
- separated or divorced?
- irresponsible or immature?
- addicts, depressed, bipolar or suicidal?
- miserable - but stayed together anyway?
- missing, chronically ill, dysfunctional or dead?
Since my teenage son moved in with
his father, I feel terribly lonely,
He visits every few weeks and although he
knows that I am sad without him, he won't come home. My therapist
told me that I need him much more than he needs me.
I described solutions for some of these rather common issues in
Prevent Learning Disabilities and
Emotional incest between fathers and daughters is also common - see
Daddy's Little Princess.
Little Prince "Triangles"
In a strange, faraway country, many boys believe
that their mothers are virgins,
and their mothers believe that their
first sons are God.
This story begins with a pregnant mother. While pregnant, the mother
likely enjoyed the attention of her family. But when
her baby was born, family attention often shifts from mother to baby, and the
mother may feel ignored.
She may have regained her family's attention by depression, or by becoming a Super-Mom.
My boyfriend was a 42 year old child.
All I heard was that he didn't want to disappoint his mother.
He never did chores around the house and he phoned his
mother all the time.
He phoned her when he left, when he arrived and in
He would get upset if I talked to
him like to an adult. North Carolina
The husband of a Super-Mom may feel rejected, especially if he depends
on his wife to provide meaning for his life. He may even feel that a baby
- especially a boy - is a rival. He may avoid his wifeís need for intimacy, support
or responsibility. He may become depressed
and/or obsess about sexual or intimate
Your Little Prince describes my
ex-husband. Add passive-aggressive
to the profile,
also broken promises and denial. I will avoid
mother's boys in the future. London
Next ... The Little
Prince - Part 2
Contact us to manage negative emotions and solve relationship
Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling &
... I found validation and understanding for my marriage. My husband is aggressive when he cannot
avoid responsibility. I recently had health problems and asked my
husband for help. MAJOR fighting began. My husband cannot accept
any role for me that is NOT Mother - and he martyrs himself as my
abused son ... You offer me hope that I can live and love
and laugh again. THANK YOU. Georgia
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright
© Martyn Carruthers, 1998-2013 All rights reserved.