Your early family relationships are the most
influential relationships of your life.
Confusion in those early relationships can lead to confusion throughout life.
Contact us to manage negative emotions and relationship problems.
Go to: Emotional Incest
Solutions (Part 2)
Covert emotional incest begins when a family member
and responds to another family member as a substitute for a partner.
We help people resolve emotional incest, and remedy other child abuse.
The symptoms of covert emotional incest include feeling
special (believing without evidence that you are exceptional)
and identity loss (losing access to some of your qualities,
resources and emotions). Other common signs include
addictive relationships and
Children raised as special do not forget it. Love may not be
enough ... they may demand devotion. If their need to be special
is threatened, they may feel that life is not worth living. They may seek a
substitute for a parent ... as a partner. They may fall in love
with people who have qualities that a parent had - or lacked. They may become irrational
if or when that substitute person withdraws or threatens to leave.
I broke up with my live-in
boyfriend (38) when he told me that he could never marry me
because he has all the love he could need from his mother
(who treats him like her husband). Anyway he just went home
to his mother. Los Angeles
If you cannot ask for help or advice - even
when lost in a strange city,
you are unlikely to ask us for guidance even when lost in life.
Warning for Therapists & Counselors
When we help other therapists manage
negative emotions etc, we often find that they specialized in their
own issues. When they resolved their issues, they may lose motivation
to help other people with those issues. Some counselors and therapists
change their specialties after our coaching.
I was well known for helping
depressed middle-aged women cope with their sad lives.
But since your coaching, I can't hardly tolerate such women
... I enjoy being with
dynamic people! I now coach small business owners to expand!
Covert Emotional Incest & Identity Loss
The consequences of covert emotional incest include obsessions, compulsions
and an array of dysfunctional behaviors, including:
- Identification: You express someone else's emotions
- Inner Child: Some part of you is split-off - you can be childish
- Identity Conflict: You swing between extremes - you
live in conflict
- Lost Identity: You cannot express yourself - your
life lacks meaning
- Relationship Bonds: You are
bonded to someone - you are dependent
Emotional incest often accompanies
Parental Alienation, in which
(in the mind of a child) one parent hates or alienates the other parent.
Often, the toxic beliefs are taboo - taboo beliefs cannot be
changed or even considered without help.
Covert emotional incest spans generations ... but there is nobody to blame.
It usually reflects chains of suffering going back into family history.
Solve Emotional Problems
Did a parent try to partner you?
Do you cling to fantasies and avoid responsibility (act like a child) or
become super-responsible (act like a parent) ... or both? If your parents
included you in their fights and fantasies, you may be enmeshed in their drama.
Do you strive to fulfill your parent's unfulfilled desires?
If so - you may be diagnosed as having
My husband is a mature man half the time -
but he acts like an aggressive child after visiting his mother. When he
is mature - life is good ... but a few hours with his mother and he becomes an
irresponsible, conceited little boy! Washington
If you try to carry ancestral emotional baggage, you
will fail. Then you may find yourself in crisis, depression,
obsessions or addictions. Even worse, your children will copy you.
I researched the
healing used by native Hawaiian healers.
Some referred to ele'ele eke (black bags) of emotions held in
the body which cause disease and are difficult to heal except through
ho'oponopono - a
traditional Hawaiian family therapy.
Parents who Abuse Children
Few human parents deliberately kill their own children. Most parents strive
to give their children what they lacked when they were young.
Some parents are abusive and manipulative - even with their adult
children. Yet even the most abusive parents claim good intentions.
They often say that they're doing the best that they know how to do.
My husband was a case of arrested
development which made him easy to control. Since your sessions, he is taking
more responsibility, but now my teenage son is angrily trying to be the
"irresponsible one" in our family. New Mexico
Good intentions can have bad consequences. If a lonely
parent loves a child as a substitute for a friend or partner,
emotional chaos will follow. Later
as adults, they may watch their children and
grandchildren try to cope with the same problems.
Some of the more unpleasant consequences of covert emotional incest
can include destructive relationship habits:
- expressing contempt and conceit
- testing people's acceptance of them
- expressing anger, rejection and emotional chaos
- showing inappropriate affection after inappropriate rejection
Father-bonded women or mother-bonded men may only relate
well with other bonded adults. They may find themselves
only falling in love with or sexually excited by, immature or irresponsible
people whom they neither like nor trust ... or they may desperately seek people
who will parent them.
Solutions for Transferences & Negative Emotions
Transferences motivate addictive relationships. Affected people may suffer negative emotions and relationship problems. They may say, "I don't know
what love is". For more on this, see
and father-daughter entanglements.
When transferences fail - as they must, being lies -
may seek distractions or drugs to avoid depression.
Contact us to
manage your negative emotions and solve relationship problems.
Go to Emotional Incest
Online Relationship Coaching, Counseling &
I thought you were just
another therapist - but you were not just. Not even. Not only.
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
1996-2013 All rights reserved.