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Little Prince Part 3: Sons & Lovers
Mother-Son Fixation and Emotional Incest 3 © Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching for Emotional Incest     

Men who Obsess about their Mothers

We help men and women manage unpleasant emotions and improve difficult relationships.
We also mentor helping professionals who work with challenging clients.

Many emotional and relationship difficulties start in childhood. Do childhood memories, beliefs and habits disturb your life? Some of the most toxic start with immature, lonely parents.

Signs of Mother Fixation

Here are some common traits of adult men fixated on their mothers. Does he ...

Many men give control of their lives to their mothers, in exchange for a sense of feeling special. These symptoms of mother fixations predict years of suffering for these men ... and for their partners and children.

Mother-bonded men may need our help, but few ask for help and even fewer follow through. Most men seem to prefer to suffer unpleasant consequences than change.

Little Prince's Lovers & Childhood Fixations

Mother-fixated men are often attracted to immature women - especially to Daddy's Girls. Immature adults seem to recognize each other across a crowded room. Bonded adults, when they meet, often describe love at first sight and overwhelming emotions.

Codependence cannot survive emotional maturity. If one codependent partner matures or grows up - the other partner may experience an immediate crisis. One or both partners may attempt to regain their lost special-ness, excitement and romance by having intimate affairs or by becoming parents.

The birth of a child often begins a new cycle. A new mother may discover that her son is the special male that she always sought; and a new father may super-bond to his wonderful new daughter and exclude his wife. This predictable suffering spans generations - you can predict the future relationship behavior of the children - unless these toxic habits are changed!

Independent happiness is a threat. If one partner in a symbiotic or codependent relationship finds happiness, the other partner may suffer immediate crisis. A hint of real happiness may motivate withdrawal, threats, victim games or demands from a dependent partner.

Many men who fixate on their mothers repeat such patterns throughout their lives. They may seek multiple sexual affairs, they may become love addicts or sex addicts, or they may distract themselves with drugs, computers or other obsessions. Many macho men, gurus, philosophers or nerds never let go of their mothers' apron strings. Ever.

What a healthy man accepts as normal - problems at home and at work, children and responsibilities - a mother's boy may see as traumatic disappointments and invasions of his special privileges. Other people may call him an egoist or a narcissist ... or worse.

Other People's Partnerships

Some mother's boys compulsively try to rescue or seduce married women. Committed relationships, even of friends and colleagues, may be seen as challenges. Anticipate bad tempers, sulking or aggression if they don't get a woman they want ... and short-term, shallow affairs if they do. Expect many excited beginnings and few happy endings.

These men may fantasize about wife-swapping or group sex. A healthy committed relationship with a woman seems ... boring. Some of them will search the internet for pedophile, incest and fetish pornography. (Some men reading this now were searching for information about or pictures of mother-son incest). Expect compulsive masturbation if their fantasies are more gratifying than sex with a partner. And expect these men to damage women and children in their desire to be special.

Some mother-fixated men eventually withdraw into a reclusive life or join men-only groups to find themselves. As mother-bonded men often seek father figures and other lost boys, expect to find mother's boys probing the cults and gurus of the world - as they search for authentic fatherhood.

They may be fascinated by bisexuality or homosexuality. If a mother-fixation is replaced by a same-sex obsession, expect homosexual fantasies as a man explores "Where is my father?". This may motivate promiscuous homosexuality (and a risk of AIDS) - or aggressive homophobic behavior if such a man  represses his homosexual fantasies.

Are you a Cleopatra? Are you a Queen of Denial?

Women who love fixated men often seem to be bonded to their fathers, and may seek immature male partners! Such women may avoid boring healthy relationships ... they prefer the drama of codependence, the romance of affairs or the peace of celibacy ... and they may live in endless denial.

If you are a woman who attracts immature men, explore your relationship habits. Do you seek special men whom you can mother? Are you attracted to dissociated or irresponsible men? Are you repeating your mother's drama? Are you a Daddy's Princess? Do you want to change?

Some men with mother fixations are suicidal. Some men, especially first or only sons, may prefer to die than to live an ordinary life.

Solutions for Mother-Bonded Men

Few mother-bonded men can accept that they might have a problem - more often they deeply believe that they are so special that rules for normal people don't apply to them. Many mother's boys may refuse to ask for help unless they are in crisis ... and maybe not even then. They are fine, their relationships are fine ... and their female partners may feel that they are going crazy waiting for these men to grow up and take responsibility.

Emotional incest may include enmeshment between brothers and sisters, grandparents and other relatives. Covert incest is normal in many cultures, and attempts to change it may be resisted by families and communities. We find emotional incest to be more common in Mediterranean countries, and amongst their emigrants and descendents in the Americas, Canada, New Zealand and Australia.

Although dissolving unwanted obsessions can bring peace and freedom, mother-bonded men often seem to need some high threshold of suffering to motivate change - perhaps addictions - perhaps one or more divorces - perhaps children with psychosomatic symptoms - perhaps autoimmune diseases or depression. Only then can some men begin to recognize their need for help.

The end of feeling special can be depressing. Yet studies show that depressed people may gain a more realistic perception of their importance, reputation and abilities (Alloy and Abramson, 1979; Dobson and Franche, 1989). Sometimes, even depression can be a step to healthy relationships! Do you want to change?

Has emotional incest affected your life? Do emotional wounds stop you from moving on?
We help people develop emotional maturity and build healthy relationships. Don't leave it too late.

Online Coaching for Emotional Incest

Plagiarism is theft. © Martyn Carruthers, 1998-2011 All rights reserved.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2011 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks, improve relationships and achieve goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... ask for permission to post, publish or teach this work.