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We offer private coaching and public training
on better relationships, and on how to coach people through separation,
divorce and other difficult family situations.
Separation and Divorce are Major Life Events!
For how long have you been considering separation or
divorce? For months ... or for years? Or was your partner's decision a
shock? If you are considering separation or divorce, you may experience
emotional conflicts and mood swings. You may find yourself doing strange
things. You are not alone.
A study showed that partnership separation was traumatic,
similar to a death in the family, for over 80% of people. A mutual (emotionally
mature) decision to separate comprised less than 20% of all divorces.
(Jordan (1985) Effects of marital separation on men"
Brisbane Section, Family Court of Australia.)
Even when life together has been unpleasant for a long time,
making a decision to stay
together or to separate is usually difficult. You may both feel torn between
conflicting loyalties and responsibilities, and between irrational feelings and
rational thoughts. We
can coach you to assess these factors and make decisions - (and we will not try
to make decisions for you).
See Partnership Breakdown.
If you or your partner decide to separate, your
life will change. You may feel lost, haunted by shattered dreams of
happiness and guilt. You may ask, "What did I do wrong?"
and "What
else could I have done?" You may experience guilt for any
deception or betrayal that you have made. And some people may try
to increase your suffering - for their own benefit.
Divorce Coaching
Suddenly your home is only a building and your possessions may seem to
have little value. Dividing marital property may seem an onerous task.
Married friends may avoid you, as if you have an infectious disease.
A community may ostracize a partner that they consider "most
guilty" and support the partner they consider to be "most victim". Neighbors
and colleagues may behave strangely towards you.
Evaluate Partnership
. Stress
. Divorce and Children
.
Parent Alienation
You may receive hints and invitations for affairs from lonely
or hurting people ... this is a REALLY good time to refuse or
at least postpone those invitations, unless you want more chaos and confusion.
It's usually better to grieve your partnership, and to examine and fully learn from
it,
than to distract yourself with shallow relationships or sexual affairs,
however tempting they may seem just now.
Separation & Divorce
Increasing divorce rates may reflect the anti-family distractions that
fill the modern world - or perhaps many of these divorces reflect an increasing
unwillingness to tolerate unhappy marriages. Factors that affect divorce
differ around the world - the following apply in Europe and America:
- Laws: Western couples can divorce
and remarry relatively easily
- Dual careers: A partner may care for a career
more than a partnership
- Parenting: Couples may separate when their children are mature (empty
nest)
- Coping: Aging, drugs and mental incapacities can influence a
couple's ability to cope
- Public perception: Affairs, separation and
divorce are increasingly perceived as normal
- Increased lifespan: People can partner for 50
years or more, and then separate late in life
- Health issues: mental instability, debilitating
accidents, or disease will impact relationships
- Crisis: Not solving problems may motivate
one or both partners to leave or to have affairs
- Expectations: If a partnership isn't up to a partner's ideals,
the problem may not be the relationship but the ideals
- Fewer children: Child-raising may be completed
by the couples' 40's, leaving 30 or more years for partnership - and different
partnership problems (e.g. grand-parenting)
Abortion . Affairs .
Children of Divorce
Relationship & Divorce Coaching
We can coach people to enjoy happy and
fulfilled lives - and to rapidly solve many family problems. You can obtain our
coaching for all stages of partnership - from preparing for
partnership to bereavement. We can coach you through the emotional steps
of separation. (We recommend that you also consult legal professionals,
even if you settle out-of-court.) You can:
- protect and shelter your children
- avoid pitfalls while you accomplish your goals
- anticipate and defuse potential emotional explosions
- control your emotions and remain as peaceful as possible
- prepare for the reactions of your family, friends and colleagues
You may obtain our divorce coaching for a few sessions or you can
continue as long as you need help. Clients report that our separation
coaching has been valuable for staying emotionally stable during
divorce proceedings.
After Separation
- Are you preparing for another relationship?
- How well are you adjusting to life as a single?
- Does persistent anger, guilt, grief or doubt hold you back?
- Are some areas in your life OK, while you're stuck in others?
Are you are ready to move on with your life? It doesn't matter if it's
been ten days or ten years since your divorce, or whether you have another
partner. Deal with your challenges, and then move forward into
a full and joyful life! Learn from your past without repeating
it!
Our DIvorce Coaching is not:
- Legal advice
- Blaming or fault-finding
- Staying afraid, angry or lonely
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- Marriage counseling
- Repeating ineffective or useless behavior
- Psychotherapy - we don't dig up your past
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Our Separation Coaching can help you ...
- Adjust to single life
- Move forward safely
- Rediscover integrity
- Set borders and limits
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- Prepare for healthy partnership
- Learn healthy relationship skills
- Rebuild trust and self-confidence
- Take responsibility for your decisions
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We can support your parenting by coaching you
to dissolve parenting issues. Parenting can be difficult enough in a
healthy, happy family. During and after separation, parenting can be challenging.
Children of Divorce
. Parental Alienation .
Partnership Breakdown
If you want coaching or
systemic coach training, or if you want to coach people to resolve complex
relationship challenges and enjoy life, please contact us.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2009 All rights reserved
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