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Ho'oponopono
Mary Kawena Pukui, E.W. Haertig, MD, & Catherine Lee

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Although our coaching is inspired by Hawaiian ho'oponopono and ho'omanamana, factual information about pre-Christian ho'oponopono and ho'omanamana is difficult to find outside (and even inside) Hawaii. Most of what is falsely taught as Hawaiian huna and ho'oponopono is distorted a very long way from its Hawaiian origins. Martyn Carruthers

Much of this information is from Nana I Ke Kumu, pp 60-70, by Mary Kawena Pukui, E.W. Haertig, M.D, and Catherine Lee, published by the Queen Lili'uokalani Children's Center in 1971.

Some Hawaiian words relating to ho'oponopono are:

Ho'oponopono & Related Concepts

ho'oponopono — setting to right; to make right; to correct; to restore and maintain good relationships among family, and family-and-supernatural powers. A family conference in which relationships were set right through prayer, discussion, confession, repentance, and mutual restitution and forgiveness.

Derivation

• ho'o, to make, cause or bring about
• pono, correct, right, in perfect order; (plus about 20 other closely related meanings)
• ponopono, in order, cared for, attended to, connotes what is socially approved and desirable

... Mrs. Stold this incident of 15 years ago: "My hanai [adoptive] Mom called from the Big Island and said she had a dream that bothered her. She said she had a problem, so better I come home already. "I said, 'Why don't we talk about it now, over the phone? Maybe I can help you.' "But Mom said, 'No, better you come home. We need ho'oponopono.’ So early next day, I flew home for ho'oponopono." What is this ho'oponopono? Why is it important enough to cause plane trips between islands?

As Mary Kawena Pukui describes it:
Ho'oponopono is getting the family together to find out what is wrong. Maybe to find out why someone is sick, or the cause of a family quarrel. Then, with discussion and repentance and restitution and forgiveness— and always with prayer— to set right what was wrong.

"to set right" with each other and God
Ho'oponopono is to set things right with each other and with the Almighty. I took part in ho'oponopono myself for 47 years, from semi-Christian to Christian times. And whether my 'ohana [family] prayed to aumakua [ancestor gods] or to God, the whole idea of ho'oponopono was the same. Everyone of us searched his heart for hard feelings against one another. Before God and with His help, we forgave and were forgiven, thrashing out every grudge, peeve or resentment among us.

who took part: a family matter
Ho'oponopono was essentially a family matter, involving all the nuclear or immediate family, or only those most concerned with the problem. Some leeway was possible. A non-relative living with the family might take part if he was involved with the pilikia (trouble). Children could be excused. And if an involved family member was absent, ho'oponopono might be held as a "second best" alternative to full family participation.' Though the entire extended family could hold ho'oponopono, this was usually impractical. Mrs. Pukui points out that with too many present, the whole person-to-person interchange of confession-discussion-forgiveness became impossible. Thus ho'oponopono was not a community-wide therapy. Only the title in its broadest meaning, and parts of ho'oponopono, such as prayer and periods of silence, apply to a large gathering.

"The ideal," says Mrs. Pukui, "is to keep it in the family and have all immediate family taking part."

kahuna or family senior could lead
Either a helping-healing kahuna (not a kahuna ana'ana or sorcerer) or a family kupuna (senior) could conduct ho'oponopono. In the closely knit community life of early Hawaii, the kahuna usually had a kind of "family doctor" knowledge of a family. This would allow him to lead ho'oponopono with real insight into the problems.

From Mrs. Pukui's memories and personal experience, and the shared views and experiences of Hawaiian staff members and associates, we have outlined an "ideal" or "standard" ho'oponopono. Basic procedures and therapeutic dynamics are the same, whether the ho'oponopono also included traditional pre-Christian rituals or modern additions.

Essentials of Ho'oponopono

This ho'oponopono has certain specific requirements. Some concern procedure; others attitudes.

Always included in complete ho'oponopono are:

• Opening pule (prayer) and prayers any time they seem necessary.
• A statement of the obvious problem to be solved or prevented from growing worse. This is sometimes called kukulu kamahana in its secondary meaning.
• The "setting to rights" of each successive problem that becomes apparent during the course of ho'oponopono, even though this might make a series of ho'oponopono necessary (mahiki).
• Self-scrutiny and discussion of individual conduct, attitudes and emotions.
• A quality of absolute truthfulness and sincerity. Hawaii called this 'oia'i'o, the "very spirit of truth."
• Control of disruptive emotions by channeling discussion through the leader.
• Questioning of involved participants by the leader.
• Honest confession to the gods (or God) and to each other of wrong-doing, grievances, grudges and resentments.
• Immediate restitution or arrangements to make restitution as soon as possible.

Mutual forgiveness and releasing from the guilts, grudges, and tensions occasioned by the wrong-doing (hala). This repenting-forgiving-releasing is embodied in the twin terms, mihi and kala.

Closing prayer
Nearly always, the leader called for the periods of silence called ho'omalu. Ho'omalu was invoked to calm tempers, encourage self-inquiry into actions, motives and feelings, or simply for rest during an all-day ho'oponopono. And once a dispute was settled, the leader decreed ho'omalu for the whole subject, both immediately and long after ho'oponopono ended.

pre-Christian closing rites
In pre-Christian times, ho'oponopono was followed by pani rituals. These were usually chicken or pig offerings to the gods. Sometimes pani included the ceremonial ocean bath, kapu kai. Then followed the 'aha 'aina (feast). Today, post-ho'oponopono rites are virtually unknown. A meal or snack usually follows ho'oponopono.

attitudes needed in ho'oponopono
To bring about a true "righting of wrongs," certain attitudes were required. Some concerned the very decision to hold ho'oponopono. For this decision rested on the basic relief that problems could be resolved definitely if they were approached properly. They must be approached with a true intention to correct wrongs. Confession of error must be full and honest. Nothing could be withheld. Prayers, contrition and the forgiving-freeing of kala must come from the heart. Without these, ho'oponopono was form without substance.

Ho'oponopono for Children

Mrs. Pukui has written a hypothetical ho'oponopono to illustrate basic procedures. In this first quoted excerpt, she combines the opening prayer with statement of the problem.

"I have called you, Pukana, you, Heana, and you, Kahana [all children] to come here and look into this problem with me. Your brother, Kipi, is losing the sight of one eye ... we want to save the other eye, so that is why we called you together. We will all pray together, and then we'll discuss things."

"Oh, God, Creator of heaven and earth ... we ask Your help. To our aumakua* from the East and from the West, from the North and from the South, from zenith to horizon, from the upper strata and the lower strata, hearken. Come. We want to discuss together and get your guidance and help, so we can know what is wrong with this boy." Mrs. Pukui then questioned each child. What came to light first was that Kahana was angry with Kipi over some mischievous prank he had played. This brother-sister disharmony was settled promptly, before any further questioning. Kipi admitted his misbehavior. Then followed the conceptual ritual of kala. This, again geared to the young, went as follows:

Mrs. Pukui: "Kahana, are you willing to kala your brother?" Kahana: "Yes." Mrs. Pukui: "Free him entirely of this entanglement of your anger?" Kahana: "Yes." Mrs. Pukui: "Remember, Kahana, as you loosen your brother from his trespasses, you loosen yourself, too. As you forgive, you are forgiven. Now, who do you want to forgive you?" Kahana: "Please, God forgive me." Mrs. Pukui: "Yes, we will ask that now. You gods, hear now that Kahana is to free her brother of his trespasses, and to free him from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet, to the four corners of his body. May he be happy later. "And you, Kipi, are you willing to kala your sister for being angry with you?" Kipi: "Yes, I am willing."

Nearly identical phrases of kala were addressed to Kipi. (The significant use of "free" and loosen" rather than "forget" is discussed under kala). Then Kipi was questioned more intensively. The boy confessed to stealing some money. He also owned up to an "Hawaiian offense". He had thrown stones at an 'elepaio, a bird form of a family aumakua. For both, he expressed contrition and asked for forgiveness. Then Mrs. Pukui again prayed.

"To You, O God, and Your sacred Son, and all aumakua everywhere, hearken to this prayer. This boy is sorry for what he has done. I am sorry he has done such things. So, please free him of his trespasses."

Then followed arrangements for restitution. Kipi was to work at small jobs and earn enough to return the money. His sisters agreed to help him. And to make amends with offended aumakua, he was to offer and burn a food sacrifice (mohai 'ai) of an egg and ti leaf. This symbolized the traditional chicken and pig used in pani (closing) rites. (*in pre-Christian ho'oponopono, aumakua were called by name - MKP)

This settled, Mrs. Pukui concluded:
"Now we dismiss our ho'oponopono and we pray that all this trouble be taken away and laid away. "O, great eyeball of the sun, please take all this bundle of wrong-doing. Take it out to the West with you. And, as you go down again, to your rest, please take all the faults and trespasses that were committed. Lay all of this in the depth of the sea, never more to come back."

Mrs. Pukui's account is an example of ho'oponopono in a transition period from Hawaiian to Christian religion. God and the aumakua are invoked impartially. It is rich in Hawaiian concepts: that misconduct was punished by physical illness (the eye ailment); that the body was visualized as having four corners; that the "great eyeball" of the sun held mystic powers, and that mistakes and offenses could be taken away forever in mystic ways. It also illustrates the basic Hawaiian precept that when forgiveness is sincerely asked, it must be granted.

Because this ho'oponopono concerned children, it did not include the emotional depth, self-scrutiny of motives, guilt and aggressions, and the periods of silence (ho'omalu) of an adult session. In fact, Mrs. Pukui says that, "In my grandmother's home, small children always sat in on ho'oponopono even if they didn't take part. Many times I was even bored, until I grew to understand better..."

ho'oponopono for Mrs. S
The adult subtleties of guilt and remorse were very much present in the ho'oponopono mentioned in the beginning of this discussion. This is the one so urgently requested by the hanai mother of Mrs. S. Mrs. S continues with her account: "So I took my baby with me, and went home to Kona the next day. All the family were there. My hanai cousin's Mom— a lady minister—was there to lead ho'oponopono.

(From here on, the minister is referred to as "This Lady" or "ho'ola" literally "healer," but more generally used to mean a minister, often believed to have gifts of healing or prophecy.)

"My hanai Mom was in bed. They told me Mom had felt very sick and had gone to the doctor. She was 69. And she felt that some of her sickness was really physical. But some of it—well, maybe not. Then she had this dream. And then she knew I should come home and all of us should ho'oponopono.

"So we all got together in the living room. No, not kneeling down. Just comfortable. Not a real circle, but so we could see each other.

Wehe i ka Paipala
"First this Lady prayed, all in Hawaiian* ... asking God to show us His word and how to find out what was wrong. How to help Mom get well. While this Lady prayed, Mom opened the Bible for guidance.

[ *Everyone present understood Hawaiian. Intelligibility throughout is a requirement of effective ho'oponopono. ]

"Then Mom told her dream. She dreamed that I was alongside a high cliff and I was about to fall in the ocean. So Mom yelled. But when she yelled out at me, I said, 'Oh, I'm going.' And the second and the third time, she called me, and I said, 'I'm going. 'And Mom said she thought this dream meant that because I was living in Honolulu I was ho'okano [conceited] and I didn't take any interest in her or her welfare. I thought, because of Mom's age and all, she just wanted attention. "But This Lady, the ho'ola, she thought the dream and my Mom's sickness meant that Mom was holding something back.* Something that she had not let me know.

old wrong & guilt emerge
"So This Lady prayed again. And we all kept quiet for a while ... trying to help Mom. And then Mom told us more ... She said that before my grandmother died, she gave her [Mom] a Hawaiian quilt. Mom was supposed to give it to me when I grew up. It was really my quilt, meant for me.

"But my hanai Mom kept it. And when I grew up and got married, she never gave me that quilt. Others, but not this one. What happened was that Mom sold the quilt for $300. And she had been living with all this 'ike hewa [guilt] all this time. This Lady said part of Mom's sickness was because of this guilt. She told Mom she would never get well until she got my forgiveness. And Mom cried. She really cried! She felt so guilty.

confession & forgiveness
"Then the ho'ola said Mom should confess to me and before God Jehovah. She did. She asked me to forgive her, and I did. I wasn't angry ... And later Mom's sickness left her. Of course, she still had diabetes, but the rest—being so confused and miserable—all that left her."

Interviewer: "But what about your quilt? Did she arrange restitution?" restitution was made Mrs. S: "Oh, yes. During ho'oponopono she said she would quilt another one for me. The others helped her. She got the quilt finished and gave it to me before she died." Interviewer: "How did you end ho'oponopono?"

next problem is dealt with
Mrs. S: "We didn't end it right away. We had to work more on the dream. You know, the dream where Mom saw me on the pali not paying any attention to her calls. Well, This Lady, she interpreted this to mean that because my hanai Mom had done this thing about the quilt and kept it a secret, this was really why I would not answer. And why I ignore Mom in real life. But I said, 'No, I am not ignoring Mom. It is just that I am married now and have a baby and I am busy.'

[ *Dreams are commonly prompted by something repressed, comments the Center's psychiatrist. The ho'ola, also a relative, was able to draw on long knowledge of family affairs. ]

But Mom said that I did neglect her. That I did not write home, sometimes for a long time. And the ho'ola, told me, 'After this, you should write often. Your mother is old, and she needs your letters. She looks forward to hearing from you.' And Mom cried again. And I felt, oh, so much love for her. "And we talked about, oh, lots of little misunderstandings. And we forgave each other for so many things. The ho'oponopono brought us so close together. It did. It really did! And we stayed close to each other until the day Mom died.

closing prayer
"Then the Lady prayed again to Jehovah God, thanking Him for opening up the way and giving us an answer. And she thanked Jehovah for bringing things out in the clear. She prayed to Jehovah to close the doors, so no evil in the family or from outside would harm us ... she asked the angels of Jehovah God to guard the four posts of the house. Then she amen'd* all in Hawaiian.

[ *In pre-Christian Hawaii, prayers and chants were concluded with phrases using 'amama, meaning "the prayer is free" or "flown" or "finished." ]

"And after ho'oponopono, it was so peaceful-like, There was love—oh, so much love!" Interviewer: "How long was this last prayer?" Mrs. S: "About half an hour." Interviewer: "How long was the ho'oponopono?" Mrs. S: "Oh, all day. One person took care of the phone so we wouldn't be interrupted." Interviewer: "After it ended, what did you do?" Mrs. S: "We were hungry. We ate. Just supper—not a special meal."

alcohol is not allowed
Interviewer: "I know that you, personally, do not drink. But could anyone else have had a highball or a beer during the day?" Mrs. S: "Oh, No! Nobody ever drinks in ho'oponopono. Because when people drink they let their feelings, their temper run away from them. In our ho'oponopono, we cried a lot when we forgave and made up, but we had to stay in control. I mean over really strong feelings like anger."

Mrs. S 's account and Mrs. Pukui's earlier example show some interesting similarities and differences. Both point out one of the common traditional reasons for ho'oponopono, that of finding the cause of a puzzling illness. Said Mrs. S , "A part of Mom's illness was physical...but part of it, well maybe not." A century ago, kahunas often asked "Has ho'oponopono been held?" before they would proceed with treatment. And on Niihau today, families hold ho'oponopono first, then call Kauai for medical help if the illness persists.

mahiki, layers beneath layers
Both examples demonstrate mahiki, the dealing with each successive "layer" of trouble, one at a time. In the ho'oponopono for childhood transgression, these layers were of easily recognized conduct and emotion. First, childish misbehavior and the anger it caused, then the theft, then throwing stones at the 'elepaio bird—all were brought out in turn. In the adult ho'oponopono, the layers were made also of emotion-underlying-emotion. Let's trace the structure of this disturbed relationship.

To borrow medical terms, the "presenting complaints" were a dream and an illness. At first, only the "top layer" of dream significance was discussed. It, said the ho'ola, like the illness, meant "Mom is holding something back." What was she holding back?

A hostile act, to sell the quilt. This caused long-standing guilt. And this guilt was a factor causing Mom to accompany and complicate organic disorders with functional or psychosomatic illness.

How were these revealed layers "disposed of?" For Mom, confession, discussion, restitution and expressed contrition. For mother and daughter, mutual forgiving and releasing (mihi and kala). All in the presence of God. But was mahiki complete? All layers stripped away?

Not yet, There was more to the dream. As the ho'ola interpreted it, the mother's hostile action (in dream form, placing daughter on the dangerous cliff) led to lack of communication between mother and daughter (daughter-in-dream refused to answer mother's calls). As Mom saw it, daughter ignored her from general selfishness and haughtiness exemplified in the move to Honolulu.

And, on the conscious level were actual instances of daughter's neglect and the mother's resentment of this neglect. These layers also must be taken care of. And yet more "layers" were peeled off and dissolved in discussion, in mihi and kala—and in tears and embraces. ("And we talked about so many little misunderstandings. And we forgave each other for so many things.") Or, as Mrs. Pukui describes the abstract in terms of the tangible, "Think of peeling an onion. You peel off one layer and throw it aside, so you can go on and peel off the next layer. That's mahiki."

ho'omalu and kukulu kumuhana
In Mrs. S 's experience, two more components of ho'oponopono seem to have come into being spontaneously and simultaneously. "Then we all kept quiet awhile ... trying to help Mom," Mrs. S relates. We could rephrase it as: "We all kept quiet awhile." Or, "We all had ho'omalu" (a period of silence for thought and reflection). "... trying to help Mom." Or, "... and- we joined in kukulu kumahana" (the pooling of emotional-spiritual forces for a common purpose).* *Both ho'omalu and kukulu kamahana are discussed at end of ho`oponopono listing. The ho'ola in this ho'oponopono did not need to control temper outbursts. ("I wasn't angry," said Mrs. S .)

the leader intervenes
In a more recent ho'oponopono, the leader did intervene frequently. This ho'oponopono concerned primarily "Dan," his hapa-haole* wife, "Relana," and Dan's mother. Mother and daughter-in-law had been increasingly hostile ever since the young couple married. As time went on, in-laws on both sides were drawn into the family hihia (entanglement of ill-feeling). Finally, after eight years, Dan persuaded his wife and mother to join him in ho'oponopono. Dan's great-aunt conducted it. As resentments and bitterness were brought out, open accusations were made.

"You never made me welcome at your house," charged mother-in-law. "You never came to visit. Just to interfere," said daughter-in-law. "I wanted to show you how to cook right. But would you let me teach you anything? Not you! Ho'okano!" As voices rose, Tutu ("Auntie") called for ho'omalu, Then after a minute or two of silence, she insisted each one must talk in turn, to her, not to each other. "She laid down the law several times," Dan reports, "but in the end the two got down to talking about why they were angry, instead of just yelling at each other." What gradually emerged then was a young, mainland-educated wife's attempts to be independent and to fashion her household along "modern" lines, and a Hawaiian mother-in-law's clinging both to her son and to Hawaiian traditions of close-knit family relationships and living patterns.

"It was a long, long ho'oponopono. Relana and Mom must have mihi'd and kala'd a dozen times. They never will see eye-to-eye. But we do visit back and forth now and we all get along pretty well," states Dan. "Now we're trying to get all the others—all the in-laws—to ho'oponopono to straighten out the rest of the hihia."

Intervention by the leader anytime it was needed was traditional, says Mrs. Pukui. "The leader had authority. When he said 'Pau. Enough of this.' everybody got quiet. Sometimes the leader would stop the talk because of hot tempers. Sometimes, if he thought someone was not being honest, or holding things back, or making up excuses instead of facing up to his own hala [fault]. Then the leader would ask the person, 'Heaha kau i hana ai? What did you really do? Ho'o mao popo. Think about it.' And there would be ho'omalu for a little while."

emotions kept under control
Obviously, a successful ho'oponopono was not mere emotional catharsis. Hawaiians seemed to know that neither crying jag nor shouting match solves a problem. In fact, the Center's psychiatric consultant believes the emotional controls of ho'oponopono provide one of its great therapeutic strengths. To quote: *half-Hawaiian; half-Caucasian.

"In ho'oponopono, one talked openly about one's feelings, particularly one's angers and resentments. This is good. For when you suppress and repress hostilities, pretend they do not exist, then sooner or later they are going to burst out of containment, often in destructive, damaging ways. Ho'oponopono used the 'safety valve' of discussion as one step towards handling old quarrels or grudges, and even more importantly, as prevention, so minor disputes would not grow into big grievances.

"But 'talking things out' is not enough. Something constructive must be done about the cause of the grudge, the reasons behind the quarrel. And to get this done, talking about anger must be kept under control. Let the anger itself erupt anew, and more causes for more resentments build up. 'Setting things to rights' requires all the maturity one can muster. When run-away emotions take over, so do child-like attitudes and behavior. The ho'oponopono provision that participants talk about anger to the leader, rather than hurling maledictions at each other was a wise one.

"Only when people control their hostile emotions, can satisfactory means of restitution be worked out. And usually, it's pretty hard to forgive fully and freely until, for example, property has been returned or damage repaired or one's good name has been cleared.

"Ho'oponopono seems to be a supreme effort at self-help on a responsible, adult level. It also has the spiritual dimension so vital to the Hawaiian people. And even here, prayers, to aumakua in the past or God in the present, are responsible, adult prayers. The appeal is not the child-like, 'Rescue me! Get me out of this scrape.' Rather it is, 'Please provide the spiritual strength we need to work out this problem. Help us to help ourselves."'

Ho'oponopono defined in 1971
Unfortunately, very few Hawaiians practice this "supreme effort at self help" in 1971. For when Christianity came in, more than a century ago, ho'oponopono went out. Because ho'oponopono prayers and rituals were addressed to "pagan gods," the akua and aumakua, all ho'oponopono was labeled pagan. Many Hawaiians came to believe their time honored method of family therapy was "a stupid, heathen thing." Some practiced ho'oponopono secretly. As time went on, Hawaiians remembered, not ho'oponopono but only bits and pieces of it. Or grafted-on innovations. Or mutations. Or complete distortions of concept, procedure and vocabulary.

True ho'oponopono: the sum of its parts
Many of these fragments, innovations, additions or departures are themselves desirable. They are not ho'oponopono in its entirety. For Hawaii's family therapy is the sum total of many parts: prayer, discussion, arbitration, contrition, restitution, forgiveness and releasing, and the thorough looking into layers of action and feeling called mahiki. It is this sum total of its many beneficial parts that makes ho'oponopono a useful, effective method to remedy and prevent family discord.

Dr. Haertig:
"Ho'oponopono may well be one of the soundest methods to restore and maintain good family relationships that any society has ever devised."

Soulwork

I integrated ho'oponopono into what we call Soulwork, together with ho'omanamana (making great power) and kala (cleansing forgiveness). This training offers you a complete system of relationship coaching and emotional healing that can reach into and transform all parts of life.

I was trained in ho'oponopono by my hanai aunt - Mona Kahele - a friend of Mary Pukui. Aunty Mona worked as a social worker most of her life, and was honored by the governor of Hawaii for her work with native Hawaiian children. She taught ho'oponopono in South Kona, on Big Island Hawaii. Her body died in 2006 ... I honor the love and wisdom of my Aunt Mona Kahele. Martyn Carruthers

Mahalo nui loa (long gratitude) for your attention. A hui ho! Until we meet again ...

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Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.