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We offer private coaching sessions, interactive seminars
and workshops on
relationship problem solving, happy families and
wonderful partnership.
Happy Ever After?
Although most people dream of sharing happiness
in partnership, the greatest challenge is often that one or both partners
get stuck in transferences and entanglements that damage their relationship.
Marriage counseling may help, although systemic couple coaching can dissolve
transferences, relationship bonds and entanglements in short time frames.
How did you learn about partnership as a child?
From books? (... the handsome prince met the beautiful princess
and they lived happily ever after). Perhaps you learned by watching
your parents and relatives. Perhaps you learned about love from TV, movies
or from (oh no) the lyrics of popular music.
Without systemic coaching, your good intentions for
your partnership or marriage may dissolve into toxic entanglements,
dysfunction, alienation and separation. And, without good coaching, you
may to repeat your habits with your subsequent partners, perhaps always
wondering "Why me?".
Premarital Counseling
. Couple Coaching .
Predictable Partnership .
Death of Partnership
Staying Together
We begin couple coaching by exploring your goals,
complaints and values. We ask each of you (in many different ways),
"Can you commit to your own happiness in this partnership?"
- If both congruently answer "Yes",
we ask "How do you want to share love with your
partner?"
- If either answers "No" or
"Don't know", then we can help you
Evaluate Partnership.
Many couples who separate or divorce
could have happy partnerships together. They could fulfill both partners'
needs, goals and dreams. And many people stay together
in unhappy partnerships, bonded by guilt, or religious rules, or financial
concerns, even when both partners want to separate.
Our partnership coaching can help you build
relationship happiness that can have a lasting and profound effect on
your partnership - helping both of you change unpleasant conflicts
into positive discussions about what you each want, independently
and together, and the shape of a partnership that can fulfill both
of your desires.
If you assume that your partner should accurately guess
your desires, then your partner's poor guessing may seem to indicate a
lack of love or commitment, and happy partnership may seem impossible.
You may forget your partner's qualities, instead perceiving your partner
though limiting or depressing beliefs (e.g. "My partner is lonely,
so I must make dinner while my friends go to the theater without me").
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We attended marriage counseling
and I always felt beaten up ... My husband asked if the experiences
of his family of origin could play a part in our marriage. The counselor
said NO!! We were still fumbling with this six years and four counselors
later ... Houston, Texas 2004 |
Desires, Wishes & Requests
Expressing your wishes and goals helps show your trust
and your readiness to fulfill your partner's desires and goals. If you
are committed to a partnership or marriage, you will likely search
for creative and interesting ways to fulfill your partner's desires.
Some desires will not be fulfilled. You have different
priorities, commitments, beliefs, emotions, habits or finances, so one of
you may refuse to fulfill a desire. A refusal need not threaten your partnership -
unless the refusal is a non-negotiable requirement or demand
about a central or core issue.
A requirement or demand
often begins with words like, "For our relationship to
continue, you must ..." - for more on relationship demands see
Evaluating Partnership.
Although no solution can satisfy every couple, most couples
can find satisfying solutions. The relief of expressing your deepest desires and
receiving your partner's responses, is closely followed by increased trust and
intimacy. This surge of love can empower you both to solve real life
challenges rather than to hide or avoid them.
Systemic Partnership Coaching
We can help you solve whatever STOPS you solving your
problems. We coach you and your partner to become each other's
best resource. We can coach you and your partner to:
- find solutions for your partnership challenges
- evaluate your unspoken messages to each other
- dissolve any entanglements, trauma and toxic history
- solve your problems together as resourceful, caring adults
- communicate your desires and requests fully and accurately
The duration of couple coaching depends on your commitment and
resourcefulness; and on your coach’s sensitivity, flexibility and skill.
An experienced systemic coach can usually provide couple coaching to a motivated,
resourceful couple (who are not in crisis and who can cope with stress)
in 4 - 12 hours. The time depends on your motivation and the number
of issues that you want to resolve.
Getting Ready for Happiness
Many couples want to make space for happy partnership. You can prepare
this space with individual coaching for both partners separately; followed by simultaneous couple coaching.
- Many relationship entanglements (e.g. unhealthy bonds to parents or
past-partners) and guilt issues (e.g. family secrets and betrayals) can be
dissolved during preparatory individual systemic coaching with both partners.
- Many existential issues that
impact a partnership (e.g. identity loss, identifications,
relationship entanglements or emotional trauma)
can be resolved during individual systemic coaching.
- If you or your partner doubts whether you want
a committed, long-term partnership, the complementary
Evaluating Partnership helps clarify doubts.
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We coach committed
partners to discuss values, dissolve conflicts, plan goals and
develop qualities. These activities expose real human beings
and real dreams of happiness, while they decide how they can
express and receive love in everyday life. |
Objections & Commitments
Clear commitments from both you and your partner is a source of power for
resolving issues - even heavy issues such as abandonment,
abuse, betrayal and adultery.
Commitment to partnership helps partners commit to lasting happiness.
Objections to commitment have many possible sources. The most common
represent the lack of shared values, or the presence of unresolved bonds -
often to a parent or a previous partner.
Emotional Incest .
Relationship Bonds . Quantum
Thinking
If you feel guilt or fear from past disappointments; you may doubt
your competence as a partner or you may prefer manipulation to cooperation.
Perhaps you fall into trivial arguments, (e.g. "You put too
much salt in the soup!"), or
perhaps you withdraw into depression, obsessions or addictions.
Steps to Enjoying Partnership
Enjoying Partnership can help you and your partner to simultaneously
and resourcefully resolve your conflicts, discuss your desires, solve
your challenges and dissolve:
- miscommunications (e.g. arguments about responsibility, or
meanings of actions)
- nonverbal objections (e.g. saying "Yes"
while shaking your head "No")
- meaningless, confusing, negative, conflicting or abstract communication
- transferences & transference loops (you respond as if
the other other were someone else)
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Systemic 8: Couple Coach Training
For Systemic Coaches, Relationship Coaches, Marriage Counselors,
Family Therapists etc
Enjoying Partnership is for
partners who both want a committed long-term partnership together.
If either partner is not fully committed to a
long-term relationship, we recommend individual systemic coaching
for both partners first.
Required individual coaching skills: dissolve objections,
relationship diagnosis, clarification, goalwork, interactive metaphors,
relationship bonds, abuse, trauma & mentor damage.
Required systemic coaching skills: Relationship Matrix,
Couple Reframing, Couple Mirror, Double Vision, Conjoint Conflict Resolution and
Dissolving Transference Loops.
- Check if one or both partners object to being together
- Coach partners to clearly define their partnership goals
- Dissolve impasses, objections and transference loops
- Dissolve entanglements with parents, siblings and past-partners etc
- Repeat until both partners can resourcefully discuss
and plan goals together
- Coach partners to solve real-life challenges resourcefully
- Repeat steps 4-6 until the partners can solve
real-life challenges by themselves
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Our systemic couple coaching is complete when you and your partner can
resourcefully discuss any desire, conflict or life challenge; and feel
ready to handle future (unknown) challenges. The happiness of this success is
only possible if both partners are committed to long-term partnership. Further
objections usually indicate unrecognized conflicts and yet-unsolved transferences.
Evaluating Partnership and/or Enjoying Partnership
gives space for both your individual and partnership qualities to emerge,
instead of limiting beliefs, unpleasant emotions and energy-wasting conflicts.
If you and your partner want to solve difficult issues -
expect transferences,
abuse,
emotional incest and
relationship bonds to
become conscious - this is where our systemic coaching is most effective. See
Partnership Breakdown. You
are not alone. We can help you. You can both have what you want.
If you want to dissolve success blocks and complex
relationship problems, or
if you want to help people build success
through quality relationships, contact us.
Do you want Telephone Coaching?
Copyright ©Martyn Carruthers
1998-2009 All rights reserved.
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Telephone Coaching
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Organizers :
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