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Are you entangled in difficult relationships
or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods?
Abuse coaching can help you untangle your life and reclaim your freedom.
Abusers always have Excuses
Inquisition priests would torture you for the good of
your soul. Sales people may manipulate you to help you buy.
Employers may bully you to increase your productivity. Interviewers
may pry into your life for the benefit of their organization. Most
abusers will justify their abuse and violations of your trust.
Abuse is about dominance and control. Abuse may be
accompanied by emotional displays, threats, lies, broken promises and
humiliation. Many abusers lack
emotional maturity. Many abusive adults themselves experienced abuse or
emotional incest. They may
try to enmesh you into their fantasies.
Abusers rarely take responsibility for their behavior. Even if
confronted with clear evidence of their abuse, they may deny it, claim good
intentions or blame others. Abusers often feel themselves to be victims, while
everyone else is bad, stupid, or wants to hurt or cheat them. Abusers rarely
change.
Although abusers hurt millions of people, relatively few cases are
reported, often due to shame or lack of legal knowledge. Our systemic
coach training can help you end relationship abuse and
emotional blackmail, and heal the consequences of
abuse in your and your family's life.
Coaching Adult
Children of Difficult Parents
What is Abuse?
Physical abuse is a violent act that is carried out with the
knowledge that the likely consequences of it will be physical injury or pain to
another person. Examples of physical abuse are hitting, shoving, pinching,
pulling hair, bruising, kicking, twisting arms, biting, restraining,
scratching and slapping.
Domestic violence is the threat, attempt, or physical harm
made against you or a member of your family by another family member or by
someone you live with, or have lived with (as if you were related). Domestic
violence may have worse consequences than physical abuse by a stranger.
Emotional abuse can include verbal abuse, intimidation,
criticism, manipulation, abandonment and rejection. Emotional abuse can diminish
a victim's self-confidence, self-image, trust in their own perceptions and
self-worth.
Some research suggests that childhood abuse may accelerate
body's ageing. A team from Brown University found the telomeres of 31 people who
had reported child abuse tended to shorten more rapidly, speeding up cellular
ageing. For more ...
Abuse Coaching
You are not alone. We can help you remain
emotionally mature, responsible and flexible.
Do you know when are you responsible
for another person's actions? Can you manage (not just
dissociate) your own emotions? Can you be alert, strong yet flexible under
stress?
Abusive relationships can range from parental criticism
and school-teacher sarcasm to interrogation and
kidnapping. The consequences of abusive relationships can include
psychosis, stress disorders (PTSD),
depression,
passive-aggression and anxiety.
Many cults and cult-like organizations
(including some training organizations, businesses, multi-level marketing
(MLM) companies, military & paramilitary groups) abuse their members.
Yet many people are unable to leave these organizations because of the
effectiveness of psychological coercion.
Training Abuse . Exit
from Cults . Sexual Abuse
Some trainers abuse their students. Some health
professionals abuse their patients. Some gurus abuse their devotees. They may
prescribe programs that they would not use themselves. They may show sadism,
incompetence, immaturity, identity loss or codependence ... and a need to
dominate.
Abuse by Therapists
. Mentor Damage .
Marriage Counseling
Abusers want to intimidate and manipulate. Domestic,
employee and sales abusers want to benefit personally.
Interrogation, interview and elicitation specialists
want information to use against you.
Many domestic and child abusers have mental
health problems. They may be easily frustrated and moody, and they may not feel
guilt about threatening or hurting others. They may not feel any desire or need
to change their behavior - until they are in a crisis.
Abusers who want to change can acknowledge their problem,
commit to stop controlling, and seek the help they need. Pressuring an abuser to change
may result in passive-aggressive
behavior: initial resistance followed by short-term compliance, then a delayed
aggressive reaction.
Domestic Abuse & Child Abuse
Domestic abuse includes physical threats or emotional harm
to relatives. Physical violence or threats may accompany hurtful communication. You
may feel afraid, angry, confused and dependent. Soulwork systemic coaching can
help you maintain your integrity and make healthy decisions.
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Common Abuse between Partners & Families |
- intimidates you
- controls your time
- controls your finances
- hits, shoves or slaps you
- withholds affection or sex
- prevents you from going out
- insults you or calls you names
- destroys your personal property
- reads personal communications
- threatens to hurt family members
- behaves in an overprotective manner
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- blames you for own issues
- explodes with anger or rage
- stops you working or learning
- contemptuous body language
- humiliates you in front of others
- ignores, mimics or patronizes you
- prevents you from spending money
- stops you meeting family or friends
- threatens to hurt you or your children
- turns minor issues into big arguments
- forces you into unwanted sexual activity
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This is not an exhaustive list ... some ancient
methods to control family members include cults and religions. More modern
methods include hypnosis or NLP.
Addictions
. Child Sexual Abuse .
Parent Coaching
. Children of Divorce
Employee Abuse
Managers who are entangled
may abuse their staff if they see their employees as substitutes for parents,
partners or children. If such managers abuse their staff - they may later
refer to this abuse as effective management. If the abused staff can
be made to believe they are somehow deficient, they may stay bonded to their
boss by their limiting beliefs.
Employees who tolerate abuse often do not
understand office politics, while abusive managers are often incompetent
or perfectionist. They want status, recognition, self-esteem and power. We
coach managers to improve management skills, and we help employees cope with
or leave difficult managers.
Managing Difficult Employees .
Downsizing .
Verbal Aikido
Abusive Partnerships
Some people are shocked if a partnership
becomes abusive, while others may start a partnership expecting it to
become abusive. Abusive people are often emotionally entangled with abusive
family members or family victims. Most abuse starts with good intentions.
Couple
Coaching . Predictable
Partnership . Partnership Breakdown
Sales Abuse & Violation of Privacy
Some salespeople are trained to deceive, intimidate
and use hypnotic language. They try to build rapport, prolong negotiation
and wear down resistance until you buy something you don't want. Some abusive
sellers are trained in NLP and covert hypnosis.
They try to use elicitation techniques to covertly learn from you things that you
may not want to share. Elicitation allows passive-aggressive
people to read your mind without your permission - and then to abuse you.
To gain rapport (your compliance with their agenda),
they may mirror your posture, paraphrase what you say and
mimic your way of talking. They want you to trust them. They want
to invade your privacy and influence your behavior.
You can prevent or stop abusive sales
techniques - some simple ways are:
- If you feel stressed,
leave - or make the salesperson leave
- Ask friends to be
present when you make a substantial purchases
- Many abusive
people rely on your desire to be nice. Maybe shout instead
- Discuss details of a
contract with a trusted relative, friend or advisor before signing it
Elicitation - Detecting Lies & Deceit
You may deny, minimize
and rationalize your behavior. You didn't do it, well, only
once, long ago, because everybody else was doing it. People trained in
elicitation expect you to lie. They ask:
- Control questions - they want you to lie
- they want to see how you lie
- Irrelevant questions - they want to see how
you tell the truth
- Relevant questions - they carefully note how
you answer
Adults who knowingly tell lies try to keep still and look at
the eyes of the questioners. Self-aware liars avoid common
gestures like touching their noses or hair, or shaking their heads. How to
lie well is taught in many communication, sales, acting and
interview-preparedness trainings.
Do you know how to control your subtle nonverbal cues,
or do you allow people to violate your privacy without your consent. For example,
if you try to avoid certain topics, then those topics are likely sensitive.
You can learn to control your facial skin color, pupil size, perspiration
and pulse. We coach people to increase their self-awareness and control
their non-verbal communication.
Kidnapping & Interrogation
Interviews
and elicitation are relatively gentle ways to obtain information. A
primary goal of kidnapping and interrogation may be to intimidate you and cause you to
age regress - to feel like a lost child. Your capture and
detention may be to soften you for exploitation by a professional interrogator.
Although the United Nations Convention Against
Torture prohibits the use of physical or mental pain to obtain
information; you may be disconnected from your family, friends and
society. Legal kidnappers may use your sexuality, family and religion
against you. Illegal kidnappers may do anything they wish.
Kidnappers may replace your sense of self with a
confused sense of doom. They may besiege you with illogical but horrible statements.
As you try to make sense of terrible nonsense, you may say anything to
end the confusion. Without preparation, you may age-regress; and behave like
a distressed child.
Interrogation tactics can range from mind games to torture.
Interrogators are paid to get information, and some interrogators experiment
with torture, sexual humiliation, hypnosis or drugs. Some governments
allow interrogation to include anything that does not cause death or damage
vital organs.
Psychological Operations .
Trauma & PTSD
A kidnapping is often planned for maximum shock -
often in the early morning. You are expected to experience distress. If
you are detained in solitary confinement, expect unpleasant hallucinations.
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Some Interrogation Techniques |
- You may be physically abused or tortured
- You may be promised leniency if you confess
- You may be repeatedly asked irrelevant questions
- You may be imprisoned with one or more informers
- You may be threatened with physical abuse or torture
- You may be strip searched and your possessions
taken
- You may be denied clean food, clean water, toilet or
bedding
- You may be isolated, perhaps for days,
perhaps without sleep
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Summary
Our abuse coaching and coach training can help you deal with abusive situations, and you can
coach people who have been abused to become more resourceful. Learn how to stay
resourceful during difficult situations. Learn how to move on with your life.
Do you want
to benefit from our experience?
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers,
2001-2010 All rights reserved. |
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