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Systemic Family Coaching
© Martyn Carruthers

Click HERE to make an appointment!


Are you entangled in difficult relationships or painful emotions? Do you suffer from old trauma?
Do you suffer from your parents' drama, your partner's demands, your boss's moods?
We help people untangle their lives.

Common blocks to achieving goals are limiting beliefs or bad habits - which often seem to reflect earlier relationships. We often help motivated adults challenge unwanted beliefs and change habits from earlier relationships. Our work is complete when adult family members can define both individual and family goals and plan appropriate steps to achieve those goals.

Our family coaching is short-term (10 sessions or less) and goal-oriented; with a focus on resolving specific problems such as learning difficulties, relocation or bereavement. Our coaching is not appropriate for long-term care of dysfunctional families.

Note: We do not accept all families for family coaching. We do not accept:
  1. Families in which a member has threatened suicide
  2. Families that we consider to be at risk of breaking up
  3. Families in which a parent must take psychiatric medication

We perceive families as living organisms and we evaluate family members in terms of their roles and responsibilities within their families. We help family members understand, redesign and change their family dynamics - we do not try to "fix" specific members.

Our Approach

Our approach integrates earlier approaches while stepping onto new ground. We offer the convenience of an overall sequence that is both simple and profoundly deep. Utilizing a home-grown model of rapid relationship diagnosis, we combine experiential mini-interventions reminiscent of the Gestalt approach.

Our work reflects elements of Virginia Satir's questioning, Gregory Bateson's research with psychosis, Bert Hellinger's Family Constellations, Frank Farelly's Provocative Therapy and Victor Frankl's Logotherapy - within a solution-focused frame.

Our work differs from other approaches. We focus on goalwork, integrity and relationship ecology. We use our unique systemic diagnosis as a basis to rapidly dissolve transferences, identity loss, bonds and abuse. We help people experience integrity as a basis for changing toxic relationships.

Relationship Diagnosis . Emotional Maturity . Family Coaching

Goalwork

Goalwork sounds rather easy ... it consists of asking questions and paying attention to both verbal and nonverbal responses. Consider the question What do you want?, and these variations:

  • What is your life purpose?
  • What makes sense in your life?
  • How will you know that you are fulfilling your life purpose?

Individual goalwork is practice for the more complex goalwork of coaching couples, families and teams. Systemic goals are usually more complex than individual goals and require good goalwork skills.

We help people use their desires to create a path to discover and experience their deepest selves! This experience of self, that we sometimes call Soul, or integrity, can be a basis for living a meaningful life.

Integrity

Integrity, in our systemic coaching, can be described as an transcendent experience of integration and connectedness. Experiences of integrity are a primary systemic coaching goal, as these experiences help enable a rapid dissolution of trauma, bonds and transferences.

  • Brief trauma resolution may precipitate relationship problems
  • Relationship bonds represent beliefs that compel compliant behavior
  • The phenomena of transference is applied to dissolve six forms of mistaken identity that trigger inappropriate motivations ... often unjustified irritation and anger

Our systemic coaching is primarily for motivated and responsible adults who want to consider the benefits and consequences of actions or lack of action - and then make decisions followed by action.

Quick Relationship Evaluation

I composed this table to help me quickly assess partnership issues, yet many behaviors apply to other relationship types, for example with friends, relatives, family, neighbors etc. While it seems easy to blame a family member who appears to cause problems, systemic solutions are not so simple. An apparently problematic family member is often carrying a family burden ... most commonly from the parents' refusal or inability to deal with their own issues.

Healthy Families Families in Trouble
Family members show appreciation and gratitude to each other At least one member is often dissociated, irritated, depressed or critical
Family members respond to most verbal and nonverbal communications At least one member ignores, avoids or shortens most communications
Family members review events in their history They rarely review their relationship history
Family members greet after time apart and ask about each other's activities and other news At least one member rarely interacts with the others, without even silent intimacy
Family members enjoy meeting each other's needs for passion, intimacy and commitment At least one member ignores or criticizes other member's goals and needs
Family members share goals and dreams, shared values and shared meanings. At least one member avoids sharing goals, values or dreams
Family members share meals and housework together At least one member prefers to cook or eat alone
Family members often meet or go out together At least one member generally avoids the others and does things alone
Family members create events or projects which require committed cooperation At least one member avoids or ignores family events and projects
Family members enjoy sharing life events and family happiness At least one member wants to leave but cannot because of guilt, fear or other constraints
Family members respect most of each other's choices, and politely discuss differences At least one member shows contempt for the others' decisions or demands changes
Family members want happiness together At least one member prefers to avoid the others

Systemic Family Coaching

We offer motivated adults a series of choices, and we help them make informed decisions. We discuss  the likely consequences of those choices (based on our experience) and our estimates of the time needed to reach certain goals. Each person can choose solutions from our available coaching contracts.

During phase 2 of our coaching, each member of the family is offered choices for how to continue. The resulting discussion allows a family to formulate their unique solutions to resolve their problems and to reach their goals.

Phase 3 of our systemic coaching allows each member of a family system to evaluate and change the structure of family and external relationships.

Click HERE to make an appointment!

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 2005-2010 All rights reserved


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SOLUTIONS for Emotional and Relationship Problems

Hawaii, USA: Dragonfly, PO Box 675, Honaunau, Hawaii, 96726 USA
London: YogaAnanda
46 Albert Road North, Reigate, Surrey RH2 9EL, UK
Europe
: Centar Angel, Trnsko 13A, 10020 Zagreb, Croatia

Good Questions

Good Answers

Training

1. Where are you now? Assess relationship bonds and entanglements Systems 1
2. What are your life goals?  Identify your life goals ... and what blocks you Systems 2
3. How to reach your goals?  Use your conscious and unconscious resources Systems 3
4. What stops you?  Dissolve abuse and trauma to rebuild motivation Systems 4
5. What else stops you? Change your limiting beliefs to end dependence Systems 5
6. What else stops you? Resolve identity loss to recover qualities and skills Systems 6
7. What else stops you? Heal mentor damage and find quality mentorship Systems 7
8. What about your partnership? Build happy partnership (or separate peacefully) Systems 8
9. What about your children? We coach parents to resolve family problems Systems 9
10. What about your success? We coach team leaders and teams ... together Systems 10
11. What about your community? We coach community leaders and communities Systems 11
12. What about complex goals? Specialty coaching & training for unusual goals Specialty

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2010 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers. We help people define and achieve goals, resolve emotional blocks and improve relationships. This information is for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing any medical treatment. Don't steal ... ask Martyn for permission to post or publish his work.