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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from childhood abuse?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your children's demands, your
boss's moods?
Do you want to untangle
your life and reclaim your freedom.
Single Parenting (Continued in Single Parents)
Single parenting is sometimes a challenge, accepted with good
intentions (look how strong I am!). Later it may become overwhelming. People
deciding to raise children alone need financial resources, emotional stability
and wisdom to fulfill one's own life and a parental role.
Good intentions are rarely enough. Many single parents lose
themselves in duties and challenges, and often lack parenting skills. They
may need to learn how to make enough money, how to talk with children, how to share
with other parents, how to deal with their own strong emotions.
Many people offer abstract or ineffective advice to single parents,
advice which may be quite
useless ... we focus on identifying and teaching missing skills
- How can you teach a child to love a missing parent?
- How can you end a crisis and come back to normal life?
- How can you feel good about your dead or missing partner?
- How can you stay joyful, if you cry hours before the children come
home?
- How can you honor the other parent - while you feel
anger, sadness, or indifference?
- How can you act motivated when you lack the energy to
cook a meal or talk to your children?
Answers for these questions are not easy and there are no
foolproof recipes. Each family is unique. Problems need specific,
appropriate solutions. Not all fathers who leave a family are monsters, not all
mothers are the best choice for raising children, and not all coaches offer
systemic solutions.
Sometimes parents seem less mature than their children.
Sometimes good parents of young children cannot cope with teenagers. In our systemic
coaching, we look carefully for long term solutions, which enable parents raise
their children, even if separated from each other. We coach people to find new
shapes of love - between the partners and for the children.
Many parents who leave the family stop expressing love toward
the children because of guilt. Many parents who stay with children feel unable
to express love toward another parent because of anger (I lose my freedom and
you get it back).
Many children cannot express love to a parent who leaves a
family - feeling blocked by the parent who raised them (Mom might be angry if
I feel good about Dad)
| I didn't know how to talk to my
daughter about her father. I felt so angry that I could only criticize
him. After two sessions with you, I could tell
her good stories about her father ... My daughter relaxed a lot. She can now
smile and laugh with her Dad. Thank you! AM, Essex |
Children of Single Parents
Some people, after separation or a partner's death, are so
overwhelmed by their emotions that they do not support their children,
especially when their children are quiet.
Your children may distract themselves and say little,
which you may interpret that the children don't understand or don't care about
what's happening. Yet withdrawal often means that the children are in
deep distress, pretending disinterest while hoping for miracles. Few children
can verbally express their feelings about their parents' separation, or about
the absence or death of a parent.
Children need patience and wisdom and
special care when their parents split. Many people ask their parents or
relatives to look after the children for a time, while they sort out their
finances and emotions.
Compare this California report with your
hopes for your children's happiness ...
- 90% of all homeless and runaway
children are from fatherless homes
- 85% of all children with
behavior disorders are from fatherless homes
- 85% of all youths in prison are
from fatherless homes
- 75% of children in
single-parent families will experience poverty
- 75% of all adolescents in
chemical abuse centers are from fatherless homes
- 71% of all high school dropouts
are from fatherless homes
- 71% of teenage pregnancies are
to children of single parents.
- 63% of youth suicides are from
fatherless homes
Divorce Coaching
. Children of Divorce
Regain Normality
First remember who you are ("Who am I when I stop
being a husband or wife?"). We can help you heal trauma and deal with
any sadness,
anger, anxiety and other unpleasant emotions. If you first recover your strength for
supporting your children - then you can build relationships on your assets.
Do you want single parent coaching or coach training?
Continued in Single Parents
Would you like to
benefit from our experience?
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers,
2004-2010 All rights reserved
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