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Few recovery programs work. The effects of
recovery programs rarely last. Changing thoughts and behaviors is not
enough. Willpower and hypnotic "programming" are often inadequate.
Psychoactive drugs may only delay an inevitable relapse. How else can you move
on?
Who is the "I" that is You?
Identity loss is not about identity theft.
During identity loss, people cannot access their talents and qualities. Instead,
they may habitually act and react in robot-like ways, often with emotional
outbursts and irrational behaviors.
We help people control emotional outbursts by
dissolving transferences,
conflicts,
relationship bonds,
abuse & trauma,
mentor damage,
codependence and
entanglements. We help people
find, recover and integrate themselves!
Identity Loss & Emotional Intelligence
We often divide identity loss into:
- Lost Identity - dissociated behavior, little
sense of self
- Identity Bonds - behavior is bonded by
unpleasant emotions
- Identification with another person (conscious
or unconscious)
- Identity Conflict - simultaneous identification
with two or more other people
In our home-grown systemic diagnosis, relationship bonds refer
to deep beliefs and emotions that bond you to other people. Identification
refers to the unconscious acceptance of a dominant personality (think -
"possessed"). Lost identity refers to chronic dissociation
(imagine a stereotype mathematics professor deeply engaged in solving a
complex problem) and identity conflict refers to chronic bi-polar behavior
or mood swings (think of classic "split personality").
Some indications of identity loss include:
- Emotional outbursts
- Impulsive desire to retaliate
- Chronic conflict or self-sabotage
- Intense verbal or non-verbal communication
- Dissociation or withdrawal from relationships
- Age regression (behaves like an emotional child)
Other factors that may trigger strong emotions include:
- Stress, fatigue & overwork
- Drugs, medications, food sensitivities &
allergies
- Loss, or threat of loss, of important
relationships or possessions
- Untreated diseases or physiology changes
(e.g. weight gain or loss, also during massage)
Whatever the causes of emotional outbursts, maintaining
healthy relationships can be challenging. Changes in one person in a
family or team often trigger emotional reactions in other members.
Emotional responses include threat avoidance, denial and systemic issues.
1) Threats
- Ego: One's value or contributions are belittled
or minimized
- Success: If a success seems dangerous, sabotage
own success
- Imminent: Perceived imminent danger in the
immediate environment
- Environment: Risk of being displaced be
removed from one's environment
- Loss: Something may be lost: relationships,
things, power, title, recognition, etc
- Position: Membership of a
significant group (family or organizations etc) is threatened
2) Denial
- Denial: Pretending that a problem does not exist
- Flight: Physically or emotionally distancing
from a problem
- Excusing: Recognizing a problem but denying
responsibility for it
- Minimizing: Acknowledging a problem but refusing
to see its severity
- Avoiding: Changing discussion or thoughts to avoid
threatening topics
- Blaming: Recognizing a problem but ascribing the
responsibility to others
3) Identifications
Do you act as if you are partially identified? Do you feel
normal, just and right, even when expressing strong emotions with behavior
that people consider abnormal? Have you identified with someone?
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I often felt that somebody was inside me
or close to me that somehow directed my behavior. This sense of guidance and
protection felt like an older brother ...
but my brother died before I was born ... Cancun, Mexico |
An identified person feels most intensely when expressing the
unexpressed emotions of a role model. These emotional expressions may come as a
massive relief, although perhaps with awareness of unpleasant consequences to
come. Do you feel "right in a
wrong world"?
- A victim identified person expresses chronic anger or rage
- A hero identified person expresses chronic fear or anxiety attacks
- A dead person identified person expresses chronic sadness or melancholy
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You said that my symptoms indicated
that I might have "identified with" a dead person ... yes, my
dead grandpa felt totally "me" - he felt
more me than myself.
Prague, Czech Republic |
Identifications
. Consequences of Abortion
. Learning Disabilities
4) Identity Conflict
Do you suffer inner conflict? If you have identity conflict,
you may feel normal, just and right, even when jumping back and forth between
two personalities. (Part of me wants to but
part of me doesn't).
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If you have identity
conflict, you may feel that life is conflict. You may want many
simultaneous tasks. If you make decisions or promises in one mood, you may
forget, deny or rescind those decisions or promises in another mood. |
- You cannot focus on one thing for more than a few minutes
- You shows profound mood swings between two personalities
- You may forget or deny promises or decisions made in the
other personality
The symptoms are so common that they may be difficult
to perceive. Severe mood swings (between the two "sides" of
the conflict) may be diagnosed as bi-polar disorder (manic-depression),
as intermittent anxiety disorders or something else.
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I thought that my emotional problems were caused by my
father's death. My therapist said that my emotions were from a past life. You
never agreed nor disagreed with either of us, you just helped me become more
complete. London, UK |
In a simple conflict, two sub-personalities (parts)
may simultaneously express different motivations, the most obvious being
shown by incongruence between verbal and non-verbal behavior. Complex
conflict refers to conflicts that have many simultaneous motivations
(although only two motivations (or personalities) may be simultaneously
displayed). (See transcript:
Resolve Complex Conflict)
5) Lost Identity
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If you have lost identity, you may feel
empty of emotion. Your work and family life may feel robotic. You may have
few personal goals, and follow directions of other people. And you may
consider this emptiness to be evidence of spiritual development. |
Many people to stay in unpleasant relationships
due to relationship bonds such as limiting beliefs and fixations. Weak bonds
include shared memories. Stronger bonds are shared beliefs and values, which
are often childish. The strongest relationship bonds are a shared sense of
identity. We help people manage their emotions, change their beliefs and
choose with whom they want to feel bonded.
Online Coaching to
Manage Your Emotions
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright � Martyn Carruthers
2001-2012 All rights reserved.
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