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We help motivated adults rebuild
relationships and end emotional chaos
during and after the consequences of betrayal, adultery and affairs.
Signs of Affairs
. Confronting a Partner
Are you in recovery?
- Did you and your partner recently separate?
- Did you or your partner recently have an affair?
- Did your partner say he/she will never trust
you again?
- Did your partner stay - but is cold
or distant towards you?
Can you have a happy partnership after an affair?
You can be happier than you thought
possible! You can heal your broken heart.
We help people and families
damaged by affairs, abandonment and betrayal.
Are you suffering after an affair? Are you aching to be happy? Your
healing will likely depend on your attitude, knowledge and
relationship skills, the type of affair and the quality of coaching you get.
Affairs can be opportunities to learn about
yourself and about other people. We can help you thoughtfully
and intentionally evaluate your life and your relationships, and help you
change unhealthy habits and beliefs. Or perhaps you really want to relive your past - again
and again?
Healing Affairs - Recovery
Healing doesn't just happen! You need input and support. You need information. You probably won't heal
soon by yourself. We can walk with you for a while, we can encourage you and
help you learn better ways of loving. We can help you dissolve old
habits and change unhealthy beliefs.
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After sex we were still
strangers and not lovers. I didn't want to feel closer.
Our sex was sterile.
I just wanted to leave as quickly as possible.
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Intimate or sexual affairs between uncommitted people
(especially people in committed relationships) reflect suppressed or unmet
needs. A first step to recovery is relationship diagnosis - does a person:
- express overwhelming emotions (trauma)
- identify with someone else (identification)
- obsess about other people (entanglements)
- express no values or sense of self (lost
identity)
- express ongoing mood swings (complex
conflict)
- express toxic "I am ..." beliefs
(relationship bonds)
- express guilt from previous relationships
(entanglements)
- avoid communicating own values and needs
(poor self image)
- follow toxic role models or post-hypnotic suggestions
(mentor damage)
- use complaints, blame and excuses to justify
deception and betrayal (victim games)
How we can help
We usually evaluate your situation and explore
what you want. We can help you manage your emotions, find resources
and develop strategies to do what is best for you and for the
people who love you. We can help you:
- Talk about your concerns.
- Create a future worth living.
- Purposefully design your life.
- Rehearse exactly what you want to say.
- Don't keep going over mistakes and regrets.
- Accept and resolve painful emotions quickly.
- Learn to like yourself better. (This can feel
wonderful!)
- Be more confident and bold. Find a coach who supports you.
- Keep moving ahead. You don't have to go back
to how you were.
- Learn better ways of evaluating an affair
and better strategies to resolve it.
Ending your Affair
Have you been acting like a addict? Most addictive drugs give
people such wonderful feelings that they will betray their partners and abandon
their families. Did the affair give you wonderful feelings? Can you stop? Is it
time to repair your partnership and your integrity and re-align your life? Don't
waste time!
If so, inform your lover that you are going to end the affair.
Be simple about it. You probably have to send one last message but avoid meeting
your lover in person, as he or she may seduce you for one last sexual encounter
- like a drug dealer might give you one last fix - hoping to hook you again.
End your betrayal as soon as possible. No last meetings. There
will be no perfect time for this. Cancel and close your affair. Recommit to your
partner. Ask not to be contacted for any reason. Show your partner that you have
ended the affair.
Healing your Partnership after an Affair
Romantic affairs have emotional consequences, some of which may
be delayed until the affair is over.
- Blame: Following exposure, the partners may
uselessly argue about topics such as "Who really
caused this?" or "Why did you make me do it!"
- Denial: Many people who have sexual affairs
will deny and lie if the truth may bring immediate
unpleasant consequences.
- Grief: The suffering of betrayal, broken dreams
and shattered love may overwhelm the betrayed person. Suicide
attempts sometimes follow romantic affairs.
- Guilt: The betraying partner, the betrayed partner
and the affair partner carry burdens of guilt which can manifest as
anxiety,
depression,
hypochondria and
psychosomatic disease.
Following a partnership crisis, it may seem impossible for
the partners to avoid guilt, depression and immature behavior. We help people make
space for and referee desperately needed discussions and
clarification. We offer:
- Individual coaching to dissolve entanglements and
bonds
- Couple coaching with both partners
to resolve transferences
- Couple coaching with both partners to make decisions and
plan the future
Romantic affairs, especially those based on transference, rarely
last more than two years.
Short-term solutions that attempt to fix and forget the surface symptoms of
affairs may not resolve or even expose the deeper entanglements.
We help people heal entanglements and relationship damage.
Longer affairs are often attempts to compensate for what
is missing in a partnership. Often, the 'other' partner knows, or at least
suspects, the affair, but may pretend not to notice. Sometimes, the exposure
of the affair can lead to depression, explosive separation, hostile divorce and damaged
children
We coach couples to repair and
maintain happy partnerships - or to peacefully end unhappy
partnerships as a basis for new lives apart.
Rebuild Partnership after an Affair
Most romantic affairs last for less than two years,
and may be accompanied by or followed by regret, guilt and depression. Short-term
fix and forget solutions do not resolve underlying emotions and
enmeshments. We help people heal emotional enmeshments and relationship wounds. Conflicting loyalties may hinder people from re-bonding with
their families after an affair. Such conflicts may
seriously damage your own and your family's ability to love and nurture
each other. We can help you dissolve conflicts,
emotional blocks and trauma, and set yourself and your family free.
Effective and joyous partnership result when partners
respect each other's values and know each other's needs; and can cooperate to
fulfill both their needs. We help couples develop mature partnership skills
enabling them to end and deal with affairs.
Predictable Partnership
. Enjoying
Partnership . Evaluating Partnership
Do you want to dissolve emotional blocks
and enjoy better relationships?
Online Coaching & Mentorship after Affairs
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright ©
Martyn Carruthers 2002-2012 All rights reserved
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