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Can you imagine the pleasure of
untangling difficult relationships and replacing painful emotions?
Feel better as
you dissolve your anger, sadness, guilt and anxiety, and reclaim your freedom.
Do you want to coach people to untangle their
emotions, their relationships and their lives?
Do you dream of partnership?
Some of your most important life decisions are about life partners.
Do you use mature judgment about who is compatible and who not? Do you consider
your personality, your values and your life goals?
If you do not, you may
suffer relationship disappointments with incompatible partners again and again. And if you stay in an
unpleasant relationship, you may endure affairs, power struggles
and abuse. Where are you now?
Chance meetings or fateful encounters are common in
fiction, yet they are not effective ways to meet compatible partners.
Do you make life decisions based on fleeting emotions? Many people
give great initial impressions, they may make themselves look good
and talk smart, yet offer little as partners.
They may be attractive, and you feel good with them, at
least in the beginning. But if their values are different from yours, if
their goals are incompatible with yours, and if their expectations are
different from yours - you can easily predict problems. But how can you check
all this ... quickly?
Some people try to force better relationships after
reading self-help books. Self-help strategies often look good in books ... if
the readers really want deeper relationships and can follow the strategies
properly. Poorly applied self-help strategies may worsen existing relationships
and alienate people.
Predictable Partnership
. Enjoying Partnership
Coaching Better Relationships
Do you want emotional satisfaction, financial security,
happy children and social acceptance? Why not evaluate your values and beliefs
... and then select
more appropriate potential partners?
So many people waste their lives on separation, divorce, marital
conflict and prolonged unhappiness. Poor partner selection can influence your whole
life, and the consequences can cross generations. This can be disastrous for
children. Your children will carry the consequences of your decisions.
Immature love hurts people. In a partnership, neither person
need be wrong, it is more likely that a couple lack partnership skills and
cannot resolve emotional entanglements and transferences, or deal
with their own deep beliefs and relationship histories.
You can avoid poor quality partnership without sacrificing love
or affection. Do you want a partner who wants to support your dreams? Why not make
your dreams very, very clear? Then, if the feedback is
not as you want, you waste little time and cause no harm. You can move on.
We coach people to untangle old bonds
and take responsibility ... but we cannot reach out to immature adults or
unmotivated people! Rather than nagging a potential partner to change ...
consider expanding your own sense of life ... your lasting happiness will
be hard to ignore!
The world is full of eligible potential partners with whom
you could have a wonderful partnership. You only need one who is right for you.
Perhaps we can help you prepare.
Evaluate Partnership
. Compatibility .
Broken Heart
Finding an Appropriate Partner
Happy partners say what they want ... and what
they don't want. They do not demand that one person fill all their relationship
needs (this leads towards symbiosis and codependence). They want partners - not
another parent or nurse or sibling or friend or employee.
Do you want a casual date, a fun weekend, a holiday romance
or a lifetime together? Do you want a partner who is immature or mature; irresponsible
or responsible; light or serious? Don't expect a person to read your mind and
act the roles you want! Don't expect a person to be a substitute for somebody
else!
Evaluating compatibility for committed
partnership will likely concern comparing beliefs, values and how emotions
are expressed and which relationship
skills are used. Ten questions worth exploring are:
- What interests, sports and hobbies?
- What willingness to develop personally?
- What willingness to improve relationship skills?
- What ethics, morals, sense of life, religious behavior?
- What educational background? What attitude to learning?
- What bonds to family? To opposite-sex parent? To
siblings?
- Physical appearance, eating habits, fitness habits,
hygiene?
- How is self expressed? What interest in other people's
lives?
- What attitude to sex? What skills? Is sex a pleasure or a
duty?
- What social personality? How does (s)he behave with
your friends?
Other Important Questions
Observe this person in different contexts. Observe this person
under stress. Observe this person with your family and friends. You could
regret a fast decision for the rest of your life. Take all the time you need!
Take several weeks or months before deciding to say, "Yes" or say,
"Goodbye".
There are so many important questions ... so much information
you need. And yet new couples are often more concerned with hiding
themselves. They show their best clothes ... their favorite humor ...
they tell their best stories ... and they may avoid revealing much of themselves.
You need to know: How is money managed? What attitudes to success?
What work habits? How is affection shown? How is help requested? How are
feelings expressed? What obsessions / compulsions / addictions? Which ideas
are fixed (rigid beliefs)? Which ethics are flexible?
Incomplete ... expand these questions with
some possible answers ...
We help people create, improve
and enjoy healthy relationships.
Online Coaching for Healthy Relationships
Plagiarism is theft Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
2007-2011 All rights reserved |
