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Coaching an Inner Child - Part 1
Inner Kindergarten © Martyn Carruthers

Click HERE to make an appointment!

It's easier for health professionals and most patients to use drugs as a substitute for change. Self-medication with alcohol or nicotine, or with anti-depressants and stimulants, are easier than applying intelligence, focus and analytical skills to complex relationship situations. Drugs seem cheaper for the patient (in the short term), and more profitable for health professionals.

The consequences of ignoring emotions, together with the side-effects of many drugs, are unacceptable to an increasing number of health professionals and to their patients.

Inner Child Part 2: Emotional Maturity
Part 3: Types of Inner Children & Emotional First Aid

Abuse, Trauma & Inner Children

We define trauma as events that cause a person to dissociate or split off overwhelming emotions. If an event was deliberately caused by another person - we call it abuse. Abuse and trauma cause people to split off emotions or hide parts of themselves. Such a personality part is often called an inner child.

Traumatic events usually involve injury, abuse or loss. We find that dissociated parts usually maintain the same age and the same emotions as in the originating event. Did you suffer a serious accident or life-threatening disease? Do you still experience anxiety, or helplessness, or perhaps horror? Do you feel disturbed when something reminds you of that event?

Did you split off and hide some part of yourself? Are you depressed following a traumatic event or series of events? Do you feel detached or fragmented or dissociated? Do you have panic or anxiety attacks? Can you concentrate - or does your attention wander? Do you feel exhausted, yet you cannot sleep properly? Do you suffer from recurring unpleasant emotions or violent nightmares? Are you often depressed - yet you do not know why?

I was afraid of men - I only dated weak men so that I could feel safe. You helped me explore my fear - I watched my father hurting my mother when I was six - that six-year old me seemed frozen - she was still under the kitchen table - we helped her come out and grow up.
I am now a different woman - I am more me!
Honolulu, Hawaii

Unresolved emotions from stressful events can cause flashbacks and nightmares. You may feel emotionally numb or you may experience strong emotions and mood swings. You may be diagnosed with depression or chronic anxiety.

We can help you heal the consequences of war, terrorism, prison, accidents, rape, military service, domestic violence, childhood abuse or surgery. We can help you heal yourself.

Stress . Depression . Insomnia . Anger Management

The Shadow

You may not remember any abuse or trauma. You may have strong unpleasant emotions but only remember a minor incident. Some people call this side of you the shadow. Perhaps you were young or perhaps the trauma involved important people. We can help you recover the younger-you that you lost.

If you were abused, or if you witnessed something that you could not rationalize, then you may have "split off" part of yourself. We can help you pull yourself together. Sometimes your maturity will cause relationship problems if other people prefer you to be immature.

I married my wife because she loved the child in me. She wrote letters to the little boy in me. I loved her so much ... but when you helped him (me) grow up and become whole, my wife said she could not stay. She can only relax with needy men and she did not want to change ... now she lives with a man who has bipolar and she's happy again. London, UK

Your identity has been shaped in part by your parents, by ethnic or religious values, by political propaganda and by your education. Your identity may involve your culture, such as a racial or a minority group. We help people accept, acknowledge and fulfill who they are.

Refugee Coaching . Exit Coaching

Consequences of Trauma - Split-Off Parts

If you experienced stress, trauma or abuse, yet do not resolve it, you are less likely to stay employed or married, and you are more likely to feel depressed, anxious or violent. You may suffer lowered well-being and self-esteem - and you may only relate to people who also suffered trauma.

Some Consequences of Split-Off Parts

  • accident prone
  • anxiety and hypochondria
  • apathy
  • chronic or phantom pain
  • dangerous relationships
  • depression and guilt
  • digestive problems
  • dissociation
  • hopelessness
  • hyperactive
  • isolation and withdrawal
  • mood swings
  • panic attacks
  • phobias
  • promiscuity
  • self-harm
  • sleep disorders
  • startles easily
  • substance abuse
  • volatile emotions
  • worthlessness

If you split off part of yourself during stress, abuse or trauma, you may feel, act and sound like a hurt child whenever something reminds you of those events. We can help you recover, nurture and integrate parts of you stuck in emotions, compulsions and obsessions.

The consequences of abuse can include a sense of helplessness or inability to make decisions or to act; shame, guilt, self-blame; a sense of being dirty or defiled; a sense of complete difference from others (may include feeling special, alone or separated).

Your children may try to carry your burden. Your depressed sense of life may be perceived as victim or unable to love. Your helplessness may motivate your children to protect you as they would protect a wounded child. (This is often repeated across generations).

The consequences of ignoring or worsening the unresolved confusion and fragmentation called an inner child can include Toxic Beliefs, Learning Disabilities or Depression in yourself or your children.

Integrate an Inner Child

Many health professionals manage the symptoms associated with abuse and trauma with medication. But if the underlying identity loss is not restored, then the symptoms often seem to return in other forms. The resulting adult dysfunction is most evident in relationships. We help people find solutions.

As a therapist I am familiar with partitioned ego states (inner child work) ... you helped me sort out my own issues so fast ... I don't want to work with people for years to get the same results ... can you teach me how to do this? Johannesburg, South Africa

If you have suffered abuse or trauma, you may have tried to distract yourself with alcohol, drugs, sex or food. We can help you regain your integrity, rebuild your identity and realign with your life purpose. You can recover your self-respect - as you learn to live and love again.

Renewal

We offer solutions for stress, trauma and abuse. We help motivated adults rebuild their relationships with an inner child as a basis for integration. Do you want to recover an inner child? Do you want to recover your integrity? Do you want to move on with your life?

Click HERE for the Inner Babysitter!

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2007-2010 All rights reserved.


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Hawaii, USA: Dragonfly, PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
London: YogaAnanda
46 Albert Road North, Reigate, Surrey RH2 9EL, UK
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: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia

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Good Questions

Good Answers

Training

1. Where are you now? Assess relationship bonds and entanglements Systems 1
2. What are your life goals?  Identify your life goals ... and what blocks you Systems 2
3. How to reach your goals?  Use your conscious and unconscious resources Systems 3
4. What stops you?  Dissolve abuse and trauma to rebuild motivation Systems 4
5. What else stops you? Change your limiting beliefs to end dependence Systems 5
6. What else stops you? Resolve identity loss to recover qualities and skills Systems 6
7. What else stops you? Heal mentor damage and find quality mentorship Systems 7
8. What about your partnership? Build happy partnership (or separate peacefully) Systems 8
9. What about your children? We coach parents to resolve family problems Systems 9
10. What about your success? We coach team leaders and teams ... together Systems 10
11. What about your community? We coach community leaders and communities Systems 11
12. What about complex goals? Specialty coaching & training for unusual goals Specialty

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.