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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your
boss's moods? Do you want to untangle
your life ... or help other people reclaim their freedom?
Are you Mature?
Your emotional intelligence, together with
your intellectual intelligence and relationship intelligence, comprise
essential parts of your life. an you assess
your emotional maturity and
emotional freedom?
Your every relationship is a hologram of your life.
You can mask but not hide your self-awareness, your maturity, your self-control,
your commitment and your integrity. In every relationship you will show
how well you listen, communicate, initiate change, follow through and solve problems.
In every relationship you proclaim your emotional intelligence.
Emotional immaturity indicates past abuse or
trauma.
Relationships expose your maturity
In every relationship action, you expose your life values and
emotional intelligence. In every relationship decision, you express
your communication skills, your commitment and your integrity. You
cannot hide your maturity - or lack of it - for long.
Your maturity predicts your ability to monitor and
manage your emotions, to assess the emotional state of others and to
influence their opinions and behavior. Your emotional intelligence
and emotional maturity seem to be most profoundly influenced by your
relationship history and your
trauma history.
What are Emotions?
Many psychological definitions of emotions seem
devoid of the humanity of those people who value their
emotions. Such definitions are often lists of abstractions ...
|
Plutchik |
An emotion is a
patterned bodily reaction of either protection, destruction,
reproduction, deprivation, incorporation, rejection, exploration
or orientation, or some combination of these, which is brought
about by a stimulus. (Feelings & Emotions 1970) |
Other definitions focus on the experience
of being human.
|
Carruthers |
Emotions are sensory experiences that
communicate across relationship systems. They can be distorted or
dissociated according to values and beliefs. Emotions provide motivation and
inspiration to retreat ... or to excel (Systemic Coach manual) |
Are you Emotionally Mature?
If you avoid your emotions, you may act reserved, dissociated or robot-like. If you feel but avoid expressing
your emotions, you may falsify your relationships, undermine your health
and delay your development.
Immaturity is associated with impulsive emotions - often following child abuse
and emotional incest.
You can easily estimate your emotional intelligence:
- Do you listen to other people's ideas?
- Do you cope with unexpected change?
- Do you express your feelings appropriately?
- Do you recognize your feelings as they occur?
- Do you manage strong emotions and impulses?
- Do you act intelligently when you are under
stress?
- Do you take responsibility for your actions and
behavior?
Any "No" may indicate part of your life where
you may be emotionally immature, although many people will answer "Not really"
to question 6. If your stress is high enough to cause you to age-regress
(whatever the cause), you may feel
and act childishly or even infantile for a time, before recovering balance and sobriety. During
this time, immature behavior is more likely.
If you are still responding to stress, unassimilated trauma or
relationship disappointments from your childhood,
you may occasionally act out your trauma - usually triggered by some reminder or
transference. We help people manage strong or chronic emotions (without drugs).
Emotional Intelligence & Relationships
Your emotional maturity will be most apparent in your
relationship behavior. Do you:
- build and maintain friendships?
- teamwork toward shared goals?
- cooperate with your community?
- clarify mistakes and wrong assumptions?
- inspire your family and lead other people?
- share responsibility for children and projects?
- provide balance or justice when things go wrong?
- communicate appropriately? (for the relationship type)
We help motivated adults develop their emotional maturity by
clarifying difficult relationships and resolving the cause of emotional
outbursts.
Youth Fades ... Immaturity Lingers
Children, teenagers and
some adults may need protection from childish emotions, immature behavior and impulsive
decisions. We help motivated people who complain of:
1. Self-Centered
You are egocentric and selfish. You have little regard for
others and you are preoccupied with your own ideas, feelings and symptoms.
You deeply believe that you are somehow special. You demand constant
attention, respect and sympathy (see emotional
incest)
2. Uncontrolled Emotions
You express yourself in temper tantrums, prolonged pouts and
rapidly changing moods. You get frustrated easily, and you
over-react to perceived criticism (see relationship abuse)
3. Gratification
You want it all now. Your behavior may be superficial,
thoughtless and impulsive. Your loyalty lasts only as long as a
relationship seems useful. You have chaotic finances (see
trauma)
4. Dependent
You are indecisive, easily influenced and you avoid responsibility
for your actions. You stay in unpleasant relationships to avoid change (see
passive aggressive)
Do you want to change
immature behavior?
Or do you prefer to continue as you are? |
Emotional Intelligence & Communication
Does your emotional intelligence may change dramatically when you
feel strong emotions? Do you, for example, find yourself behaving like a young child when you
feel abandoned or betrayed? Left unresolved, the consequences of emotional
suppression or dissociation may be disease. Typical consequences
include high blood pressure, colitis, ulcers and
chronic fatigue.
What do you do after you feel provoked to express your
emotions? How old do you feel and act when you express strong anger, sadness or
fear? How far do you age-regress? Do you:
- Express your emotions without conscious
control (like a young child)?
- Suppress your emotionally driven behavior
(like a pre-teen)?
- Repress or dissociate your emotional
experience (like a teenager)?
- Accept, acknowledge and express your
emotions (like a mature adult)?
We help people
express emotions appropriately.
Emotional Intelligence & Trust
Rapport is often used to describe
compliance, in which an abuser tries to influence your decisions,
with sales pitches, confusing rhetoric or hypnotic language. They may say,
"It's for your own good".
Abusive
Relationships . Provocative
Coaching . More on Maturity
Can people trust you with sensitive personal information?
They may have trusted others and later felt betrayed or abused. Trust
helps people get on with their lives, and seems essential for innovation
and creativity. Trust can take years to build and seconds to
destroy. The consequences of abused trust can cause lasting damage to a
friendship, family, organization or government.
Trustworthiness is an essential part of emotional maturity.
If people do not trust you, you may find yourself justifying every detail of
every decision you make. And remember that not everybody is as mature as you.
Be cautious about who you trust with important, confidential or personal information.
Emotional Intelligence & Leadership
Leadership is much more
than a desire to delegate tasks. If your confidence helps orient people, and if
your decisions are beneficial, and if you communicate your confidence and decisions
well - people will respect you. We can coach you to be a true leader as you develop
your leadership skills. For example, do you:
- set an example?
- communicate a clear visions
- transfer responsibility to workers?
- challenge people to continually learn?
- develop individual capability and competence?
- clearly describe your goals of quality
performance?
|
Viktor Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning |
... man should not ask
for the meaning of his life, but recognize that
it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he
can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life
he can only respond by being responsible. |
Would you like to
benefit from our experience?
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2010 All rights reserved.
emotinal, souwlork, coching, inteligence, intelligents |
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