Home Page

Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions?
Do you want to untangle your life and reclaim your freedom?

Are you Growing Up - or just Growing Old?

Some people seem to hardly live at all, they just observe their own existence. Do you live your life - or do you just watch yourself? How old do you feel? Do you feel mature emotionally? How do you behave in your relationships? ... Where do these questions lead you?

1. Can you accept reality as it is?
2. Can you deal with losses and regrets?
3. Can you solve your problems promptly?
4. Are you adaptable and capable of change?
5. Do you take responsibility for your finances?
6. Do you live realistically, conscious of your mortality?
7. Do you accept your age and continue your development?
8. Do you concern yourself with social problems and solutions?
9. Can you feel good about your successes and enjoy your relationships?
10. Can you stay in integrity, despite temptations, compromises and conflicts?

Maturity isn't an award for good children or good students. Maturity isn't part of a college education or military service. Some people develop maturity, while many people avoid it. Mature people can cope with marriage, illness, divorce, parenthood, careers and unemployment. When mature people want help - they find help quickly. See Emotional Intelligence.

Most young people have a sense of romance, as a precursor to wisdom. Romantic ideals may be wonderful for teenagers - wisdom, clarity and wit can form a basis for emotional maturity. Most boys and girls want to play games. Most adult men and women want to move on with meaningful lives.

Maturity doesn't just happen. We coach people to mature.

Immature adults seek toys, games and substitutes for parents. When immature people want help (often) they act like needy children or victims. Immature people need mature mentors and self-esteem but seek shallow relationships and gratification. See Codependence and Coaching Young Adults.

Emotional maturity seems to be a prerequisite for happiness and is associated with self-esteem and a stable sense of integrity. Emotional immaturity is associated with fun, and with entanglements, parental alienation, burnout and unfulfilling relationships.
 

Youth Fades - Immaturity Lingers

Immature behavior often seems to be a consequence of childhood trauma and poor parenting. Parts of a person may be immature, seemingly stuck at ages corresponding to unhealed abuse or trauma. This common stress disorder often reflects inadequate or inappropriate parenting.

One sign of maturity is knowing you're right without needing to make others wrong.

Mature people can retain or regain many of their youthful strengths. You can retain or regain your capacity for wonder, pleasure and playfulness, your affiliation and curiosity, and your idealism and passion. Our unique coaching can help you recover and integrate these qualities with your adult maturity, wisdom, knowledge and responsibility - with your strength and vision.

Another sign of maturity is that you can see your parents as ordinary people.

Keys to emotional maturity include self-esteem, clarity and a stable sense of integrity. Then, dissolve mentor damage and find inspirational mentors for living the life you want. If you want to heal stress disorders, relationship disappointments and fixations to better accept yourself, we can help you.

Key Qualities of Emotional Maturity:

1. Self-control: accept and control passions, emotions, desires, wishes, choosing what is right
2. Wisdom: understanding; insight; learn from experience; appropriate decisions; handle stress
3. Responsibility: personal accountability for one's actions; finances; work habits and reliability
4. Independence: make decisions and observe consequences - to make better decisions
5. Self-esteem: inner fulfillment, enjoying existence, experiencing oneself as a fountain of love

Biological maturity, psychological maturity and social maturity may correspond to Erikson's stages of adult development. (Erikson's stages can be summarized as: intimacy versus isolation (young adulthood), creativity versus stagnation (middle age), and integrity versus despair (age 45 onwards).
 

Emotionally Mature or Emotionally Retarded?

Many people were cheated out of their childhood by becoming their parents' partners. As adults they may idealize their parents ... and later create unhealthy bonds to their own children. They often have challenges in becoming mature adults. They may not know other ways to behave.

Who is emotionally retarded? You can compare a person's emotional control, decision-making and relationship skills with the requirements of the relationships in which that person participates. Most people seem to be about as mature as they choose to be. See Emotional Maturity 2

Evaluate Your Maturity

Don't say the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain

Children and childish adults often want everything now, and avoid enduring anything they do not like. They know little of personal responsibility and often rely on other people for care and protection. They want their wishes to come true without effort and they want to magic problems away.

1. Can you act wisely under stress?
2. Do you cope with sudden change?
3. Do you want to control your impulses?
4. Do you consider other people's ideas?
5. Can you accept your feelings as they occur?
6. Can you express your emotions appropriately?
7. Are you responsible for your actions and behavior?

You can boost your emotional maturity. If you have a history of childish behavior or immature decisions, we can help you accelerate your maturity. It really is up to you. Here are some steps.

1. Deal with Guilt
2. Use Failures as Feedback
3. Eliminate Magical Thinking
4. Dissolve Relationship Disappointments
5. Appropriately Express Anger, Anxiety and Sadness

Sometimes it seems that girls are taught to become women, while boys are taught to become teenagers. If you are mature, you can delay your gratification and desires, and you can maintain self control. If your parents did not fully train you to be mature, you can stay childish - or you can use our coaching and mentorship to help you develop courage, self-control, wisdom and responsibility.

Click HERE to Improve your Emotional Maturity

Emotional Maturity 2
 

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.