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We offer coaching and training on preparing
for partnership,
happy marriage, ending marriage problems and
building mature partnership.
A Brief History of Marriage
Marriage has been an accepted tradition for about 4,000 years.
Before that, most families probably consisted of wandering tribes, probably with several male leaders,
hunters, women and children.
The oldest evidence of ceremonies uniting men with women
date from about 2300 BC, in ancient Mesopotamia. By 2000 BC, the concept of committed
partnership had spread to the Hebrews, Greeks and Romans. Early
marriage seems to have had little to do with love, monogamy or religion.
Through marriage, a woman became a man's property.
In ancient Greece, a father would give his daughter to a man,
saying: “I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate children.”
Men could have as many wives as they could afford. Married Greek and Roman men were free
to visit concubines and prostitutes, although their wives were required to stay home. Wives
who did not produce children might be returned to their parents.
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To husband means to conserve and manage resources.
Wife is an old Saxon word for woman. |
As the Catholic church gained authority, a priest's blessing became
mandatory.
By the 8th century, the church used marriage as a ceremony to confer heavenly
grace while consolidating earthy power. Only in 1563, at the Council of
Trent, did marriage become a Christian sacrament. Marriage became a duty.
A new ideology of marriage arose in industrial countries
in the 1800's. Longer life-spans, urban living and ideals of equality
allowed young couples to experience a period of marriage without
young children. The industrial revolution indirectly encouraged
shocking new criteria for successful marriages:
romance, companionship and compatibility became as
important as duty. This was new!
The world continues to change. In the West, especially since
the 1960's, many people
experiment with alternative relationships and lifestyles, some of which
were once forbidden by law. In villages and conservative agricultural regions, older norms
will likely remain a few years longer.
Marriage & Society
Have you ever been
loved by a partner, totally and for yourself alone? Have you ever given such love?
Each member of a society has duties and obligations.
The leaders of many societies control their members in part by
controlling their sexual expressions. Such control is usually enforced
by both religious and secular authorities. Government controlled partnership does offer social advantages:
- provides each person with a sexual
partner
- helps minimize conflict within a community
- isolates both
partners from sexual competition
- helps ensure that children
are a man's biological heirs
Committed marriage partners have
predictable challenges; and they may suffer from
entanglements, emotional
incest and codependence. These
enmeshments may disturb people who seek partners ... and may also entangle
partners with people who claim to help them (see therapist damage).
Marriage Problems, Marital Counseling & Couple Coaching
We often focus on helping partners understand each
other and to accept each other as they are. During our couple coaching, we encourage both partners to understand each others' entanglements and habits; and to find
ways to accept and benefit from their differences. We coach people to
create and enjoy better relationships.
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I married an organization man and disappeared into a split-level house,
rarely to
be seen ... now I refuse to be numbered among those living
dead!
Auckland, New Zealand
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It is common sense that acceptance and gratitude are needed in a
partnership. Demands for change can be barriers to change. Yet most
therapists are trained to try to change people. Couples who receive behavioral couples therapy
are known to have about 50% success in marital counseling ... and many
marriages become
worse.
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Sometimes, you need a partner who can see the light
of your possibilities and tell you
"You can ... I believe you can ..." and
you will move mountains. Warsaw, Poland |
We encourage partners to understand, accept and
show gratitude to each other ... which is a simple platform for most healthy
relationships. Understanding, acceptance and gratitude
are a good basis for expressing love. We help people understand
their partners behaviors that have lead to difficulties. This can help build intimacy ... if both partners want intimacy.
Understanding, acceptance
and gratitude increases the likelihood of deeper and longer-lasting change than change-focused behavioral therapy.
We offer people tools to improve partnership and avoid divorce.
Seek the Experienced - not the Studious (Arabic Proverb)
Our training programs are entirely practical, with dozens of demonstrations, practical exercises and case studies
to explore
real relationship dynamics (and to explode some psychological theories). Our students gain huge experience in
coaching rather than
more experience in reading.
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We thought that we were going to
divorce. We couldn't see another alternative ... we came to you anyway
following a friend's advice. We found that some of our worst conflicts were
that we tried to fulfill our parent's goals FOR us ... not our own goals. We
found that we got lost in what you called transference loops ... we reacted
to each other as if we were different people. We found that our values were
aligned ... and we found that we both really loved each other and didn't
know how to show it. We're staying together! London, England |
We have massive experience helping partners become closer - we
coach partners to coach each other. When both partners are involved in long-term
family and social projects (especially raising children to independence), and both
partners are involved
with their own and each other's personal development, miracles become commonplace.
Evaluating
Partnership . Partnership Agreements .
Dating
We help people enliven their
partnership or renew their marriage;
dissolve emotional blocks, become emotionally mature and enjoy better relationships.
We guide the younger
with our experience and we support the older with our strength.
Do You Want Results?
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2012 All rights reserved. | 
