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Entanglements and Mental Health
by Martyn Carruthers

Would you like to benefit from our experience?

In quantum physics, entanglement is a relationship between two systems which influence each other. When the state of one part of an entangled system is known, information about the state of the other may be deduced without direct interaction. This also describes human relationships.

Are you Entangled?

Most human entanglements and enmeshments show up as unconscious habits. Your entanglements reflect your ability to enjoy your life and your relationships. Toxic entanglements can cause chaos and suffering; they can hurt you and the people you love.

Some Common Entanglements

Identification

You identify with another person

Substitution

You pretend that you are someone else

Projection

You project your prejudices onto someone

Codependence

You depend on someone who depends on you

Belief Bonds

You believe something to feel close to someone

Injustice

You try to atone for or punish somebody's unjust behavior

Transference

You perceive a person as if that person were someone else

Guilt

You feel depressed after you abandon, betray or hurt someone

Are you bothered by emotional reactions, confusion or relationship patterns following events such as codependence, emotional incest or abuse by therapists? You can free yourself from entanglements with systemic coaching. (See Victim Identification and Quantum Thinking)

Healthy Detachment

Do you sometimes act like a lost child or a victim? Do you sometimes play victimizer, victim or rescuer roles? These role-playing games can be intense ... have high stakes. You bet your life.

Many families, organizations and cults enmesh people to control their behavior. There may be rules, but often the key rules are taboo ... not discussed. Sometimes you can only lose.

Signs of Entanglement

Excuses Blaming Complaining Criticizing
Threatening Coercing Begging Gossiping
Don't say what you mean Don't take yourself seriously Claim everything is your fault Never say "No"
Don't mean what you say Tell people not to take you seriously Say nothing is your fault Never say "Yes"
Don't know what you mean Take yourself too seriously Avoid talking about yourself Lie, protect and cover up for people
Apologize for being alive Are never sure what is being discussed Talk too much Talk in self-critical, or hostile ways
Only say what provokes people Only express opinions when people will agree Claim to sacrifice your happiness for others Cannot express emotions appropriately
Compulsive spending Believe lies Tell lies Become workaholic

Many people are manipulated by - and manipulate others by - sexual entanglements. The most common entanglements are in sales - pretty young women can sell just about anything. Also common are people who provide sexual pleasure - often without receiving pleasure - in return for some benefit.

Partnership & Sexual Entanglements

  • Do you have sex when you don't want to?
  • Do you initiate sex when you feel bad?
  • Can you ask for what you want in bed?
  • Do you withdraw from your sex partner?
  • Are you disgusted by your sex partner?
  • Is sex just robotic movements?
  • Have you lost interest in sex?
  • Do you invent excuses to avoid sex?
  • Do you wish a partner would die?
  • Do you consider sexual affairs?

Sexual Abuse . Sexual Solutions . Sexual Issues . Sexual Affairs

Long-Term Entanglements

Many codependent entanglements and dysfunctional disorders get worse over time, moving through symbiosis towards codependence and disconnection. You may become addicted to your own emotions - or obsessed with hiding your emotions. Codependence is a common form of entanglement ...

A few questions about your emotions can indicate your level of codependence ...

Anger / Rage Fear / Anxiety Sadness / Melancholy
  • Are you afraid of your own anger?
  • Are you frightened of other people's anger?
  • Do you hide or swallow your anger?
  • Are you afraid of authorities?
  • Are you afraid of being abandoned?
  • Are you afraid of consequences?
  • Do you proclaim your sadness?
  • Do you punish people who make you sad?
  • Do you feel guilt for feeling sad?

Human entanglements often include avoiding or overloading responsibility. Entangled adults often appear immature and childish, or may be overly protective (control freaks) towards other adults. Protection can be a small step from control.

Entanglements & Responsibility

  • Must you help people with problems?
  • Do you give unwanted advice?
  • Do you obsess about people's needs?
  • Do you try to please other people (but not yourself)?
  • Are you attracted to needy people?
  • Do you only attract needy people?
  • Do you feel victimized?
  • Are you overly responsible?
  • Are you overly irresponsible?

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Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2010 All rights reserved.



 

 

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Workshop

Systemic Coach Training

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationships and recognize common entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, and identify blocks, objections & conflicts
Systems 3 How to continue goalwork using interactive metaphors and Dreamwork
Systems 4 How to dissolve the consequences of abuse and trauma and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and codependence for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to heal therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach partners to build lasting happiness (and to separate peacefully)
Systems 9 How to coach parents to resolve family problems
Systems 10 How to coach team leaders and teams ... together
Systems 11 How to coach community leaders and communities
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training tailored to your goals

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to define and achieve goals, to resolve emotional blocks and to improve relationships. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. You must get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.