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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands or your
boss's moods?
We can help you find yourself and untangle
your life.
When Love is Counterfeit
If you enjoy exploring, and you are in Warsaw, Poland,
take a morning tram to Rondo Waszyngtona. Follow the crowd and you
will soon find yourself in the Stadion Dziesięciolecia, called
the Russian Market by the linguistically
challenged. It is a huge open-air bazaar,
with an enormous selection of goods. Each day, thousands of people
visit this marketplace from all over Central and Eastern Europe.
Go with a Polish friend, as prices change according to accent. Amongst omnipresent
Asian polyester, you will find clothes with designer labels that may might
survive two washes, and accessories with well-known "luxury"
names. You will also find endless pirated software and bootleg music.
Beware the plastic amber and avoid the toxic Russian
whisky. Anything that looks valuable probably isn’t, and anything that
seems antique was likely made last year. The bazaar represents a
counterfeit culture.
Sellers will carefully scrutinize your money before they accept it. The more
something is valued – the more motivation to make copies, and the more important
to detect and reject whatever is counterfeit.
Mother-Son
Codependence . Father-Daughter
Entanglements
Happiness vs Fun: Substitutes for Love
If you value love, you can find fake love for sale,
at the bazaar and elsewhere. Lonely people support large industries.
Sellers of pornography and prostitution offer little pretence or
justification; they are honest compared to people who
pretend love in relationships based on codependence,
passive aggression and
abuse.
Counterfeiting love may seem easy. It may be easier to be lonely, or to be
codependent, than to learn friendship and
partnership skills. Loving relationships need care, attention and nurturing. Becoming a biological parent can take a few minutes
of unskilled labor - fulfilling parenthood takes years of dedicated effort. Joining a crowd requires little effort - creating
community is hard work.
Fulfilling human life is a lifelong task. Do you sacrifice your desire to love
and be loved for substitutes? The most common substitutes for
love are probably power, security,
success or family traditions. It is useful to
recognize the counterfeit before you buy into it.
You may not miss what you never had. If your role models for mature behavior suffered toxic
relationship
entanglements,
you may assume that all relationships are toxic, and search for happiness
elsewhere. In disappointment, you may turn to substitutes for love
- to romantic books, music and films, to medication, to alcohol
or nicotine, or to obsessions or
addictive distractions.
Many businesses cater to lonely people and compete
in selling fake love ... short-term substitutes for happiness! Mindless people
often pursue mindless goals.
Substitutes for love that can be manufactured, duplicated and sold are
valuable commodities. Stories about love, songs about love and pretended
acts of love are eagerly sought by the lonely. The pretence of love in
advertising and sales helps persuade the gullible that products such as
clothes or a car will bring attention ... respect ... happiness ... love
.... without any effort or risk on their part.
Is THAT what you want? Love for your clothes or respect for your car?
Be careful what you ask for.
Love Addiction
If you are a love addict, you may prefer unfulfilling relationships;
perhaps convinced that you are seeking a perfect partner or
soul mate. Like other addicts,
you may proclaim your ability to stop at any time, while securing a supply of
your intoxicant - whatever fake expressions of love you prefer.
(If you are entangled with opposite-sex
parents, you may be unable to create long-term happy partnerships - you
may become a recluse or
a love addict. See:
Emotional Incest,
Mother's Little Prince and
Daddy's Little Princess.)
Your investment in quality clothes, furniture or food reflects the effort,
skill and ingenuity in their creation. Your investment in quality
relationships reflects your effort, skill and ingenuity in creating love.
Your relationships
reflect your beliefs and relationship skills, which you likely learned
from family, friends, co-workers and TV. People try to copy their role
models – with predictable consequences! But any person can choose to
change! Any person can change beliefs and improve skills.
A popular American idiom is “Fake it until you make it”.
For some people, “Fake love until you make love” is a life
pattern. In life, as at the bazaar, many people prefer the counterfeit,
often not even suspecting the beauty and benefits of the genuine.
Predictable Partnership .
Prevent Learning Disabilities .
Space for LoveWe welcome people who are motivated and
emotionally stable. Enhance your career with relationship coaching skills.
Gain clarity, dissolve success and relationship issues.
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Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001-2010
All rights reserved.
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