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Do you enjoy an emotionally satisfying life?
Can you express love and practice kindness; share
happiness and help humanity survive?
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Victor Frankl
Man's Search for Meaning |
Ultimately, man should not ask
for the meaning of his life, but rather must recognize that
it is he who is asked. Each man is questioned by life; and he
can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life
he can only respond by being responsible. |
Does Life Make Sense?
My meaning of life or
life purpose or sense of life has changed many times during my
life, in more or less predictable
ways. In particular, my sense of life changed as I gained experience during my relationships
with people.
If you are truly starving, you may find practical meaning of life in a potato. If
you are in love, you may find a sweet meaning of life in your first home
together. Some people find financial meaning in
strategic tax-deductible gifts to a charity selected by their accountants.
As my happiness and well-being seemed to require
that I adopt or create a life philosophy, I am alert for ways to
measure my progress. Do you also seek satisfactory answers to questions
about the meaning and sense of your life? Some questions I may ask you during
coaching are:
What do you want?
Who do you want to be? |
What is your purpose?
What are your life goals? |
What is true?
What is important?
|
Mentorship
. Is Soulwork "New Age"?
. Spiritual Evolution
I often help people assess their meaning of life by enquiring into
their needs, perception,
values and relationships. I help people assess their answers according to the research of
Abram Maslow, Gregory Bateson and Clare Graves ... and some of my own.
Maslow: Hierarchy of Needs
Abraham Maslow, a professor of
psychology, wrote that human beings are motivated by unsatisfied needs,
and that certain needs must be satisfied before higher needs. He believed that people are
basically trustworthy, self-protecting and self-governing. My summary if his
hierarchy of needs is
| Physiological |
Your need for basics such as air, water, food,
sleep, touch, etc |
| Safety |
Your need for stability: the security of
a home and safety for your family |
| Belonging |
Your need to belong to a family, clubs,
work groups, religions, etc, where you can accept others and feel
accepted by them |
| Esteem |
Your need to esteem yourself, perhaps following
competence at a task, and your need for recognition from others |
| Actualization |
Your need to become "everything that you can
become." You seek knowledge, experiences,
self-fulfillment, oneness, etc |
Bateson: Hierarchy of Logical Types
Gregory Bateson, an anthropologist, applied systems
theory to psychology and anthropology (see Steps to an Ecology of Mind).
His description of Logical Types define a hierarchy of abstraction from
physical objects to universal principles - here I apply his hierarchy to meaning of life:
|
Place |
You visit locations
that you find meaningful. These may be places with unusual geographic
features; places where special people died or were buried; or where
unusual events happened. |
|
Things |
You venerate
objects of unusual meaning, beauty or scarcity. This may include
possessions or parts of people who you consider as special. |
|
Behaviors |
You repeat body
movements that you find meaningful. This includes
repeating words that symbolize a relationship
with an esoteric agency. |
|
Beliefs |
You believe ideas
that cannot be proven. Important beliefs often lack factual basis yet concern
meaningful things, people or places. |
|
Values |
You value meaningful
abstractions that cannot be measured or assessed in ordinary reality (e.g.
beauty, charm, happiness ...) |
|
Identify |
You identify with places,
things, behaviors (e.g. a job), beliefs, values, other people or human systems. |
|
Transcend |
To transcend
identity is
a goal of many spiritual paths, although
people may dispute whether or not you have actually transcended. |
Graves: Hierarchy of Values
Clare Graves, a post-doctoral student of
Abraham Maslow, described values as a basis of human
development. His model of societal evolution predicts the behavior of
individuals, groups and organizations. In this table I loosely
interpret Dr Graves work in terms of meaning of life:
|
Survival |
Your meaning of life is
to survive long enough to raise children |
|
Tribal |
Your meaning of life
is to survive in small communities with the help of
esoteric agencies |
|
Power |
Your meaning
of life is to enjoy power - to be a warrior - to discover and conquer
for your immediate gratification |
|
Stability |
Your meaning of
life is to enjoy stability - to establish and regulate society for
the security of your peers |
|
Success |
Your meaning of
life is to enjoy success - to increase your individual worth in a competitive
market |
|
Community |
Your meaning of
life is to enjoy community - to share your feelings in a protected group
and to protect the group's integrity |
|
Systemic |
Your meaning of
life is to participate in complex systems - to find interconnections
that benefit all members of all systems |
|
Global |
Your meaning of life
is to value and nurture all living things as part of an complex global
super-system |
Graves Levels
1 - 3 . Graves Levels 4 - 6 .
Graves Levels 7 - 9
Carruthers: Hierarchy of Relationships
Some relationships give meaning to your life, and
life without those relationships may be depressing. I postulate that most people develop a
hierarchy of relationships that supports meaningful lives.
The relationship types that I consider most likely to affect your sense of life probably
include:
| Early Family |
Your sense of connection to members of
your family, living and dead, in which you learn basic life
skills and family rules as a basis for relationships with family members |
| Friendship |
Your sense of connection to special people with
whom you share experiences, feelings, personal details and advice, as a basis
for relationships with people who are not family |
| Teamwork |
Your sense of connection to
people with whom you work together towards shared goals
for mutual benefit, as a basis for
committed co-operation |
| Partnership |
Your sense of
connection to a special person with whom you create a long-term relationship to
experience love and intimacy, and prepare for nurturing children and / or
community projects |
| Parenthood |
Your sense of caring and
connection to your children, child substitutes (e.g. pets) or long term projects that
you create and nurture |
| Community |
Your sense of connection to members of your
community, whether geographical, political, professional, or
through other shared interests |
| Humanity |
Your sense of connection to members of
your race, including your acceptance of their countries of origin,
and their diverse cultural backgrounds, values and beliefs |
People who are confused about life are often confused about
their relationships. They may respond
to parents as if to partners, or to clients as if to lovers, or to employees as
if to children ... or any of a myriad other permutations. As such relationship confusion
in human systems appears
to cause endless suffering and emotional problems, I sought ways to solve those
systemic problems.
People who disconnect from other people often have a depressed sense
of life and perhaps feel lost in life or even suicidal.
This identity loss seems to underlie many
unpleasant symptoms. People who lack the skills needed for healthy relationships
often prefer unhealthy relationships to no relationships at all.
I find that people with mature relationship skills who enjoy fulfilling their
relationship responsibilities usually enjoy an intense sense of meaning in
life. Hence part of our work is helping people assess and clarify
their relationships. As we do this, we are guided in part by the above hierarchies.
Before you die - are you likely to say with integrity
"I fulfilled my life"?
The Soul of Soulwork
is integrity - a joyful expression of life filled with insight and understanding.
Do you want to untangle difficult relationships and find emotional
maturity?
Click HERE to make an appointment! |
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