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Are you entangled in difficult relationships
or painful emotions? Do you suffer from past abuse? Do you suffer from your
parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods? We can help you
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A Practical Yoga of Love This article refers to Rajah Yoga,
Kundalini Yoga and Tantra Yoga, not Hatha Yoga. This article
has no yoga postures nor sexual techniques; nor does it require that you believe anything.
Yet yoga has many benefits for you. Relationship yoga helps you explore and
change patterns in your relationships.
Relationships can be the greatest sources of tension in your
life - and the greatest source of happiness. Do you want to heal your wounds, reclaim your wholeness
and share your love? Your relationships are systems just as your mind/body unit
is a system. We created a new format of systemic coaching to help
people change relationship habits and emotional patterns.
Implicit within yoga are concepts about relationships. Hindu
men often considered themselves superior to women, and to men of a lower
caste, enshrined within a doctrine of reincarnation
and karma, in which it was appropriate to abuse people who
must have sinned in some past life. Hence references to relationships
in yoga may reflect different models of the world to those preferred by most Westerners.
Enlightenment usually refers to transcending
suffering and desire. In a yoga of relationships, fulfillment
may better describe the deep, multi-dimensional happiness available to you.
Are your relationships in a romantic stage, a power struggle or in crisis?
Soulwork relationship yoga can help you through your struggles, healing your
wounds, on your journey to expressing and receiving the love you want to share.
[ Spiritual Abuse ]
[ Soul Mentorship ]
[ Shamanic Coaching ]
Relationships Your relationship habits can lead to deep and long-term
happiness - or deep and long-term suffering.
| Love |
A condition in which the welfare and
happiness of another person are essential to your own. |
Your relationship habits attract or repel people.
A relationship yoga can help you find happiness. It can
help you clean up your mess. It can help you fulfill your dreams.
You are Never Alone
You take important people with you. Do you remember and
rehearse conversations? Do you squander your time and energy obsessing
about might-have-beens and if-onlys?
You are haunted - yet you give your ghosts time, energy
and space in your life. Within your consciousness, nobody is missing and
nobody dies - only bodies. This can be a curse and a blessing. The curse is that you may
obsess about past or unpleasant relationships. The blessing is that you
can clean up your relationships - even with dead and missing people.
In a relationship yoga,
you can build deep and lasting happiness that transcends death.
Relationship Abuse
Some people are skilled at distracting you from your
life. Instead of considering how you may increase your long-term happiness
- you may seek short term distractions. You may ponder products that merely hint at pleasure. Use this
toothpaste to improve your partnership. Make your family
happy with this furniture. Love your children
by buying this hamburger. Impress your
friends by drinking that beer. Within such toxic wastes, your love is
reduced to what you buy.
In a technological age, some people learn how to create
computer connections and ignore how to create human connections. No knowledge
can relieve you of responsibility to live your life. Although sometimes you
may get lost as the blind follow the greedy; you can stop and reorient to
happiness that is hidden in plain sight.
Sometimes, in our desire to be loved, we play games. We may
act like children or victims. Such games have high stakes. We gamble with our
health, our integrity and our happiness - and we cannot ever win. Yet the games
can be so intense that we forget that we are playing. A desire for love can
decay into a desire for pity. When an adult says, "I don't know what
love is", you may wonder what happened to intimacy, honor and integrity.
We wish to share with you some things we are learning
about long-term happiness.
Yoga & Perception
Yoga affirms that certain disciplines can liberate you from the
limitations of sense and thought, and find true knowledge. Most practitioners of
yoga want to gain knowledge of a universal spirit, called Brahman
in India. Yoga physical and mental training offers a spiritual path.
You bound your life by your perceptions. You are unlikely to
seek what you cannot perceive, nor attempt what you cannot imagine.
Your perception has external limits and internal rules.
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When we are awake we see everything around us
limited by the power of our sense organs, while as we dream, we
gravitate between the awakened and the dream states, since we do
not dream when we are either in the awakened or in the ‘deep-sleep state’
which is the third state the mind passes through a state in which we are not
normally aware of anything that happens around us. Sri Swami Sivananda |
We humans are adept at overcoming external limits - since
Galileo's time, for example, people have struggled to overcome the limits of
human vision. Overhead, the Hubble space telescope pushes
our limits of observation towards the beginning of space and time.
Even a space telescope cannot change your
rules of perception. You cannot examine what you will not acknowledge.
Your beliefs and emotions influence whether you can see what is
under your nose, and whether you believe theories that you cannot test
with your senses.
But if you challenge your internal rules - you cease to be
normal. Your internal rules are blessings from your parents - friends -
colleagues - partners - communities. You accepted many of these rules
unconsciously, and you use them to participate in a shared subjective
experience of interlinked beliefs, values and judgments. This interlinked
experience may be called your culture.
If you step out of your culture - if you deny or reject
shared normality - you are abnormal. Your conversations,
actions and reactions become evidence of difference. You are wise to
tread gently at your borders of normality. Although your sanity may be
questioned, there, outside your mythos, you can change your personality
and your karma. (See Chaos & Identity).
Relationship Yoga
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Somebody becomes closer and
dearer to you as you understand them better. If they understand you,
they enjoy the closeness of the relationship. If you understand them better,
then you enjoy the closeness ... With your understanding, you can create
situations where the other person would be able to understand
you better. If you’re expecting other person to understand and
comply with you all the time while you don’t understand the
limitations, the possibilities, the needs and capabilities of
that person, then conflict is all that will happen.
Unfortunately, the closest relationships in the world have more conflicts than between enemies.
(Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev) |
Whenever you choose to share your mind, heart
and perhaps your body with another human being, you will find
conflicts, unrealistic expectations and fears. Yet, in a yoga of love,
each of these offers you a step towards fulfillment.
Following the influence of (mostly male) mystics, the
goal of enlightenment is often sought through actions,
loneliness and thoughtlessness. In a relationship
yoga, the goal of fulfillment or shared happiness
is attained through reactions, shared love and thoughtfulness.
Every relationship includes the karma of
each member. Unfulfilled parental expectations, family secrets, suppressed
emotions ... people reflect the drama of their ancestors and early family.
Although many people are damaged, as they act out their ancestral patterns -
they often seek to become whole.
Energy Fields & Emotions
Many traditional yoga systems refer to invisible
energy fields that surround a human body. These energy fields
can only be seen by naturally sensitive or especially trained people.
As the word energy seems overused and
underdefined in yoga, the words emotion or feeling may be more accurate.
Confusion only arises if you enquire which emotion an experience of energy
refers to. Although many people can identify more tastes, colors and sounds than
they can identify feelings, most people can at least discriminate between
pleasant and unpleasant feelings.
If you experience an unpleasant feeling, and name it fear,
sadness or anger, you may call it a negative emotion,
and try to not feel it. In this way you lose access to huge information.
Your emotions exist in the context of your relationships - relationships
with people, animals or lifeless things, with further divisions to include
relationships with the living, dead, yet unborn and the imagined.
Within a yoga of love, emotions are neither stupid nor random.
Emotions help you communicate deeper truths than words. If you accept emotions
and nonverbal signals as communication, you can open yourself
to a sensitivity that approaches telepathy.
See Systemic Magic
Duality Deep intimate relationships are often heterosexual -
between a man and a woman - and most partnerships are male-female balanced.
Within a partnership you can seek unity - although if unity scares you, you may
sabotage intimacy to avoid unity.
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The philosophy of Tantra yoga is
based on duality. Form is a union of Siva and Sakti, the positive and
the negative. The ancient Puranas, Manusmriti and Mahabharata state that
in the beginning, a universal Brahmanda, split into two, the Cosmic Man
and the Cosmic Woman - Siva and Sakti. ... According to the doctrine of
Tantra, sorrow is caused by a bi-polar existence, a split of the one
into two, because the truth of things is oneness and not the dual existence
in any of its forms. ... To get back from duality to unity is the process of
Tantra Sadhana. Sri Swami Krishnananda |
[ Sexual Health ]
[ Soul Mentorship ]
[ Meaning of Life ]
Chakras & Relationships
Chakras are locations in a human body which many
people believe to have mystical properties. Chakras
are part of many Eastern philosophies that have been adopted in the West. Many
people feel emotions centered in chakras, and especially the heart chakra (which
may correspond with high blood pressure and
hypertension.
When you discuss relationships, you probably
spontaneously use your hands to point at certain parts of your body.
The body positions that you mark are probably the same as the chakras
of mystics.
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Chakra |
Relationship |
Task |
| Crown |
Humanity |
Bring communities to harmony |
| Forehead |
Community |
Motivate families to cooperate |
| Neck |
Parenthood |
Support children's independence |
| Heart |
Partnership |
Commitment to each other |
| Solar Plexus |
Teamwork |
Cooperate together |
| Abdomen |
Friendship |
Accept certain people as special |
| Groin |
Infancy |
Accept self & other humans |
Relationship Meditation
You can think forever about what was said and what it
meant. In relationship yoga you can also ask your relationship chakras for nonverbal summaries of your relationships. Or you can
communicate with your body-mind by focusing on your feelings.
If you do this while pondering each relationship type,
you can expect what Gendlin calls a felt sense in each relationship chakra.
With practice, you can understand each relationship type
and gain an overall sense of life from finding a felt sense
of all relationship types together.
See Focusing.
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Sometimes, you need a
relationship with somebody who can see the light of all
your possibilities and say "You really can ... I believe
you can" and you will move mountains. Teresa Mocna (Soulwork Trainer) |
Relationship Coaching & Yoga of Love
You can open aspects of your relationships; here are some
tools to explore your relationships:
- Note emotionally sensitive topics and habits - no matter
how reasonable they may seem.
- Try to identify your underlying values and find how each
of you benefit from the problem.
- Stay with a problem, watch its dynamics and follow the
fears, without trying to change it.
- Check if you're more interested in blaming, punishing, or
winning than in communicating.
- Put yourselves into each other's places, and try to
understand each others' viewpoints.
- Interpret what each other has communicated. Identify what
may be missing or inferred.
- Separate the content of your messages from how they were
communicated.
- Reveal and describe your underlying emotions.
- Recognize complaints, criticism, justifications and
blame.
- Share feedback calmly, not in heated discussions.
Loving relationships are the path and the goal of a yoga of love;
and lasting love requires unusual clarity. Through clarification we can each find a
bridge across forever - a bridge to integrity.
Relationship Coaching ...
Systemic Coach Training ...
Your Next Step
Do you want relationship coaching or coach training? We
can train you to coach people to change relationship habits and resolve a wide range of
emotional and relationship challenges. Contact us.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005, 2008 All rights reserved.
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