How to Change Limiting Beliefs
Changing Emotional Reactions © Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching & Training

People striving to achieve goals, such as remaining alive and experiencing wellbeing,
may also cling to irrational beliefs which prevent or delay their achieving their goals.
Irrational beliefs are often expressed as 'I must ...', 'I should ...', or ''I have to ...";
and conflict with rational desires, wishes and goals.

What are Beliefs?

You color your perception of the world with your beliefs - your statements (often not vocalized). Your beliefs will affect your behavior - your action or inaction. Yet your beliefs will rarely be facts. Facts can be tested and checked while beliefs are often unverifiable opinions.

You inspire or betray yourself with your beliefs. In our systemic coaching, we are not so concerned with the factual truth of your beliefs; we are more interested in whether your beliefs delay you or motivate you to achieve your important goals.

We can help you explore whether their limiting beliefs are based on your own experience (e.g. "I believe that I cannot walk on water"), whether your beliefs accepted from some authority (e.g. "I believe that this planet was created by ...") or whether your beliefs reflect your cultural or ancestral traditions ("To be accepted by this community, I must believe that ...").

Many limiting beliefs seem to be consequences of injustice - of crisis, trauma or abuse. While there are many ways you can temporarily forget limiting beliefs, long-term change seems to require the resolution of unpleasant emotions from past events. We refer to beliefs that restrict your development, freedom and progress as 'limiting beliefs'.

Your Limiting Beliefs

Beliefs refer to your assumptions or opinions  - to statements associated with feelings of conviction. Henry Ford once said, “If you think you can…. or if you think you can’t…you’re right!” Your motivation to succeed often depends on what you believe or assume to be true.

Limiting beliefs are assumptions, and many may be below the level of your conscious awareness. Some clues that limiting beliefs might hold you back are whether and how you may sabotage your own success! If you suddenly lose motivation - especially following a fairly predictable cycle of motivation and loss of energy - you may be on a try-cycle.

Some people cling to limiting and toxic beliefs ... people who believe that suffering is holy ...
will often resist resolving or ending their suffering ... they may prefer to feel holy ... and they may use their suffering for leverage in relationships that require a recognizable victim.

Try-Cycles

Remember an important goal. Then, consider the statements, “I am a good manager”, “I have good negotiating skills”, or “I can achieve that!”. Now say those statements aloud.

Does it feel wrong to say them aloud? Did you think something like, “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not that good”? Your hidden beliefs will make themselves known in your feelings! If you tell yourself that you cannot do something, then you may never do it.

Next, explore where you feel those feelings in your body, and when they originated in your life. We find that limiting beliefs based on experience are simpler to change than limiting beliefs accepted from your culture, your parents or other authorities.

Examples of Limiting Beliefs

1. I am helpless - if you believe that you are too weak, then your attempts to achieve your goal may fail - because your efforts are half-hearted, expecting failure.
2. I am defenseless - if you believe that success is only possible subject to luck and fate, you may attribute your success and failure to esoteric agencies, gods or astrology.
3. I am worthless - if you believe that you do not deserve this goal, you may avoid or even sabotage your own success.
4. I am hopeless - if you believe that nothing you attempt can be effective, you may avoid trying.
5. I am useless - if you believe that you cannot learn or that you cannot apply your learning your goals, you may become dysfunctional.

How to Change Limiting Beliefs

We coach people to change their limiting beliefs. We find that limiting beliefs are often bonds to important people - ideas you had to believe or suffer punishment or rejection. When this occurs, counter-examples and contradictory evidence may be rejected in favor of what feels true. Hence long-term change of your limiting beliefs often requires that you change those relationships in which your limiting beliefs originated.

You can start changing your beliefs ...

1. Write down your limiting beliefs - and the consequences of clinging to them
2. What will happen if you ignore beliefs that limit your energy and confidence?
3. Review the experiences in which you created or accepted limiting beliefs?
4. a.) Why does your goal seem unattainable?
   b.) What skills do you need to attain your goal?
   c.) Who can coach or mentor you?
   d.) Do you feel that you deserve to achieve your goal?
5. When you believe that you cannot fulfill a goal; maybe try, and assess your results. Which limiting beliefs are triggered, and why you believe them?
6. Whose limiting beliefs are you carrying?

Do you want to change your limiting beliefs?

Online Coaching & Training

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2012 All rights reserved.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks and improve relationships to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.