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Summary

Emotions, Moods & Identity
Accelerated Recovery after Trauma � Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching & Mentorship

Few recovery programs work. The effects of recovery programs rarely last. Changing thoughts and behaviors is is not enough. Willpower, hypnotic programming and prayer rarely provide lasting results, and psychoactive drugs may only delay a relapse. But what else can you do?

Who is the "I" that is you?

Many emotional outbursts, compulsions and other problematic habits indicate identity loss, in which people lose their sense of self, or lose access to important talents or qualities, following some sort of abuse or trauma. Thereafter, those people may habitually act and react in robot-like ways, as if some parts of themselves were not present ... or preoccupied with something else ...

I help people manage emotions and build relationship skills. I help people resolve identity loss, relationship entanglements, codependence ... and recover their sense of life.

Identity Loss, Mood Disorders & Emotions

Although moods are part of life, mood extremes are associated with delusions, psychosis and hallucinations. For 30 years, doctors have assumed that medications can resolve mood disorders, although medications normalize only 25% of people with mood disorders such as manic-depression.

By moods, I refer to lasting emotional states. Moods can last a few hours, while emotions generally last a few seconds to a few minutes. As part of my work, I notice the expression of inappropriate emotions and the lack of appropriate emotions. I notice whether people show signs of:

• Identity Conflict - identification with two or more other people
• Identity Bonds - behavior is bonded by shared limiting beliefs
• Identification with another person (conscious or unconscious)
• Partial personalities - split-off parts of self (usually age-regressed)
• Lost Identity - diminished contact with sense of life (may follow abuse)

In my systemic diagnosis (which has nothing to do with DSM, which I distrust), bonds refer to deep beliefs and emotions that bond people together. Identification refers to the unconscious acceptance of a dominant personality (think - possessed). By lost identity I refer to severe chronic dissociation (imagine a physics professor solving a complex problem) and identity conflict refers to chronic mood swings (think - classic ideas of split personality).

Indications of identity loss include chronic emotional expressions, chronic conflict, chronic dissociation and chronic age regression (behaves like emotional children). But other factors can trigger strong emotions, including:

1. Stress, fatigue & overwork
2. Drugs, medications, food sensitivities & allergies
3. Loss, or threat of loss, of important relationships or possessions
4. Untreated diseases or physiology changes (e.g. weight gain or loss)

How do you maintain relationships with emotionally volatile people? Emotional outbursts often trigger emotional reactions in other people. The most common emotional responses seem to indicate threat avoidance, denial and personality identification.

1) Threats

1. Ego: One's value or contributions are belittled or minimized
2. Imminent: Perceived imminent danger in the immediate environment
3. Environment: Risk of being displaced or removed from one's environment
4. Success: If a success seems somehow dangerous, sabotage own success
5. Loss: Something may be lost: relationships, things, power, title, recognition, etc
6. Position: Membership of an important group (family or organizations etc) is threatened

2) Denial

1. Denial: Pretending that problems do not exist
2. Generalizing: Avoiding specific parts of problems
3. Flight: Physically or emotionally distancing from problems
4. Minimizing: Acknowledging problems but not their severity
5. Attacking: Becoming irritable or aggressive to avoid discussions
6. Excusing: Recognizing a problem but denying responsibility for it
7. Blaming: Recognizing problems but ascribing responsibility to others
8. Avoiding: Changing discussion or thoughts to avoid threatening topics

3) Personality Identification

Personality identification seems to follow systemic rules...

1. A person identified with a victim expresses chronic anger or rage
2. A person identified with a hero expresses chronic fear or anxiety attacks
3. A person identified with a dead person expresses chronic sadness or melancholy

Symptoms of identification can be easily perceived, once you become aware of them. A victim identified person is generally angry and suspicious and may annoy or torment people. A dead person identified person is generally sad or melancholy and may obsess about death; and a hero identified person is generally fearful or anxious and may avoid any type of change.

An identified person feels most intensely when expressing the unexpressed emotions of a role model. These emotional expressions may come as a massive relief, although perhaps with awareness of unpleasant consequences to come. An identified person may describe being "right in a wrong world".

4) Identity Conflict

Many people act as if they have inner conflict. People who can manage many tasks simultaneously are praised for this ability. Yet a person with identity conflict may feel normal, just and right, even when switching between two personalities. This deep conflict seems to be how a person (usually as a child) makes sense of two powerful but conflicting influences - usually conflicting parents.

If you have symptoms of identity conflict, you may ...

• not focus on one thing for more than a few minutes
• forget promises or deny decisions made yesterday or last week
• have profound mood swings (that other people notice more than you)

These symptoms are so common that they may be difficult to notice. If more severe, these mood swings (between two sides or parts of a conflicted person) may be diagnosed as bipolar disorder (manic-depression) or as intermittent anxiety disorders. See my transcript: Complex Conflict

5) Lost Identity

• You have little or no internal motivation
• You cannot define your own goals or outcomes
• You express few or no emotions and feel dissociated (very distracted)

If you look for these behaviors, they can become easy to perceive. You probably know some people who are so preoccupied with their daydreams that they have trouble making practical decisions.

6) Many Limiting Beliefs are Relationship Bonds

Many limiting beliefs bond or motivate people to stay in relationships. Weaker relationship bonds include shared memories. Stronger bonds are shared beliefs and values, and the strongest bonds seem to share identity. As relationship bonds motivate impulsive behavior, obsessions and compulsions, such relationship bonds are often substitutes for identity. (For more on this, see bonds.)

We help people change unpleasant emotions, limiting beliefs and unwanted behavior.
Do you want to change emotions, manage moods and improve relationships?

Online Coaching & Mentorship

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright � Martyn Carruthers 1996-2011 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks, improve relationships and achieve goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... ask for permission to post, publish or teach this work.