Solutions for Emotional and Sexual Abuse
Regain Emotional Freedom © Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching & Training

Pedophile: an adult with sexual desire for children,
or an adult who has committed the crime of sex with a child (Encyclopedia Encarta, 2003)

Do your children risk child sexual abuse? Yes!

Sexual abuse of children by adults may start with kissing or fondling, and can progress to oral, vaginal or anal penetration. It may include emotional abuse such as repeated shouting, threats, humiliating criticism and demands for secrecy.

Child abuse may include covert emotional incest - adult expressions of love that are more appropriate for a partner - not for a child.

Sexual Abuse . Emotional Incest . Sexual Solutions . Sexual Affairs

What is Sexual Assault?

Sexual assault is unwanted sexual contact or attention, caused by physical or non physical force, such as threats, bribes, manipulation, or violence. It can be verbal, visual, audio, vaginal, anal, oral, or any other form which forces an individual to participate in unwanted sexual contact or attention. Sexual assault includes rape and attempted rape, child molestation, voyeurism, exhibitionism and sexual harassment. Sexual assault can be committed by anyone, and anyone can be sexually assaulted.

Preventing Child Sexual Abuse

Our models for change integrate emotional factors related to the victim, the victim's family and the abuser, and places responsibility on the abuser while recognizing the systemic influences of the abuser's family and culture. It incorporates many theories and observations, and provides a simple model for explaining and remedying sexual abuse. This helps predict and deter sexual abuse.

Signs and Symptoms of Sexual Abuse

Children who have been sexually abused (inappropriate touching, from hugging to kissing to rape, oral, genital, anal and breast stimulation; penetration of mouth, anus or vagina by penis, fingers, or by any body part or object) may later show:

1: Motivation to abuse

• a. Emotional Needs: sexual contact with a child satisfies emotional needs
• b. Sexual Arousal: a child represents sexual gratification for the abuser
• c. Substitutions: alternative sexual gratification is unavailable or unsatisfying

a. Emotional Needs

In our experience, an emotional need to abuse children usually originates in an abuser's childhood. A pedophile is likely male, and was likely the subject of physical or emotional incest, pedophilia and/or sexual molestation by relatives, teachers, clergy, etc. A need to abuse women may also be related to a child's father beating the child's mother.

A child who is molested will usually dissociate, or "step out" of the experience emotionally. The safest or most powerful place of refuge may be to identify with the abuser. If a child identifies (becomes emotionally entangled) with an abuser during abuse or incest, it seems that a child can create a latent personality, an inner sexual abuser, which will likely be repressed or mostly dormant until adolescence.

Similarly, during covert emotional incest, a child loved as a substitute for a partner may create a latent sub-personality (or part) that, after adolescence, responds to children as sexual objects.

b. Sexual Arousal

Sexual gratification for a sexual abuser may express a repressed sub-personality or part. When this sub-personality is expressed, relief may be experienced, although the dominant personality may be guilt-ridden about the abuse. The dominant personality may then forget, justify or excuse this behavior ... until the repressed sub-personality re-asserts itself.

c. Substitution

Fantasies, pornography and watching children appear to be common substitutes for pedophile sexual gratification. If these substitutes release emotional pressure from abusers' sub-personalities, this may prevent acts of sexual contact with children. (Some researchers believe that these substitute activities motivate further abuse ... it seems likely that both can be true).

2: Internal Inhibition

If the potential abuser is bonded by personal, cultural or religious taboos - he will not abuse children - unless emotional pressure reaches a threshold that demands action. Studies of pedophilia in the Catholic church expose the inner conflicts of men who could not manage their sexuality.

Personal, cultural or religious taboos can decrease an abuser's motivation to abuse. Some ways that people free themselves from these taboos (thus becoming more free to abuse others) are alcohol, illegal drugs and philosophies that teach that unconscious impulses should be expressed without inhibition.

3: External Obstacles

After internal inhibitions, abusers must overcome obstacles such as family members, neighbors, the child's friends, supervision and training. Risk factors that contribute to child sexual abuse are:

• Lack of careful education of children
• Physical closeness of these adults to children
• Available locations that are unlikely to be disturbed
• Parental trust of adult guardians (teachers, clergy, scoutmasters etc)

4: Resistance

After inhibitions and obstacles, a pedophile must overcome the child's own resistance. Abusers may select children based on insecure or dissociated body postures - children who lack friends or siblings. Children selected by abusers are rarely aware that they are being sexually approached. Some perverts  groom children with attention until they comply with sexual requests, and/or until they reach a legal age of consent.

Abuse Prevention

Effective prevention includes teaching children to avoid, resist and report abuse, and teaching systemic coaching to counselors and therapists. Although child abuse may be the result of bribery, force or threats or violence; children can be taught to deter abusers by increasing their risk of detection or capture. Examples are:

1. resist abuse by screaming and running away
2. confident posture and assertive body language
3. avoid locations of higher risk, especially when alone
4. always tell trusted adults of attempted abuse or excessive friendliness

Abuse may also be prevented by appropriate treatment for the abusers who accept responsibility for their urges. Yet, some pedophiles do not want to change and do not accept responsibility. Instead they blame other people - typically their victims. We offer effective coaching programs for motivated, responsible adults and their partners or families.

We incorporated many theories and observations to provide a model for remedying sexual abuse.

Recovery from Trauma & Abuse

Effective trauma resolution takes place within safe, quality relationships, with at least one healthy, caring adult. Many issues are not about what caused stress or conflict, but about lack of preparation for and how repair the damage of traumatic or abusive experiences. We coach people to resolve trauma.

1. evaluate their experience
2. learn from their experience
3. communicate their experience
4. set boundaries, limits and safety plans
5. resolve unassimilated emotions (from past)
6. learn and practice skills that reduce their fears
7. set and plan individual, family and community goals

What is Incest?

Legally, incest is sexual contact with a child by a member of the family, where if adults, laws would forbid their marriage. Psychologically, incest is the use of a child by any person serving in a care-taking capacity or in a position of authority over the child to meet their own sexual needs. This includes parents, step-parents, grandparents, siblings and any person who perceives themselves to be closely related. Such contact may include fondling, oral-genital sex, mutual masturbation or sexual intercourse.

Common Symptoms of Incest Survivors

Sexually abused people may try to control their betrayal, shame and emotional pain by:

• Identity loss, compulsions and obsessions
• Chronic depression, anxiety, anger and guilt
• Caught between promiscuity and no sexual desire
• Eating disorders, drug or alcohol abuse, physical ailments
• Health problems such as migraines, ulcers, shingles, or constipation

Coaching for Helping Professionals

In some countries it is a legal responsibility of licensed health professionals to not only report abuse, but to support victims in prosecuting offenders. Some health professionals pressure their patients to report relatives for sexual abuse based on vague memories from decades ago.

Helping professionals who were abused as children may be emotionally driven to punish others ... even if the alleged victims are unsure what happened. There are many reported cases of therapists implanting false memories in children who may have fantasized sexual activity with a family member.

If you are ready to change ... contact us.

Online Coaching & Training

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2006-2012 All rights reserved.

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks and improve relationships to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.