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Are you entangled in difficult
relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your
boss's moods?
We help people untangle their lives.
Common blocks to achieving goals are limiting beliefs
or bad habits - which often seem to reflect earlier relationships. We
often help motivated adults challenge unwanted beliefs and change
habits from earlier relationships. Our work is complete when adult
family members can define both individual and family goals and
plan appropriate steps to achieve those goals.
Our family coaching is short-term (10 sessions or less) and goal-oriented; with a
focus on resolving specific problems such as learning
difficulties, relocation or bereavement. Our coaching is not appropriate for long-term
care of dysfunctional families.
Note: We do not accept all families for family coaching.
We do not accept:
- Families in which a member has threatened suicide
- Families that we consider to be at risk of breaking up
- Families in which a parent must take psychiatric medication
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We perceive families as living organisms and we evaluate family
members in terms of their roles and responsibilities within their families. We
help family members understand, redesign and change their family dynamics - we
do not try to "fix" specific members.
Our Approach
Our approach integrates earlier approaches while stepping
onto new ground. We offer the convenience of an overall sequence that is
both simple and profoundly deep. Utilizing a home-grown model of rapid
relationship diagnosis, we combine experiential mini-interventions reminiscent
of the Gestalt approach.
Our work reflects elements of Virginia Satir's
questioning, Gregory Bateson's research with psychosis, Bert
Hellinger's Family Constellations, Frank Farelly's
Provocative Therapy and Victor Frankl's Logotherapy
- within a solution-focused frame.
Our work differs from other approaches. We focus on
goalwork, integrity and
relationship ecology. We use our unique systemic diagnosis as
a basis to rapidly dissolve transferences,
identity loss, bonds
and abuse. We help people experience integrity
as a basis for changing toxic relationships.
Relationship Diagnosis .
Emotional Maturity . Family
Coaching
Goalwork
Goalwork sounds rather easy ... it consists of asking
questions and paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal responses. Consider
the question What do you want?, and these variations:
- What is your life purpose?
- What makes sense in your life?
- How will you know that you are fulfilling your life purpose?
Individual goalwork is practice for the more complex goalwork of
coaching couples, families and teams. Systemic goals are usually more
complex than individual goals and require good goalwork skills.
We help people use their desires to create a path to discover
and experience their deepest selves! This experience of self,
that we sometimes call Soul, or integrity, can be a basis for
living a meaningful life.
Integrity
Integrity, in our systemic coaching, can be described as an
transcendent experience of integration and connectedness. Experiences of integrity
are a primary systemic coaching goal, as these experiences help enable a rapid
dissolution of trauma, bonds and transferences.
- Brief
trauma resolution may
precipitate relationship problems
- Relationship bonds
represent beliefs that compel compliant behavior
- The phenomena of transference is
applied to dissolve six forms of mistaken
identity that trigger inappropriate motivations ...
often unjustified irritation and anger
Our systemic coaching is primarily for motivated and
responsible adults who want to consider the benefits and consequences of actions
or lack of action - and then make decisions followed by action.
Quick Relationship Evaluation
I composed this table to help me quickly assess partnership
issues, yet many behaviors apply to other relationship types, for
example with friends, relatives, family, neighbors etc. While it seems easy to
blame a family member who appears to cause problems, systemic solutions are not
so simple. An apparently problematic family member is often carrying a family
burden ... most commonly from the parents' refusal or inability to deal with
their own issues.
| Healthy
Families |
Families in
Trouble |
| Family members show
appreciation and gratitude to each other |
At least one member is
often dissociated, irritated, depressed or critical |
| Family members respond to
most verbal and nonverbal communications |
At least one member ignores,
avoids or shortens most communications |
| Family members review events
in their history |
They rarely review their
relationship history |
| Family members greet after time
apart and ask about each other's activities and other news |
At least one member rarely interacts
with the others, without even silent intimacy |
| Family members enjoy meeting
each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment |
At least one member ignores or
criticizes other member's goals and needs |
| Family members share goals
and dreams, shared values and shared meanings. |
At least one member avoids
sharing
goals, values or
dreams |
| Family members share meals and
housework together |
At least one member
prefers to cook or eat alone |
| Family members often meet
or go out
together |
At least one member generally
avoids the others and does things alone |
| Family members create
events or projects
which require committed cooperation |
At least one member avoids
or
ignores family events and projects |
| Family members enjoy sharing
life events and family happiness |
At least one member wants to
leave but
cannot because of guilt, fear or other constraints |
| Family members respect most of each
other's choices, and politely discuss differences |
At least one
member shows contempt
for the others' decisions or demands changes |
| Family members want happiness
together |
At least one member prefers
to avoid the others |
Systemic Family Coaching
We
offer motivated adults a series of choices, and we help them make informed
decisions. We discuss the likely
consequences of those choices (based on our experience) and our estimates of the time
needed to reach certain goals. Each person can choose solutions from our
available coaching contracts.
During phase 2 of our coaching, each member of the family is offered choices for how to
continue. The resulting discussion allows a family to formulate their
unique solutions to resolve their problems and to reach their goals.
Phase 3 of our systemic coaching
allows each member of a family system to evaluate and change the
structure of family and external relationships.
Click HERE to make an appointment!
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2010 All
rights reserved |
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