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We offer private sessions, interactive seminars and
workshops on family therapy, codependence, family
secrets and relationship entanglements. Contact us.
Coaching Children
Coaching children is challenging. Yet, coaching children
is rewarding work, whether with a sport, schoolwork,
music or to improve relationships. Three challenges facing a coach are to treat
each child as a person, to accept children who do not perform so
well and to avoid favoring children who have
learning disabilities or exceptional abilities.
When coaching children and adolescents, understand what
motivates them, NOT what motivates you! To interact better with them, understand
their family life, interests, personality, sports they play and their skill
levels. Watching, listening and talking are key coaching skills.
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A 1989 survey showed that
children rank the following
in order of importance to them during sport
coaching:
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1. Improving their skills
2. Playing, using their skills
3. A good relationship with the coach
4. Being selected for a team
5. Competing and trying to win
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6. Having exciting, close games
7. Being with friends
8. Wearing a correct uniform
9. Beating opponents
10. Receiving medals or trophies
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You can coach children to develop their sense of identity.
Children need adult models to help them develop themselves. Good
relationships foster a sense of belonging and a base from which children deal
with life challenges. Children from chaotic family backgrounds can model a
coach.
As a coach you can help children develop relationship and
emotional intelligence, academic
ability and effective thinking. You can coach children to practice and develop
leadership, academic skills, decision-making and responsibility as well as
adventures and fun. You can help create an environment in which children not
only succeed but develop emotional maturity.
Other aspects of coaching children involve a
personal crisis (accidents or illness), family crisis (divorce,
death or serious disease of the parents) and moving house (leaving a network of
friends).
[ Parent Alienation ] [
Divorce Children ]
Downside
People who coach children risk being called a
child abuser. Although most abuse is between male coaches
and female clients, other abusive relationships between client
and coach can occur.
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If you coach children or young adults, you may
be wise to exaggerate your professional
relationship with slightly paranoid behavior, especially if you are male.
Ignoring this can result in strong consequences.
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Although few coaches are predators - some few have molested children. Parents can conduct a background check on a coach and
coaches can offer an ethical
statement that specifies their policy when working with children and young
adults.
You can offer a written policy that
describes your definitions of sexual harassment and includes that you will not
involve yourself in non-coaching relationships with young clients. For example:
- You don't buy presents for young clients
- You don't make phone calls to young clients at
night
- You don't go to young clients' homes without a parent
present.
You can educate your clients about child abuse, and why these actions
are inappropriate. Warn children that this could happen. Children
who have been sexually molested, for example, may
believe this happens to every child. Nobody else has explained what
an appropriate relationship requires.
Many coaches are angry and embarrassed about this topic - and
avoid it.
They know that they are good people and they feel so sick about child abuse that
they may avoid discussing these issues.
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Some competent, ethical
coaches are afraid
of coaching children because of fear of false accusations that may
destroy their reputation. Be professional and careful!
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Coaches can Protect Themselves
Avoid being alone with children or immature adults. Have
an assistant coach or a parent present at least most of the
time. A spouse, a friend or another coach can eliminate your being alone with
children or child-like adults.
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An emotionally unstable child or
an immature adult may make false complaints if he or she feels rejected by you.
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- Avoid transporting children except in emergency
or unusual situations where a parent knows about it. Avoid being
alone in a car with a child.
- Avoid personal communications and keep copies of
all letters or e-mails.
- Avoid gifts. It's better to ask parents to buy
things. Give any gifts to the parents and ask the parents give it to
the child if they wish. Don't give gifts to children directly.
- Be alert if a child shows particular fondness for
you. If a child shows inappropriate interest in you, seems to want
to hang around you or tells you how special you are, set boundaries
and avoid spending any more time with that child than you would with any
other child.
- A child who is dependent and emotionally unstable
may make a false complaint if that child feels rejected by you. A child may
say, 'He/she did something to me.' And you're in deep trouble!
Maintain professional
relationships!
We welcome friendly people who are motivated and
emotionally stable. Enhance your career with life relationship coaching skills.
Coach people to gain clarity, dissolve success and relationship issues. Coach people
to build success and quality relationships. Coach people to fulfill their dreams.
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996, 2008
All rights reserved.
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Training Partners :
Relationship Coaching
: Coach Training
: Specialty Training :
Corporate :
FAQ
or telephone: +4 860 275 8295 or +38 591 881 2682