If a computer is programmed to say I love you - would you believe it? If a computer that looks like a human is programmed to say I love you - would you believe it? If a human is programmed like a computer to say I love you - would you believe it?

What do you believe? Perhaps your answers will surprise you!

• What would convince you that you are loved?
• How would you recognize loving communications?
• How would you respond to loving communications?
• What would convince you that you love another?
• How can you express your love?
• What would convince you that your love is accepted?
• How do your loved ones respond to your expressions of love?
• How do you check how your loved ones want to be loved?
• How would you describe your ability to love?
• How would you describe your ability to express love?

Motivation to love has many facets. Whether your motivation is biochemical, social or spiritual, you are motivated to preserve your human body, to create descendents, to give your descendents advantages and to protect people you perceive as "family". We may call this motivation "love".

[ Stress Disorders . Divorce and Children . Parent Alienation ]

Space for Love

What is the relationship between a person and a not-yet-met life partner? Between a parent and an unborn child? Between an artist and a not-yet-created masterpiece? Between a businessman and a yet-unrealized enterprise?

The absence of something important seems to motivate us to seek or create our potential to express love. In these moments, "nothing" motivates us to express love - we have a potential for happiness that we wish to share in loving relationships.

To express love, we first make "space" for love. If we focus our energy on one thing - there may be no space for other things, or at least no space without conflict.

Sometimes people confuse relationships - for example a child may perceive a full-time baby-sitter as a substitute mother (especially if the substitute expresses more love than the biological mother), or an adult may imagine that a employer is like a father.

There are common examples of substitute relationships. Perceiving bosses as parents; perceiving casual friends as life partners; perceiving pets as children; perceiving a random crowd as a community; perceiving a community as a substitute for "all-of-humanity".

If we feel that someone important is missing, and a space seems empty, we may search for substitutes. If we lack children, we may semi-consciously perceive partners, parents, things or projects as substitute children - and attempt to express love to them as if to children.

Many relationship entanglements include perceiving a partner as a parent, or as a child, or perceiving a parent or child as a partner. The underlying pattern seems similar. We may perceive what we need to perceive to feel comfortable - as an attempt to feel that life makes sense.

Soulwork systemic coaching provides relationship solutions for most relationship and communication challenges. We coach people to improve their relationships as an integral part of defining and attaining important goals. Soulwork coach training offers in-depth coaching for most relationship issues.

Predictable Partnership  Mother - Son Bonding  Father - Daughter Bonding

Consequences of Abortion  Counterfeit Love  Couple Coaching

Encourage & Appreciate Love

Love can be described as having two modes of expression, active and passive. I call active love enthusiasm, and passive love appreciation. To actively love, I can understand your goals and decide how to support your goals. To passively love, I can understand your actions, and choose how to appreciate your actions. Here are a few thoughts...

1. Accepting love is one way to express love
2. A human may choose to love anyone or anything
3. The seven basic human relationships are: Original Family, Friendship, Teamwork, Partnership, Parenthood, Community and Humanity
4. Confusion of basic human relationships leads to suffering - to a lack of "sense".
5. The skills of each relationship type are prerequisite for the next relationship type
6. Original Family: relationships with the family into which you were born or adopted
7. Friendship: relationships with people with whom you choose to work, rest or play
8. Teamwork: relationships with people with whom you co-operate to accomplish projects
9. Partnership: relationships with people with whom you create a stable, intimate team
10. Parenthood: relationships with children that you create or adopt
11. Community: relationships with people with whom you share interests (e.g. a neighborhood, professional associations,  ...)
12. Global: relationships with other communities
13. Human beings can participate in relationships for happiness and "sense-of-life"
14. The ability to fulfill relationships requires physical age and emotional maturity
15. Emotional maturity is the ability to express love appropriately

You may be unaware of what you lack until you notice that some people are happier than you. Happiness is not luck. People who enjoy long-term happiness generally have many quality relationships. Research what happy people do that you don't do; and what they don't do that you do.

Our relationship coaching and systemic coach training offers a science of happiness - coaching individuals, couples and teams to find happiness through fulfilled success and fulfilled relationships.

Happy people may not have the best of everything; yet they seem to make the most of everything. Happiness may be for those who can love, appropriately and in full measure; for those who can appreciate and encourage the people who touch their lives.

Do you want relationship coaching or systemic coach training? Do you want to coach people to resolve relationship challenges? Do you want to coach people to fulfill their dreams? Contact us.

© Martyn Carruthers 2002-2008 All rights reserved