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We offer coaching, seminars and training on long-term happiness,
family constellations, resolving family problems
and dissolving toxic relationship bonds.
What is Love?
Love has many definitions and may have more
written about it than any other theme. The question "What is
love?" can fuel endless discussion and debate. Ask it and you will
likely hear: love is everything; love is nothing; love is God; love is
sacrifice; love is a feeling; love is a decision; love is blind;
love is manipulation; love is patriotism ...
So many answers - and all of them are probably
true. ("What is truth?" is equally difficult). But if
effectiveness measures truth, I will not write about truth but about
effectiveness. The question, "How can we express and receive love?"
may bring us down from abstractions into the details of our lives.
If a computer is programmed to say I love you - would you believe it?
If a computer that looks like a human is programmed to say I love you -
would you believe it? If a human is programmed like a computer to say I
love you ... would you believe it?
What do you believe? Perhaps your answers will surprise you!
- Can you express your love effectively?
- How would you describe your ability to love?
- What would convince you that you are loved?
- What would convince you that you love someone?
- How would you recognize loving communications?
- How would you respond to loving communications?
- How would you describe your ability to express love?
- What would convince you that your love is accepted?
- How do you check how your loved ones want to be loved?
- How do your loved ones respond to your expressions of love?
The motivation to love has many facets. Whether your motivation is
biochemical, social or spiritual, you are motivated to preserve your human body,
to create descendents, to give your descendents advantages and / or to protect
people you perceive as family - you may call your motivation "love".
Stress Disorders
. Divorce and Children
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Parent Alienation
Space for Love
What is the relationship between a person and a not-yet-met life partner?
Between a parent and an unborn child? Between an artist and a not-yet-created
masterpiece? Between a businessman and a yet-unrealized enterprise?
Dreams can motivate us to
seek or create ways to express love. In these moments, we become aware of
a potential for happiness that we wish to share in loving relationships.
To express love, we may need to first make "space" for
love. If we focus our energy on one thing - there may be no space for
other things, or at least no space without conflict.
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Single people often complain about the
difficulty finding a life partner. I often ask "Do you have space for a
partner in your life?" and I enquire about how much time and energy they
have available for partnership. Many single people are shocked to find that
they hardly have time and energy for an affair ... let alone a long-term
committed relationship. |
Sometimes people confuse relationships - for example a child may perceive
a full-time baby-sitter as a substitute mother (especially if a
substitute expresses more love than a biological mother), or an adult may
imagine that a employer is like a father.
There are common examples of transference
- of substitute relationships. Do you perceive bosses
as parents? Some people perceive casual friends as life partners;
pets as children; a random crowd as a community;
a country as a substitute for "all-of-humanity"...
If we feel that someone important is missing, and a space seems empty,
we may search to fill that space. If we lack children, we may semi-consciously
perceive partners, parents, things or projects as substitute children - and
attempt to express love to them as we want to love children.
Many relationship entanglements include perceiving a partner as a parent,
or as a child, or perceiving a parent or child as a partner. The underlying
pattern seems similar. We may perceive what we need to perceive to feel
comfortable - as an attempt to feel that our lives have
meaning or make sense.
We offer relationship solutions for most relationship and communication
challenges. We coach motivated adults to improve their relationships as
an integral part of defining and attaining important goals. Our
training includes in-depth coaching for many relationship issues.
Predictable Partnership
Mother - Son Bonding
Father - Daughter Bonding
Encourage & Appreciate Love
I often describe love as having two modes of expression, active
and passive. I call active love enthusiasm, and passive
love appreciation. To actively love, I can understand your
desired future and choose to support your goals. To passively love,
I can understand your past, and choose to appreciate your
actions. Here are a few thoughts on my philosophy of love ...
- Accepting love is a way to express love
- A human may choose to love anyone or anything
- Emotional maturity is the ability to express love appropriately
- People can participate in relationships for happiness and "sense-of-life"
- The ability to fulfill relationships requires physical age and emotional maturity
- Confusion of basic human relationships leads to suffering - to a
lack of "sense".
- The basic human relationships are: Original Family, Friendship,
Teamwork, Partnership, Parenthood, Community and Humanity
- The skills of each relationship type are
a prerequisite for the next relationship type
- Original Family: relationships with the family into which
you were born or adopted
- Friendship: relationships with people with whom you choose
to work, rest or play
- Teamwork: relationships with people with whom you co-operate
to accomplish projects
- Partnership: relationships with people with whom you create
a stable, intimate team
- Parenthood: relationships with children that you
create or adopt
- Community: relationships with people with whom you share
interests (e.g. a neighborhood, professional associations, ...)
- Global: relationships with other communities
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Love is just a word
people use to make other people do things they don't
want to do.
Newport, Wales |
You may be unaware of what you lack until you notice that some people
are happier than you. Happiness is not luck. People who enjoy long-term
happiness generally have high quality relationships ... and high quality
relationship skills. Observe happy people
... what do they do that you don't do; and what they avoid that you often do.
Our relationship coaching and coach training offers a practical
science of happiness - we help individuals, couples and teams find
happiness through fulfilled success and fulfilled relationships.
Happy people
may not have the best of everything; yet they seem to make the
most of everything. Happiness may be reserved for people who can love,
appropriately and in full measure; for people who can appreciate and
encourage the other people who touch their lives.
Do you want coaching or coach
training?
Do you want to coach people to resolve relationship challenges?
Click HERE to make an appointment!
© Martyn Carruthers 2002-2010 All rights reserved
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