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Coaching, Therapy & Training Humor

Martyn Carruthers

We offer you private sessions, interactive and workshops on systemic coaching, long-term happiness, dissolving family chaos and solving relationship problems. Contact us.

We enrich our web pages with recycled electrons!

Providing systemic coaching is rewarding on many levels. While helping people build better relationships, health and success, we very often find rich humor. Here are some curious, funny and occasionally hilarious stories, mostly heard during systemic coaching sessions and training.

You not remember me but I come your seminar in Croatia. You were FUNNY - I laugh so much that I nearly not see people healing. I didn't was a demonstration, but my friend was, and now she not has the bad problem. Do you heal people by making laughs? Zagreb, Croatia

And a special few of you know that I wrote about YOU.

Those who laugh last ... think slowest


  • Heard during systemic coaching (really!)

I don't want to dissolve my conflict - I want revenge!
I took an intelligence test and the results were negative.
I don't know whether to have a baby or to get a dog.
My son doesn't know that his girlfriend is a bad choice. She's not at all like me.
I am willing to make mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
A good solution to my problem would be someone I can blame.
Of course I'm unique - just like everyone else.
I do use my imagination - I'm very suspicious.

Why should I suffer in silence when I can complain?
When I want to relax I think about ways I can get revenge.
Women should say "Yes" or "No" more quickly to save unnecessary effort.
I do take responsibility for my actions ... when they are not someone else's fault.
I do accept my personality problems - without them I would have no personality.
First I say nice things about myself, then I do nice things for myself, then I find someone to buy nice things for me.
I do NOT sit in my living room watching TV all day. I also have a TV in my bedroom!
Who do I blame for my problems? I can always find someone to blame!
How can I divorce my wife without telling her? She will be very angry.

I don't want to tell so many lies but I do want to keep my job.
My wife helps me appreciate how very wonderful is my girlfriend.
Why should I waste time learning from my past when I am worrying about my future?
If a relationship works, there's not much to talk about; and if it doesn't work, there's nothing to talk about.
I do find humor in my everyday life - I look for people I can laugh at.
How do you spell PTSD?
I want to change my future.
My boyfriend had a heart attack while making love to me. I didn't know that people could die so happy.
All I want is a partner who is rich, sexy, educated, charming and who loves me. That's all.
What is it about me that attracts idiots?
Please make it didn't happen!

I don't want to change anything - I just want to complain.
My partner made me come to see you. I want you to prove him wrong.
Only people as intelligent as I am can possibly understand me.


  • Simplicity Made Easy

A client had taken psychoanalysis for years to get rid of a fear that a rapist might hide under her bed. On her second session she said "I met my psychoanalyst and I told him that I came for Soulwork. I told him I was cured in ONE session!"

The psychoanalyst said, "Nothing could possibly change in one session!"

The client said, "I told him that you said I could take the legs off my bed."


  • Lies Told by Trainers:
Call me any time; I'm always available
It doesn't matter what I think; say what you believe
It doesn't bother me if a student earns $100,000 a year
Examinations are only diagnostic tools
I would never date a student
My other class works harder

  • Lies Told by Students:

I will pay you when I can afford it
You're the best trainer in the world
I will do every part of my homework
I have done every part of my homework
I only want to make other people happy
I will solve that problem tomorrow


Training - Avoiding Exercises

We didn't actually DO the exercise - but we did TALK about it
I didn't like the exercise so I asked my partner to massage me
Your exercise was too difficult so we made up our own exercise
My exercise partner was just like my mother - she didn't like me at all
We weren't sure what to do so we went to a coffee bar
I asked my spirit guides do the exercise for me
I told my exercise partner what I intuited about her sex life and now she won't talk to me

I didn't do the exercise because:

  • I'm a philosopher
  • None of those bastards will talk to me
  • I didn't want to learn anything more today
  • I only do exercises with my boyfriend
  • We both needed a cigarette

  • What Trainers Really Mean

Everybody knows that
 [I didn't know that]

It's impossible - it can't be done
 [I don't know how to do it]

Not much is known about that
 [I don't know much about that]

It has long been known ...
 [I didn't check this reference]

It is believed that ...
 [I think it's true]

It is generally believed that...
 [A few other people think so, too]

More work is needed before we completely understand it
 [I don't understand it]


  • Martyn - agreeable as usual ...

If you ask "Is it possible that ...?" - my answer is "Yes"
If you ask "Is it this way or that way?" - my answer is "Yes"
If you ask "Is it always true that ...?" - my answer is "No"
If you ask "Is it true or false?" - my answer is "Exactly"


  • I Missed my Appointment

The date on the calendar was closer than I thought
I'm sorry but I started to feel better
You didn't empower me enough
I discovered a fear of success
You are not seeing the big picture
I didn't want to tell you I wasn't coming in case you felt bad


  •  Difficult Goals

I know that you can solve all my problems in one session - if you really want to
I want to be a virgin again
I want everybody to love me
The police followed me here - just make them go away
How was I to know it belonged to a Mafia boss?


Every sentence tells a story ... and these are true stories!

If it's meant to be - it will happen
You must completely heal me before I promote your training
I don't need to promote you - I know all my friends will come
I have few friends and little credibility
I'm sure that I can put an advertisement in the library and find 30 participants
How could I predict that that would happen?
Some of the students are diagnosed as psychotic
Relax ... they're on medication ... I hope ...

This class is a mixture of business consultants and intuitive healers
I will promote you how I think you should be promoted
My expenses should be your risk
Your expenses are your problem
I told them that you can solve all their problems in one weekend
I'm sorry that the training room is very close to a ...
I told them that you can channel alien life forms
Your translator is 15 years old

You can stay with me in my one room apartment
You can solve my problems in the evenings
It's all your fault for thinking bad thoughts
You can heal my psychotic brother on your day off
I know I agreed to settle finances today, but ...
All my friends told me that they would come
I need your money more than you need it
At the last moment I decided I wasn't ready

The ONLY thing I forgot to tell them was the date!
I booked the wrong flight but you should pay for it
You can sleep in our son's bedroom - he's in hospital with an infectious disease
I'm sorry that you trusted me


Lost Integrity Comments from people whom we didn't accept for our trainer training.

I accept ANYBODY into my courses - who will pay
I don't need your permission to teach your work!
Please don't confuse me with facts
Copyright and intellectual property are obsolete concepts
I can't teach if there are skeptics in the room
I protect my students from reality

If I read an article about something - I can teach it
If I don't know it - it's not worth knowing
I don't demonstrate ... I explain why people must change
If you don't trust me, you are a bad person
Why should I demonstrate - it would only confuse them
Of course I'm right - I've been teaching it that way for years!
Their spirit guides will reveal the details to them when they are ready

I only want students who are like me
People don't want demonstrations - just theory
I am very flexible - my students can agree with me any way that they want
Don't worry - their unconscious minds will get it
Privacy and confidentiality are not valid in classroom settings
I would give all my students Elite Grand Master certificates! Why not?


Some of these comments cause me to laugh out loud. They remind me of difficult conversations with interesting people. And maybe you were there. Martyn Carruthers

We welcome friendly people who are emotionally stable. Do you want to coach people to gain clarity, dissolve success and relationship issues, and understand what makes sense in life? Do you want to help people build success and quality relationships? Contact us.


Systemic Coaching & Coach Training Holidays
including
Hawaii  Nepal Egypt  Croatia Czech  Poland

 

Free systemic coach training is available to our organizers

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Workshop

Systemic Coach Training

Systemic 1 How to evaluate relationship dynamics and resolve entanglements
Systemic 2 How to define life goals, identify blocks, resolve objections & plan for success
Systemic 3 How to do or continue goalwork using metaphors and dream coaching
Systemic 4 How to recognize and dissolve abuse and trauma, and rebuild motivation
Systemic 5 How to change limiting beliefs and toxic relationship bonds for emotional freedom
Systemic 6 How to recognize and resolve identity loss: recover lost qualities and lost skills
Systemic 7 How to end mentor or therapist damage, and provide inspirational mentorship
Systemic 8 How to coach couples and partners to remedy partnership issues
Systemic 9 How to coach whole or parts of families to solve family blocks
Systemic 10 How to coach teams and team leaders to resolve team problems

Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2008 All rights reserved. Soulwork systemic coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We train people to coach others to manage emotions and improve relationships. This information is for your general knowledge only. Please consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Link to our pages, but get Martyn's written permission to post or publish his work.