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Divorce Counseling & Separation Coaching

Telephone and Skype Coaching with Martyn Carruthers

We offer private coaching and public training on better relationships, and on how to coach people through separation, divorce and other difficult family situations.

Separation and Divorce are Major Life Events!

For how long have you been considering separation or divorce? For months ... or for years? Or was your partner's decision a shock? If you are considering separation or divorce, you may experience emotional conflicts and mood swings. You may find yourself doing strange things. You are not alone.

A study showed that partnership separation was traumatic, similar to a death in the family, for over 80% of people. A mutual (emotionally mature) decision to separate comprised less than 20% of all divorces. (Jordan (1985) Effects of marital separation on men" Brisbane Section, Family Court of Australia.)

Even when life together has been unpleasant for a long time, making a decision to stay together or to separate is usually difficult. You may both feel torn between conflicting loyalties and responsibilities, and between irrational feelings and rational thoughts. We can coach you to assess these factors and make decisions - (and we will not try to make decisions for you). See Partnership Breakdown.

If you or your partner decide to separate, your life will change. You may feel lost, haunted by shattered dreams of happiness and guilt. You may ask, "What did I do wrong?" and "What else could I have done?" You may experience guilt for any deception or betrayal that you have made. And some people may try to increase your suffering - for their own benefit.

Divorce Coaching

Suddenly your home is only a building and your possessions may seem to have little value. Dividing marital property may seem an onerous task. Married friends may avoid you, as if you have an infectious disease. A community may ostracize a partner that they consider "most guilty" and support the partner they consider to be "most victim". Neighbors and colleagues may behave strangely towards you.

Evaluate Partnership . Stress . Divorce and Children . Parent Alienation

You may receive hints and invitations for affairs from lonely or hurting people ... this is a REALLY good time to refuse or at least postpone those invitations, unless you want more chaos and confusion. It's usually better to grieve your partnership, and to examine and fully learn from it, than to distract yourself with shallow relationships or sexual affairs, however tempting they may seem just now.

Separation & Divorce

Increasing divorce rates may reflect the anti-family distractions that fill the modern world - or perhaps many of these divorces reflect an increasing unwillingness to tolerate unhappy marriages. Factors that affect divorce differ around the world - the following apply in Europe and America:

  1. Laws: Western couples can divorce and remarry relatively easily
  2. Dual careers: A partner may care for a career more than a partnership
  3. Parenting: Couples may separate when their children are mature (empty nest)
  4. Coping: Aging, drugs and mental incapacities can influence a couple's ability to cope
  5. Public perception: Affairs, separation and divorce are increasingly perceived as normal
  6. Increased lifespan: People can partner for 50 years or more, and then separate late in life
  7. Health issues: mental instability, debilitating accidents, or disease will impact relationships
  8. Crisis: Not solving problems may motivate one or both partners to leave or to have affairs
  9. Expectations: If a partnership isn't up to a partner's ideals, the problem may not be the relationship but the ideals
  10. Fewer children: Child-raising may be completed by the couples' 40's, leaving 30 or more years for partnership - and different partnership problems (e.g. grand-parenting)

Abortion . Affairs . Children of Divorce

Relationship & Divorce Coaching

We can coach people to enjoy happy and fulfilled lives - and to rapidly solve many family problems. You can obtain our coaching for all stages of partnership - from preparing for partnership to bereavement. We can coach you through the emotional steps of separation. (We recommend that you also consult legal professionals, even if you settle out-of-court.) You can:

  • protect and shelter your children
  • avoid pitfalls while you accomplish your goals
  • anticipate and defuse potential emotional explosions
  • control your emotions and remain as peaceful as possible
  • prepare for the reactions of your family, friends and colleagues

You may obtain our divorce coaching for a few sessions or you can continue as long as you need help. Clients report that our separation coaching has been valuable for staying emotionally stable during divorce proceedings.

After Separation

  • Are you preparing for another relationship?
  • How well are you adjusting to life as a single?
  • Does persistent anger, guilt, grief or doubt hold you back?
  • Are some areas in your life OK, while you're stuck in others?

Are you are ready to move on with your life? It doesn't matter if it's been ten days or ten years since your divorce, or whether you have another partner. Deal with your challenges, and then move forward into a full and joyful life! Learn from your past without repeating it!

Our DIvorce Coaching is not:

  • Legal advice
  • Blaming or fault-finding
  • Staying afraid, angry or lonely
  • Marriage counseling
  • Repeating ineffective or useless behavior
  • Psychotherapy - we don't dig up your past

Our Separation Coaching can help you ...

  • Adjust to single life
  • Move forward safely
  • Rediscover integrity
  • Set borders and limits
  • Prepare for healthy partnership
  • Learn healthy relationship skills
  • Rebuild trust and self-confidence
  • Take responsibility for your decisions

We can support your parenting by coaching you to dissolve parenting issues. Parenting can be difficult enough in a healthy, happy family. During and after separation, parenting can be challenging.

Children of Divorce . Parental Alienation . Partnership Breakdown

If you want coaching or systemic coach training, or if you want to coach people to resolve complex relationship challenges and enjoy life, please contact us.

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2009 All rights reserved


The Relationship Coaching Institute

 
Telephone Coaching  ...  Professional Training  ... Your Next Step
America: Dragonfly, PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
Europe
: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia
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Workshop

Systemic Coach Training  (Calendar)

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationship dynamics and recognize common entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, identify blocks, resolve objections & plan for success
Systems 3 How to provide or continue goalwork using interactive metaphors and Dreamwork
Systems 4 How to dissolve the consequences of abuse and trauma, and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and codependence for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to resolve therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach partners to build lasting happiness and avoid partnership breakdown
Systems 9 How to coach parents to resolve family problems and to achieve family goals
Systems 10 How to coach team leaders and teams to develop while solving team problems
Systems 11 How to coach communities to survive and prosper in a changing world
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training tailored to fulfill your goals and needs

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2009 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Solutions were primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We train people to resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Link to our pages, but get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.

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