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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your
boss's moods? Do you want to untangle
your life ... or help other people reclaim their freedom? Contact us.
Are you mature?
Your emotional intelligence, together with
your intellectual intelligence and relationship intelligence, comprise essential
parts of your life. You can use them to assess
your emotional maturity and
emotional freedom.
Your every relationship is a hologram of your life.
You cannot hide your self-awareness, your maturity, your self-control,
your commitment or your integrity. In every relationship you will show
how well you can listen, communicate, initiate change, follow through and deal
with problems. In every relationship you proclaim your emotional intelligence.
How well do you do it?
Your relationships reflect your maturity
Every relationship reflects your life values. In every
relationship, even the most trivial, you express your emotional intelligence.
In every relationship decision, you express
your communication skills, your commitment and your integrity. You cannot not
express your maturity and emotional intelligence.
Your maturity predicts your ability to
manage and monitor your emotions, to assess the emotional state of
others and to influence their opinions and behavior. Your emotional intelligence
and emotional maturity seem to be most profoundly influenced by your
relationship history and your
trauma history.
What are Emotions?
Many psychological definitions of emotions are
devoid of the humanity of people who experience
emotions. Many definitions are simply lists of abstractions.
|
Plutchik |
An emotion is a
patterned bodily reaction of either protection, destruction,
reproduction, deprivation, incorporation, rejection, exploration
or orientation, or some combination of these, which is brought
about by a stimulus. (Feelings & Emotions 1970) |
Other definitions focus on the experience
of being human.
|
Carruthers |
Emotions are sensory
experiences that communicate across human systems.
They can be distorted or dissociated according to values and
beliefs. They provide motivation and inspiration to retreat ...
or to excel (Soulwork Coach Manual) |
Are you Emotionally Mature?
If you avoid your emotions, you may become dissociated -
robot-like. If you feel but avoid expressing your emotions, you may falsify
your relationships, undermine your health and delay your personal development.
Immaturity is also associated with child abuse
and emotional incest.
Estimate your emotional intelligence:
- Do you cope with unexpected change?
- Do you listen to other people's ideas?
- Do you recognize your feelings as they occur?
- Do you express your feelings appropriately?
- Do you control strong emotions and impulses?
- Do you take responsibility for your actions and
behavior?
- Do you act intelligently and mature under
stress?
Any "No" indicates part of your life where
you may not be emotionally mature, although many people will answer "Not
really" to
question 7. If your stress is high enough to cause you to age-regress
(anything from a spider to the loss of a partner), you may feel
and act childishly for a time, before restoring balance and sobriety. During
this time, immature behavior is likely.
You may respond to some stress from your early childhood,
and act out your trauma.
We coach and train people handle emotional chaos
as human adults.
Emotional Intelligence & Relationships
Your emotional maturity will be immediately apparent in your
relationships. Do you:
- communicate appropriately? (for the relationship type)
- clarify mistakes and wrong assumptions?
- provide balance or justice when things go wrong?
- build and maintain friendships?
- teamwork toward shared goals?
- share responsibility for children and projects?
- participate in your community?
- inspire and lead?
If not, our unique coaching programs can help you.
Youth Fades ... Immaturity Lingers
Children, young teenagers and some adults
may need protection from immature behavior and impulsive decisions. Systemic coaching
helps people get un-stuck:
1. Egocentric
You are self-centered and selfish. You have little regard for
others and you are preoccupied with your ideas, feelings and symptoms.
You deeply believe that you are somehow special. You demand constant attention,
respect and sympathy.
2. Uncontrolled Emotions
You express yourself in temper tantrums, prolonged pouts and rapidly changing
moods. You get frustrated easily, and you over-react to
perceived criticism.
3. Gratification
You want it all now. Your behavior may be superficial,
thoughtless and impulsive. Your loyalty lasts only as long as a
relationship seems useful. You have chaotic finances.
4. Dependent
You are indecisive, easily influenced and you avoid responsibility
for your actions. You stay in unpleasant relationships to avoid change.
If you want to change these behaviors,
Soulwork systemic coaching can help you. |
Emotional Intelligence & Expression
What do you do after you feel provoked to express your
emotions? How old do you act when you feel strong anger, sadness or
fear? How far do you age-regress? Do you:
- Express your emotions without conscious
control (like a young child)?
- Suppress your emotionally driven behavior
(like a pre-teen)?
- Repress or dissociate your emotional
experience (like a teenager)?
- Accept, acknowledge and express your
emotions (like a mature adult)?
Your emotional intelligence may change dramatically when you
feel strong emotions. Do you, for example, find yourself behaving like a young child when you
feel angry or anxious? Our systemic coaching can help you change, and
express your emotions appropriately.
Left unresolved, the consequences of emotional
suppression or dissociation may be disease. Typical consequences
include high blood pressure, colitis, ulcers and chronic fatigue.
Emotional Intelligence & Trust
Rapport is often used to describe
compliance, in which an abuser tries to influence your decisions,
with sales pitches, confusing rhetoric or hypnotic language. They may say, "It's for your own
good".
[ Abusive
Relationships ] [ Provocative
Coaching ] [ More on Maturity ]
People may wonder if they can trust you with sensitive
personal information. They may have trusted others and been betrayed or abused. Trust
helps people get on with
their lives, and is essential for innovation and
creativity. Trust can take years to build, and seconds to
destroy. The consequences of abused trust can cause lasting damage to an
organization, family or friendship.
Trustworthiness is an essential part of emotional maturity.
If people do not trust you, you may have to justify every
detail of every decision. And - not everybody is as mature
as you. Be cautious about who you trust with important information.
Emotional Intelligence & Leadership
Leadership
is much more than a desire to delegate tasks. If your confidence helps orient people,
and if your decisions are beneficial, you will be
respected. We can help you fulfill family, team and
organizational goals. We can coach you to be a true leader:
- maintain a clear vision that encourages people to align
with you
- create an environment where people want to be
responsible
- clearly describe what is necessary for quality
performance
- transfer responsibility to the people who do
the work
- develop individual capability and competence
- set an example and challenge people to continually learn
|
Viktor Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning |
Ultimately, man should not ask
for the meaning of his life, but recognize that
it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he
can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life
he can only respond by being responsible. |
Relationship Coaching ...
Systemic Coach Training ...
Your Next Step
Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? Do you want to coach people to resolve relationship challenges? Do you want to coach people to fulfill their dreams? Contact us.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2008 All rights reserved.
emotinal, souwlork, coching, inteligence, intelligents |
Training Partners :
Relationship Coaching
: Coach Training
: Specialty Training :
Corporate :
FAQ
or telephone: +4 860 275 8295 or +38 591 881 2682