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Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods?
Do you want to untangle your life ... and reclaim your freedom?

Are you Growing Up - or Growing Old?

How old do you feel? Sometimes younger than your body age? Do you feel mature?

1. Do you accept reality as it is?
2. Can you deal with losses and regrets?
3. Can you solve your problems promptly?
4. Are you adaptable and capable of change?
5. Do you take responsibility for your finances?
6. Do you live realistically, conscious of your mortality?
7. Do you accept your age and continue your development?
8. Do you concern yourself with social problems and solutions?
9. Can you feel good about yourself and enjoy your relationships?
10. Can you stay in integrity, despite temptations, compromises and conflicts?

Maturity isn't an award given to good children. Some people develop maturity, others avoid it. Mature people can cope with marriage, illness, divorce, parenthood, careers and unemployment. When mature people want help - they find help quickly. See Emotional Intelligence and Emotional Maturity 2.

Most young people have a sense of romance, as a precursor to wisdom. Romantic ideals may be wonderful for teenagers - wisdom, clarity and wit form a basis for a mature life. Boys and girls want to play games and get laid. Men and women want healthy partnership, and to move on with their lives.

Immature adults seek toys, games and substitutes for parents. When immature people want help (often) they act like needy children or victims. Immature people need mature mentors and self-esteem but seek shallow relationships and gratification. See Codependence and Coaching Young Adults.

Emotional maturity seems to be a prerequisite for happiness and is associated with self-esteem and a stable sense of integrity. Emotional immaturity is associated with fun, also with entanglements, transferences, parental alienation, burnout and shallow relationships.

Who is Emotionally Retarded?

Emotional immaturity often seems to be a consequence of childhood trauma and parenting. Parts of a person may be immature, seemingly stuck at ages corresponding to unhealed abuse or trauma. This common stress disorder often reflects inadequate or inappropriate parenting.

A sign of maturity is believing you're right without needing to make others wrong.

Mature people can retain or regain many of their youthful strengths. You can retain or regain your capacity for wonder, pleasure and playfulness, your affiliation and curiosity, and your idealism and passion. Our unique coaching can help you recover and integrate these qualities with your adult maturity, wisdom, knowledge and responsibility - with your strength and vision.

Another sign of maturity is seeing your parents as ordinary people.

Keys to emotional maturity include self-esteem, clarity and a stable sense of integrity. Then, dissolve mentor damage and find inspirational mentors for living the life you want. If you want to heal stress disorders, relationship disappointments and fixations to better accept yourself, we can coach you.

Key Qualities of Maturity are:

1. Self-control: accept and control passions, emotions, desires, wishes, choosing what is right
2. Wisdom: understanding; insight; learn from experience; appropriate decisions; handle stress
3. Responsibility: personal accountability for one's actions; finances; work habits and reliability
4. Independence: make decisions and observe consequences - to make better decisions
5. Self-esteem: inner fulfillment, enjoying existence, experiencing oneself as a fountain of love

Biological maturity, psychological maturity and social maturity may correspond to Erikson's stages of adult development. (Erikson's stages can be summarized as: intimacy versus isolation (young adulthood), creativity versus stagnation (middle age), and integrity versus despair (age 45 onwards).

Emotionally Mature or Emotionally Retarded?

Who is emotionally retarded? You can compare a person's emotional control, decision-making and relationship skills with the requirements of the relationships in which that person participates. Most people seem to be as mature as they choose to be. See Emotional Maturity 2

Maturity Coaching

Don't say the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain

Children and childish adults often want everything now, and avoid enduring anything they do not like. They know little of personal responsibility and often rely on other people for care and protection. People who care for childish adults may be confused about the difference between protection and control.

Sometimes it seems that girls are mentored to become women, while boys are mentored to become teenagers. If you are mature, you can delay your gratification and desires, and you can maintain self control. If your parents did not fully coach you to maturity, we offer our coaching and mentorship. You can gain emotional maturity, self-control, wisdom and responsibility.

Maturity doesn't just happen. We coach people to mature.
Would you like to benefit from our experience?

Systemic Coaching & Emotional Maturity

Do you try to step from sin to forgiveness, without repentance and restitution? It doesn't work.

Relationships: We can coach you to evaluate your past and current relationships, and develop inspiring relationships in which you can express qualities you want in your life. Create Partnership.

Accept yourself: We can give you candid feedback about your behavior, and help you see yourself as others see you. We can coach you to dissolve relationship bonds and become the person you are.

Pull yourself together: We can coach you to recover, develop and integrate qualities that you lost or never developed - we can help you dissolve trauma and abuse.

Win-win: We can coach you to resolve entanglements and conflicts in ways that are appropriate for your particular family, team or organization. We can coach you towards success on your projects.

Sense of life: We can coach you to rebuild your self-esteem and define goals that are worth striving for; and a character that has strength and meaning. Then you can enrich the lives of other people.

Do you want to enjoy a sense of life that is only available to the emotionally mature?

Telephone Coaching . Emotional Maturity 2 . Soul Mentorship . Emotional Intelligence

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to define and achieve goals, to resolve emotional blocks and to improve relationships. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. You must get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.