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Human relationships have complex
yet predictable patterns of interdependency.
Our coaching supports people resolve conflicts and enjoy better relationships.
Systemic Coaching Philosophy
You are a member of many relationship systems. You
are a member of your early family, your current and past friendships,
your current and past teams, your current and past partnerships and your
regional and national cultures. Do you sometimes feel confused or
overwhelmed by your relationships?
You are
subject to the consequences of the often-contradictory and often-unknown rules of
each of your human systems. And, as all human systems are subsystems of
planetary ecosystems, you are also subject to the consequences of
environmental and systemic rules that govern the ecology of this planet.
Simple rules cannot provide adequate
guidance for complex relationships. (For example, "Be polite" has
little value when meeting visitors from others cultures - English politeness may
insult some people from other cultures, and vice versa). Each human system has
its own values and rules. Understanding
systemic rules can help you recognize entangled relationships and
dysfunctional relationship habits.
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In which of your relationships is it
against the rules to question the rules? |
You can understand some the rules of your relationships by
observing your own relationship habits. Some of your habits follow patterns set
by family traditions and dogma. You learned many habits during childhood
and teenage experiences.
Are you happy with your habits? Can you change them?
Human Systems Coaching: Philosophy & Technique
There are no right human behaviors and no correct
relationship philosophies. There are actions and consequences. If you want
long-term solutions for relationship problems, seek coaching from people who
understand the rules, consequences and solutions for the human systems you
live in.
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Good coaching is not
about technique - it's about integrity. "Is a proposed change
in the best interest of everybody involved?" Integrity
requires that you evaluate relationship ecology first! |
Few helping professionals seek philosophy - they
usually demand technique. Yet poorly understood techniques
can lead to failure or worse. Obsession with technique can lead to
client abuse and
therapist damage.
Obsession with technique can hurt people.
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Since I entered the world of NLP, hypnotherapy
and inspirational self-improvement, my life has changed. I definitely don't like
these changes, but I can't get out of them because they were imprinted in me on
an emotional level.
More
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Individual coaching can
lead to individual success ... and relationship failure. Changing relationship behavior
for short-term selfish gains may precipitate long-term suffering for close people.
(Many decisions by partners to separate or by people to abort unborn children are made in haste ...
oblivious of the long-term consequences.)
Coaching in Chaos . Consequences of
Abortion . Expert Modeling
. Coaching Skills
Limits to Conversation
Attempts have been made to guide, regulate and limit the
conversations that are called coaching, counseling, consulting and
therapy. The presuppositions within those codes, guidelines and regulations
reflect the goals and ambitions of the writers.
Abstract guidelines are often meaningless. The International
Coaching Federation (ICF) attempts to define coaching relationships:
ICF Coaching Philosophy
The International Coach Federation (ICF) ...
honors the client as the expert in his/her life and work, and believes that
every client is creative, resourceful and whole.
Standing on this foundation,
the coach's responsibility is to:
- Discover, clarify, and align with
what the client wants to achieve
- Encourage client self-discovery
- Elicit client-generated solutions and
strategies
- Hold the client responsible and
accountable
From ICF Standards, revised July 2002 |
Abstract guidelines rarely provide useful guidance for
specific relationships. Our long experience with systems and relationship
coaching indicates that:
- Most people are not expert in but are
unaware of their own life dynamics
- Few people can access their creativity,
resourcefulness and integrity
- Nobody can truthfully discover, clarify
and align with all client goals
- Self-discovery often exposes strong unpleasant
emotions
- Client-generated solutions and strategies are
often highly unrealistic
- Many people avoid responsibility and accountability
Our Systemic Coaching Philosophy (2005)
You can effectively coach people to
improve their relationship behavior if you have researched the causes,
benefits, choices and relationship consequences of similar behaviors
with people from similar cultural backgrounds.
In our systemic coach training, you learn
through experience ...
we teach through demonstration, discussion, exercises
and feedback.
From
Soulwork Code of Conduct 2005 |
Coaching & Informed Consent
A coach, counselor or therapist can gain informed consent
before making decisions that affect a client. This would normally mean providing
clear information about potential risks, benefits and alternative methods to
achieve a defined goal, or to solve a specified problem. Informed consent
requires that a practitioner ensures that the risks, benefits, consequences and
alternative methods are understood.
This benefits both practitioners and clients.
A practitioner is a guest of a system and subject to systemic consequences.
Practitioners who avoid this ethical step, who make decisions for their clients
without gaining informed consent, risk becoming emotionally entangled with their
clients ... and not only by delayed guilt.
Practitioners who make decisions for clients may be perceived
as substitutes for parents. Clients may respond by becoming dependent or
antagonistic, perhaps reliving old family conflicts. The consequences often show
up as relationship chaos and confusion.
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If you behave in a way that your behavior could
be misconstrued, probably someone will misconstrue it. Even if you get entangled
unknowingly, it may be difficult to get out.
Take responsibility to act
responsibly. |
Some coaches, counselors and therapists deliberately take
parental roles towards clients - and some find themselves taking a
partner roles (sometimes in intimate
affairs). Although becoming a substitute family
member has enormous influence on both the practitioners' and clients' lives,
the unpleasant consequences of such transferences, substitutions and affairs seem
to be largely ignored in most training programs.
We call attention to these risks and train our students on how
to recognize and minimize them.
Personal Philosophy & Integrity
Systemic coaching can help you create a personal philosophy
that reflects your moral standards and integrity. Your personal philosophy
influences how you understand reality, how you make decisions, how you relate to
people and how you deal with the consequences
of your actions.
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Do you apply techniques, or do you coach people?
- Are your own relationships happy and healthy?
- Do you follow a similar formula with every client?
- Do you offer people coaching, dogma or
good advice?
- With what relationship types do you claim
competence?
- Why do you want to help people change their
relationships?
- Can you predict the relationship consequences of your
help?
- Are you offended or irritated if someone ignores your
good advice?
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Relationship Coaching: Codes of Ethics
Personal philosophies can be overly abstract, while
practical ethics are easier to specify. A practical code of ethics
for a relationship or life coach can include:
- maintaining confidentiality
- offering a paid service only if competent
- claiming only qualifications that are possessed
- clarifying relationships and boundaries with clients
- respecting every member of a relationship system
- extra guidelines for
coaching children
and young adults
- making appropriate referrals to competent professionals
How to become Whys
Coaching is a series of conversations. For conversations
to be useful, and for changes to be beneficial and lasting, our systemic
coaching includes education about the causes of relationship habits, the
consequences of change, and how to develop appropriate
relationship skills.
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Questions that explore professional integrity
include, "What does a client want?", "What
does a client pay for?" and "What does a client
take away?" |
Code
of Conduct . Systems Theory .
Alternative Therapy
Systems Coaching Philosophy
Systemic coaching can integrate empathy,
acceptance, empowerment and authenticity
to help people begin, improve, maintain and end relationships. A
systemic coach can recognize relationship types and patterns,
and help people predict the consequences of specified change.
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Systemic coaching is about managing relationships in
human systems. A systemic coach can, without need or dependency,
coach people to:
- define and fulfill their responsibilities
- fulfill responsibilities to their relationship
systems
- resolve relationship transferences and
identity loss
- explore relationship consequences of individual
goals
- find lasting solutions for cross-generational
relationship habits
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Our coaching is not psychotherapy - we do
not analyze your past. It is not religious - we are not
authorities on how you should live your life. It is not psychology
- we have no pre-systemic fascination with statistics. We coach people to
get results. See Chaos Coaching and
Quantum Thinking.
Nor is our coaching medicine - we do not diagnose
medical conditions nor prescribe treatment. Our coaching is not hypnosis
- we avoid manipulation. It is not counseling - we rarely if ever give
advice. And we are not New Age - Soulwork systemic coaching
is a prophet-free organization.
Bottom Lines
If you have an appropriate philosophy, suitable training,
quality support and a desire to live with integrity, you can help
people achieve miracles. Any lack of these qualities may cause you,
with good intentions, to increase confusion and suffering.
Client abuse and
therapist damage hurt both
coaches and clients. Learn systemic coach training from experienced
trainers who demonstrate these qualities.
Do you want to help people dissolve success
and relationship issues?
Do you
want to benefit from our experience?
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2010
All rights reserved.
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