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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods? We can
coach you to untangle your life ... and you can coach other people to reclaim their freedom.
Contact us.
Do people speak badly of you in front of others?
Emotional blackmail is relationship abuse
motivated by a desire to hurt. An emotional blackmailer may claim good intentions,
and a victim may perceive the abuse as normal. Although abuse has strong consequences,
our systemic coaching can help people dissolve most consequences of abuse.
Emotional abuse includes excessive demands, punishment for normal behavior,
discouraging expressions of attachment (love) or self-respect,
and withholding affection or care. The damage caused by emotional abuse often
manifests as dysfunctional relationship behavior.
Emotional blackmail and emotional abuse are often
expressions of codependence, where adults are entangled in victim games -
displays of power and impotence - in which an observer or a player cannot ever be
sure who is the real victim. Often, the real victims are their children.
[ Mother's
Boys ] [ Father-Daughter Bonds ]
[ Parental Alienation ]
What is Emotional Blackmail?
Emotional blackmail is an attempt to influence, manipulate
or control you. Common ways to lose or forget your
emotional freedom are:
- Domination - controlling your environment
- Intimidation - manipulating your guilt, fear, compassion and values
- Unreasonable demands - requirements that you cannot meet
- Unpredictable mood changes - emotional outbursts and mood swings
- Verbal abuse - using words (or laughter) to attack, hurt or injure you
Consequences of Emotional Blackmail
The consequences of emotional blackmail or
extended criticism can be severe, especially for children. The victims may
become silent, watchful, shy, preoccupied, uneasy and lonely.
They may respond with aggression to people who attempt to be friendly.
We can help people who ...
- fear criticism, disapproval, or rejection
- feel inadequate - may avoid new activities
- are very sensitive to ANY negative evaluation
- see themselves as inferior or unappealing
- avoid interpersonal contact - social inhibition
Victim Games
The justification for emotional blackmail is often
dependence - the abuser may be afraid to lose something important that the
victim provides. An abuser may:
- Withhold essential information
- Contradict the victim's perspective
- Disguise abuse as humor
- Block the victim's goals
- Install limiting beliefs
- Trivialize thoughts and achievements
- Make threats to increase power
- Forget promises, agreements or previous discussions
- Invalidate the victim's reality and perceptions
- Express anger to release tension and feel powerful
Some abusers are helping professionals such as doctors,
therapists and alternative healers. (See
therapist-client codependence and mentor
damage). We help people resolve all forms of abuse.
Victim Paradox
Victims may have more power than victimizers. A resourceful
person, by acting resourceless, can manipulate an entire
relationship system such as a family or workgroup. Neither observers nor
members of a system (e.g. in a family, team or community) may know who
are real victims.
Victim Identification
A symptom set associated with abuse and
emotional blackmail is Victim Identification. A person (usually a child in the family or
a junior within an organization) may identify with a victim and express anger to the
victimizer, often explosively and inappropriately. This anger may be extended and projected
(transferred) onto any person who reminds the victim-identified person of the "victimizer".
Common symptoms of victim identification are
outbursts of anger and rage, which may generalize into anger against all victimizers.
This anger can be expressed as arrogance, vandalism and terrorism.
[ Emotional Incest ]
[ Identification ]
Systemic Solutions
Soulwork systemic coaching can help you dissolve the unpleasant consequences of emotional
blackmail and find emotional freedoms.
We can help you dissolve ...
Relationship Coaching ...
Systemic Coach Training
Do you want effective coaching or systemic coach training?
Do you want to coach people to resolve relationship challenges? Do you want to help
people achieve their dreams? Contact us.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2003-2008 All rights reserved
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or telephone: +4 860 275 8295 or +38 591 881 2682