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Relationship disappointments and trauma can cause children to "split off" their
unpleasant emotions. These parts of self do not mature and are often called
"inner children". They may be hidden in the body or lost in fantasies. When such
parts of the self are missing, people may feel childish, with a sense
of "some important part of me is missing." We help people resolve this "identity
loss".
The consequences of ignoring unpleasant emotions, together with the side-effects
of psychoactive drugs, are unacceptable to increasing numbers of health professionals.
Inner Child Part 2: Emotional Maturity
Part 3: Types of Inner Children & Emotional First
Aid
Abuse, Trauma & Inner Children
We define trauma as events that cause people to
dissociate or split off overwhelming emotions. If an trauma was
deliberately caused by another person - we call it abuse. Abuse and
trauma cause people to split off or hide parts of themselves.
Such a personality part is often called an inner child.
Traumatic events usually involve injury, abuse or loss.
We find that dissociated parts usually maintain the same age and
the same emotions as in the originating event. Did you suffer a serious accident or
life-threatening disease? Do you still experience anxiety, or helplessness,
or perhaps horror? Do you feel disturbed when something reminds you of that
event?
Did you split off and hide some part of yourself? Are you
depressed following a traumatic event or series of events? Do you feel detached or
fragmented or dissociated? Do you have panic or anxiety attacks? Can you
concentrate - or does your attention wander?
Do you feel exhausted, yet
you cannot sleep properly? Do you suffer from recurring unpleasant emotions
or violent nightmares? Are you often depressed - yet
you do not know why? Do people accuse you of acting childishly or behaving in
childlike ways?
Some people with this type of dissociation are unable to plan
effectively - they have an ineffective sense of time. It is fairly common for
them to feel that their future is behind them ... and their past is in front!
I also find that people with dissociated parts often criticize
themselves without mercy! In the privacy of their own minds, they may be far
more critical and even abusive to themselves that they would be to people that
they dislike!
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I was afraid of men - I only dated
weak men so that I could feel safe. You helped me explore my fear
- I watched my father hurting my mother when I was six - that six-year old me
seemed frozen - she was still under the kitchen table - we helped her
come out and grow up.
I have changed - I am much more me!
Honolulu,
Hawaii |
Unresolved emotions from stressful events can cause flashbacks
and nightmares. You may feel emotionally numb or you may experience strong
emotions and mood swings. You may be diagnosed with depression
or chronic anxiety.
We can help you heal the consequences
of war, terrorism, prison, accidents, rape, military service, domestic violence,
childhood abuse or surgery. We can help you heal yourself.
Stress .
Depression .
Insomnia .
Anger Management
The Shadow
You may not remember any abuse or trauma.
You may have strong unpleasant emotions but only remember minor incidents.
Some people call this side of you a shadow. Perhaps you were young
or perhaps the trauma involved important people. We can help you recover the
younger-you that you lost.
If you were abused, or if you witnessed something that
you could not rationalize, then you may have "split off" part
of yourself. We can help you pull yourself together. Sometimes your
maturity will cause relationship problems if other people prefer you to be
immature.
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I married my wife because she loved the
child in me. She wrote letters to the little boy in me. I loved her so much ... but when you
helped him (me) grow up and become whole, my wife said she could not stay. She
can only relax
with needy men and she did not want to change ... now she lives with a man who
has bipolar and she's happy again. London, UK |
Your
identity has been shaped in part by your parents, by ethnic or religious
values, by political propaganda and by your education. Your identity may
involve your culture, such as a racial or a minority group. We help
people accept, acknowledge and fulfill who they are.
Refugee Coaching .
Exit Coaching
Consequences of Trauma - Split-Off Parts
If you experienced stress, trauma or abuse, and you do
not resolve or assimilate it, you are less likely to stay employed or happily married, and
you are more likely to feel depressed, anxious or stressed. You may
suffer from low self-esteem with little sense of well-being, and you may best relate
to other people who also suffered trauma.
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Some Consequences of Split-Off Parts
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- accident prone
- anxiety and hypochondria
- apathy
- chronic or phantom pain
- dangerous relationships
- depression and guilt
- digestive problems
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- dissociation
- hopelessness
- hyperactive
- isolation and withdrawal
- mood swings
- panic attacks
- phobias
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- promiscuity
- self-harm
- sleep disorders
- startles easily
- substance abuse
- volatile emotions
- worthlessness
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If you split off part of yourself during stress, abuse
or trauma, you may feel, act and sound like a hurt child whenever something
reminds you of those events. We can help you recover, nurture and
integrate parts of you stuck in emotions, compulsions, obsessions and addictions.
The consequences of abuse can include a sense of helplessness
or inability to make decisions or to act; shame, guilt, self-blame; a sense of
being dirty or defiled; a sense of complete difference from others (may include
feeling special, alone or separated).
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I asked you about my anger ... you
offered to help me find the source ... I was twelve when my parents divorced
and I had to live with my grandmother. She would punish me by locking me in
the cellar ... it was like part of me was still in the cellar ... just
furious. Since you helped that side of me grow up, my anger is maybe ten
percent of what it used to be. |
Your children may try to carry your burden.
Your depressed sense of life may be perceived as
victim or unable to love. Your helplessness may motivate
your children to protect you as they would protect a wounded child. (This is
often repeated across generations).
The consequences of ignoring or worsening the unresolved confusion and
fragmentation called an inner child can include
Toxic Beliefs,
Learning Disabilities or
Depression in yourself or your children.
Integrate an Inner Child
Many health professionals manage the symptoms associated with
abuse and trauma with medication. But if the underlying identity loss is not
restored, then the symptoms often seem to return in other forms. The resulting adult
dysfunction is most evident in relationships. We help people find solutions.
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As a therapist I am familiar with
partitioned ego states (inner child work) ... you helped me sort out my own
issues so fast ... I don't want to work with people for years to get the
same results ... can you teach me how to do this? Johannesburg, South
Africa |
If you have suffered abuse or trauma, you may have
tried to distract yourself with alcohol, drugs, sex or food. We can
help you regain your integrity, rebuild your identity and realign with
your life purpose. You can recover your self-respect
- as you learn to live and love again.
Renewal
We offer solutions for stress, trauma and abuse.
We help people rebuild their relationships with an inner child as a basis for
integration. Do you want to recover an inner child? Do you want to recover
your wholeness - your integrity? Do you want to move on with your life? We can
help you.
Online Coaching - Find Your Inner
Babysitter!
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2007-2012 All rights reserved.
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