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In quantum physics, entanglement is a
relationship between two systems which influence each other. When the state of
one part of an entangled system is known, information about the state of the
other may be deduced without direct interaction. This also describes human
relationships.
Are you Entangled?
Most human entanglements and enmeshments show up
as
unconscious habits. Your entanglements reflect your ability to enjoy
your life and your relationships. Toxic entanglements can cause chaos and suffering;
they can hurt you and the people you love.
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Some Common Entanglements |
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Identification |
You identify with another person |
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Substitution |
You pretend that you are someone else |
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Projection |
You project your prejudices onto
someone |
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Codependence |
You depend on someone who depends on
you |
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Belief Bonds |
You believe something to feel close
to someone |
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Injustice |
You try to atone for or punish
somebody's unjust behavior |
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Transference |
You perceive a person as if that
person were someone else |
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Guilt |
You feel depressed after you
abandon, betray or hurt someone |
Are you bothered by emotional reactions,
confusion or relationship patterns following events such as
codependence, emotional
incest or abuse by therapists?
You can free yourself from entanglements with systemic coaching. (See
Victim Identification and
Quantum Thinking)
Healthy Detachment
Do you sometimes act like a lost child or a
victim? Do you sometimes play victimizer, victim or rescuer roles?
These role-playing games can be intense ... have high
stakes. You bet your life.
Many families, organizations and cults enmesh
people to control their behavior. There may be rules, but
often the key rules are taboo ... not discussed. Sometimes you can only lose.
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Signs of Entanglement |
| Excuses |
Blaming |
Complaining |
Criticizing |
| Threatening |
Coercing |
Begging |
Gossiping |
| Don't say what you mean |
Don't take yourself seriously |
Claim everything is your fault |
Never say "No" |
| Don't mean what you say |
Tell people not to take you seriously |
Say nothing is your fault |
Never say "Yes" |
| Don't know what you mean |
Take yourself too seriously |
Avoid talking about yourself |
Lie, protect and cover up for people |
| Apologize for being alive |
Are never sure what is being
discussed |
Talk too much |
Talk in self-critical, or hostile ways |
| Only say what provokes people |
Only express
opinions when people will agree |
Claim to sacrifice your happiness
for others |
Cannot express emotions
appropriately |
| Compulsive spending |
Believe lies |
Tell lies |
Become workaholic |
Many people are manipulated by - and
manipulate others by - sexual entanglements. The most common entanglements are in sales -
pretty young women can sell just about anything. Also common are people who
provide sexual pleasure - often without receiving pleasure - in return for some
benefit.
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Partnership & Sexual Entanglements |
- Do you have sex when you don't want to?
- Do you initiate sex when you feel bad?
- Can you ask for what you want in bed?
- Do you withdraw from your sex partner?
- Are you disgusted by your sex partner?
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- Is sex just robotic movements?
- Have you lost interest in sex?
- Do you invent excuses to avoid sex?
- Do you wish a partner would die?
- Do you consider sexual affairs?
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Sexual
Abuse . Sexual Solutions
. Sexual Issues
. Sexual Affairs
Long-Term Entanglements
Many codependent entanglements and
dysfunctional disorders get worse over time, moving through symbiosis
towards codependence and disconnection. You may become
addicted to your own emotions - or obsessed with hiding your emotions.
Codependence is a common form of entanglement ...
A few questions about your emotions can indicate your level of
codependence ...
| Anger / Rage |
Fear / Anxiety |
Sadness / Melancholy |
- Are you afraid of your own anger?
- Are you frightened of other people's anger?
- Do you hide or swallow your anger?
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- Are you afraid of authorities?
- Are you afraid of being abandoned?
- Are you afraid of consequences?
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- Do you proclaim your sadness?
- Do you punish people who make you sad?
- Do you feel guilt for feeling sad?
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Human entanglements often include avoiding or overloading responsibility.
Entangled adults often appear immature and childish, or may be overly protective
(control freaks) towards other adults. Protection can be a small step from
control.
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Entanglements & Responsibility |
- Must you help people with problems?
- Do you give unwanted advice?
- Do you obsess about people's needs?
- Do you try to please other people (but not yourself)?
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- Are you attracted to needy people?
- Do you only attract needy people?
- Do you feel victimized?
- Are you overly responsible?
- Are you overly irresponsible?
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Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2010 All rights reserved. |
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