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Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods?
We help people untangle their lives and reclaim their freedom.

Abusers Always Justify Abuse!

Inquisition priests would torture you for the good of your soul. Sales people may manipulate you to help you buy. Employers may bully you to increase your productivity. Interviewers may pry into your life for the benefit of their organization. Most abusers justify their abuse and their violations of your trust.

Abuse is about dominance and control. Abuse may be accompanied by emotional displays, threats, lies, broken promises and humiliation. Many abusers lack emotional maturity. Many abusive adults themselves experienced abuse or emotional incest. They may try to enmesh you into their fantasies.

Abusers rarely take responsibility for their behavior. Even if confronted with clear evidence of their abuse, they may deny it, claim good intentions or blame others. Abusers often feel themselves to be victims, and see other people as bad, stupid, or out to hurt them. Abusers rarely change.

Relatively few abusers are reported, often due to shame or lack of legal knowledge. Our coach training can help you coach others to end relationship abuse and emotional blackmail, and heal the consequences of abuse.

What is Abuse?

Physical abuse is a violent act that is carried out with the knowledge that the likely consequences of it will be physical injury or pain. Domestic violence is the threat, attempt, or physical harm made by a family member or by someone you live with, or have lived with (as if you were related). Domestic violence may have more unpleasant consequences than physical abuse by a stranger.

Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse, intimidation, criticism, manipulation, abandonment and rejection. Emotional abuse can diminish a victim's self-confidence, self-image, trust in their own perceptions and self-esteem.

Abuse Coaching

Abusive relationships can range from parental criticism and school-teacher sarcasm to interrogation. The consequences can include psychosis, stress disorders (PTSD), depression, passive-aggression and anxiety. We help motivated adults remain emotionally mature, responsible and flexible.

• Can you be alert, strong yet flexible under stress?

• Can you manage (not just dissociate) your own emotions?

• Do you know when are you responsible for another person's actions?

Many cults and cult-like organizations (including some training organizations, businesses, multi-level marketing (MLM) companies, military & paramilitary groups) abuse their members. Yet many people are unable to leave these organizations because of the effectiveness of their psychological coercion.

Training Abuse . Exit from Cults . Abuse by Therapists . Mentor Damage

Some trainers abuse their students. Some health professionals abuse their patients. Some gurus abuse their devotees. They may prescribe programs that they would not use themselves. They may show sadism, incompetence, immaturity, identity loss or codependence ... and a need to dominate.

Many domestic and child abusers have mental health problems. They may be easily frustrated and moody, and they may not feel guilt about threatening or hurting others. They may not feel any desire or need to change their behavior - until they are in a crisis - when they start screaming for help.

Abusers who want to change can acknowledge their problem, commit to stop controlling, and seek the help they need. Pressuring an abuser to change may result in passive-aggressive behavior: initial resistance followed first by short-term compliance, and later by delayed aggression.

Domestic Abuse & Child Abuse

Domestic abuse includes physical threats or emotional harm to relatives. Physical violence or threats may accompany hurtful communication. You may feel afraid, angry, confused and dependent. We coach motivated adults to make better decisions.

Old methods to control people include cults and religions. Modern methods include hypnosis and NLP.

Addictions . Child Sexual Abuse . Parent Coaching . Children of Divorce

Employee Abuse

Managers may abuse their staff if they see their employees as substitutes for parents, partners or children. Managers who abuse their staff may later refer to this abuse as effective management. If the abused staff can be made to believe they are somehow deficient, they may remain bonded to their boss by their limiting beliefs.

Employees who tolerate abuse often do not understand office politics, while abusive managers are often incompetent or perfectionist. They want status, recognition, self-esteem and power. We coach managers to improve management skills, and we help employees cope with or leave difficult managers.

Managing Difficult Employees . Downsizing

Kidnapping & Interrogation

Although the United Nations Convention Against Torture prohibits the use of physical or mental pain to obtain information; you may be disconnected from your family, friends and society. Legal kidnappers may use your sexuality, family and religion against you. Illegal kidnappers may do anything they wish.

A goal of kidnapping and interrogation may be to intimidate you and cause you to feel like a lost child. Your capture and detention may be to soften you for exploitation by a professional interrogator. They may replace your sense of self with a confused sense of doom. They may besiege you with illogical but horrible statements. You may say anything to end the confusion.

Kidnappings are often planned for maximum shock - often in the early morning. They want you to feel distressed. If you are detained in solitary confinement, expect unpleasant hallucinations.

Sales Abuse & Violation of Privacy

Some salespeople are trained in deceitful hypnotic language. They try to build rapport, prolong negotiation and wear down resistance until you buy something you don't want. Some abusive sellers are trained in NLP and covert hypnosis. We coach people to defend themselves against covert hypnosis.

They may try to use elicitation techniques to learn from you things that you do not want to share. Elicitation allows passive-aggressive people to get private information from you - and then to abuse you.

To gain rapport (your compliance with their agenda), they may mirror your posture, paraphrase what you say and mimic your way of talking. They want you to trust them. They want to invade your privacy, influence your behavior and profit from you.

• If you feel stressed, leave - or make the salesperson leave.
• Ask friends to be present when you make a substantial purchases.
• Many abusive people rely on your desire to be polite. You have other choices.
• Discuss details of a contract with a trusted relative, friend or advisor before signing it.

Elicitation - Detecting Lies & Deceit

You may deny, minimize and rationalize your behavior. You didn't do it, well, only once, long ago, because everybody else was doing it. People trained in elicitation expect you to lie. They ask:

1. Control questions - they want you to lie - they want to see how you lie
2. Irrelevant questions - they want to see how you tell the truth
3. Relevant questions - they carefully note how you answer

Adults who knowingly tell lies try to keep still and look at the eyes of the questioners. Self-aware liars avoid common gestures like touching their noses or hair, or shaking their heads. How to lie well is taught as a normal part of many communication, sales, acting and interview-preparedness trainings.

Do you know how to control your subtle nonverbal cues, or do you allow people to violate your privacy without your consent. You can learn to control your non-verbal signals such as facial skin color, pupil size, perspiration and pulse ... and it's not easy.

Psychological Operations . Trauma & PTSD

Summary

We coach motivated adults to deal with abuse and abusive situations, and we help people who have been abused become more resourceful. Are you ready to move on with your life?

Click HERE to Recover from Abuse

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers, 2001-2010 All rights reserved.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.