Self-Diagnosis in Systemic Coaching and Therapy
Emotions & Relationships © Martyn Carruthers & Kosjenka Muk

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training

When we help people improve their lives, we ask about their feelings,
emotions and relationships. For many women, talking about feelings
is a luxury. For many men this is more like a punishment.

Self Diagnosis & Healthy Relationships

If you ask us about our Soulwork coaching, we will ask you about your goals. Once we know what you want, we can explore where you are now and how you can get there from here. This includes recognizing which, if any, of your beliefs and emotions block you achieving your goals, and which relationships you want to change.

Assessing emotions often seems easier for women, as men may have been taught not to talk about or even not to feel their emotions. Some people, usually male, have told us that the only emotions that they allow themselves to feel are motivation and stress.

Every relationship includes conflicts and disappointments, and it can be difficult to evaluate conflicts and handle disappointments when you feel strong emotions bubbling inside you. When that happens, your actions and their consequences may be overly influenced or even controlled by your emotions.

(We have tested our methodology in many countries, and we find it to be valid across cultures, even with people who know little of Western psychological theories.)

Are You your Emotions?

Our emotional diagnosis is neither psychological nor medical - it is rather a way to evaluate feelings and emotions and predict the likely consequences. Here is a quick self-check:

1. Do you accept each emotion as a communication?
2. Are you aware of your emotions ... do you feel them?
3. Do you label each emotion and find what name fits best?
4. Do you know which relationships generate which emotions?
5. Do you know what behaviors or actions each emotion motivates?
6. Do you validate your emotions and find in what contexts they are appropriate?

Are You your Relationships?

Our relationship diagnosis is a way to evaluate relationships and disappointments so as to predict the likely consequences. Here is a quick self-check:

1. Do you define and plan relationship goals?
2. Do you recognize who you can probably trust?
3. Do you test your evaluations using other modalities?
4. Do you define relationship goals - with other people?
5. Do you recognize your own objections to happiness?
6. Do you test whether your words match your feelings?
7. Do you check the consequences of possible actions or inaction?
8. Do you ask questions neutrally, without favoring certain answers?
9. Do you listen to people's answers, without distorting their answers?
10. Do you recognize transferences, transference loops and identity loss?

If you ponder your answers to any of the above questions, you may understand better who YOU are and who you are not, and how much you have identified with your beliefs, behavior and other people. We can help you rediscover who YOU are, if you wish.

Do you know your key goals?
Have you prioritized your goals?
Do you regularly reset your goals?
Can you motivate yourself to action?

Few people can answer the question, "What do you want?" with a single, specific, timed goals with a flexible plan to actualize their goals.

We use our goal diagnosis to identify the potential consequences and side-effects of achieving goals and of the strategies for achieving those goals. Together, relationship diagnosis and goal diagnosis can help most motivated adults find appropriate and realistic goals and appropriate strategies and plans for achieving their goals.

You can test the validity of a goal or any step towards its achievement logically, emotionally and non-verbally. You can test the desirability of the consequences of achieving a goal, any verbal or non-verbal objections to that goal (or to the strategy for achieving it) and to success in the goal context.

Psychobiology of Soul . Coaching & Chaos . Quantum Coaching

By systemic relationship entanglements we refer to unwanted emotional confusion or bonds between people, usually unpleasant feelings or beliefs based on past injustice and guilt. Entanglements can generate enormous suffering, and are both the cause and effect of abnormal relationship behavior. The consequences of entanglements include depression and illness.

Entangled people often ignore or excuse their own problematic behavior. They blame others, complain and justify their entanglements. Most people will suffer long before they seek relationship coaching that can dissolve entanglements. (For most people, suffering seems to be an essential step to health.)

Depression can also follow entanglements with cults and cult-like organizations (e.g. military, multi-level marketing, some government agencies). Our Exit Coaching can help people disentangle from unhealthy groups and organizations, from past counselors or from damage by therapists.

Helping professionals and managers who can recognize the behaviors associated with identity loss can predict problems, get help early and protect people and organizations from unpleasant consequences.

In any family (or other human system), people are alert to justice and guilt, and respond to perceived injustice following the examples set by parents and grandparents. We refer to some common responses to injustice and disappointments as identity loss: We help people find themselves.

1. Cannot change behavior (Identity Bonds)
2. Cannot express own life choices (Identifications)
3. Cannot make decisions without conflict (Identity Conflict)
4. Cannot describe, feel or express emotions (Lost Resources)

We start with your goals ... and we finish with your success. We listen carefully to your answers, and if possible we watch carefully how your body answers. This requires the diagnostic skills (goal diagnosis, relationship diagnosis and non-verbal diagnosis) that we often teach to coaches and therapists.

Soulwork diagnosis can help you assess and predict your relationship behavior, so that you can better evaluate your relationships, beliefs and emotions; and find the information you need to define, plan and fulfill your goals.

We can help you to evaluate your emotions and change your relationships. It provides valuable relationship information in a short time that you can correlate, test, confirm and integrate using our other systemic coaching tools.

Contact us to understand and change your emotional blocks
and improve their relationships as they step towards your goals.

Online Coaching, Counseling & Soulwork Training

Would you like to comment on this page? Visit our Facebook Community

Are You Ready To Change? Email us now - perhaps we can chat by Skype.   Have You Suffered Enough?  Where are you now? Assess your fixations, bonds and enmeshments What do you want? Know your life goals ... and your blocks to them Do you have the resources? Find your lost resources by dreaming together Which emotions block you? End relationship disappointments and mentor damage Do your beliefs limit you? Change your limiting beliefs and end dependence Do you sometimes feel empty? Resolve identity loss to recover your lost resources Is your partnership happy? Build healthy partnership (or separate peacefully) Are your children healthy? Happy parents can better manage family problems Do you want team success? Team leaders and top teams can develop together Do you have other goals? Specialty coaching & training

Plagiarism is theft. Copyright © Martyn Carruthers 1996-2012 All rights reserved. Soulwork Systemic Coaching was primarily developed by Martyn Carruthers
to help people dissolve emotional blocks and improve relationships to achieve their goals. These concepts and strategies are for general knowledge only. Consult a physician about medical conditions and before changing medical treatment. Don't steal intellectual property ... get permission to post, publish or teach Martyn's work.