Home Page

We offer coaching and training on preventing sexual abuse,
resolving family chaos and rebuilding family harmony.

What is Child Sexual Abuse?

Child sexual abuse occurs when adults use children for sexual gratification. Sexual abuse may begin with kissing or fondling, and progress to intrusive sexual acts, such as oral sex and vaginal or anal penetration. Child Abuse may be combined with emotional abuse that destroys a child’s self-respect, for example repeated verbal abuse such as shouting, threats, and degrading or humiliating criticism, emotional incest and emotional blackmail.

What is Sexual Assault?

Sexual assault refers to sexual intercourse or attempted intercourse carried out against a person’s desire by the use or threat of physical force. If a man forces a woman who is not his wife to sexual intercourse against her will, he commits rape. In some countries, rape includes sexual intercourse without force, but without agreement, with a spouse.

What causes Sexual Perversions?

1. Psychoanalytic Models

In 1895, Sigmund Freud wrote about the consequences of sexual abuse, claiming that boys are sexually attracted to their mothers, and girls to their fathers. Freud tried to explain sex offences - "castration anxiety is a failure to resolve an Oedipus Complex which causes feelings of sexual inadequacy and a need to be sexually dominant". Hence sexual offences would be parenting failures. A hundred years later, Freud's models still strongly influence psychiatrists.

The psychoanalytic model places the blame of childhood sexual abuse and incest on the child and the mother, (which may well represent Freud's biography). Although widely used by psychiatrists, Freudian psychoanalytic models are very limited:

• Mothers and children are blamed for childhood sexual abuse, not the abusers.
• Does not explain father-son or mother-daughter sexual abuse, incest by other family members nor sexual assaults by neighbors, teachers, clergy or family friends.
• Sex offenders or rapists are perceived as mentally sick, even though the vast majority of sexual offenders show no symptoms of other recognized mental illnesses.

2. Victim Encouragement

Victims are said to encourage rape through verbal and non-verbal behavior (for example by walking alone). A woman who accepts a dinner invitation or a lift home, or who visits a male friend at his home or who invites a male friend into her own home may be perceived by a rapist as a sex partner, and her actions rationalized by a rapist as consent for sex. Verbal refusals of sex may be perceived by a rapist as "sex games" and ignored or encouraged.

• Men may force women to participate in sexual behavior
• The victim is blamed for the responsibility for sexual assault
• Men may deceive women and hide their intention to have sex

3. Family Dysfunction & Incest

Incest is seen as a symptom of a sick family, and all family members are considered responsible for allowing it to occur. Incest, in a dysfunctional family, is covertly used to keep a family together. Family dysfunction theory has been adopted by many government authorities.

Users of this model see the mother as a dysfunctional wife who does not fulfill her husband's sexual needs, nor protect her children from him. She absents herself either emotionally or physically from her children by absence through work or illness, or by being emotionally and/or sexually frigid.

Despite wide acceptance, the family dysfunction model:

• Does not explain other forms of sexual abuse
• Does not explain two thirds of child sexual abuse
• Minimizes or denies the devastating effects of incest on a child
• Proposes that a father has a right to be sexually serviced by females
• Regards incest as a symptom that keeps a dysfunctional family together
• Argues that a father imposes sexual demands on whoever does the housework

Mothers rarely ignore incest. In America, about 75% of mothers react to disclosed incest and 60% take immediate action, in contrast to the predictions of this popular model.

4. Psychological Models

Psychological models focus on identifying the personality profile and motivations of sex offenders. Some personality characteristics have been associated with sexual abusers.

• feelings of masculine inadequacy
• need to dominate and control family relationships
• introverted or withdrawn behavior (few or no friends)
• often adept at lies, evasions, excuses, justifications and blame

Research shows that abusers come from all social backgrounds; and do not suffer from known mental illnesses, nor do they necessarily have other criminal tendencies. This model perceives sexual abuse against women and children as normal male behavior.

5. Societal Models

Some say that social change can eliminate child abuse and sexual assault, by changing:

• the balance of power between men and women
• the balance of power between adults and children
• abusers' responsibility for sexual assault

Societal models explain sexual assault in terms of social structures. Abuse is considered to be a facet of a patriarchal society, and sexual abuse and sexual assault are a result of legal, social, economic and political systems which support or enforce male dominance over women and children. These models predict that men ...

1. see wives and children as property
2. express dependency through sex
3. use sex to reconfirm their sense of self
4. are stimulated by the genitals of preferred sexual objects
5. desire sexual partners who are younger and smaller than themselves

This approach assigns responsibility to sexual abusers, but argues that socialization contributes to sexual abuse, and that women and children are passive, vulnerable and unable to resist.

6. Systemic Models

Our systemic model includes family dynamics about the victim, the abuser and the family as well as social and cultural factors. We provide a flexible framework which places responsibility with the abuser, while recognizing the influences of the abuser's history, family and culture. This allows us to offer solutions for the victims and for the perpetrators of sexual abuse and sexual assault. We predict that:

1. The abuser identified with a family member who was perceived as a victim
2. At least one adult caretaker of the abuser was chronically sexually frustrated
3. The abuser's family did not allow conversation or discussion about sexual issues
4. The abuser was abused, physically or emotionally, by an opposite sex caretaker
5. Most female sexual abusers will be bonded to immature (childish) male caretakers
6. Most male sexual abusers will be bonded to immature (childlike) female caretakers

Sexual Abuse, Therapists & Health Professionals

Many of our clients are therapists or counselors, and many other clients described their interactions with previous therapists, counselors, etc. We suspect that helping professionals often specialize in their own issues - and we wonder how many people who specialize in deviant sexual behavior develop and use theories which mitigate their own guilt or shame for their own actions or fantasies.

Sexual contact between therapists and clients is regarded as unethical, malpractice, and may be a criminal offense. Sexual contact between physicians, lawyers, clergy, and professors and their patients/clients/students may be considered unethical and grounds for a lawsuit. However, as some therapists use their profession as a source of sexual stimulation, we offer assistance to therapists, counselors and other professionals who have abused or who risk abusing their clients.

In fiduciary relationships, the more powerful party is required to act in the trusting party's best interest. Yet a survey of therapists showed that about 14% of male therapists and 3% of female therapists reported erotic contact with at least one client. Another survey found that 70% knew at least one client who had been sexually involved with a previous therapist.

Around 90% of patients who had sexual contact with therapists have consequences including sexual dysfunction, anxiety disorders, psychiatric hospitalization, increased risk of suicide, depression, dissociation, feelings of guilt, shame, anger, confusion, hatred feelings of worthlessness and lost ability to trust people. Yet few victims (under 10%) of therapist abuse report the abuse.

Some therapists argue that therapist-client sexual intimacies rarely harm clients; rather that such actions are generally inconsequential or beneficial; and that these intimacies do not constitute exploitation, nor abuse trust, power, prerogative, responsibility in therapeutic relationships.

In a survey of 4,800 therapists, Borys and Pope (1989) found that psychiatrists, psychologists, and clinical social workers engaged in sexual intimacies with their patients at equivalent rates.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1999-2010 All rights reserved.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.