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Your relationships can only be as
fulfilling as your maturity allows. Are you becoming wiser and more mature?
Or are you trying to extend your youth ... or even your childhood? If
you have an adult body and retarded emotional maturity, you will likely create
relationship chaos.
Continued from: Emotional
Maturity 1
Your life reflects your maturity. If you want to
improve your life, your relationships and the meaning of your existence,
perhaps consider if you have really grown up - or have you just grown
older.
- Your physical age indicates how many years
your body has been alive.
- Your intellectual quotient (IQ) compares
your intelligence to your physical age.
- Your social maturity compares your social
development to your physical age.
- Your emotional maturity compares your
emotional maturity to your physical age.
You can improve your physical health and IQ; and you can
improve your social and emotional maturity. Emotional maturity is difficult
for children and for those who habitually make excuses, justify mistakes
and blame others. Improve your social skills and emotionally
maturity with our systemic coaching.
How old are you emotionally?
Compare your behavior to emotional immaturity and
emotional maturity. If you find yourself more on the immaturity
side, you can use systemic coaching to help you evolve. If you
find yourself on the maturity side, consider becoming a
systems coach.
Immature people may demand immediate gratification.
They cannot wait. They may seem thoughtless, moody and impulsive. They may
be loyal only while you are useful. They often have chaotic social and
financial lives.
| |
Emotional
Immaturity |
Emotional Maturity |
| Love |
Love is need. Demands affection and love
but avoids any sign of weakness. Has difficulty showing and accepting love. |
Love is sharing. Fosters
a sense of security which allows vulnerability and strength. Can express
and accept love. |
| Emotions |
Cannot handle frustration or criticism;
jealous and moody. May have temper tantrums and fear change. |
Uses emotions as motivation.
When frustrated, sets goals and seeks solutions. |
| Reality |
Avoids and denies money and
relationship problems which require integrity. Seeks people to blame. |
Confronts and analyzes problems
promptly. Seeks many solutions and chooses the best. Accepts responsibility. |
| Give & Take |
May be willing to give, but not take; or
willing to take, but not give. |
Helps
increase the quality of life of loved people. Accepts help from others. |
| Feedback |
Does not learn from experience. Good
or bad experiences are called luck or fate. Little personal
responsibility. |
Life is learning.
Accepts responsibility and learns from feedback.
Looks for opportunities. Moves on. |
| Stress |
Avoids reality, pessimistic, angry,
attacks people when frustrated. Often anxious. |
Relaxed and confident
in their ability to plan and achieve what they want. |
| Relating |
Dependent, easily influenced and
impulsive. Avoids responsibility for actions or deficiencies. Sensitive
to criticism, but insensitive to others' feelings. |
Independent, team-worker
or manager as required. Cooperative. Experiences empathy, and compassion.
A good friend, colleague, partner and parent. |
Immature adults are not children nor teenagers - they are
self-centered and selfish adults. They may have little regard for
others. They may be preoccupied with their own feelings and symptoms. They
may demand your constant attention, sympathy and compliments. They may
avoid participation if they can't have their own way or be the best. They
may be obsessed with impressing people.
Teenagers & Emotional Maturity
Teenage years can be difficult. They are no longer children
but not yet adults. Teens may feel overwhelmed by their emotional and physical
changes. They may be hormones with feet. They may face pressure from friends,
teachers, parents and relatives. They may want to comply, they may want to
impress and they may want to rebel ... simultaneously. They often feel confused.
Few teens can act like mature adults. They need a safe space
to explore this time of transition. Many teens struggle with their dependence
while wanting independence. They may experiment with clothing, behaviors, ideas
and values ... as they try to define their identity and life goals. Our systemic
coaching can accelerate the formation of adult identity, adult emotional reality
and adult life goals.
How can you help Teenagers?
Communicate your values, expectations and limits.
Teens decide how they feel about themselves in large part by how parents
react to them. Perhaps insist on honesty, self-control and respect,
while allowing teenagers their own space. Expressing loving support is the
single most important action.
Avoid focusing only on problems. Avoid complaining and
criticism. Praise appropriate behavior. Give teens positive, caring
feedback. Consider getting systemic coaching for yourself and your teen. We can
coach you both to look forward towards achieving your goals, we can help you
turn visions into reality.
Warning Signs
Teenagers, especially teens with family problems, risk
distorted emotional realities leading harmful behavior. Some warning signs
of teen problems are:
- Quickly bored
- Weight gain or loss
- Trouble concentrating
- Melancholy or sadness
- Drop in marks or grades
|
- Low sense of self-worth
- Trouble sleeping or waking up
- Not caring about people or things
- Fatigue, low energy, little motivation
- Obsession with morbid (blood & guts)
|
Don't hope that teen problems will just go away. Talk to
teens and listen carefully. It is easier to resolve problems when
they are small. You and your teens can learn to work through problems
together. Strive to be a role model for mature behavior. If you need
help, we offer private sessions.
Practical Emotional Maturity
We find that emotional maturity can be learned, although some
researchers claim that it is fixed. Perhaps this depends on how it is measured.
Kevin Everett FitzMaurice described six levels of emotional maturity (from
“SELF-CONCEPT: The Enemy Within”):
- Basic Emotional Responsibility
- Emotional Honesty
- Emotional Openness
- Emotional Assertiveness
- Emotional Understanding
- Emotional Detachment
Search for meaning in life that gives you a perspective
of humanity, not only self-interest. A meaning in life helps build emotional
maturity and set worthwhile goals to strive for.
If you enrich your own life and the lives of others, you can find a
satisfaction that is available only to the emotionally mature.
- Understand and accept yourself. Ask significant people
for candid feedback about your behavior. See yourself as others see you.
Avoid being defensive; accept reality and deal with it.
- Practice being unselfish. Notice how this feels and how
others respond to you. Compare the responses with how others react to
your selfishness. Which reactions do you prefer?
- Practice finding win-win solutions to conflicts.
Avoid dominating others. If a solution to a problem isn't good for both
of you, it won't be good for your relationships, nor for your life.
- Evaluate your friends and social contacts reactions.
Notice which situations which bring out your best ... and your worst. Expose yourself to
people and situations which bring out your best. Deal with your worst. Accept
responsibility as a basis for your self-respect.
- Get emotional coaching ... we can help you find
self-esteem and a sense
of life that is only available to the emotionally mature.
Would you like to
benefit from our experience?
Copyright Martyn Carruthers 2005-2010 All rights reserved |
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