Good Intentions & Unintended Consequences
The Road to Hell © Martyn Carruthers

Online Coaching

"Hell is full of good intentions." Saint Bernard of Clairvaux (1091-153)

I just wanted to help.
I thought that you'd like it.
I really meant it for the best.
It seemed like such a good idea.
I did it for the sake of the children.

Consequences of Good Intentions & Wistful Thinking

While well-meaning and considerate actions are essential to a humane society, but being nice can result in damaging other people and / or self-sabotage. People can take on too much, try to be perfect, try to rescue self-destructive friends and much more.

People with self-defeating habits can replace them with life-affirming habits, yet many people block themselves with good intentions. If their intentions feel good ... why should they change? Why not just criticize and blame the rest of the world for not living up to their own ideals and standards?

Here are a few tips:

1. Accept imperfection in yourself and others.
2. Ask for permission before you help someone.
3. Offer useful information rather than good advice.
4. Be kind and honest, and tell people what you want from them.
5. Learn how to say "No!" ... to avoid feeling overloaded and burned out.
6. Stop rescuing self-destructive people ... let them learn to rescue themselves.

We coach people to become more direct and effective, and to get what they want out of life.

Good Intentions at Work

We have seen leaders damage effective teams with their good intentions. Some managers want to be substitute parents to a work group ... they may help people who don't want or need to be helped. Some managers want to be powerful and push productive people to produce more ... sometimes pushing those people out of the organization. Some managers want to be one of the group, but sabotage their leadership with too much camaraderie.

We are often asked by executives: What should be in our mission statements? A common mistake is to make mission statements into a smorgasbord of good intentions and positive thinking. When we coach people to create or redefine mission statements, we ensure that those statements become clear and succinct reflections of the organizations' reasons for existing.

A useful mission statement incorporates meaningful and measurable criteria about such things as the organization's ethical position, target market, public image, products/services, the geographic domain and expectations.

Good Intentions in Therapy and Coaching

Many helping professionals use similar methodologies with different degrees of success. Their success often depends on their ability to select clients or patients, diagnose accurately, provide useful tools for change and develop trusting relationships.

Their success may not reflect their credentials or their intentions. Some common problems include:

• Unwanted physical contact
• Requests for money to invest
• Offers to meet for social purposes
• Offers of alcohol or non-prescription drugs
• Details of changework are shared with other people

Minds can be described as being sometimes rational and sometimes irrational. We may describe the rational mind as intellect, and the irrational mind as emotions. People who primarily study intellect may be called psychologists, and people who primarily study emotions may be called psychiatrists. We primarily study relationships.

Psychologists often specialize, for example in educational psychology or marketing. Clinical psychologists aim to reduce distress and enhance wellbeing. Psychiatrists, broadly speaking, practice two distinct kinds of treatment - physical and conversational. Physical treatment is used to affect minds through bodies, using drugs or electric shocks; and conversational methods is used to affect minds directly, without medication or physical intervention. See Evolution of Good Intentions.

Psychotherapy could be described as structured conversations aimed at changing behavioral and emotional habits through verbal communication - much like parents talking to children. Psychotherapy does not include chemical, biochemical or electrical coercion. Psychotherapy is people talking to people.

Helping professionals can explain:

1. What to do if a person is in a crisis.
2. Their offers and plans for initial sessions.
3. How to schedule and cancel appointments.
4. The cost of each session and payment methods.
5. How and under what circumstances the relationship will end.

Coaching Competence of Helping Professionals

For us, competence is often about successfully helping people define what they want and then explore how to get what they want. The skills required for competence include:

Many helping professionals realize that it’s not profitable to cure people ... it's much more profitable to sell drugs, even if many drugs do little more than hide emotions or mask symptoms. Even the best of intentions can take second place to profit.

The drug industry provide free samples and gifts to the doctors and psychiatrists who prescribe their drugs. They often reward those who write the most prescriptions for their products with free trips and bonuses. In 2009, Pfizer, the world’s largest drug manufacturer, was fined $2.3 billion for for illegally promoting drugs.

Some drug addicts go doctor-shopping, seeking health professionals who have descended to becoming illegal drug dealers. And some doctors are addicted to the drugs that they prescribe. Drug abuse by medical professionals is an old story (especially for anesthesiologists addicted to the drug propofol).

Good Intentions can Damage your Health

Maturity, emotional stability and competence may be essential qualities of a helping professional, yet these qualities do not appear to be selected by universities nor by professional organizations. Ability to pay is more important. Deficiencies in the caretakers' own emotional stability, competence and conflicting goals seem to be a primary source of damage to clients, patients ... and to themselves.

Certificates are not enough. As few universities or training organizations for helping professionals will test or vouch for the character or stability of the people they graduate or certify, it is wise to seek evidence of competence and emotional maturity, to avoid mentor damage.

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Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks and improve relationships to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.