Europe time:

Hawaii time:

Martyn & Teresa: Systemic Coach Training
Soulwork Croatia Soulwork Polska Soulwork Deutschland Soulwork Czech Soulwork italy  Training Partners  :   Relationship Coaching  :  Coach Training  :  Specialty Training  :  Corporate : FAQ

Home Page

Private Sessions
Coach Training
Workshops
Calendar

Feedback

Your Next Step?

Find (check spelling)

Systemic Coaching & Coach Training Holidays
including
Hawaii  Nepal Egypt  Croatia Czech  Poland

ARTICLES
Abortion
Abuse
Accelerated Learning
Addictions
Adoption
Affairs
Allergies
Anxiety
Bonded Relationships
Chaos Theory
Child Abuse
Client Abuse
Coaching Contracts
Coach Philosophy
Coaching Children
Codependence
Communication
Conflicts
Couple Coaching
Cults & Coaching
Dependence
Depression
Disease
Divorce
Divorce & Children
Emotional Blackmail
Emotional Incest
Emotion Intelligence
Enjoy Partnership
Email Coaching
Entanglements
Evaluate Partnership
Expert Modeling
Family Coaching
Family Constellations
Family Therapy
F A Q
Fathers & Daughters
Financial Maturity
Grief Coaching
Happiness
Healthy Relationships
Home Study Diploma
Human Consciousness
Human Systems
Humor in Coaching
Hypertension
Identity Loss
Leadership
Learning Disabilities
Meaning of Life
Medication
Mental Illness
Mentorship
Mothers & Daughters
Mothers & Sons
New Age
Pain Control
Parental Alienation
Partnership
Partnership Breakdown
Passive Aggressive
Past Partners
Premarital Coaching
Psychobiology
Psychosomatic
Quantum Coaching
Select a Coach
Sexual Abuse
Sexual Issues
Single Parents
Soul of Soulwork
Soulwork FAQ
Specialty Coaching
Stress Relief
Suicide
Therapist Abuse
Toxic Beliefs & Bonds
Training Abuse
Trauma & Stress
Weight Loss
Yoga of Relationships

Interview with Martyn
Disclaimer
Disclosure
Personals
Privacy

eXTReMe Tracker

Systemic Coaching & Counterfeit Love

Martyn Carruthers

Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma? Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods? We can help you untangle your life ... and you can help other people reclaim their freedom. Contact us.

When Love is Counterfeit

If you enjoy exploring, and you are in Warsaw, Poland, take a morning tram to Rondo Waszyngtona. Follow the crowd. You will soon find yourself in the Stadion Dziesięciolecia, called the Russian Market by the linguistically challenged. It is the largest open-air bazaar in Europe, with a huge selection of goods. Each day, thousands of people visit it from all over Central and Eastern Europe.

Go with a Polish friend, as prices change according to accent. Amongst omnipresent Asian polyester, you will find clothes with designer labels that may might survive two washes, and accessories with well-known "luxury" names. You will also find endless pirated software and bootleg music. Beware the plastic amber and avoid the toxic Russian whisky. Anything that looks valuable probably isn’t, and anything that seems antique was likely made last year. The bazaar represents a counterfeit culture.

Sellers will carefully scrutinize your money before they accept it. The more something is valued – the more motivation to make copies, and the more important to detect and reject whatever is counterfeit.

[ Mother-Son Codependence . Father-Daughter Entanglements ]

Happiness vs Fun: Substitutes for Love

If you value love, you can find fake love for sale, at the bazaar and elsewhere. Lonely people support large industries. Sellers of pornography and prostitution offer little pretence or justification; they are honest compared to people who pretend love in relationships based on codependence, passive aggression, manipulation and humiliation.

Counterfeiting love may seem easy. Loving relationships need care, attention and nurturing. It may be easier to be lonely, or to be codependent, than to learn friendship and partnership skills. Becoming a biological parent can take a few minutes of unskilled labor - fulfilling parenthood takes years of dedicated and often challenging effort. Joining a crowd requires little effort - creating a community is work. Fulfilling human life is a lifelong task.

Do you sacrifice your desire to love and be loved for substitutes? The most common substitutes for love are probably power, security, success or family traditions. It is useful to recognize the counterfeit.

You may not miss what you never had. If your role models suffered toxic entanglements, you may assume that all relationships are toxic, and search for happiness elsewhere. In disappointment, you may turn to substitutes for love - to "romantic" books, music and films, to medication, to alcohol or nicotine, or to obsessions or addictive distractions. Many businesses cater to lonely people and compete in selling fake love - short-term substitutes for happiness!

Substitutes for love that can be manufactured, duplicated and sold are valuable commodities. Stories about love, songs about love and pretended acts of love are eagerly sought by the lonely. The pretence of love in advertising and sales helps persuade the gullible that products such as clothes or a car will bring attention ... respect ... happiness ... love .... without any effort or risk on their part.

Is THAT what you want? Love for your clothes or respect for your car? Be careful what you ask for.

Love Addiction

If you are a love addict, you may prefer unfulfilling relationships; perhaps convinced that you are seeking a perfect partner. Like other addicts, you may proclaim your ability to stop at any time, while securing a supply of your intoxicant - expressions of love. (If you are entangled with opposite-sex parents, you may be unable to create long-term happy partnerships and become a love addict. See: Emotional Incest, Mother's Little Prince and Daddy's Little Princess.)

Your investment in quality clothes, furniture or food reflects the effort, skill and ingenuity in their creation. Your investment in quality relationships reflects your effort, skill and ingenuity in creating love.

Your relationships reflect your beliefs and relationship skills, which you likely learned from family, friends, co-workers and TV. People try to copy their role models – with predictable consequences! But any person can choose to change! Any person can change beliefs and improve skills.

A popular American idiom is “Fake it until you make it”. For some people, “Fake love until you make love” is a life pattern. In life, as at the bazaar, many people prefer the counterfeit, often not suspecting the beauty and benefits of the genuine.

[ Predictable Partnership . Prevent Learning Disabilities . Space for Love ]

We welcome friendly people who are motivated and emotionally stable. Enhance your career with life relationship coaching skills. Coach people to gain clarity, dissolve success and relationship issues. Coach people to build success and quality relationships. Coach people to fulfill their dreams.

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001, 2008 All rights reserved.


Coaching & Coach Training Holidays
including
Hawaii  Nepal Egypt  Croatia Czech  Poland



Home Study

Financial Maturity

Private Sessions ... Systemic Coach Training ... Your Next Step
America: Dragonfly, PO Box 675 Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
Europe
: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia
Help to make the world a better place ... email us at:

USA (Hawaii): +1 808 328 9570
Hawaii time is now:

Europe: +38 591 585 0365 or +38 591 881 2682
Europe time is now:

Workshop

Systemic Coach Training  (Calendar)

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationship dynamics and resolve entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, identify blocks, resolve objections & plan for success
Systems 3 How to do or continue goalwork using metaphors and dream coaching
Systems 4 How to recognize and dissolve abuse and trauma, and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and toxic relationship bonds for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to resolve therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach couples and partners to remedy partnership issues
Systems 9 How to coach whole or parts of families to solve family blocks
Systems 10 How to coach teams and team leaders to resolve team problems
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training to fit your goals and needs

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2008 All rights reserved. Soulwork systemic coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We train people to coach others to manage emotions and improve relationships. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Link to our pages, but get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.