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Systemic Coaching & Counterfeit Love
Find Yourself© Martyn Carruthers

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Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands or your boss's moods?
We can help you find yourself and untangle your life.


When Love is Counterfeit

If you enjoy exploring, and you are in Warsaw, Poland, take a morning tram to Rondo Waszyngtona. Follow the crowd and you will soon find yourself in the Stadion Dziesięciolecia, called the Russian Market by the linguistically challenged. It is a huge open-air bazaar, with an enormous selection of goods. Each day, thousands of people visit this marketplace from all over Central and Eastern Europe.

Go with a Polish friend, as prices change according to accent. Amongst omnipresent Asian polyester, you will find clothes with designer labels that may might survive two washes, and accessories with well-known "luxury" names. You will also find endless pirated software and bootleg music. Beware the plastic amber and avoid the toxic Russian whisky. Anything that looks valuable probably isn’t, and anything that seems antique was likely made last year. The bazaar represents a counterfeit culture.

Sellers will carefully scrutinize your money before they accept it. The more something is valued – the more motivation to make copies, and the more important to detect and reject whatever is counterfeit.

Mother-Son Codependence . Father-Daughter Entanglements


Happiness vs Fun: Substitutes for Love

If you value love, you can find fake love for sale, at the bazaar and elsewhere. Lonely people support large industries. Sellers of pornography and prostitution offer little pretence or justification; they are honest compared to people who pretend love in relationships based on codependence, passive aggression and abuse.

Counterfeiting love may seem easy. It may be easier to be lonely, or to be codependent, than to learn friendship and partnership skills. Loving relationships need care, attention and nurturing. Becoming a biological parent can take a few minutes of unskilled labor - fulfilling parenthood takes years of dedicated effort. Joining a crowd requires little effort - creating community is hard work.

Fulfilling human life is a lifelong task. Do you sacrifice your desire to love and be loved for substitutes? The most common substitutes for love are probably power, security, success or family traditions. It is useful to recognize the counterfeit before you buy into it.

You may not miss what you never had. If your role models for mature behavior suffered toxic relationship entanglements, you may assume that all relationships are toxic, and search for happiness elsewhere. In disappointment, you may turn to substitutes for love - to romantic books, music and films, to medication, to alcohol or nicotine, or to obsessions or addictive distractions.

Many businesses cater to lonely people and compete in selling fake love ... short-term substitutes for happiness! Mindless people often pursue mindless goals.

Substitutes for love that can be manufactured, duplicated and sold are valuable commodities. Stories about love, songs about love and pretended acts of love are eagerly sought by the lonely. The pretence of love in advertising and sales helps persuade the gullible that products such as clothes or a car will bring attention ... respect ... happiness ... love .... without any effort or risk on their part.

Is THAT what you want? Love for your clothes or respect for your car? Be careful what you ask for.


Love Addiction

If you are a love addict, you may prefer unfulfilling relationships; perhaps convinced that you are seeking a perfect partner or soul mate. Like other addicts, you may proclaim your ability to stop at any time, while securing a supply of your intoxicant - whatever fake expressions of love you prefer.

(If you are entangled with opposite-sex parents, you may be unable to create long-term happy partnerships - you may become a recluse or a love addict. See: Emotional Incest, Mother's Little Prince and Daddy's Little Princess.)

Your investment in quality clothes, furniture or food reflects the effort, skill and ingenuity in their creation. Your investment in quality relationships reflects your effort, skill and ingenuity in creating love.

Your relationships reflect your beliefs and relationship skills, which you likely learned from family, friends, co-workers and TV. People try to copy their role models – with predictable consequences! But any person can choose to change! Any person can change beliefs and improve skills.

A popular American idiom is “Fake it until you make it”. For some people, “Fake love until you make love” is a life pattern. In life, as at the bazaar, many people prefer the counterfeit, often not even suspecting the beauty and benefits of the genuine.
 

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Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001-2010 All rights reserved.


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Training

1. Where are you now? Assess relationship bonds and entanglements Systems 1
2. What are your life goals?  Identify your life goals ... and what blocks you Systems 2
3. How to reach your goals?  Use your conscious and unconscious resources Systems 3
4. What stops you?  Dissolve abuse and trauma to rebuild motivation Systems 4
5. What else stops you? Change your limiting beliefs to end dependence Systems 5
6. What else stops you? Resolve identity loss to recover qualities and skills Systems 6
7. What else stops you? Heal mentor damage and find quality mentorship Systems 7
8. What about your partnership? Build happy partnership (or separate peacefully) Systems 8
9. What about your children? We coach parents to resolve family problems Systems 9
10. What about your success? We coach team leaders and teams ... together Systems 10
11. What about your community? We coach community leaders and communities Systems 11
12. What about complex goals? Specialty coaching & training for unusual goals Specialty

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.