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We offer coaching and training
on better relationships, separation,
divorce and other difficult family situations.
Separation and Divorce are Major Life Events!
For how long have you been considering separation or
divorce? For months ... or for years? Or was your partner's announcement a
complete shock? If you are considering separation or divorce, you may experience
emotional conflicts and mood swings. You may find yourself doing strange
things. You are not alone.
A study showed that partnership separation was traumatic,
similar to a death in the family, for over 80% of people. A mutual (emotionally
mature) decision to separate comprised less than 20% of all divorces.
(Jordan (1985) Effects of marital separation on men"
Brisbane Section, Family Court of Australia.)
Even when life together has been unpleasant for a long time,
making a decision to stay together or to separate can be difficult. You may
both feel torn between conflicting loyalties and responsibilities, and between
your feelings and your thoughts. We can coach you to assess what's going on
and make decisions - (although we will not try to make decisions for you).
See Partnership Breakdown.
If you or your partner decide to separate, your life will change.
You may feel lost, haunted by shattered dreams and guilt. You may ask,
"What did I do wrong?" and "What else could I have done?
" You may experience guilt for any deception or betrayal that you have made.
And some people may try to increase your suffering - for their own benefit.
Divorce Coaching
Divorce is usually accompanied by intense emotions. We find that dissolving
emotional bonds can be more exhausting than dissolving legal bonds, and that
emotional divorce often precedes legal divorce by years. We offer structure and
emotional support. We can help you stay healthy and sane.
Suddenly your home is only a building and your possessions may seem to
have little value. Dividing marital property may seem an onerous task.
Married friends may avoid you, as if you have an infectious disease.
A community may ostracize a partner that they consider "most guilty"
and support the partner they consider to be "most victim". Neighbors
and colleagues may behave strangely towards you.
You may receive hints and invitations for affairs from lonely
or hurting people ... or from predators. This is a good time to refuse or
at least postpone those invitations, unless you want more chaos and confusion.
It's usually better to grieve your partnership, to examine it and fully learn from
it, than to distract yourself with shallow relationships or sexual affairs,
however tempting they may seem just now.
Separation & Divorce
Increasing divorce rates may reflect the anti-family distractions that
fill our modern world - althoughmany of the divorces I have coached reflect an unwillingness to tolerate unhappy
or disappointing marriages. Factors that affect divorce
differ around the world - the following apply in Europe and America:
- Laws: Most Western couples can divorce and remarry relatively easily
- Dual careers: A partner may care for a career more than a partnership
- Parenting: Couples may separate when their children are mature (empty
nest)
- Coping: Aging, drugs and mental incapacities can influence a
couple's ability to cope
- Public perception: Affairs, separation and
divorce are increasingly accepted as normal
- Crisis: Not solving problems may motivate
one or both partners to leave or to have affairs
- Increased lifespan: People can partner for 50
years or more, and then separate late in life
- Health issues: mental instability, debilitating
accidents, or disease will impact relationships
- Expectations: If a partnership isn't up to a partner's ideals,
the problem may not be the ideals
- Fewer children: Child-raising may be completed
by the couples' 40's, leaving 30 or more years for partnership - and different
partnership problems (e.g. retirement, grand-parenting and old age)
Relationship & Divorce Coaching
We coach people to enjoy happy and fulfilled lives - to dissolve emotional
blocks and to solve relationship problems. We offer coaching for all stages of partnership -
from preparing for partnership to bereavement. We coach people through the emotional
steps of separation (and we recommend that people also consult legal professionals,
even if they settle out-of-court.) We help people:
- protect and shelter their children
- avoid pitfalls while they accomplish their goals
- anticipate and defuse potential emotional explosions
- control their emotions and remain as peaceful as possible
- prepare for the reactions of their family, friends and colleagues
You can request our divorce coaching for a few sessions or you can
continue as long as you need help. Clients report that our separation
coaching has been valuable for staying emotionally stable during
divorces.
After Separation
- Are you preparing for another relationship?
- How well are you adjusting to life as a single?
- Does persistent anger, guilt, grief or doubt hold you back?
- Are some areas in your life OK, while you're stuck in others?
Are you are ready to move on with your life? It doesn't matter if it's
been ten weeks or ten years since your divorce, or whether you have another
partner. Deal with your challenges, and then move forward into a full and
joyful life! Learn from your past without repeating it!
Our Divorce Coaching is not:
- Legal advice
- Blaming or fault-finding
- Staying afraid, angry or lonely
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- Marriage counseling
- Repeating ineffective or useless behavior
- Psychotherapy - we don't dig up your past
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We can help you ...
- Adjust to single life
- Move forward safely
- Rediscover integrity
- Set borders and limits
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- Prepare for healthy partnership
- Learn healthy relationship skills
- Rebuild trust and self-confidence
- Take responsibility for your decisions
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We can support your parenting by helping you
dissolve parenting issues. Parenting can be difficult enough in a
healthy, happy family. During and after separation, parenting can be exhausting.
Click HERE to make an appointment!
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2010 All rights reserved
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