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Solutions for Child Abuse & Family Violence
Building Family Wellness © Martyn Carruthers

Would you like to benefit from our experience?

It's easier for health professionals and most of their patients to use drugs as a substitute for change. Self-medication with alcohol or nicotine, or prescription anti-depressants and stimulants are easier than applying intelligence, focus and analytical skills to complex relationship situations. Drugs are also cheaper for patients (in the short term) and more profitable for health professionals.

Are the long-term consequences and side-effects of psychoactive drugs acceptable to you?.

What is Child Abuse?

I know of no accepted definitions of child maltreatment, child abuse or cruelty to children, which results in confusion about which behaviors are considered abusive. Decisions to label a person or family as abusive are usually made by legal or health professionals, using varying criteria. The situation is confused by differences between physical abuse, emotional abuse and neglect.

One definition of an abused child is: "any child who receives non-accidental physical injury as a result of acts or omissions on the part of adults that violate community standards concerning the treatment of children." Although emotional abuse is harder to define, many children desperately need assistance..

Is a Child in Crisis?

  1. Is it appropriate for you to offer assistance? See Coaching Children
  2. If so, build trust and offer emotional first aid - breathe, walk and relax.
  3. Empathize with child’s emotions. Listen carefully and talk it through.
  4. Ask about what happened. Listen carefully and maintain trust.
  5. Help child deal with ideas of guilt and punishment.
  6. Explore options for solutions and restitution.
  7. Prepare to handle consequences.

He who spares the rod hates his son: but he that loves him corrects him Proverbs 13:24

Severe child discipline can be traced back to the ancient Greeks, Romans and Jews, when slaves were the property of their owners and children were the property of their parents. Only in the 20th century was cruelty to children first regarded as a problem (and then only after Cruelty to Animals legislation.)

Consequences of Child Abuse

The effects of child abuse range from hurt feelings and superficial wounds to lasting behavioral, emotional and mental impairment, especially following sexual assault. Some abused children become adults who are chronically dissociated, and may abuse or neglect children themselves.

Structural consequences of childhood maltreatment include disruptive development of corpus callosum, left neocortex, hippocampus, and amygdale; functional consequences include increased electrical irritability in limbic areas, frontal lobe dysfunctions ... and subsequently the stress response.
Grassi-Oliveira R, Ashy M, Stein LM.

Psychology Department, Pontifícia Universidade Católica do Rio Grande do Sul, Brazil

While these words may communicate that people suffering the consequences of child abuse cannot change, we continually demonstrate the effectiveness of our methodology with motivated adults.

Emotional Incest . Sexual Abuse . Incest

Abusive Parents

We find no no single abusive personality. Only a small percentage of abusive parents have severe mental health disorders or extreme religious beliefs. However, most abusive parents lack relationship skills - they often lack friendship skills, teamwork skills, partnership skills and parenting skills. Their relationship skill deficiencies often include problems coping with stress and emotional self-control.

Prevent & Remedy Child Abuse

A common goal of change strategies is to improve parenting skills. However, if people can evaluate their own family and friends, dissolve emotional blocks and develop friendship skills and partnership skills, they are likely to develop healthy parenting skills.

Parent Coaching . Parent Alienation

In our systemic coaching, both the prevention and resolution of child abuse begins with helping adults evaluate their families (relationship diagnosis). A person's evaluations of his or her family members can be recorded as a family matrix.

Following relationship diagnosis, we help people plan which should be the first relationship to clarify ... which next ... and so on. Each clarification helps a person choose how to behave, which changes emotions, compulsions, conflicts, relationship bonds and other effects of trauma and abuse.

The result is a relationship coaching plan which can be tested for congruence (a person's verbal and non-verbal communication shows full support of the plan without verbal or non-verbal objections).

Relationship Bonds . Trauma & PTSD

Build Interpersonal Skills

Most people want better interpersonal skills to enjoy better relationships - although few seem to be motivated to change. Communication skills help build lasting friendships and improve working relationships. Good communication skills are a firm basis for partnership and parenting.

  1. A first step to effective communication is to know your values and your goals.
  2. A second step is to express yourself appropriately within different types of relationships (with parents, siblings, friends, colleagues, etc).
  3. A third step to effective communication is to appropriately respond to relationship challenges and stress. A useful goal direction is to stay resourceful in chaos.

We coach motivated adults ... people who are childish or not motivated to increase their happiness and sense-of-life often reveal unpleasant beliefs that happiness would be somehow wrong or inappropriate ... which again reflects their family background and childhood experiences.

Communication Training

Our coach training provides life models that can prevent, alleviate or control the unpleasant consequences of child abuse and emotional incest. Our training provides proven ways to help dissolve the underlying emotional causes of ...

Systemic Solutions

People who were abused as children may fear happiness and success, and sabotage their own desire for healthy relationships and change. We find that few survivors of sexual abuse need long term psychotherapy; our brief systemic coaching can help most adults dissolve emotional blocks, build happy relationships and move on with their lives.

We help motivated adults identify their individual needs, and make action plans for change. We support and encourage people to achieve their goals and objectives. We can provide coaching, exercises and homework and we can coach people through situations that they find difficult.

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Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2010 All rights reserved

aubse, soltuions, terapy, couching, soluwork, soulowrk, soulwok


 

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America: Dragonfly, PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
Europe
: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia
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Workshop

Systemic Coach Training

Systems 1 How to evaluate relationships and recognize common entanglements
Systems 2 How to define life goals, and identify blocks, objections & conflicts
Systems 3 How to continue goalwork using interactive metaphors and Dreamwork
Systems 4 How to dissolve the consequences of abuse and trauma and rebuild motivation
Systems 5 How to change limiting beliefs and codependence for emotional freedom
Systems 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systems 7 How to heal therapist or spiritual damage and provide inspirational mentorship
Systems 8 How to coach partners to build lasting happiness (and to separate peacefully)
Systems 9 How to coach parents to resolve family problems
Systems 10 How to coach team leaders and teams ... together
Systems 11 How to coach community leaders and communities
Specialty Advanced workshops and specialty training tailored to your goals

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We coach and train people to define and achieve goals, to resolve emotional blocks and to improve relationships. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. You must get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.