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Can you imagine the pleasure of
untangling difficult relationships and replacing painful emotions?
Feel better as you dissolve your anger, sadness, guilt and anxiety,
and reclaim your freedom.
Do you want to coach people to untangle their
emotions, their relationships and their lives?
Do you dream of partnership?
You are a real person. Some of your most important life
decisions are about other real people ... your life partners. Do you use
mature judgment to explore who is truly compatible and who is not? Do you
just follow your feelings - or do you compare your personalities, your
values and your life goals?
If you only follow feelings, you may suffer relationship
disappointments again and again. And if you stay in unpleasant relationships,
you may endure affairs, power struggles and abuse.
Chance meetings or fateful encounters are common in
fiction, yet they are rarely effective ways to meet compatible partners.
Do you make life decisions based on fleeting emotions? Many people
give great initial impressions, they may make themselves look good
and talk smart, yet offer little as partners.
They may be attractive, and you feel good with them, at
least in the beginning. But if their values are different from yours, if
their goals are incompatible with yours, and if their expectations are
different from yours - you can easily predict problems. But how can you check
all this ... quickly?
Some people try to force better relationships after
reading self-help books. Self-help strategies often look good in books ... if
the readers really want committed partnership, if they have no emotional blocks and
if they can
follow the strategies properly. Poorly applied self-help strategies may worsen
existing relationships and alienate people.
Predictable Partnership
. Enjoying Partnership
Coaching Better Relationships
Do you want emotional satisfaction, financial security,
happy children and social acceptance? Why not evaluate your values and beliefs
... and then select more appropriate potential partners?
Are you fed up with entangled relationships? A common problem
is not so much who you attract - as who you are attracted to. And if your
parents were not very healthy - then you might feel attracted to unhealthy
people.
So many people waste their lives on prolonged unhappiness
and marital conflict, followed by separation and divorce. Poor partner selection
can influence your whole life, and the consequences can hurt your
children. Your children will carry the consequences of your decisions.
In a partnership, neither person
need be wrong, it is more likely that a couple lack partnership skills and
cannot resolve emotional entanglements and transferences, or deal
with their own deep beliefs and relationship histories. Immature love can hurt
adults and damage children.
You can avoid poor quality partnership without sacrificing
love or affection. Do you want a partner who will support your dreams? Why
not make your dreams very, very clear? Then, if the feedback is not
as you want, you waste little time and cause no harm. You can move on.
We coach people to untangle old bonds
and take responsibility ... but we cannot reach out to immature adults or
unmotivated people! Rather than nagging a potential partner to change ...
consider expanding your own sense of life ... your lasting happiness will
be hard to ignore!
The world is full of eligible potential partners with whom
you could enjoy a wonderful partnership. You only need one who is right for you.
Perhaps we can help you prepare.
Evaluate Partnership
. Compatibility .
Broken Heart
Finding an Appropriate Partner
Healthy people say what they want ... and what
they don't want. They do not demand that one person fill all their relationship
needs (this leads towards symbiosis and codependence). They want partners - not
another parent or nurse or sibling or friend or employee.
Do you want a casual date, a fun weekend, a holiday
romance or a lifetime together? Do you want a partner who is immature or
mature; irresponsible or responsible; light or serious? Don't expect a
person to read your mind and act the roles you want!
Many people seek substitutes for parents or
past romances.
Please don't expect a
real person to be a substitute for somebody else!
Evaluating compatibility for committed
partnership will likely concern comparing beliefs, values and how emotions
are expressed and which relationship
skills are used. Questions worth exploring about a potential partner are:
- What interests, sports and hobbies?
- What willingness to develop personally?
- What willingness to improve relationship skills?
- What ethics, morals, sense of life, religious behavior?
- What educational background? What attitude to learning?
- What bonds to family? To opposite-sex parent? To
siblings?
- How is self expressed? What interest in other people's
lives?
- What physical appearance, eating habits, fitness habits,
hygiene?
- What attitude to sex? What sexual skills? Is sex a pleasure or a
duty?
- What social personality? How does (s)he behave with
your family and friends?
Other Important Questions
Observe this person in different contexts. Observe this
person under stress. Observe this person with your family and friends. You
could regret a fast decision for the rest of your life so take all the time
you need before deciding to say, "Yes" or say,
"Goodbye".
There are so many important questions ... there is so much
information you need. And yet new couples are often more concerned with hiding
themselves. They show their best clothes ... they use their favorite humor ...
they tell their best stories ... and they may avoid revealing themselves.
Some things that you need to know about potential partners are:
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What are their work habits?
How do they show affection?
How do they manage money?
Which of their ethics are flexible?
What are their attitudes to success?
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How do they request help? How do they express their feelings?
How do they communicate their desires?
What are their obsessions / compulsions?
Which of their ideas are fixed (rigid beliefs)?
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Note: Expand these questions with
consequences ...
We help people create, improve, evaluate
and enjoy healthy relationships.
Online Relationship Coaching & Training
Plagiarism is theft Copyright © Martyn Carruthers
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