I evaluate double goals by first noticing whether any verbal or non-verbal incongruence is simultaneous or sequential, or whether a client displays signs of conflict when changing wish polarity. Although a client may state a possessive or behavioral goal - the underlying goal is often at at an existential or identity level, to discover "What is important to me?" or "What sort of person am I?"

A client may find two or more conflicting possibilities. A well-formed outcome becomes possible if the definition of the goal can fully incorporate the values of all sides or parts of the conflict, or following an internal change of reference that rejects unwanted influences. (In our systemic diagnosis, we often refer to identity level influences as relationship bonds.)

People trained in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) may be tempted to use a visual squash. We find this to be an unhealthy choice for coaching people to resolve conflict. This technique uses hypnotic language to "double bind" the issues in conflict. The consequences of a visual squash includes the re-emergence of the conflict (usually within three months) or the manifestation of the conflict as chronic unpleasant emotions and/or psychosomatic symptoms.

The symptoms of identity conflict should not be confused with the symptoms of a person who constantly changes goal contexts, rather than oscillating back and fore between two polarities. In our systemic diagnosis, this constant changing of goal contexts would indicate Identification, in which a person "identified" with someone else, usually as a child under the age of seven.

Sequential Conflicts

Sequential conflicts can be fascinating ... and also irritating. Someone can never make up their mind, and if they do, they either participate half-heartedly - or they participate with huge energy for a limited time.

I check the time between polarity changes of a sequential conflict ... is it short-cycle or long-cycle? For me, short cycle is less than a few days, while long-cycle is over a week. This is useful information for anticipating a person's change of heart. You can plan for it ... and plan your response. (I find that this greatly decreases my irritation about people who break promises etc).

Although emotional conflicts can be resolved through top-down inhibition of amygdalar activity by the rostral cingulate cortex (Neuron 51, 1–12, September 7, 2006) - we often resolve complex emotional conflicts in conversations ... see Transcript - Resolve Complex Conflict.

Ecology is the Study of Congruence

A commonly used presupposition such as "Ecology is the study of consequences" seems to imply that ecology can only be determined AFTER an intervention. In systemic diagnosis, I teach that Personal Ecology is the study of congruence.

We can resolve some double goals conversationally. For example, a simultaneous verbal double wish (e.g. "I want X and Y") can often be dissolved by asking the client "Which do you want first? Do you want X first so that you can Y, or do you want Y first so that you can X?"

However - this question will not make sense to a person with an existential or complex conflict. Such a person may answer "I want X so that I can Y but I want Y so that I can X", or "It's impossible".

Resolving double wishes can be complex. Sequential incongruence (e.g. A client says "I want X … no really I want Y …actually X is more important… well Y should come first … but ...") usually indicates that a client's conscious alternatives are only indications of potential goal direction. You will not find a congruent outcome by choosing amongst incongruent outcomes!

Practitioner training in NLP provides a set of questions (Meta Model) that are supposed to help people specify goals, and SMART goals (from One Minute Manager by Keith Blanchard) which are useful for helping recognize well-formed outcomes (WFO).

We invest five days of our coach training into Goal Diagnosis ... we find it to be THAT important; and we include personal and relationship ecology on every step of our training. It is equally important.

NLP & Conflict Resolution

I (Martyn) attended a number of NLP trainer trainings: with Marilyn Atkinson's Erickson Institute, with Tad James' Advanced Neurodynamics, with Wyatt Woodsmall's Advanced Behavioral Modeling and with Steve and Connirae Andreas' NLP Comprehensive. The most common technique taught for dissolving conflicts was a hypnotic integration of two visualized parts ... often called a Visual Squash.

Visual Squash

The NLP technique called visual squash is often used to coach people to resolve internal behavioral conflicts. A person is encouraged to evaluate two parts (also called ego-states, complexes, partial personalities or entities) which communicate simultaneously or sequentially about a proposed goal.

If more than two parts involved in a conflict, we call it a complex conflict. We have noticed that the NLP visual squash used with a complex conflict may lead to withdrawal, unpleasant emotions and psychosomatic symptoms. A sequential conflict swings between goals, and may indicate a conflict of values or identity, which seem to have three, five or seven parts with two or three levels of abstraction. We find that about 20% of both Americans and Europeans (assessed on our private coaching and public trainings) present this complex pattern of sequential incongruence.

If a person identifying with one polarity is amnesic of decisions or actions made when identifying with the other polarity - this may indicate multiple personality syndrome and we do not attempt to coach such people - we refer them to clinicians. More commonly, a person identifying with one polarity may remember but deny decisions or break promises that were made while that person identified with the other polarity.

A client's presenting issue may be an inability to make decisions, in which multiple goals are incompatible with each other. (An advantage of complex conflict is that the client can multi-track or manage many projects simultaneously. A disadvantage is that such clients may create conflicts that reflect the client's chaotic internal mindscape. Extreme examples might include clients with gorge - starve (binging) cycles. (See: Eating Disorders)

Many people have conflicting goals. For example, a client may want a long-term stable job AND want a series of challenges with many companies. A NLP visual squash parts integration might motivate the client to find or create a position as a corporate troubleshooter, for example, in which both partial personalities are satisfied.

During work with people following a NLP visual squash by NLP practitioners, we observed that  many people re-create their conflict within a few weeks, when the squashed conflicting motivations may erupt as conflicting obsessions. Also, some people consequently seem to suffer physical symptoms or emotional problems that sabotage them from attaining their incongruent goals.

We found better ways.

See NLP Ecology Redefined and NLP Strategy Techniques

When you choose a goal or solution, you choose the consequences of that goal or solution.

Click HERE to Dissolve Conflicts Congruently

Although I qualified as a NLP trainer many times, I stepped back from NLP when I realized that I could not fulfill the claims made by NLP trainers using the material taught during NLP training. I have since researched and developed much that I lacked then, particularly concerning goalwork, relationship ecology, systemic changework and relationship coaching, and I abandoned NLP techniques that may damage people and/or damage their relationships. Martyn Carruthers