Home Page

Systemic Solutions for Children & Teenagers
Coaching Children and Parents © Martyn Carruthers

Would you like to benefit from our experience?

We offer coaching and training on family therapy, codependence,
parent coaching and relationship entanglements.

Coaching Children

Coaching children is challenging. Yet, coaching children is rewarding work, whether to improve sport, schoolwork, music or relationships. When coaching children, three challenges are to treat each child as a person, to accept children who do not communicate well, who have attachment disorders or learning disabilities and to avoid favoring children who have exceptional abilities.

When coaching children and adolescents, explore what motivates them, NOT what motivates you! To interact better with them, understand their family lives, interests, personality, sports, hobbies and skills. Watching and listening are at least as important as talking.

You can coach children to improve their skills, change their beliefs, and develop their sense of identity. As children need adult models, good coaching can foster a sense of belonging and a base from which children deal with many life challenges. Children from chaotic family backgrounds can model a coach.

You can coach children to develop relationship and emotional intelligence, academic ability and effective thinking. You can coach children to practice and develop leadership, academic skills, decision-making and responsibility as well as adventures and fun. You can help create an environment in which children not only succeed but develop emotional maturity.

Other aspects of coaching children involve dealing with personal crisis (accidents or illness), family crisis (divorce, death or serious disease of the parents) and moving home (leaving friends).

Parent Alienation . Divorce Children . Child Abuse

Downside

If you coach children, you risk being called a child abuser. Although most client abuse is between male coaches and female clients, other abusive relationships between client and coach can occur.

Although few coaches are predators - some few have molested children. Parents can conduct a background check on a coach and coaches can offer an ethical statement that specifies their policy when working with children and young adults.

You can offer a written policy that describes your definitions of sexual harassment and includes that you will not involve yourself in non-coaching relationships with young clients. For example:

• Don't buy presents for young clients
• Don't make phone calls to young clients at night
• Don't go to young clients' homes without a parent present

You can educate clients about child abuse, and why these actions are inappropriate for a coach. Warn children that this could happen. Children who have been sexually molested, for example, may believe this happens to every child. Nobody else may have explained appropriate relationship behavior.

Many coaches feel angry and embarrassed about this topic - and avoid it. They know that they are good people and they feel so sick about child abuse that they may avoid discussing it.

Protect Yourself!

Avoid being alone with children or teenagers. Have a parent or assistant coach present at least most of the time. A spouse, a friend or another coach can eliminate your being alone with children ... or with child-like adults.

1. Avoid being alone in a car with a child.
2. Avoid transporting children except in emergency or unusual situations when a parent agrees.
3. Avoid personal communications and keep copies of all letters or e-mails.
4. Avoid gifts. It's better to ask parents to buy things. Give any gifts to the parents and ask the parents give it to the child if they wish. Don't give gifts to children directly.
5. Be alert if a child shows particular fondness for you. If a child shows inappropriate interest in you, seems to want to hang around you or tells you how special you are, set boundaries and avoid spending any more time with that child than you would with any other child.
6. A child who is dependent and emotionally unstable may make a false accusation if that child feels rejected. If a child says, 'He/she did something to me,' you may be in deep trouble!

Would you like to benefit from our experience?

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved.

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to define and achieve goals, to resolve emotional blocks and to improve relationships. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. You must get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.