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Your relationships can only be as
fulfilling as your maturity allows. Are you becoming wiser and more mature?
Or are you trying to extend your youth ... or even your childhood? Many people
take drugs for illusions of maturity! Adults who are emotionally retarded
usually create
relationship chaos.
Continued from: Emotional
Maturity 1
Your life reflects your maturity. If you want to
improve your life, your relationships and the meaning of your existence,
perhaps consider if you have really grown up - or if you have just grown
older.
- Your physical age indicates how many years
your body has been alive.
- Your social maturity compares your social
development to your physical age.
- Your intellectual quotient (IQ) compares
your intelligence to your physical age.
- Your emotional maturity compares your
emotional maturity to your physical age.
You can improve your physical health and your IQ, your
social and your emotional maturity. Emotional maturity is difficult for
children and for people stuck in childish consciousness ... for example
people who habitually complain, make excuses, justify mistakes and blame
others. We help motivated adults improve their social skills and emotionally
maturity.
How old are you emotionally?
Compare your behavior with people whom you consider to
be emotionally immature and emotionally mature. If you find yourself more
on the immature side, we can help you evolve. If you find yourself
on the mature side, consider becoming a systems coach.
Immature people often demand immediate gratification.
They cannot wait. They may seem thoughtless, moody and impulsive. They may
be loyal only while you are useful. They often have chaotic social and
financial lives.
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Emotional
Immaturity |
Emotional Maturity |
| Love |
Love is need. Demands affection but avoids
showing weakness except as a ploy. Has difficulty sharing and accepting love. |
Love is sharing. Foster
a sense of security which allows vulnerability, honesty and strength. Can express
and accept love. |
| Emotions |
Cannot handle frustration or criticism;
jealous and moody. May have temper tantrums and fear any change. |
Use emotions as motivation.
When frustrated, they set goals and seek solutions. |
| Reality |
Avoids and denies money and
relationship problems which require integrity. Seeks people to accuse and blame. |
Confronts and analyzes problems
promptly. Seeks many solutions and chooses the best. Accepts responsibility. |
| Give & Take |
May be willing to give, but not take; or
willing to take, but not give. |
Increases the quality of
life of loved people. Accepts appropriate help with pleasure. |
| Feedback |
Does not learn from experience. Good
or bad experiences are called luck or fate. Little personal
responsibility. |
Life is learning.
Accepts responsibility and learns from feedback.
Looks for opportunities. Moves on. |
| Stress |
Avoids reality, pessimistic, angry,
attacks people when frustrated. Often anxious. |
Relaxed and confident
in their ability to plan and achieve what they want. |
| Relating |
Dependent, easily influenced and
impulsive. Avoids responsibility for actions or deficiencies. Sensitive
to criticism, but often insensitive to others' feelings. |
Independent, team-worker
or manager as required. Cooperative. Experiences empathy, and compassion.
A good friend, colleague, partner and parent. |
Immature adults are not children nor teenagers - they
are often self-centered, egotistic and selfish people. They may have
little regard for others and be preoccupied with their own feelings
and symptoms. They may demand constant attention, sympathy and compliments.
They may avoid participation if they can't have their own way or be
recognized as the best. They may obsess about impressing people.
Teenagers & Emotional Maturity
Teenage years can be difficult. Teenagers are no longer children
but not yet adults. Teens may feel overwhelmed by their emotional and physical
changes. They may be hormones with feet. They may face pressure from friends,
teachers, parents and relatives. They may want to comply, they may want to
impress and they may want to rebel ... simultaneously. They may often feel confused.
Few teens can act like mature adults. They need a safe
space to explore this time of transition. Many teens struggle with their
dependence while desperately wanting independence. They may experiment
with clothing, behaviors, ideas and values as they try to define their
identity and goals. They may be both selflessly idealistic and selfishly
irresponsible within a few minutes.
We can help motivated parents coach their teenage
children to accelerate the formation of adult identities, adult emotional
reality and adult goals.
How can you help Teenagers?
Communicate your values, expectations and limits.
Teens decide how they feel about themselves in large part by how parents
react to them. Perhaps insist on honesty, self-control and respect,
while allowing teenagers their own space. Expressing loving support may be the
single most important action.
Avoid focusing only on problems. Avoid complaining and
criticism. Praise appropriate behavior. Give teens positive, caring
feedback. Consider getting systemic coaching for yourself and your teen. We can
coach you both to look forward towards achieving your goals, we can help you
turn visions into reality.
Warning Signs
Teenagers, especially teens with family problems, risk
distorted emotional realities leading harmful behavior. Some warning signs
of teen problems are:
- Quickly bored
- Weight gain or loss
- Trouble concentrating
- Melancholy or sadness
- Drop in marks or grades
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- Low sense of self-worth
- Trouble sleeping or waking up
- Not caring about people or things
- Fatigue, low energy, little motivation
- Obsession with morbid (blood & guts)
|
Don't hope that teen problems will just go away. Talk to
teens and listen carefully. It is easier to resolve problems when
they are small. You and your teens can learn to work through problems
together. Strive to be a role model for mature behavior. If you want
help, we offer private sessions.
Practical Emotional Maturity
We find that emotional maturity can be developed, although some
researchers claim that it is fixed and unchangeable. Perhaps this depends on
motivation or on how it is measured.
Kevin Everett FitzMaurice described six levels of emotional maturity (from
“SELF-CONCEPT: The Enemy Within”):
- Basic Emotional Responsibility
- Emotional Honesty
- Emotional Openness
- Emotional Assertiveness
- Emotional Understanding
- Emotional Detachment
Search for meaning in life that gives you a perspective
of humanity, not only self-interest. This helps people build emotional
maturity and set worthwhile goals.
If you enrich your own life and the lives of others, you can find a
satisfaction and relief that seems to be reserved for the emotionally mature.
- Understand and accept yourself. Ask significant people
for candid feedback about your behavior. See yourself as others see you.
Avoid being defensive; accept reality and deal with it.
- Practice being unselfish. Notice how this feels and how
others respond to you. Compare the responses with how others react to
your selfishness. Which reactions do you prefer?
- Practice finding win-win solutions to conflicts.
Avoid dominating others. If a solution to a problem isn't good for both
of you, it won't be good for your relationships, nor for your life.
- Evaluate your friends and social contacts reactions.
Notice which situations which bring out your best ... and your worst. Expose yourself to
people and situations which bring out your best. Deal with your worst. Accept
responsibility as a basis for your self-respect.
We help people find self-esteem and a sense
of life that is only available to the emotionally mature.
Click HERE to Boost
your Maturity
Plagiarism is theft. Copyright Martyn Carruthers
2005-2010 All rights reserved |
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