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Transferences & Transference Loops - Part 2
Untangle Relationships © Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching

Are you reacting to some people as if they were someone else?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama or from your partner's demands?
Untangle your transferences to untangle your life.

Continued from: Transferences & Transference Loops - Part 1

Rapport, Transference & Compliance

You meet someone - maybe a salesperson or a helping professional - and you immediately like and trust that person. Are your warm feelings a result of the influence of a trained professional - sometimes called a positive transference?

You can probably recall meeting an unknown person and taking an immediate dislike to that person. Examining the interaction will typically reveal one of six common transferences. Perhaps this person reminds you of someone in your past with whom you had a problem. This is sometimes called a negative transference.

I dislike these terms as much as I dislike health professionals talking about positive or negative emotions. I find that all types of transference can increase confusion, and poor labeling doesn't help.

If a person reminds you of someone you like - or of yourself - you may trust that person without requiring evidence of sincerity, honesty or integrity. Rapport and compliance skills, as taught in many sales trainings and seduction courses, are often called matching and mirroring. Trained people can motivate you to do what they want by duplicating or mirroring your body movements and voice qualities.

If you are being unduly influenced, you may first feel an unusual pleasant feeling or inappropriate rapport with a seller. Then you may feel guilty if you refuse an offer and you are more likely buy whatever that person is selling. However, after the warm, fuzzy sense of rapport wears off, you may feel manipulated, distrustful and abused.

Managing Transferences

Although helping professionals may not consciously recognize or actively avoid all transferences, they can lessen the potential damage caused by so-called positive transferences:

1. avoid social relationships with current or recent clients
2. avoid professional relationships with friends or family members
3. never offer or accept an intimate relationship with a client (unless you want chaos)
4. read (3) again - especially if you enjoy a little chaos from time to time

If you feel attracted to or repelled by a client, you can discuss your professional rules before you start work. If you suspect that either you or the client may have a transference with each other, you can discuss what behaviors are appropriate before the emotional temperature rises.

Dissolving Transferences

If you notice a transference, you could educate your client about transferences, or you could find out to whom the transference is associated and dissolve it. We teach long-term dissolution of transference loops between partners in our Couple Coaching training, between family members on our Family Coaching training and between team members on our Team Coaching training.

Transferences in Coaching

Stressed people in difficult relationships often react not to what is said, rather to body language, and to the emotional reactions and intuited interpretations of this nonverbal communication. This can trigger unpleasant emotions which may motivate retaliation, revenge and fights.

During a partnership, many couples (and business partners) create core transference loops. When a core loop is activated, both partners may lose resources simultaneously, which can lead to unpleasant consequences. We help people dissolve such doubled transferences.

Long-term, simultaneous dissolution of core transference loops is more complex. Two common examples are that a woman perceives her male partner more as a son, and/or the man perceives his wife as a substitute for his mother. The results are both commonplace and devastating to romantic intimacy, and are often a root cause of extra-marital affairs and divorce.

We help couples befriend and manage their emotions and to build the skills, supportive beliefs and values needed for long-term partnership and parenthood. Couples can benefit from proven ways to dissolve not only their problematic symptoms but also the underlying causes of ...

Emotional Maturity

If you experience our couple coaching, you may not look at couples the same way again. You will hear many stories about partners that you later find are untrue. You will see much well-intentioned hurt and the consequences of abuse, betrayal and ignorance. And you can develop your emotional maturity.

Sharing thoughts and feelings is relationship first aid. We help people
make clear relationship decisions. We help people dissolve transferences and
we help couples dissolve transference loops and repair shattered relationships.

Online Coaching to dissolve Transferences

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2001-2012 All rights reserved

Transferred References

* Heinrich Racker : "Transference and Counter-Transference", International Universities Press, 2001, ISBN 0-8236-8323-0
* Harold Searles: Countertransference and related subjects; selected papers., New York, International Universities Press, 1979, ISBN 0823610853
* Margaret Little: Transference Neurosis and Transference Psychosis, Jason Aronson; 1993, ISBN 1568210744
* Nathan Schwartz-Salant : "Transference and Countertransference", Chrion, 1984 (Reissued 1992), ISBN 0-9330-2963-2

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks, improve relationships and achieve goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... ask for permission to post, publish or teach this work.