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It's easier for health professionals and most of their
patients to use drugs as a substitute for change. Self-medication with alcohol
or nicotine, or prescription anti-depressants and stimulants are easier
than applying intelligence, focus and analytical skills to complex relationship
situations. Drugs are also cheaper for patients (in the short term) and more
profitable for health professionals.
Are the long-term consequences and side-effects of psychoactive
drugs acceptable to you?.
What is Child Abuse?
I know of no accepted definitions of child maltreatment, child abuse or cruelty to
children, which results in confusion about which behaviors are considered abusive. Decisions
to label a person or family as abusive are usually made by legal or health
professionals, using varying criteria. The situation is confused by differences
between physical abuse, emotional abuse and neglect.
One definition of an abused child is: "any
child who receives non-accidental physical injury as a result of acts or
omissions on the part of adults that violate community standards concerning
the treatment of children." Although emotional abuse is harder to define,
many children desperately need assistance..
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Is a Child in Crisis? |
- Is it appropriate for you to offer assistance? See
Coaching Children
- If so, build trust and offer emotional first aid -
breathe, walk and relax.
- Empathize with child’s emotions. Listen carefully
and talk it through.
- Ask about what happened. Listen carefully and
maintain trust.
- Help child deal with ideas of guilt and punishment.
- Explore options for solutions and restitution.
- Prepare to handle consequences.
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He who spares the rod hates his son: but he that loves him
corrects him Proverbs 13:24
Severe child discipline can be traced back to the ancient Greeks,
Romans and Jews, when slaves were the property of their owners and children were
the property of their parents. Only in the 20th century was cruelty to children
first regarded as a problem (and then only after Cruelty to Animals legislation.)
Consequences of Child Abuse
The effects of child abuse range from hurt feelings and superficial
wounds to lasting behavioral, emotional and mental impairment, especially following
sexual assault. Some abused children become adults who are chronically
dissociated, and
may abuse or neglect children themselves.
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Structural consequences of childhood
maltreatment include disruptive development of corpus callosum, left
neocortex, hippocampus, and amygdale; functional consequences include
increased electrical irritability in limbic areas, frontal lobe dysfunctions
... and subsequently the stress response.
Grassi-Oliveira R, Ashy M, Stein LM.
Psychology Department, Pontifícia Universidade Católica do Rio Grande do Sul,
Brazil |
While these words may communicate that people suffering the
consequences of child abuse cannot change, we continually demonstrate the
effectiveness of our methodology with motivated adults.
Emotional Incest
. Sexual Abuse
. Incest
Abusive Parents
We find no no single abusive personality. Only a small
percentage of abusive parents have severe mental health disorders or extreme
religious beliefs. However, most abusive parents lack relationship skills
- they often lack friendship skills, teamwork skills, partnership skills and
parenting skills. Their relationship skill deficiencies often include problems
coping with stress and emotional self-control.
Prevent & Remedy Child Abuse
A common goal of change strategies is to
improve parenting skills. However, if people can evaluate their own family
and friends, dissolve emotional blocks and develop friendship skills and partnership skills,
they are likely to develop healthy parenting skills.
Parent Coaching
. Parent Alienation
In our systemic coaching, both the prevention and
resolution of child abuse begins with helping adults evaluate their families
(relationship diagnosis). A person's
evaluations of his or her family members can be recorded as a family matrix.
Following relationship diagnosis, we
help people plan which should be the first relationship to clarify ... which next ... and so on.
Each clarification helps a person choose how to behave,
which changes emotions, compulsions, conflicts, relationship bonds and other effects of trauma
and abuse.
The result is a relationship coaching
plan which can be tested for congruence (a person's verbal
and non-verbal communication shows full support of the plan without
verbal or non-verbal objections).
Relationship Bonds
. Trauma & PTSD
Build Interpersonal Skills
Most people want better interpersonal skills to enjoy better
relationships - although few seem to be motivated to change. Communication skills help build lasting friendships and improve working
relationships. Good communication skills are a firm basis for partnership and parenting.
- A first step to effective communication is
to know your values and your goals.
- A second step is to express yourself appropriately
within different types of relationships (with parents, siblings, friends,
colleagues, etc).
- A third step to effective communication
is to appropriately respond to relationship challenges and stress.
A useful goal direction is to stay resourceful in chaos.
We coach motivated adults ... people who are childish or not
motivated to increase their happiness and sense-of-life often reveal unpleasant
beliefs that happiness would be somehow wrong or inappropriate ... which again
reflects their family background and childhood experiences.
Communication Training
Our coach training provides life models that can prevent,
alleviate or control the unpleasant consequences of child abuse and emotional incest.
Our training provides proven ways to help dissolve the underlying emotional causes of ...
Systemic Solutions
People who were abused as children may fear happiness and success, and
sabotage their own desire for healthy relationships and change. We find that
few survivors of sexual abuse need long term psychotherapy;
our brief systemic coaching can help most adults dissolve emotional blocks,
build happy relationships and move on with their lives.
We help motivated adults identify their individual needs, and make action plans
for change.
We support and encourage people to achieve their goals and objectives.
We can provide coaching, exercises and homework and we can coach people through
situations that they find difficult.
Would you like to
benefit from our experience?
Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2002-2010
All rights reserved
aubse, soltuions, terapy, couching, soluwork, soulowrk, soulwok
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